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Whole30 Success Story!

April 21, 2015
Whole30 book cover

I’m going to be a Whole30 Success Story — in about 30 days. If you haven’t heard of Whole30 don’t feel bad, I just found out about recently and learned it’s been a thing since 2009. Basically Whole30 is cutting out all processed foods for 30 days. You can eat meats, fruits and vegetables and that’s about it. Which wouldn’t be that bad if you had been born a few hundred years ago, before super processed foods became a way of life for us.

The Whole30: The 30-Day Guide to Total Health and Food Freedom

I can give up carbs like breads and pastas. I’ve been living that way (for the most part) for decades. It’s the other things I’m going to have to give up that make me a little nervous about taking the Whole30 challenge. No crackers, no chips, no beans, no corn, no dairy (ouch!), no wine (really ouch!), no nuts and no soy. There are more things you can’t have like rice but I haven’t eaten rice since my second divorce and even then I didn’t like it.

I’m not going to chronicle each day of the Whole30. I’m not going to because we all remember my 30 days without wine and chocolate (and that they lasted for about a week if memory serves me). I do think giving up the wine is going to make this challenge successful. Even though I rarely have more than 2 glasses of wine that’s enough to help me make poor food choices at night, while watching TV and mindlessly surfing the net. It’s much easier to justify a couple of handfuls of goldfish crackers when you’ve had a little wine and you aren’t really focused on anything. So, I won’t post often about it (unless I need to complain), probably an update midway through and then at the end.

I’ve tried many diets before, and I know this isn’t billed as a diet so much as a way of life, but I usually give up or give in after a small success of losing a few pounds. I’ve been losing and gaining the same 5 pounds for the last three years. And that barely touches the baby weight I’m trying to lose that’s going on 13 years now.

Losing weight is hard. Eating healthy after a life of unhealthy eating habits is also hard. I know what I need to do but I’m not always able to do it. But, I was able to quit smoking by going cold turkey. I didn’t even plan on quitting I just decided not to smoke anymore and it’s been four years. I still think about smoking every now and then but I have gone so long without it it’s only a small tickle in the back of my brain. I suspect Whole30 is similar with regard to sugar and processed foods.

I’ve gone cold turkey with carbs before and had success but then life got in the way and well, here we are. I don’t know why this time is any different except it is. I’m not just doing it for the 13 year old baby weight but also because I have joint pain, I don’t sleep well, I have occasional anxiety and I don’t want to take medication for any of it. I’m also heading into menopause in the next few years and I’d like that ride to be as smooth as possible. Whole30 is supposed to make all of those things possible.

Wish me luck and stay tuned!

If you’ve done the Whole30 and want to share your success story, or not so success story, here I’d live to hear it.

Dumb Shit I Do Events Food No Carbs Things I Really Like Things that piss me off

30 Days Without Wine and Chocolate: Day 2

February 19, 2014
bottle of aspirin, image of a bottle of aspirin, image of a bottle of aspirin from CVS

It’s been two days without wine and chocolate and so far it’s not so bad.

That’s a lie. It is bad but not because I can’t have wine or chocolate but because I have learned that I use wine and/or chocolate like I did cigarettes. I can handle the stresses of the day because I know at the end of the day I’m going to have a glass of wine and a few pieces of chocolate and that makes getting through the stress possible. I don’t need to wine or chocolate during the stress but knowing they are going to happen makes the stress bearable.

It’s bad because I have to deal with the stress and because I’m not having the wine I’m actually not eating the extra calories so I am hungry. Not real hunger, mind you, but hunger that my body uses to get me to eat junk.

I’m tired and cold and I have a headache and I know if I were to eat something sweet (like chocolate) I’d get rid of all those side effects of not eating garbage. The ironic thing is that I don’t feel hungry in my stomach. It’s all emotional and psychological.



Dumb Shit I Do Events Food No Carbs Things that piss me off Winter

30 Days Without Wine and Chocolate: Day 1*

February 18, 2014
Valentine's Day chocolate in the garbage, image of red heart Valentine's Day candy in the trash bin,

It’s been a whole day without wine and chocolate. I feel ok but it’s winter outside and that makes me want to carb load. Yesterday was worse because I had to shovel 4 inches of wet snow (my neighbor was kind enough to do the front but I still had to do the back – I have awesome neighbors!) but it was the beginning of this 30 days without wine or chocolate so I was able to get through it easily.

I don’t have to shovel today but it’s still winter (which sucks the big one) and it’s dark outside and it seems like school has been out for three years.

(I’m sorry, this wasn’t supposed to be a complete bitch fest the first day)

I went through the house and threw away all the chocolate. We just had three birthdays and Valentine’s Day so there was a fair amount of chocolate in the house. I also threw away the leftover Halloween candy which I had stuffed into the china cabinet last November, though everyone had forgotten about it.

I’m not throwing away the wine. I’m committed but I’m not insane.

It’s only been one day but not having the wine made not having the chocolate (or any other carb) much easier.

29 days to go.

*I can’t tell you how long I struggled with that colon in the title. In fact I’m still sure I am using it incorrectly but I’m so crabby I don’t really care. If I’m using it wrong please correct me.

Dumb Shit I Do Events No Carbs Things I Really Like

30 Days Without Wine and Chocolate

February 17, 2014
image of wine and chocolate, wine glass next to chocolate, red wine with three chocolates, stemless wine glass with red wine, stemless wine glass

During the day I follow a strict Atkins type of diet. I don’t eat bread, pasta or sweets. I graze for the most part eating high protein foods like meat, cheese and eggs along with high protein smoothies.

I have no trouble keeping to this diet during the day, at night it’s a different story.

I usually allow myself (or reward myself) one or two glasses of red wine during the evening hours. This is my me time, my way of relaxing and my way of doing good for my heart (red wine is good for your heart). More importantly after a day of bringing home the bacon, frying it up in the pan, dealing with 5th grade girl drama, helping with homework, taking care of way too many animals and maintaining (ok, trying to maintain) a clean and orderly home I deserve some wine.

The problem is a glass of red wine does relax me. So much so that all the healthy eating I did during the day can now be ignored as I treat myself to the leftover birthday cake, leftover Valentine’s Day candy and even the leftover Halloween candy. Once I’ve had piece or two of chocolate it’s time for some Goldfish crackers (just a handful) and it’s all downhill from there.

If you’re a woman of childbearing years or beyond you know how this works. If you’re man you don’t have any idea how this works and can eat whatever you want without guilt, and we hate you for that.

I’m tired of ending the day feeling guilty (though slightly buzzed on red wine and chocolate) so I have decided to forego the two for 30 days.

It sounds hard and I suspect it is. I’ve given up red wine before (though replacing it with white wine is probably not the same thing) but I’m not sure I’ve ever gone 30 days without chocolate. Hell, I’m not sure I’ve gone two days without chocolate.

There’s always a reason for chocolate and now that they’ve deemed it healthy there is even more justification for it.

But I know the truth. I know that both red wine and chocolate have sugar and if I am serious about following a low carb / high protein diet I have to give up both.

So for the next 30 days I’ll be documenting my journey through hell.

I’ve given up a lot of things in my lifetime. I’ve given up smoking (twice), I’ve given up on marriage (also twice) and I’ve given up any sense of autonomy and fun when I had children.  So I know a thing or two about giving stuff up (though getting off Diet Crack and Candy Crush are two things I still struggle with on a daily).

I’ve given up a lot of things and some have been more difficult than others but I’m positive I can do this if I can get through the first week.

So stay tuned. This could be fun (for you, not me) and it might even be good for me.


No Carbs

Pork on the Grill

October 18, 2012

teriyaki pork

October is Pork Month and Costco is having a great sale on all different cuts of pork.

I made this with a tenderloin from Costco. I seasoned it with one of my favorite Penzy’s spice mixes; Galena Street Rub, and put it on the grill.


I’ve been doing the no carb thing for the past several month but forgot about pork. I’ve eaten more chicken and hamburger than I ever want to eat. Adding pork to the mix has made this new way of life something I can do much easier.

The great thing about pork is that it is versatile, inexpensive and it’s easy to cook. I overcook chicken with utter abandon while my hamburgers tend to be a little purple. I don’t do this on purpose I just can’t cook meat properly.

Pork is easy. Throw it on the grill (or oven or even in a pan) and turn once in a while. Insert thermometer and if it’s 145 degrees it’s good to go. You can learn more about cooking pork here.

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Food No Carbs Things I Really Like

Let me eat cake!

January 17, 2012

(Do you have any idea how many people, when writing about cake, use the title ‘Let them eat cake’? Lots, so I changed the title of this post to something more accurate but less French.)

Today is my birthday and I am going to have cake!

I’ve never been so excited about cake before but that’s what happens when you give up carbs for New Year’s. For those of you who still eat carbs (you suck) you have no idea what it’s like to go a whole 16 days without carbs. Specifically chocolate.

I’m pretty sure we weren’t meant to do that.

I’m not a huge cake fan, certainly not like Cardiogirl who lives for cake. In fact she knows that cakes often get thrown out over in this house and suggested I send the leftover birthday cake to her. I may just do that.

Deny yourself something and it starts looking really good. Who knew?

I have been thinking about cake, birthday cake, for the last three or four days. I’ve been so looking forward to my day with cake that I’ve been unable to concentrate on much of anything. I watched two episodes of Cake Boss last night and even Cupcake Wars. If you saw my Facebook status update last night you know that both Armageddon and Die Hard were on TV last night (my all time favorite movies and no I don’t have a thing for Bruce Willis {okay, maybe just a little leftover crush from the days of Moonlighting but now that he has been with Demi he’s kinda tainted in my book even though he seems really mellow}) so for me to watch shows about baking instead of the awesomeness that is Bruce Willis saving the world is pretty telling. I won’t even get started on what a waste of time shows about baking are. Is there really that much arguing and fighting going on in bakeries?

Even bad cake is good cake

I don’t know what kind of cake I am going to have but I can tell you that since I will be the one who has to bake it it won’t look like the cakes on those TV shows. It will be a bundt cake because I can’t find my other cake pans. Being a bundt cake means it will be all misshapen on the sides because cakes never come out of the pan without ripping apart. I don’t even care because cake is like sex. Even bad cake is good cake. I suspect it will be chocolate.

So here is to me and my cake on my birthday!

No Carbs Uncategorized

Week 3 of the New Year: How’s that diet working for you?

January 16, 2012

Like half the population (I have no statistics to support that claim) I started a lifestyle change on January 1st of this year. It was either radically change my diet or look into a career in Sumo Wrestling or gain a few more pounds and get lap band surgery (People actually do this! Women mostly, have been gaining weight so they can have weight loss surgery covered by their insurance.) but I don’t have it in me to wait six months for the surgery.

I’ve been doing the no carb thing again and am having a fair amount of success with it, though I would kill for a piece of chocolate. The weight is coming off easily enough but not without some major changes.

I never realized how many carbs I ate each day until I started counting. It’s a lot, way more than I would have guessed but when you close out the night eating crackers or pretzels (all the things we were told were healthier than ice cream, cream cheese, cheese and any food item with fat in it) it’s no surprise that the grams of carbs creeps up there. One slice of bread has 17 grams! The diet I am doing allows for 20 grams so bread is out. And that made me sad the first couple of days.

I cut out the carbs cold turkey. I figured if I can quit smoking cold turkey (going on six months now!) then I can quit carbohydrates cold turkey too. I’d still love a piece of chocolate but for the most part I don’t miss the carbs because I can eat BACON!!!

And I do eat bacon, lots of bacon. And I refuse to feel guilty about it so don’t leave any comments telling me I shouldn’t be having bacon. It’s bacon or chocolate.

After two full weeks on this high protein/ low carb diet I am proud to say I have lost 12 pounds (that’s nearly a pound a day) and all kinds of inches. The problem is I have lost inches in the one place I don’t want to lose inches. I suppose I could have breast implants surgery in lieu of bariatric surgery if insurance would cover it. I doubt I can get my doc to give a good reason for the implants though it’d be fun to see something like “due to deflation from dieting” in the orders.

Another place I worry about losing fat is on my face. Having an extra layer of fat on your face goes a long way in preventing, or at least minimizing, any wrinkles. I’ve actually looked into botox prices because while there was a time I was okay about the added character on my face now I’m not so much. I’ve spent a lot of years squinting because I refused to wear glasses so I have this wonderful crease between my eyebrows. I’m not happy about it but fear not having it will look just as bad as having it.

Anyway, it’s week three of my New Year’s Resolution and so far it’s going well. I miss sugar, a lot, but I have found I feel a lot better even if I would have preferred spending a night with Ben and Jerry I am liking the changes I have made so far.

How is your New Year’s Resolution coming along?


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Contests No Carbs

The Winner of the Happy Goat Soap Giveaway is…

March 5, 2010


I am sure that living in Mulletville makes it difficult to find luxurious soaps such as Happy Goat Soap, and I suspect many of the residents of Mulletville could stand to use some rich goat’s milk soap to smell just a little less mulletlike.

Congratulations Frogmama.

Thanks to everyone for entering!

I am still carb free, or at least reduced. I have had fruits and veggies but I have not had any bread, pasta, chips or any of those bad carbs. I didn’t get on the scale when I started all of this so I don’t know how much I have lost (I hate the scale and stay away from it as much as possible) however, my jeans are much looser and so is my bra, which kinda bothers me.

I’m going to continue this low carb thing into next week. I’d like to say I have made it a way of life but I know if I do I will have to have a pretzel from Aunt Annies so I’m taking it week by week.

Thanks to everyone for all the support it really does make a huge difference to have it.

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Contests Huh No Carbs People

National Cupcake Day and Websites to Avoid

March 3, 2010

Today is National Cupcake Day which is ironic considering all the press Lisa Ellis is getting for having her naked body turn up on Wyclef Jean’s cell phone. If it were National Titty Cupcake Day it would be perfect for Miss Ellis. Of course she is busy looking for a new job right now so it probably doesn’t matter to her.

As you all know I can’t have cupcakes today or for the rest of the week because I am still off carbs! Don’t forget to enter the contest to win three bars of Happy Goats Soap. I’ll be picking the winner on Friday.

As a single mom I let my kids go online for way too long and I let them watch way too much TV.  I don’t monitor much for my son anymore but I do for my daughter. She is allowed to watch kid shows and go to online sites specifically for her age group.  Because I am an often broke single mom I don’t give my kids a credit card to use online. We do a lot of trial offers but I don’t buy games for my kids. My son has a job and can buy his own and my daughter can just keep whining.

Not allowing them to use my credit cards or my Paypal account makes me think I have a little control over what they do or don’t do.

Not anymore.

Two sites are out there that want to really mess with parents. I am sure this was the goal when they were created.

The first one is Kwedit. The tagline is Play now, Pay later. The site is for kids, who don’t have credit to be able to buy games online with only their word. They must promise to pay the debt in 7 to 14 days by going to a 7-11 and paying the bill. If they keep their promise and pay their kwedit limit gets increased. If you have kids go to this site now and block it on your computer. I’d rather give them my credit card than have to drive them to a 7-11 once a week. Thankfully we don’t have any 7-11s anymore.

The other site to keep you kids away from is Chatroulette! Chatroulette is a bunch of people on a site with their webcam and sitting in front of their computer waiting for someone to talk to them. Kinda like speed dating or something. The site was created by a 17 year old Russian kid who had no idea what the hell he was doing. He had no agenda, he just thought it would be neat. Right now it might be filled with normal people who are just curious to see who is out there but eventually it will morph into a site for pedophiles. There is no logging in, no profiles to create, no information stored. Just a place for perverts to sit and wait for their next victim.

Don’t you just love the internet? There is something for everyone.

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Events No Carbs

Giving Up Carbs

February 28, 2010
bread, carbs, chocolate

I’m going to give up carbohydrates. I’m going to give up my precious carbs for a week.  And I am going to document it here.

I have to. Bathing suit season is still far enough away that there might be some hope for me.

I also have to because I ate the most ginormous waffle today and I don’t think I could look at another carb for at least a week.

I realize that this means no chocolate and no bread.

It also means no wine.

I might be a little crabby.

This whole giving up of the carbs thing is definitely doing things differently, and I have vowed to do things differently even if I said I would only on a whim. There are DTD (doing things differently) police and she makes me a little nervous. If you want to try your hand at doing things differently then head over to Mommamiaculpa where Meleah (see, I am spelling it right finally,which is also doing things differently) will educate you on the whole process. Once you have familiarized yourself with the whole procedure then you can join the Facebook group for DTD. One rule, which I am breaking because I forgot and I am still too full to go back and change everything now, is that when talking about DTD you must write in the third person.

If everyone is still alive after the week, I might just do it another week.

I fully anticipate there will be wagers on how long I can last.

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