Every time I have to interact with technology I feel my age. I’m 57 and I grew up with technology. I was the one who could set the clock on the VCR and the microwave. I was the first of any of my peers to get online and learn HTML. I love the newest technology and I’m not afraid to learn it, but I hate with a white hot passion when I have to talk to an automated system.

I just spent 45 minutes trying to talk to a human at Comcast. I tried to do what I wanted to do online, as it suggested it I do, but apparently they only let you upgrade online, not downgrade – I wonder why that might be? So, I was instructed to call.

I called and the automated system insisted on sending me a text message so I could complete my call online. I must have screamed REPRESENTATIVE!!!!! because the dog ran out of my office with her tail tucked between her legs.


Seriously, my blood pressure went up 20 points just trying to get a representative on the line.

Here’s the thing, I don’t care if I talk to a human, if the robot could solve my problem I’d be fine with the automated system. It just never seems to be able to solve the issue.

Eventually I got a hold of a human, and she was helpful*, but tried to upsell me on not only more channels I don’t watch – why the fuck can’t I get rid of all the sports channels? I don’t want them, I don’t watch them, I will never watch them, and I hate scrolling through them. Give me a few cooking channels and Christmas murder mystery channels instead of the sports. Give the sports to someone else, I don’t want them.

Also, I do not want to move my mobile service to my cable provider. I am a firm believer in keeping my eggs in different baskets, stop trying to get my cell phone contract.

And while we’re at it, stop sending me emails following my call to find out how my experience was. It sucked, and I’d like you to know about it, but you have the monopoly on cable so you’re not going to do anything differently so I’m not going to waste my time filling out an online form. If the experience was good, and worthy of a good review you wouldn’t have to send me a damn email begging for the review.

Get off my lawn.

*according to the human if you press #2 on any automated system you will be moved through it to a human faster.