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Why I Deleted My #MeToo Status Update

October 17, 2017
#metoo

Unless you’re living under a rock, you’ve seen the hastag #MeToo all over social media. Legend has it Alyssa Milano started the trend on Twitter (though it appears she got the idea from a friend of a friend on Facebook so it would seem someone else who isn’t a celebrity actually started the trend…). The idea was that if all women/(people) respond to her tweet with the hashtag #metoo then everyone would know how wide spread sexual harassment and sexual assault is.

And it took off like motherfucking wildfire. 

That was Sunday night. I saw it trending on Sunday and while I rarely join in these sort of movements I decided this one was different. I copied and pasted the Facebook status update:

Me too.
If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote “Me too” as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.
Please copy/paste.

I started writing all of the different ways I have been sexually harassed and assaulted in my lifetime and then deleted all of it and just posted the generic version. Even that was difficult to post. 

Not because I am ashamed to admit that I — like every other woman alive — have been harassed or assaulted, I’m not. I was for a long time, but have recently started talking about it with friends and family I felt worthy of sharing the information. It’s a difficult thing to share because it doesn’t come up in everyday conversation. You have to throw it out there when no one is expecting it and that tends to throw people off balance. They do not know how to respond and would prefer to keep it that way. So they don’t. They leave you hanging.

The response from the few family members or friends I shared it with has been less than supportive so my fear of posting the update was due to the fear of the deafening silence that comes with this kind of admission. And I get it. I really do. People do not know what to say so they say nothing. Luckily, I received plenty of support in the form of Likes and Hearts and other Facebook emojis from people I have never met before and I am thankful for their love and concern. It wasn’t the case for everyone posting #MeToo as their status update.

It might be because I am getting older or because I have just seen so much of this shit in the last few years, but these uprisings or movements or whatever the fuck you want to call them – don’t change anything. Or maybe they do, but because the change is so slow it’s difficult to notice the shift. I don’t know. 

I do know that what always seems to happen with these movements happened rather quickly in the #MeToo movement. It became a popularity contest and we turned on each other. 

Like we ALWAYS do.

Women started listing the ways they had been sexually assaulted or harassed… long lists of the way they had been treated horribly by men and even some women. Not just a passing wink or even being exposed to on the street (OMG this happens so fucking frequently I don’t even register it anymore, it’s like someone picking their nose or spitting) but reports of being raped, threatened with the loss of a job if they didn’t suck a dick or flash their breasts or whatever weird shit the Harvey Weinsteins of the world are into on that day. 

Within hours or maybe minutes the lists were scrutinized by both men and women – judging the merit of their claims.

“Oh, he cat-called you? Pfft! That’s annoying, sure, but it’s hardly assault.”

Women who had been raped by family members garnered more sympathy than those who had been raped by strangers, significant others or acquaintances. Get pregnant from the rape and choose to keep the baby? You win.

And the infighting and exclusion and unfriending began.

And then Mayim Bialik wrote a piece about how she wasn’t raped because she had a big nose and dressed modestly. That isn’t what she wrote, but like the childhood game of Telephone, that’s how it evolved. I’m not sure what the point of her OpEd was, much like I am not sure what the point of this one is. 

I guess it’s that I am pissed off. Certainly at the people who sexually harass and assault other people (and it’s not just men doing it and they are not doing it to just women), but also I’m pissed because sides get drawn so swiftly and so concretely online.

Men tried to chime in with support and they were shot down so fast my head spun. 

“It’s not their time to speak.”

Just as swiftly, men were lambasted and ridiculed for not offering support. 

Fuckin’ A they are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. 

Gay men started sharing their stories of being harassed and were shut down.

“Nope…this isn’t about you, this is about the women right now.”

That’s why I deleted my #MeToo status update. I don’t want to be part of a movement that starts excluding anyone. And they always end up excluding people

The internet turns on itself so fast. What starts out as a positive turns so quickly into something that is competitive and only for the popular. We’re still acting like we did in high school and until that shit ends, the harassment and assault isn’t likely to. 

If you really want to make a difference start treating everyone as though they are worthy of respect. Everyone. 

Everyone. Even the people with whom you don’t agree or whose time it isn’t just yet. 

Treat each other with kindness and respect. It’s actually pretty easy, but if that isn’t something you are capable of doing then just don’t say anything.

If someone shares with you that they have been hurt, then listen to them and offer them support. You don’t have to fix it, in fact, you can’t fix it. But you can listen, and that can make all the difference in the world. 

Oh, and stop sexually harassing and assaulting women/people to get your rocks off. 

 

 

 

People politics Sex Things that piss me off WTF?

On Trump and Golden Showers

January 11, 2017
On Trump and Golden Showers

Here are my thoughts on Trump and Golden Showers, but first I should mention I did not bother to read the Buzzfeed article, the dossier that was apparently handed over from John McCain to the FBI or maybe it was the CIA or possible the NSA, TSA, FCC, JCC or AARP, and I didn’t see any of the press conference Donald Trump gave today, either.

I have however, seen about eleventy billion Facebook posts about golden showers today. 

On Trump and Golden Showers

While I might lean to the right politically, I am pretty liberal when it comes to the stuff you do in the privacy of your own home, or hotel room as the case may be. Personally, I think golden showers are icky, but some people get into that stuff. It’s none of my business. Just like it’s none of my business if someone wants to put a cigar in someone’s vag, muff, honey pot, pussy, lady bits, cooch, twat, cooter, or whatever we’re calling it these days. 

Whatever Floats your Boat

I don’t care, I just really don’t want to hear about it. 

I don’t know who did what, who leaked it or if any of it is true. I do know that we’re all getting played.

Maybe it’s the Russians who are playing us? Or Putin, the media, Hillary Clinton, John McCain, any of the republican candidates from the primary, Obama, several former and current Miss Americas, Bill Cosby, Bernie Sanders, or possibly Joe Biden. 

Joe Biden Meme under where

We’re Being Played

I don’t know who it is playing us, but we’re all falling for it. We’re all acting like crazy people with absolutely nothing better to do than gossip, speculate and actually act as if we know know some kind of truth about all of this. 

We don’t. We don’t know the truth about any of this and yet many of us are acting like super sleuths trying to figure things out. 

If it hadn’t been for those crazy kids and their dog….

Chill Out

The thing is, when Buzzfeed and other reputable news sources (I’m not really including Buzzfeed in the reputable category, they’re more the clickbait category) post unsubstantiated, unverified, unproven, possibly false, possibly (even likely) faked, dossiers about someone we shouldn’t get our collective panties in a bunch about it.

We already thought he was the worst thing ever, why is this business about golden showers so newsworthy? Haven’t we had enough?

I’m not trying to make light of the Russian hacking, if that’s what this is about then we need to put a stop to it. Full Stop. Sanctions, whatever it takes to punish them. I’m all for that. 

This Seems to be Something Else

I don’t like Trump, I think he is vile, deplorable, vulgar and I would prefer he was not going to be president of the United States, but I don’t think a golden shower is going to get anyone impeached. And while it is true that douchebaggery is hard to cure, it’s not illegal.

Seriously, I’m not defending him. 

I just don’t want to hear about any of this anymore. Haven’t we got better things with which to get worked up?

I don’t know much about this, but I do know that someone is making money because of it.

And we’re buying.

*Photo credit: Gage Skidmore

Advice Sex

How to Incorporate Fifty Shades of Grey into Your Sex Life

February 18, 2015

If you’re among the hundreds of millions who have seen or read Fifty Shades of Grey, you’re probably left with one burning question: how do I get my sex life to look more like that?

As Elite Daily reports, those living in NYC or LA can put their name on a (very long, we’re sure) list for a one-of-a-kind sexual experience straight out of the mind of E.L. James. But if you aren’t willing to shell out thousands of dollars (or wait who knows how many months) in order to partake in the exclusive Mr. Grey experience, there’s hope for you yet. Here are a few simple, and inexpensive, ways to incorporate Christian and Ana-worthy passion into your own love life.

Talk the (Dirty) Talk

According to RedBook, a recent poll found that 50 percent of people are bored in their relationships and crave more sexual adventure. In addition to adding some variety and zest to your sex life, going outside of your comfort zone could ultimately bring you and your partner closer together. It’ll happen not only in the bedroom, but in the everyday intimate moments you share as well.

Before jumping right into role-play inspired by Fifty Shades, make sure you carve out some time to discuss how you and your significant other envision the experience going. If your partner has already seen the film or read the books, discuss your favorite scenes and go from there, delving into your own fantasies and fetishes as you talk. If your lover is new to the racy series, introduce the possibility of incorporating the material into your sex life by sharing the passages you’re most drawn to, telling your partner what intrigues you about the scenes. Chances are they’ll be just as interested as you are in giving something new a try.

While putting Fifty Shades into practice is all about the feeling of letting go and giving up control to your partner, it’s important to remember that you should only go as far as either of you are comfortable with. Thus, you need to communicate your boundaries well before you step into the bedroom (and into any role-playing). Talk about your fantasies, your desires, and especially your limits. Choosing a safe word will help to establish trust between you and your lover, and it ensures play stays at a pace that feels right for both of you.

Role-Play

Though Fifty Shades takes BDSM to a more intense level than many of us may feel comfortable with for a first time role-playing scenario, easing into the dominant and submissive roles with your partner is a great way to dip your toes into the S&M water. Allow your lover to give you orders (or vice versa), such as “touch me there” or commanding them to “fetch” an item for you.

Next, try out a simple blindfold or light restraint by using a soft scarf or silky tie. Minimizing one sense, such as sight, enhances the other senses, making even the graze of your partner’s fingertips feel incredibly erotic against sensitive skin. For even more electrifying sensations, trail an ice cube down your lover’s stomach or back. As Cosmopolitan notes, restraining your partner and rubbing them down with something icy is an ideal way to make things feel more extreme without involving any pain or serious discomfort.

Ready for more? Take it to the next level by acting out the more intense scenes from Christian’s playbook.

Add to Your Reading List

The best part about erotica (besides the steamy scenes) is the freedom they allow for exploration in the bedroom. Reading a kinky novel can inspire new ideas and even increase the level of comfort you have with living out those fantasies in real life. Adam and Eve remarks that bringing Christian and Anastasia’s sensual tales to life can lead to hours of pleasure in the bedroom, not to mention a hotter sexual experience overall. What’s more, there is an ever-increasing number of options available for your erotic reading pleasure, from how-to guides to fiction to non-fiction offerings and everything in between. Whatever you’re into, there’s definitely a book for that. Sure, Fifty Shades may have been your first foray into the world of naughty novels, but why stop there? As Prevention points out,
reading erotica, whether it be alone or with a partner, can boost your libido, making for better orgasms and a more fulfilling sex life all around.

Sex

Are You Inspired?

May 5, 2010

Today we start a new feature here on Redhead Ranting. Once a month I will be reviewing a sex toy.  I have no idea what to call this monthly feature so if you have any suggestions please leave them in the comment section. Even though this is a product review of a sex toy I will try to keep it clean. If you are offended by talk of these kinds of toys please come back tomorrow. In all likelihood I am more embarrassed than you, at least for this first one. Once I get my groove on it shouldn’t be so hard for me.

Did you see the pun I just used? Yeah, it wasn’t that good.

sex toys redheadranting.com

Today I am reviewing the Inspire by Couture Collection.

The Inspire touts itself as intensely powerful with incremental speeds, at least that is what it says on the box. And it is. So much so that it’s all over before it’s even started. It’s got too much of a punch, so to speak. It does have incremental speeds but they are achieved by holding down the on/off button. If you press the button while using the toy suddenly your toes have curled and you weren’t even ready.

Sadly, I had a really hard time with this toy. It is corded which means if you are going to use it, it has to be plugged into a wall. All of my outlets in my bedroom are already in use so it was a pain to have to unplug something so I could use this. The cord is long enough but it gets in the way. Once plugged in and turned on it made so much noise I was completely distracted. I could not get my groove on because it rattled and hummed and not in a good way. As sex toys go this one fails, at least for solo use. With a partner it might be a lot of fun, we could laugh at the noise and rattling.

Interestingly the box has images of water on it. This toy should definitely not be used in water because it is plugged into the wall.

I will say this about the Inspire, it is cute. It’s about six inches long and is a lovely combination of lavender shades. It’s got a 100/240 v power adapter so it does pack a punch but for me it was too much for such a sensitive area. It makes a great back massager however.

All in all I’d have to give this a thumbs down. It makes too much noise to be discreet, the cord is more than what I want to deal with when I need to get my groove on and it’s just too powerful. Even on low it was very intense.  Too intense.

See, that wasn’t so bad was it? Did I make anyone besides me blush?

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Sex

Talk Dirty To Me

March 2, 2010
Barry White, 1991

Image via Wikipedia

Do you talk dirty to your spouse, significant other or FWB (friend with benefits)? Is it something you both like to do or is one of you more into it?

I ask because when not expected it can throw the whole thing.

Years ago I was with this guy, a friend I had known for decades. A platonic friendship mainly because we were both always involved with other people. But there was an attraction. Anyway, we went out one night, both of us finally single and as luck would have it his kids and my kids were at the other ex-spouses’ for the weekend. That only happens when the stars align so we took advantage of the situation.

Things were going as well as can be expected for two people who had not been with anyone else except for a long time spouse. Okay, it was awkward and a little scary. We’d known each other since we were in our teens and now we were both in our 40s. A lot can change in those years and if you haven’t done the nasty on a regular basis you might worry you have forgotten a few things. Or worse there were new things developed and no one told you about them.

But we persevered.

And things seemed to be going well, at least from my perspective things were looking up, as they should.

And then bam! He started saying things that would make a hooker blush.

And that was it for me. I tried to be polite but the magic was gone and I couldn’t get it back.

He could sense something was wrong and tried to spark the flame again…

by talking even dirtier to me!

Ack!

What to do? I’m polite if nothing else, I couldn’t very well say “please stop using those horribly offensive words while we are trying to do this. It’s breaking my concentration and frankly it makes me think I had you pegged the wrong way all these years”.

See the thing was, this guy was about as mild mannered a guy as I have ever known. I had no idea that talking dirty was something that turned him on. We’d talked about sex many times during our friendship but he never let it slip that this was something he really liked. It never came up so it took my by surprise.

Had I known this about him I could have practiced before we got together. And I would have had to practice because talking dirty does not come naturally to me. It kind creeps me out. Not that there is anything wrong with it. If you like it and your partner likes it then by all means go for it. And not to say that I haven’t ever talked dirty. There are times when dirty talk are the only words that can be used. Usually used during phone sex when really being there isn’t possible and you have to get descriptive with your words.

I could have practiced but I would have cracked myself up too much to ever be convincing.

Him: Oh, baby, tell me what you want. (said in a slow sexy drawl)

Me: Oh, jeez i can’t do this.

Him: Just try baby, give it to me, you know I like it that way.

(I can’t even do it here)

Me: Okay….baby. Could I say something besides “baby” ?

Him: Sure, you can call me “daddy”. (again in the slow drawl kinda like Barry White, except he has a much higher pitched voice, especially when he is excited)

Me: Nope, I can’t call you daddy.

Him: Okay, call me “lover”.

Me: Nope that won’t work for me either. It reminds me of Love American Style or when my parents were trying to sound all hip and with it.

Him: Snookums?

Me: I’m outa here.

I can’t even do it in print let alone in real life.

Needless to say we are just friends again. Thankfully.

I am not a prude, I will try just about anything. And with the right guy I might have been able to learn how to talk dirty. But that first time is no time to jump into it. Give me a little notice, maybe a script and I can probably get with the program. Oh and lots of Vodka too, that would have helped immensely.

***

Day 2 of the low carb week.

Day 2 is not as bad as day 1 was. I am not hungry but I still want to have bread. The good thing is that my blood sugar isn’t spiking and crashing and that makes me feel much better and probably why yesterday was so hard. I don’t have a headache today so all in all it is going better than I expected it would. I am pretty sure I can make it through the week and probably beyond. I have lost 2 lbs since yesterday. All water I am sure but I’ll take it.

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People Sex

Truth in Dating

February 13, 2009
Vector image of two human figures with hands i...
Image via Wikipedia

As I sit here on the eve of Valentines Day, that be all and end all to hopeless romantics, I am watching romantic tear jerkers on TV. So far I have cried to the ending of Armageddon and now I am watching Love Actually. I will cry at the end of this movie when they show the last scene at Heathrow airport. The one where all the lovers, family and friends are greeting each other at the arrivals gate. If you haven’t seen the movie and you want a good happy cry then watch the last 15 minutes of this movie.

I am actually considering watching Nights In Rodanthe.

I have no plans to celebrate Valentines Day. Not that I am against the fake holiday that was made only to sell more flowers and schmaltzy cards, I’m not. I just happen to be single at the moment and find celebrating the holiday by myself to be something akin to masturbation. Not that that is a bad thing, quite the contrary its a wonderful thing but should be done in private and not blogged about.

I’d like to fall in love again but I absolutely hate dating and it seems if you want to fall in love you have to date just a bit.

The problem with dating is that it is all bullshit. Neither party is telling the truth about themselves. When I go on a date I put on make-up, I fix my hair, I wear nice clothes that I would never wear in the real world because they are impractical and uncomfortable. I try to say witting things about myself. When asked what I do I say I am self employed, a writer, which sounds so much better than unemployed blogger who exploits herself for about 48 cents a day. If asked I would lie about my weight and height. I don’t lie about my shoe size but only because I have petite little feet which happen to be perfect. Unfortunately I get really creeped out by people who think that is a really good feature to have.

Most men I have either married or dated have lied about their lives too. My first ex lied about the women he slept with before he met me, while we were dating, married and ever since. Actually he doesn’t lie about them any more but it’s a tad late for honesty in that regard. I have dated men who lied about their jobs, how much they made, how many children they have and their sexuality. Yes I dated a guy who switched sides when he met me. Prior to meeting me he preferred men. Not that there is anything wrong with that but it was a little disconcerting for me and I ended it before it could go any further.

As the dating progresses the lies just keep building. He lies about how many times he talks to his mother each day and I avoid telling him that I refuse to even attempt to balance my checkbook. By then however intimacy has occurred and both are too deep into it so when the truth does come out about these things, which it inevitably will, it’s usually too late and since both parties lied, both are forgiven. Marriage follows and then divorce. At least that is my track record.

I don’t want to date anymore. I still want to be part of a couple but I don’t want to go through all the lies again. I want to have the prospective future ex husbands of mine make themselves at home on my couch. I don’t much care if they hog the remote, I don’t even think I care if they leave the toilet seat up. It has been years since I have taken a midnight dip so it might be that I have just forgotten what an eye opening experience that can be but I think I could let that slide.

I want to be myself around him. I want to walk around without make-up on if I feel like it. I want to say what is on my mind without worrying that I will sound either too bossy, too stupid, or too silly. And If I can’t let one rip without apologizing and blushing then there is no room for that man in my life.

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