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Best Valentine’s Day Gifts – Ever!

February 8, 2017
Best Valentine's Day Gifts - Ever!

If you’re looking for ideas for the best Valentine’s Day gifts – ever, then you’re in luck. I’ve been writing about Valentine’s Day gifts for as long as I’ve had a blog and I know all there is to successful gift giving for this blasted holiday. 

Click here to learn about the Top 5 Worst Valentine’s Day Presents? Or click here for past Best Valentine’s Day Presents.

And if you’re considering one of those 4 foot bears you need to read Size Matters But A Hunka Love Bear Will Not Get You Laid.

“But Jen, how can you know about something like Valentine’s Day when you’re not involved with anyone and you’ve been divorced twice? Clearly, romance is not your strong suit?”

And you would be right to ponder that conundrum. Except, because I have been in so many bad relationships, I know what not to do for Valentine’s Day. Trust me, you won’t go wrong if you use this handy Valentine’s Day gift buying guide.

Here’s the thing. Most people who actually care about the gifts are either young, madly in love, trying to find love or stay in love. For everyone else, the day is sort of a non holiday. It might be a reason to drink and eat chocolate, but that could just be a Tuesday for most people.

Chocolates and wine are always good gift ideas, you simply can’t go wrong with those – unless your significant other is a diabetic or recovering alcoholic, then probably not a good idea. 

A night out is also a safe bet, usually. I don’t know you partner so ask – some people hate crowds. As far as I am concerned, a night out at a decent restaurant is a wonderful gift because I don’t have to clean, cook or clean up after the meal. And by decent I mean anyplace that serves food. I’m not that picky. The bar has been lowered for decades.

Anyway, getting back to gifts. If you’re looking for something special but won’t break the bank, doesn’t force a commitment neither of you are prepared for and is something your Valentine might actually like — read on.

Best Valentine’s Day Gifts – Ever!

InstantPot

I know, I know, in the past I have scolded you for giving appliances. I still stand by that for the most part, but the InstantPot is different. Whoever you give this to – man, woman, and everyone in between – will love it. You cannot go wrong with an InstantPot. I prefer the Instant Pot IP-DUO60 7-in-1 Multi-Functional Pressure Cooker because it makes yogurt, that’s just cool, but they have a less expensive model, the standard Instant Pot IP-LUX60 V3, and it’s awesome too. While you’re at it, get the Instant Pot Glass Lid you’ll be glad you did. 

InstantPot Cookbooks

Does your love already have an InstantPot? Probably, since everyone has been talking about them for the last couple of years. If that’s the case, you can always get them a couple InstantPot cookbooks. Here are some of my favorites:

The Instant Pot® Electric Pressure Cooker Cookbook: Easy Recipes for Fast & Healthy Meals – This is pretty much the bible of InstantPot cookbooks. It’s a great place to start if you’re new to pressure cooking and it’s got some super easy and wonderfully tasty recipes in it. The French Onion Soup is to die for!

Paleo Cooking With Your Instant Pot: 80 Incredible Gluten- and Grain-Free Recipes Made Twice as Delicious in Half the Time – I just got this one the other day because I’m doing the paleo thing again. It’s got some great recipes that are surprisingly satisfying and really easy to throw together last minute. If you’re doing paleo you’ll want to try this one out. 

Instant Pot Ultimate CookBook – 2nd Edition: The Complete Pressure Cooker Guide – Delicious and Healthy Instant Pot Recipes

Great Food Fast (Best of the Best Presents) Bob Warden’s Ultimate Pressure Cooker Recipes

Other Practical Valentine’s Day Gift ideas

Car Safety Hammer, ARCHEER 6-In-1 Emergency Rescue Kit Car Safety Hammer Seatbelt Cutter Window Breaker Auto Rescue Disaster Escape Tool, Built In Flashlight, Whistle, Magnet&Alarm Lamp

Nothing says I love you like a car hammer/window breaker device. Seriously, this thing belongs in every first aid kit, or at least vehicle safety kit. It cuts the seatbelt, breaks the window and has a built in flashlight, magnet, alarm lamp and might even make coffee. 

How to Traumatize Your Children: 7 Proven Methods to Help You Screw Up Your Kids Deliberately and with Skill – Parents of the world rejoice! Knock Knock’s bestselling How to Traumatize Your Children has been revamped with all-new totally dysfunctional illustrations. This groundbreaking instructional volume teaches you how to give your children the lifelong gifts of mental and emotional damage. Whether you employ the same ruinous techniques your parents used or try out an entirely new approach, you are bound to succeed!

Of course you just can’t go wrong with the Nintendo Entertainment System: NES Classic Edition, probably even better than the InstantPot. 

Roses are always nice. This Red Rose of Passion Bouquet (One Dozen Long Stemmed) – With Vase is sure to please.

And you can’t go wrong with chocolate in a heart shaped by from Godiva Chocolatier

Blogging Dumb Shit I Do How Did We Survive? People politics Things that piss me off WTF?

What I Learned on My Facebook Vacation

February 2, 2017
What I Learned on My Facebook Vacation

Recently I took a little break from social media, and this is what I learned on my Facebook Vacation. I needed a break from social media, but mostly I needed to get off of Facebook. Facebook is where I do most of my socializing. 

Don’t judge, you probably do too, or maybe you’re fond of Pinterest, or you hang out with the folks on Instagram. Doesn’t matter, they’re all the same. None of us actually get out anymore. And that’s too bad because there’s a whole big world of people doing things and NOT arguing about politics or calling each other Nazis or Libtards.

What I Learned on My Facebook Vacation

In my week of self induced banning from Facebook I learned that people in the real world don’t commence a conversation with friends by demanding they unfriend each other because one of them may or may not approve of the other’s opinion – which is really just one of them trying to show all the other people in her timeline that she is bold, brash, right (though not “right” or “alt-right”) and mostly virtuous.

I learned that people can go out together and have fun. They can shop, walk, talk, share a meal, laugh, sing, dance and never, ever mention politics, or mock Steve Bannon’s or Kellyanne Conway’s looks.

We used to be a melting pot but now – thanks to identity politics – we’re black, white, hispanics, women, men, lesbians, gays, transgender, cis something or other, religious freaks, atheists, republicans, democrats (republicants, libtards, republikkkans, fascists, Nazis), white males, white women of privilege (which is apparently not only a joke, but also a huge redundancy). We are every group there is out there, we are different. OMG we are nothing but our differences. 

Except we’re not. We used to be Americans. Those who were immigrating here – they were known as people who wanted to become Americans. 

And in the real world, we’re just people trying to get through this crazy ass amusement park ride together. We’re human. We make mistakes, we dust ourselves off, get back up and try all over again. 

I love Facebook, I’ve met some great people there, but I prefer the real world — where we have to look each other in the eye while we discuss the issues of the day, where the nuances of conversations are not surrendered to emojis and 140 characters. Where we actually care about each other. 

And especially where we aren’t just trying to tear each other down so we can build ourselves up for the approval, or “likes”, from those who have more followers than us.

But mostly what I learned on my Facebook vacation is that we aren’t all assholes (in real life). Some of us, most of us, are actually decent people. Even the ones with whom we disagree (go fucking figure!). 

 

Dumb Shit I Do Food Recipes Things I Really Like

The Best Instant Pot Chili Recipe

January 29, 2017
The Best Instant Pot Chili Recipe

If you’re looking for the best Instant Pot Chili recipe, then you’ve come to the right place. Disclaimer – this is not an authentic chili, this a chili recipe that your kids, and picky mother, will eat. If you throw it on top of some spaghetti noodles you’d have a pretty decent Cincinnati chili, but that’s weird so…  

I make a killer authentic chili too, but that takes a bit more planning and specific ingredients like a nice cut of beef instead of ground beef. This chili, the best Instant Pot Chili, is something you can make with whatever is in your pantry. It is an incredibly forgiving recipe. I used ground beef but you could use ground turkey, ground chicken, diced chicken or skip the meat completely and make it vegetarian. Whatever floats your boat!

I’m listing amounts of ingredients for posterity, use however much you prefer. I love celery and I throw a ton of it in this recipe (it gives the daughter something to do since she has to pick it all out), I also like a lot of garlic and cumin. I eyeball things, rarely measure, and I suspect most of you do the same. 

If you don’t have an Instant Pot yet you can get one here. Seriously, what are you waiting for, get your shit together and get one of these incredible time saving devices! I have the Instant Pot IP-DUO60 7-in-1 Multi-Functional Pressure Cooker, 6Qt/1000W which is about $105, but they make a less expensive version too. The standard Instant Pot IP-LUX60 V3 Programmable Electric Pressure Cooker, 6Qt, 1000W (updated model) is only $79. The only difference between the two is the one I have makes yogurt. The other difference is that the $79 version is back ordered for 2-3 months while the 7 in 1 version is in stock. Wow.

The Best Instant Pot Chili Recipe

What you will need:

1 lb ground beef

3 cups chopped celery

2/3rd cups diced onion (I prefer white onion, but I only had yellow on hand)

4 cans beans (or more or less. I used mild chili beans, kidney beans and pinto beans because that’s what was in the pantry)

2 cans tomato sauce

1 can diced tomato

1 can sweet corn (drained)

Cumin, salt and pepper, chili powder to taste 

5 Hershey’s Kisses (or a small handful of chocolate chips or whatever you have on hand)

Brown the onions and ground beef in the Instant Pot on sauté. Drain fat and return to Instant Pot. Or just use the glass lid for the Instant Pot
to cover and drain. 

Dump all your ingredients into the Instant Pot, give it a stir and set the pressure cooker to Chili, or set it manually for 30 minutes at high pressure. 

Make sure the pressure valve is closed. I really can’t stress how important it is that this is closed. If you leave it open the Instant Pot will not pressurize and you will have just wasted a good 30 minutes, and will need to start over. Don’t ask how I know this.

 

Blogging Dumb Shit I Do How Did We Survive? Minnesota Things I Really Like Writing

A Little Song, A Little Dance, A Little Seltzer Down Your Pants

January 28, 2017
A little song a little dance a little seltzer down your pants

This past week Mary Tyler Moore passed away. The first thing that popped into my head, upon learning of her passing, was “A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants”. That was the phrase from the eulogy of Chuckles the Clown that got Mary giggling during his funeral. If you’ve never seen it, you can see the scene here, it’s hilarious even without the context.

A Little Song, A Little Dance, A Little Seltzer Down Your Pants

I grew up watching The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Bob Newhart Show, Maude, Rhoda, Carol Burnett and all those other fantastic shows of the 70s. I was young, 9 or 10 but I knew instinctively that the writing on all of these shows was phenomenal. It never occurred to me that I could write for a sitcom, but I learned a lot about timing and telling a joke from these shows.

The Mary Tyler Moore Show was a show my whole family watched together. Do families even do that anymore? With so many ways to consume television I think the experience has been lost.

When I was a kid the TV was commonly referred to as the Boob Tube. Parents, teachers, scholars, doctors, etc… all believed it was rotting the minds of our children. And it probably was. I know I spent a fair amount of time watching TV. From After School Specials, Saturday morning cartoons, and finally the Saturday night lineup on CBS, I probably clocked in a good 25 to 30 hours a week. I’d have logged more if we had another TV. 

Mary as a trail blazing woman didn’t impact me much. Most of the shows back then had strong female characters who didn’t take any bullshit. They were smart and self sufficient and didn’t expect anyone to take care of them. For me, that’s just the way women were. 

I was more impacted by Mary as a Minnesotan and made the trek to the IDS Center when I was about 14. A couple of friends and I took the bus to Minneapolis to hang out and ride the infamous escalator. Yeah, at 14 we just got on a bus to visit another city – unaccompanied by an adult. Do kids do that today?

Because my mother was pretty much confined to the living room couch, or what we eventually called “The Judy Room”, most of my family memories took place in front of the TV. The characters on these shows were family. 

Mary, Mr Grant, Ted, Murray, Rhoda, Bob, Carol, Maude, Archie, Edith, George and Weezie – all of them had an impact on my upbringing, but it was sitting around with my family, sharing the experience of these shows, that will stay with me forever and fondly.

So thank you Mary, and everyone else, for being part of my family.

A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants!

 

Blogging Dumb Shit I Do People politics WTF?

The Definitive Trump Gift Buying Guide

January 27, 2017
Definitive Trump Buying Guide

For the next four years we’ve got a Trump presidency. We can either embrace the humor of it, or cower in a corner pretending it didn’t really happen while we drown in vodka or whiskey. However you choose to manage the next four years, this is the definitive Trump Gift Buying Guide. Doesn’t matter if you love him or hate him, there’s something for everyone on this list. 

The Definitive Trump Gift Buying Guide 

1. Gerber Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit

This has everything you need to survive the apocalypse after he blows everything up. Kit includes which Gator Machete, Camp Axe II, Gator Machete Pro, Parang Machete, LMF II Infantry Fix Blade Knife, DMF Folding Tanto Blade Knife, Epic Drop Point Fixed Blade Knife, two machetes, one parang, and a hatchet all enclosed in a super durable canvas carrying case with reinforced stitching, the kit is compact and packable.

2. 10 in 1 Professional Survival Kit

Here’s another great kit to help you survive when civilization goes to shit. For those of you on the left survival is a new thing. If you can’t bring yourself to get a conceal carry permit, let alone a gun, this might be the place to start. 

3. Trump Toilet Paper

Trump Toilet Paper for sale

Of course if you’re out in the wilderness surviving, you’re going to need something to wipe your ass with. 

4. Trump Success Eau de Toilette Spray for Men, 3.4 Fluid Ounce

Ever wondered what success smells like? 

About the Product
  • This product is made of high quality material
  • It is recommended for romantic wear
  • This Product Is Manufactured In USA

Sounds like Trump wrote the ad copy for this. 

5. Fuck Trump Herb Grinder

Trump Herb Grinder

To get through the next four years, especially if the apocalypse doesn’t happen, you’ll need something to grind your herb, this one seems fitting.

6. The Trump Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living Through What You Hoped Would Never Happen

The Trump Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living Through What You Hoped Would Never Happen

Don’t despair. Don’t retreat. Fight back.

Before we can successfully engage, we need to be clear about the battles ahead. Stone outlines political and social concepts—including such issues as Civil Rights, Women’s Rights, the Environment, Obamacare, International relations, and LGBTQ Rights—providing a brief history of each, a refresher on Obama’s policies, and an analysis of what Trump’s administration might do. Stone then provides an invaluable guide for fighting back—referring to organizations, people, sites, and countless other resources that support positive and possible goals.

While marches and social media are important forms of protest, concrete actions achieve real change. Positive and reinforcing, The Trump Survival Guide presents the essential information we need to effectively make our voices heard and our power felt.

7. Dump-a-Trump Pen Holder

donald trump pen holder

For those of you who would prefer a less active role in the revolution, but still want to register your disgust – there is this lovely Donald Trump Pen Holder. 

8. A Child’s First Book of Trump

The Trump is a curious creature, very often spotted in the wild, but confounding to our youngest citizens. A business mogul, reality TV host, and now…political candidate? Kids (and let’s be honest many adults) might have difficulty discerning just what this thing that’s been dominating news coverage this election cycle is. Could he actually be real? Are those…words coming out of his mouth? Why are his hands so tiny? And perhaps most importantly, what on earth do you do when you encounter an American Trump?

With his signature wit and a classic picture book style, comedian Michael Ian Black introduces those unfamiliar with the Americus Trumpus to his distinguishing features and his mystifying campaign for world domination…sorry…President of the United States.

9. Donald Trump Life Size Cardboard Standup

Donald Trump cardboard cutout

Honestly, I can think of a million uses for a cardboard cutout of Donald Trump. This is from the description: Perfect For Children’s Birthday Parties, Special Events, School, Corporate Events, Awards Programs, Fairs, Festivals, Galas, Fundraisers And Green/Eco Events… Um, really?

10. Donald Trump Toilet Roll Talker

Trump talking toilet paper roll

FILL YOUR BATHROOM WITH DONALD TRUMP’S VOICE – Prank friends and family with this ingenious Donald Trump toilet paper roll holder that makes your regular toilet paper talk! Just insert it into any roll of toilet paper and PREPARE FOR SOME SERIOUS LAUGHS!

You cannot make this shit up. And it’s in his real voice! How’d they manage that? 

Bonus!!

11.Chia Donald Trump Freedom of Choice Pottery Planter

Donald Trump Chia Pet

It’s not real until they make a Chia Pet out of you. At least his hair looks better. 

Blogging Dumb Shit I Do

Stuff I Haven’t Posted to Facebook

January 26, 2017
Cat sleeping

As some of you may know, I’m taking a break from social media. Specifically Facebook because that’s where I waste most of my time. It’s only been 3 days, but it feels like forever.

I miss everyone and yet I’m really happy staying away. I have had to pop back in for work and have regretted it as soon as I even begin to scroll. I miss you all, I do, but I’m a helluva lot less anxious and I’ve been ass kicking with regard to productivity. I have been getting shit done!

You can take the girl out of Facebook, but you can’t take Facebook out of the girl. 

Or something like that. I’m still thinking in terms of pithy little updates and have started keeping a list of all the things I wanted to post but couldn’t. 

Stuff I Haven’t Posted to Facebook, but Wanted to

Does anyone actually enjoy the go?

I’ve wanted to ask this for a long time, mostly every time I see the damn commercial with the bears. Ugh, I don’t know if it is a brilliant ad campaign or not. Here we are talking about it so I guess it is.

OMG there is a huge fucking spider in my kitchen!!!!

I saw him there last night, though he was much smaller (or possibly there are two), and didn’t think it was necessary to kill it. I was wrong! Now the little bugger is hanging from the middle of the kitchen right where my head goes. Thank God I saw him before walking into him. Why are spiders always male? Yeah, I killed him. I also screamed like a little girl.

Cat feet*

I wrote down “cat feet”, but have no idea why. They’re cute, that’s for sure.

Grilled Cheese 

I had a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. 

The Wall

Is anyone watching The Wall on NBC? I only watch it because I miss The Walking Dead and Talking Dead (Chris Hardwick hosts Talking Dead for you non TWD fans). I don’t really pay attention to the show, I’m not sure of the rules, but every now and then Chris will tell the contestants to “drop it”. I presume he is talking about the ball. Oh, The Wall is basically a huge Plinko game, you drop a ball in and it works its way into one of the slots at the bottom worth anywhere from $1 to $1million. Anyway, every time he says “drop it” my dog drops whatever is in her mouth. I also have an urge to drop whatever I am doing because he says it with such gusto, and generally speaking you don’t hear people say that phrase to anyone other than dogs, toddlers, and bad guys. 

How to End a Call

OMG people need to learn how to end a phone call. I have spent more time trying to say goodbye today than any of the actual calls. Here’s a hint, after I say “goodbye” you can hang up, don’t drag it on by telling me to have a good afternoon, or to take care or any of those other niceties. 

Ruby Does Not Like Egg Whites

I’ve always given her the yolks, never the whites of hard boiled eggs. The face she makes as she lets it fall out of her mouth is pretty hilarious. Oh, wait, she’s eating it off the floor. Still doesn’t like it, but doesn’t want anyone else to get it.

I get most of my US news from British Websites

I’m not sure how I feel about this. For the most part the articles are more polite, more concise, just don’t start clicking on the sidebar links – that’s a rabbit hole you’ll never crawl out of.

*I think I figured out what Cat Feet was all about it. It’s in the image above. If you can’t make it out, here’s a different point of view. 

Stuff I Haven't Posted to Facebook

Advice Books Reviews Things I Really Like Uncategorized

Buy This Book Now!

January 24, 2017
Buy this book now!

OMG I haven’t even finished this book and I had to stop and tell you to go and buy this book now! 

Buy This Book Now!

Seriously, go now, I’ll wait.

Wait, if you buy it now you won’t come back. Wait a minute. Buy it after reading this which is only going to be a few more paragraphs because honestly, I want to get back to it asap.

What book?

Get Your Sh*t Together by Sarah Knight.

Yeah, I might be on a bit of a self-help binge, but that’s okay, in fact it’s great. Get Your Sh*t Together is an anti self-help book by an anti-guru who happens to be funny as shit. If you liked You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life, by Jen Sincero, you will love Get Your Sh*t Together by Sarah Knight.

While both will get you fired up about getting down to business, they take a very different, albeit funny, approach. 

If you’re in a rut, want to break out and try something new, are tired of making excuses, or just really need a kick in the ass to do the things you already know you need to do — then buy this book now! Hell, buy them both, you’ll thank you, I promise.

Get Your Sh*t Together is a really quick read, or listen, that will help you to well, get your shit together. Sarah Knight will show you how to prioritize the things you need to do so you can do the things you want to do. 

You may have heard of Sarah Knight before, she also wrote The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck: How to Stop Spending Time You Don’t Have with People You Don’t Like Doing Things You Don’t Want to Do (A No F*cks Given Guide).

It seems oh so simple, and really there is nothing she says that you don’t already know, but she lights a fire under your ass all while making you laugh out loud.

Seriously, I cannot recommend this book enough. I do plan on writing a complete review as soon as I finish the book, which will probably be later this evening, so check back. Of course you don’t even need that, it’s awesome, trust me, and it will provide the motivation you need, right now, to do what you know you need to do. 

Advice Blogging Dumb Shit I Do Events People politics Send Jen on a Vacation Things that piss me off WTF?

Taking a Social Media Break

January 23, 2017

I’m going to be taking a social media break. Mostly from Facebook since that is where I waste most of my time. I’m doing it for many reasons, the above mentioned wasting time is a big one, but I’m also doing it because it’s not fun anymore. Social media has turned into the Mean Girls table in 7th grade and I hated it then and hate it even more now.

Taking a Social Media Break

Twitter has always been a clusterfuck of negativity, and I am sure Instagram, and Pinterest are getting filled with just as many negative memes if not outright status updates. 

For the most part I have kept my sadness and anger under control when I peruse the status updates of friends and people who update publicly. I’m not a troll and it isn’t my job to educate anyone on the ways of persuasion. I’ve simply had enough.

Stop Being Such Douchebags to Each Other!

People are upset and I appreciate and respect that, but oh my god they are also so very rude, childish and just plain mean. 

This negativity, this aggressiveness, this unpleasantness has been going on for well over a year now, but since the election it’s gotten worse. Since the inauguration, it has gotten out of hand.

“I don’t care who started it!”

Yes, I know, I sound just like my father. 

I know there are important issues that need to be discussed. I get that people are scared and want to do whatever they can to change something… The thing is, I’m not listening anymore. And I’m really tolerant! 

This past weekend I saw women tearing at each other because the appropriate response was not given with regard to the women’s march this Saturday. According to many if you didn’t go you are considered a Trump supporter. That’s quite a leap. I had no idea my lack of desire to participate in an event would lump me in with the deplorables. 

Bittersweet

Social media, especially Facebook, is my socializing. As a single mom, I don’t get out much. Spending some time on Facebook and chatting with friends has always been a welcome way to start the day and wind it down. My time on Facebook was something I looked forward to. Now, it just makes me sad or angry, lately enraged.

And I love you people, but you are being really mean to each other right now and I’m scared. I’m afraid to leave a comment, to engage with other people, because I am afraid my inability to concisely sum up an issue with a pithy comment that is regarded by the majority as correct is lacking. That I can’t say what I want to say without pissing someone, everyone off. 

It Used to be Fun

Listen, I know that social media has never been a place to discuss issues in any sort of meaningful or deep way. Social media comments are like romance novels, you will get down and dirty by page six, or the 6th comment as the case may be. But sometimes, respectful discussions did take place.

These discussions may not have changed any minds, but when respectful they were at least enlightening. Now, it’s just a race to see who can work Hitler or the Nazis into the conversation first. No one actually expects discourse, they just want to get their clever comeback in and then wait for their tribe to hit the like button so everyone knows how influential they are.

And That Pisses Me Off

I’ve tried to reason with social media to no avail so for the time being I’m removing myself from the negativity. Unfortunately, I manage social media for many businesses so I still have to show up. However, I won’t be engaging for a while and as much as possible I will automate my presence there.

That said, I will still be hanging out at my blog and with all the free time I expect will be able to visit those blogs that are actually still blogging. I hope discussion about these interesting times can be had with less snark. If you see me on Facebook – I’m playing Candy Crush or updating a client’s status. I will automate the promotion of any posts here on Facebook and other social media. 

See, I’m explaining myself!! How stupid is that?

I’m sure I will not be gone for too long, probably until TWD returns and all has been righted in the world. I just need to get away from the negativity for a while. Life is simply too short for all of the mean girl bullshit. 

I love you all and I will miss you, but you piss me off too much to stick around right now so I’m disconnecting.

politics

President Trump’s Inauguration Speech

January 20, 2017
President Trump's Inauguration Speech

Here is the video and text of President Trump’s inauguration speech:

“Chief Justice Roberts, President Carter, President Clinton, President bush, President Obama, fellow Americans, and people of the world, thank you. We the citizens of America are now joined in a great national effort to rebuild our country and restore its promise for all of our people. Together we will determine the course of America, and the world, for many, many years to come. We will face challenges. We will confront hardships, but we will get the job done. Every four years, we gather on these steps to carry out the orderly and peaceful transfer of power, and we are grateful to President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama for their gracious aid throughout this transition. They have been magnificent. Thank you.

Today’s ceremony, however, has very special meaning, because today we are not merely transferring power from one administration to another, or from one party to another, but we are transferring power from Washington, D.C., and giving it back to you, the people. For too long, a small group in our nation’s capitol has reaped the rewards of government while the people have borne the cost. Washington flourished, but the people did not share in its wealth. Politicians prospered, but the jobs left, and the factories closed. The establishment protected itself, but not the citizens of our country. Their victories have not been your victories. Their triumphs have not been your triumphs, and while they celebrated in our nation’s capitol, there was little to celebrate for struggling families all across our land.

That all changed starting right here and right now, because this moment is your moment. It belongs to you. It belongs to everyone gathered here today, and everyone watching, all across America. This is your day. This is your celebration, and this, the United States of America, is your country.

What truly matters is not which party controls our government, but whether our government is controlled by the people. January 20th, 2017 will be remembered as the day the people became the rulers of this nation again. The forgotten men and women of our country will be forgotten no longer. Everyone is listening to you now. You came by the tens of millions to become part of a historic movement, the likes of which the world has never seen before.

At the center of this movement is a crucial conviction, that a nation exists to serve its citizens. Americans want great schools for their children, safe neighborhoods for their families, and good jobs for themselves. These are just and reasonable demands of righteous people and a righteous public, but for too many of our citizens a different reality exists. Mothers and children trapped in poverty in our inner cities, rusted out factories scattered like tombstones across the landscape of our nation, an education system flush with cash, but which leaves our young and beautiful students deprived of all knowledge, and the crime, and the gangs, and the drugs that have stolen too many lives and robbed our country of so much unrealized potential. This American carnage stops right here and stops right now.

We are one nation, and their pain is our pain. Their dreams are our dreams, and their success will be our success. We share one heart, one home, and one glorious destiny. The oath of office I take today is an oath of allegiance to all Americans. For many decades, we’ve enriched foreign industry at the expense of American industry, subsidized the armies of other countries, while allowing for the very sad depletion of our military. We’ve defended other nations’ borders while refusing to defend our own. And spent trillions and trillions of dollars overseas while America’s infrastructure has fallen into disrepair and decay. We’ve made other countries rich while the wealth, strength and confidence of our country has dissipated over the horizon. One by one, the factories shuddered and left our shores, with not even a thought about the millions and millions of American workers that were left behind. The wealth of our middle class has been ripped from their homes and then redistributed all across the world, but that is the past, and now we are looking only to the future.

We are assembled here today issuing a new decree to be heard in every city, in every foreign capital, and in every hall of power, from this day forward, a new vision will govern our land, from this day forward, it’s going to be only America first. America first. Every decision on trade, on taxes, on immigration, on foreign affairs will be made to benefit American workers and American families. We must protect our borders from the ravages of other countries making our products, stealing our companies, and destroying our jobs. Protection will lead to great prosperity and strength. I will fight for you with every breath in my body, and I will never, ever let you down. America will start winning again, winning like never before.We will bring back our jobs. We will bring back our borders.

We will bring back our wealth, and we will bring back our dreams. We will build new roads and highways and bridges and airports and tunnels, and railways, all across our wonderful nation. We will get our people off of welfare and back to work, rebuilding our country with American hands and American labor. We will follow two simple rules — buy American, and hire American.

We will seek friendship and goodwill with the nations of the world, but we do so with the understanding that it is the right of all nations to put their own interests first. We do not seek to impose our way of life on anyone, but rather to let it shine as an example, we will shine for everyone to follow. We will reinforce old alliances and form new ones, and you night the civilized world against radical islamic terrorism, which we will eradicate completely from the face of the Earth. At the bedrock of our politics will be a total allegiance to the United States of America, and through our loyalty to our country, we will rediscover our loyalty to each other. When you open your heart to patriotism, there is no room for prejudice.

The bible tells us, how good and pleasant it is when god’s people live together in unity. We must speak our minds openly, debate our disagreements honestly, but always pursue solidarity. When America is united, America is totally unstoppable. There should be no fear. We are protected, and we will always be protected. We will be protected by the great men and women of our military and law enforcement. And most importantly, we will be protected by god.

Finally, we must think big and dream even bigger. In America, we understand that a nation is only living as long as it is striving. We will no longer accept politicians who are all talk and no action, constantly complaining but never doing anything about it.The time for empty talk is over. Now arrives the hour of action. Do not allow anyone to tell you that it cannot be done. No challenge can match the heart and fight and spirit of America.

We will not fail. Our country will thrive and prosper again. We stand at the birth of a new millennium, ready to unlock the mysteries of space, to free the Earth from the miseries of disease, and to harness the industries and technologies of tomorrow. New national pride will stir our souls, lift our sights, and heal our divisions. It’s time to remember that old wisdom our soldiers will never forget, that whether we are black, or brown, or white, we all bleed the same red blood of patriots. We all enjoy the same glorious freedoms, and we all salute the same great American flag.

And whether a child is born in the urban sprawl of Detroit or the windswept plains of Nebraska, they look up at the same night sky, they fill their heart with the same dreams, and they are infused with the breath of life by the same almighty creator. So to all Americans, in every city near and far, small and large, from mountain to mountain, from ocean to ocean, hear these words. You will never be ignored again. Your voice, your hopes, and your dreams will define our American destiny, and your courage and goodness and love will forever guide us along the way.

Together, we will make America strong again. We will make America wealthy again. We will make America proud when it. We will make America safe again, and yes, together we will make America great again. Thank you. God bless you. And god bless America. Thank you.”

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Live Blogging Inauguration Day

January 20, 2017
Live Blogging Inauguration Day

Today I’m going to be live blogging Inauguration Day. Today we will witness the peaceful transfer of power, a pretty amazing thing that you don’t see in many western democracies. Knowing how divisive this election has been and how many rallies are planned, I suspect there might be a few blips, but I don’t expect anything horrible to happen. In fact, in just watching a few minutes of the morning news show I am encouraged at how respectful most pundits are of President Elect Trump.

Live Blogging Inauguration Day

3:30 PM CST

Barron seems to be getting the hang of this…

President Trump Melania and Barron Trump Inauguration Parade

2:42 PM CST The parade is just getting underway. One side of the street is filled with supports, the other protestors, and then there are bikers there doing whatever it is they are doing. #GodBlessAmerica! split screen of Donald Trump and Barrack Obama 12:09 PM CST Obama making a “brief” statement. (Paraphrasing) “When we started this journey we did so to change things. Change happened from the bottom up….” Split screen with Obama saying goodbye and Trump about to sign some executive orders.  And NBC totally just cut off Obama as he was speaking…. How quickly he has become old news to the media. Everyone keeps telling Trump to use multiple pens. 12:02 PM CST Meanwhile anti-Trump protesters are throwing a fit….

Former President Obama Leaves on Executive One 11:45 AM CST Barrack and Michelle Obama board Executive One. It strikes me how quickly this transfer of power takes place. Obama and Michelle are embracing President Trump and First Lady Melania as they leave.  11:37 AM CST Obama and Trump, Pence and Biden getting ready to send off Former President Obama and Former First Lade Michelle Obama as they board Marine One and go on vacation. 11:22 AM CST Rev Graham says rain is a sign of blessing from God.  11:12 AM CST Just popped by social media to see people complaining about the dress Kellyanne Conway is wearing and how there are few people of color in the audience. Um, the last several weeks we saw some very high profile and popular people of color receive death threats for meeting with Donald Trump, what do they expect? I mean seriously, the campaign to vilify anyone who met with Trump, not necessarily supported him but just met with him, especially people of color was incredibly successful. Want it both ways much?

11:03 AM CST It’s beginning to rain as President Trump tells the audience how the power is going back to the people of the United States. “Politicians have prospered but not the people of our country….” “What truly matters is not which party controls our government but how they serve their citizens (I’m paraphrasing at this point, will update when the speech is published). 11:02 AM CST  President Trump thanks past presidents and addresses the nation. “We will face challenges, we will confront hardships….”  Click here for the video and text of President Trump’s inauguration speechDonald Trump taks Oath of Office 11:00 AM CST President Trump has just taken the oath of the presidency. Former president Obama is shaking his hand and smiling. 21 gun salute and Hail to the Chief. Mike Pence take oath of office, Shit eating grin on Paul Ryan as Pence takes Oath of Office 10:53 AM CST Clarence Thomas is administering the oath to Mike Pence. Ryan has a shit eating grin on his face. 10:51 AM CST Stopped by social media to see those who promised not to watch the inauguration are, indeed, watching it. They are not happy about it, but can’t help but watch. 10:49 AM CST Chuck Schumer is talking about the peaceful transfer of power and how we are a forward looking country.  10:45 AM CST Missouri State Choir is singing. Split screen with other view on Trump looking rather Trump-ish. The music seems to be softening his demeanor. The crowd looks pretty big, don’t even notice all the democrat elected officials who are missing.  10:43 AM CST Trump will take the oath using the same bible that Lincoln used and Pence will take the oath using the bible Reagan used. 10:40 AM CST  Panning the crowd – most people have their heads bowed in prayer, a few not so much and aggressively glaring at the cameras.  10:37 AM CST Cardinal Timothy Dolan, I love him, is giving invocation. Give us your wisdom, we’re mere mortals and none of us is perfect….. 10:17AM CST  Hurrying back from my walk at the Mall of America and listening to the festivities on the radio as they start introducing President Obama, Michelle, Melania, and Mike Pence’s wife whose name escapes me. What is that clicking? Is that Melania’s heals clicking? Don’t know, it’s the radio. 9:55 AM CST  I’m getting a barrage of text messages telling me how beautiful Ivanka and Melania look, as well as some updates about some rather petty status updates on social media.  8:55 AM CST Heading out to do my walk, will be back in an hour or so. Hopefully nothing bigly happens. 8:42 AM CST Trump and Melania arrive at the Whitehouse and are greeted by President Obama and First Lady Michelle. Everyone is smiles, joking, Melania has a gift for Michelle from Tiffany’s. Obama tells Trump he will get used to the protocol and to not sweat it. 8:31 AM CST  Nicole Wallace calls Trump the originator of the birther movement. 8:15 AM CST Tom Brokaw is doing a montage of past presidents and the scandals that plagued them. Kinda ironic, I guess. Obama’s scandal is Benghazi – interesting. 8:08 AM CST Today Show is talking about who will be in attendance and what a thrill it is to be there. Barely mention the 65 Democrats who are boycotting the event.

Dumb Shit I Do Events How Did We Survive? People politics Things that piss me off WTF?

It’s the End of the World as We Know It

January 18, 2017
it's the end of the world as we know it

If you’re like a good chunk of the US population, and probably a large percentage of the rest of the world, you probably think that come Friday, it’s the end of the world as we know it.

Or maybe it will be the end of the world? Who knows, maybe shortly after Donald Trump is sworn in as the 45th president of the United States, he’ll make a grab for the football and set off the nukes. 

Unless you’re living under a rock you can’t help but notice that people are losing their shit about the inauguration. Joe Biden is worried about the fracture of the “liberal world order” due to Putin, Glen Beck has seen the light and is now holding hands with Samantha Bee, Marc Lamont Hill is saying some of the most foul things and still no one is really covering it – let alone outraged by it (so I guess in that regard nothing has changed), and some dude actually lit himself on fire in protest of Trump

What the ever loving f*ck?

And it’s only Wednesday. I would imagine things are just getting started with regard to crazy and overly dramatic.

I don’t know if it’s the end of the world as we know it. It probably is. I mean, isn’t it always? Something comes along and changes the trajectory of things – whatever they may be – and things change accordingly. The same could have been said if Hillary was the person being sworn in on Friday. Things would be different. Though, probably not as different as they are with Trump win. 

Of course, that’s also why he won. 

But what about the Russians?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they hacked us, and we are rightly outraged and are doing everything possible to make sure it doesn’t happen again, but there has been no evidence that anything they did actually changed the outcome of the election. So…..

I’m sorry, I got distracted by the auto arguments.

People wanted change, that’s why Trump won the election. Now, it might not be the change you wanted, but that’s why we have elections. We don’t let just one person, or one group, choose who the next president will be. Sorry, Rosie, not even you get to choose for all of us

My Facebook feed is filled with people so anxious about the peaceful change of power that they literally have “taken to bed”. 

I would love to take to bed, but I have to work. I’m super thrilled however, that we live in such a wealthy nation that people have that option. I mean think about it… we have so much wealth in this nation that someone can “take to bed” for a day or more because they are simply upset about who won the presidency. They either don’t have any responsibility, or they are so well off that they have others to pick up the slack while they “take to bed”. 

What isn’t there to love about that? What a wonderful country we have that we have so much flexibility. Talk about first world problems.

Seriously, I am getting away from myself.

And I don’t even like Trump!

The thing is, I’ve seen this all before. That’s one of the great things about hitting the mid century mark, there’s not much you haven’t seen. I came of age during the Reagan years and I remember everyone freaking out that he was going to accidentally nuke Russia or some other unfortunate country. It didn’t happen then and it isn’t likely to now.

Will he make changes?

Yeah, duh. That’s why he’s getting sworn in and Hillary is not. I said that already, I guess.

He’s probably going to make a lot of changes, and all of them will be attributed to his sense of greed and desire for power, same goes for all the republicans. It’s going to be a long 4 years, possibly 8. 

To be continued….