First off, this review is not for die hard comic book fans, DC Comic movie fans, or even Marvel movie fans. This The Batman review is for regular people who do not participate in cosplay, stand in line for any of the above movies – including Star Trek – this review is for those of you who are being dragged to this movie by a loved one or someone you hope becomes a loved one and want to know what to expect.
I saw The Batman with my daughter yesterday. It was the first time we had been to a movie since everything shut down a couple of years ago. No, no it was not, we saw House of Gucci a few months or a year ago – no idea anymore and I’m not going to look it up. I enjoyed that movie, Lady Gaga was great and she should have/should win something.
My daughter wanted to see The Batman, even though she has shown absolutely no interested in any other comic book movies because I have tried to drag her to see the movies I get comped for reviews (by the way, I was not comped this movie, we went to a matinee on a Tuesday so it was a total of $10 for both of us!! Popcorn and pop was only another $15!!). She said she wanted to see this one because “Robert Pattinson is funny”.
Maybe he is, but he was not in The Batman.
The Batman is the 438th movie version since 1966 with Adam West and Burt Ward. Actually, this is not the first Batman film, there were two others that were serialized in the 40s but no one cares about those. Starting in the 80s they started churning out Batman movies changing actors every other movie.
Apparently these movies make a boat load of money for all involved because why else would they keep making the same damn movie over and over and over?
The Batman is darker, more rainy and he has louder boots than all the other movies. In the 1966 movie with Adam West you never heard his boots or Robin’s boots as they walked across the floor or walked up and down a building. They were quiet because they could sneak up on the bad guys that way.
Not Robert Pattinson’s Batman. He’s got these boots that sounds like the elephant walking in the opening sequence in the Lion King (the original animated version, not the remake which sucked compared to the original and I really hope they stop remaking perfectly good animated movies). If you’re seeing this movie in a theater with surround sound you’ll feel him walking too.
Catwoman doesn’t make any noise when she walks around, which makes sense since cats are pretty quiet.
I’m not going to give away any spoilers because there are none to give away. If you have seen any of the previous 437 Batman movies you know exactly what is going to happen in this movie. Even if you have not seen any of the Batman movies, and have never read the comic books or even knew of the existence of Batman the super hero, you’d still know exactly what is going to happen in this movie.
Which is good because the movie is really dark and it was hard to see what was happening half the time.
The Batman is a long movie. It clocks in at 3 hours, but it feels more like 17 weeks or a Minnesota winter. It’s cold, dark, and just when you think it’s going to wrap up it snows a few feet and you have to start the countdown all over again.
I checked my watch for the first time at 9 minutes in. I checked another 29 times and I was still only 15 minutes into it. I got up to go to the bathroom 3 times and never used the bathroom, I just needed to stretch my legs and get out into the light and get away from the loud boots.
There are a lot of stories going on in this version of Batman, I’m not sure all or any got wrapped up, but it doesn’t matter.
The actors were all fine. I didn’t think Pattinson and Zoe Kravitz had much chemistry, but that’s ok. Paul Dano played The Riddler and he was excellent. Colin Ferrel played Penguin and was unrecognizable.
If I were into this kind of movie I’d probably like The Batman, though to be fair they could’ve told this particular story in an hour and 15 minutes, and I wish they had.
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