We had a bad night, or early morning I suppose. My daughter fell out of bed at 1am. This is the second time in recent memory that she has fallen out of bed. I woke immediately and ran to her room where she was sitting on the floor crying. I swear the horse pushed her out of bed.
Me: “What’s wrong, did you bump your head?”
Her: “No, I want to see, I can’t see!”
Me trying to find something wrong with her anywhere, no bumps, no cuts, nothing: “Why don’t you open your eyes?”
Her: “It’s too bright.”
She continues to whimper and whine. I realize I had only been sleeping for 18 minutes but feel as if I was in a deep sleep. I ask her if she wants to come into my room but she crawls back on to her own bed.
Where she continues to whimper and whine for what seems like a really long time. I get up and go back into her room and ask her again to please come into my room so she can calm down and I can get some sleep.
She crawls into bed with me and slowly calms down. My daughter has a habit of sleeping against the grain. Where her head should be she puts her feet, she rarely sleeps inside the covers.
At 3am I awoke because she had kicked me in the face, the side that is already swollen and painful from the recent trip to the endodontist. It hurt so much I actually cried.
And then I did something I hadn’t done in years. I blamed everything on being divorced. If I wasn’t divorced, my ex would be here to help with this situation, if I hadn’t divorced, ex would insist she stay in her room and figure it out, if I hadn’t divorced I would have gone to sleep long before midnight. And many more which I can’t remember but seemed important at the time. I find it interesting that physical pain can bring emotions to the surface I wasn’t aware I was having. I don’t plan to run out and get married but there is something really nice about having someone who loves you take care of you when you don’t feel good.