This has been such a horrible week. The death of Charlie Kirk at the hands of a you man who thought he – Charlie – was a hateful fascist has been nearly too much to bear. Charlie Kirk was assassinated during one of his college campus talks – he spent his days going from college campus to college campus and setting up a tent where students could ask him questions and he would answer them. His goal was to have a discussion and for the most part, the kids loved it. He was honest, direct, and respectful. Even with the kids who did not like him or his politics, he was respectful and would often be able to persuade them to his point of view.

He was skilled and having a dialog, something many of us have abandoned due to the divisiveness our country has embraced.

The killer climbed atop a building and pulled the trigger. One bullet was all it took and Charlie’s life was ended leaving behind a wife and two young children.

His death has hit me hard. I liked Charlie. I didn’t always agree with him, but more times than not his beliefs and values aligned with me. He made me rethink abortion or see it in ways I hadn’t considered. I enjoyed watching him talk to the kids, who weren’t much younger than he was, and he seemed to thoroughly enjoy engaging with them. He was devout and had principles he stuck to. We don’t see that very often anymore.

Our world is worse off for having lost him.

Seeing the disgusting videos and posts from people cheering for his death is so disheartening. How have we become so callous, so cold? Where is our humanity? The same people gleefully cheering for his death are probably the same people who put those silly Everyone is Welcome signs in their yards.

Many have lost their jobs due to their posts. I’m not sure how I feel about that, but I’m not going to lose any sleep over it.

As of this morning it was announced that the killer had been apprehended. I’m not going to write his name for fear of glorifying him to other would be assassins who have lost their humanity. Since the murder took place in Utah, the death penalty is on the table.

I don’t know where I stand on his punishment – life or the death penalty – but I want to know why he took it upon himself to end Charlie Kirk’s life.

I want an answer, not some silly “I don’t know.” And then I want to know exactly how he got radicalized. I want to know how much time he spent online in chat rooms or gaming or wherever it was that he discussed this stuff. I want the conversations published so people see what depravity goes on in these spaces. And then I want them shut down. It’s time the owners of these spaces are held to account.

I want him brought to every middle school, high school and college orientation where he will give a presentation at the assembly and explain to the kids how he got so screwed up that he made the decision to take another man’s life. I want him to tell those kids not to be like him. I want him to tell them that all life has meaning – just as Charlie did every day.

I want him paraded around like those drunk drivers they used to bring to our school, or the smokers with stomas, to scare the shit out of us about going down the wrong path. I want him to be a cautionary tale. I don’t want him forgotten in some jail cell, I want him out there every day groveling for forgiveness – something Charlie probably would have offered him.

I am angry. I am sad. I am so scared for what is happening to society. When a man who wanted nothing more than to have a dialog with kids about some big topics gets gunned down for what has been deemed “hateful rhetoric” we’re living in dark times. Words are not violence and we have to stop telling kids they are. Violence is violence, but words are to be debated. Persuasion, not violence. And Charlie was persuasive.