Oh, Canada

I love Canadians. I know absolutely nothing about their politics or their history which is probably why I love them so much, I wasn’t forced to learn all about them in middle school. I don’t love the Germans, or the Prussians, or any of the other European countries because their borders and names kept changing. Who can keep all that straight?

I’d be hard pressed to name the locations of the different provinces and territories. If they called them states I might have an easier time. It’s not as if there are that many of them. From what I can see on the map there are only 12 and their borders are pretty well laid out on a grid rather than the mess of borders we have down here. I could name all of them, though I would probably get their location wrong, except for Ontario, which I can see from my backyard. I could probably place British Columbia too. The ‘Columbia” part of it would be a big hint for me since I know the Columbia river is on that side of the continent. However, the ‘British’ part would make me think it was on the other side. I’d have a 50/50 chance though, eh?

I love Canada because I can speak their language, not the French part but the English part. I can use the word “eh?” just like they do. It’s really very easy. Just make every statement a question by throwing it in at the end. It’s confusing to Americans because we aren’t used to people questioning everything we say or do but since we don’t listen to other nations all that well, it’d be easy to ignore.

Who doesn’t love Canadian bacon?  Nobody, that’s who. Canadian bacon doesn’t have the same kind of following that regular bacon has, they aren’t making shoes out of it yet, but they should. Canadian bacon is the perfect size and shape for English muffins and bagels. It isn’t as greasy as American bacon and it doesn’t have to be cooked since it has already been cured. American bacon has to be broken into pieces that fit on a sandwich, Canadian bacon is already sandwich sized. Why Canadian bacon hasn’t caught on I will never know.

I suspect it has something to do with all things Canadian. Their currency is fucked up. Their coins are normal enough but their paper money is all rainbow colored and has pictures of the Queen of England on it. Yes, I know they have pictures of Prime Ministers on them too but I can’t identify any of them.

Canadian coins are just like ours except they aren’t worth as much, or they are worth more, I can’t remember. I do know that vending machines will not take them down here so I have an ashtray full of them in my car. The Canadians are sneaky too. They design their coins to be shaped just like ours so there are probably a lot of blind people selling pencils who have nothing but Canadian coins.

The Canadians give their coins cute little names like Loonie and Toonie. No one will accept them here but how cute is that? I was surprised to learn, during my extensive research of Canada, that the Loonie and Toonie do not have  pictures of Bugs Bunny and Wile E. Coyote on them.

Some of my favorite bloggers are from Canada.

Buggering Crap Monkeys, the mullet just cracks me up.

No Name Dufus, Go and give Dufus some love, he starts radiation treatment today.

Schmutzie, Schmutzie likes bacon, what can I say.

Mom’s Cafe,  I get all my cooking info here. She likes bacon as well, something called peameal bacon. I have no idea.

Mom to the Power of Three, She’s all over the place on her blog, something I can totally relate to. However this mom talks about interesting topics, topics that have relevance, unlike me, and she likes bacon too.

We Work For Cheese, Nicky and Mike crack me up. They epitomize Canadians in my book. Who else can marry cheese to current events and do it so well. Nicky and Mike remind me of Wisconsinites with thier constant talk about beer, cheese and sex, they’d fit right in Wisconsin.

Blue Collar Bliss, Katie has been dealing with the chicken pox lately, she hasn’t posted much lately which is perfect because it gives you time to catch up on her older posts. I didn’t notice anything about bacon.

Simply Stacie, If you want to know about giveaways this is the place to find out about them. Right now Stacie is having a giveaway for Happy Goat Soap, the best soap in the world. Go and register to win it.

I’d Rather be Blogging, who wouldn’t be? Anyone who has Gumby and Pokey on their keyring has got to be funny.  Nothing about bacon.

There is just something laid back and fun loving about the Canadian. They gave us Rick Moranis, Alex Trebek, Michael J. Fox, Jim Carrey, Dan Akroyd, Dave Thomas, Mike Myers, Pamela Anderson, Leslie Nielsen, The Kids in the Hall, Celine Dion (they should have kept her), and Phil Hartman. Seems to me all of them live in the US now.

The Canadians in general just don’t take themselves very seriously. In addition to Celine Dion and Alannis Morrisette, who do take themselves very seriously, there are the Bare Naked Ladies. Everytime one of their songs comes on the radio, except for their new one which is kind of a downer, I can’t help but laugh. Their songs are just plain fun. They managed to put song after song out during the 90s without any angst. That takes talent.  There is something mellow about being Canadian, maybe it’s just a state of mind, I don’t know. But I do know if you want to be just like the Canadians you can start with Canadian breath.  It probably smells like bacon.

canadian breath

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