Spring is finally here and I am grateful, which makes this mood especially annoying.
Because nothing is actually wrong.
Everything is… fine. Good, even. I’m doing the things I said I wanted to do. I write for a living. I work from home. I have flexibility. My relationships are clear and drama-free, which, if you’ve lived a little, you know is basically winning the lottery.
I am satisfied. I am happy.
And yet.
I feel stuck.
Which is confusing, because I don’t even know where I’m trying to go anymore. It’s hard to feel lost when you can’t identify the destination.
Upon reflection (and I have done a lot of that lately, possibly too much), I realized I am doing all the things I once worked toward. This was the plan. I just didn’t factor in the part where you arrive and think, “Now what?”
There are still things I want to do. Big things. Small things. Random things that pop into your head while you’re rinsing a coffee mug and suddenly you’re planning a cross-country RV trip like you’re in a retirement commercial.
I would love to do that, by the way. Just get in an RV and go wherever I feel like going.
But I don’t want to do it alone.
I want someone to split the bad decisions with. Someone to argue over directions with even though we both have GPS. Someone to laugh with when we inevitably end up at a campground that looked a lot better online.
What’s the point of making memories if you don’t have anyone to remember them with?
(And yes, I know – “you’ll remember them.” That’s not the same. I can barely remember why I walked into the kitchen half the time.)
Also, I have animals. A full staff. They rely on me for food, emotional support, and opening doors they could absolutely learn to open themselves if they applied even a little effort.
So here I am. Slightly restless. Slightly unmotivated. Slightly annoyed that I’m feeling this way when, on paper, everything looks exactly how it’s supposed to.
Maybe I just need a nap.
Maybe this is just a mood that will pass like all the others.
Or maybe it’s time to get back on the dating apps and really commit to it this time, which feels less like a solution and more like a threat.
Ugh.
In the meantime, I’ll do what I always do – show up, write something, and wait for the feeling to catch up.
So tell me – what do you do when everything is fine and you still feel off?
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