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Truth in Dating

February 13, 2009
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As I sit here on the eve of Valentines Day, that be all and end all to hopeless romantics, I am watching romantic tear jerkers on TV. So far I have cried to the ending of Armageddon and now I am watching Love Actually. I will cry at the end of this movie when they show the last scene at Heathrow airport. The one where all the lovers, family and friends are greeting each other at the arrivals gate. If you haven’t seen the movie and you want a good happy cry then watch the last 15 minutes of this movie.

I am actually considering watching Nights In Rodanthe.

I have no plans to celebrate Valentines Day. Not that I am against the fake holiday that was made only to sell more flowers and schmaltzy cards, I’m not. I just happen to be single at the moment and find celebrating the holiday by myself to be something akin to masturbation. Not that that is a bad thing, quite the contrary its a wonderful thing but should be done in private and not blogged about.

I’d like to fall in love again but I absolutely hate dating and it seems if you want to fall in love you have to date just a bit.

The problem with dating is that it is all bullshit. Neither party is telling the truth about themselves. When I go on a date I put on make-up, I fix my hair, I wear nice clothes that I would never wear in the real world because they are impractical and uncomfortable. I try to say witting things about myself. When asked what I do I say I am self employed, a writer, which sounds so much better than unemployed blogger who exploits herself for about 48 cents a day. If asked I would lie about my weight and height. I don’t lie about my shoe size but only because I have petite little feet which happen to be perfect. Unfortunately I get really creeped out by people who think that is a really good feature to have.

Most men I have either married or dated have lied about their lives too. My first ex lied about the women he slept with before he met me, while we were dating, married and ever since. Actually he doesn’t lie about them any more but it’s a tad late for honesty in that regard. I have dated men who lied about their jobs, how much they made, how many children they have and their sexuality. Yes I dated a guy who switched sides when he met me. Prior to meeting me he preferred men. Not that there is anything wrong with that but it was a little disconcerting for me and I ended it before it could go any further.

As the dating progresses the lies just keep building. He lies about how many times he talks to his mother each day and I avoid telling him that I refuse to even attempt to balance my checkbook. By then however intimacy has occurred and both are too deep into it so when the truth does come out about these things, which it inevitably will, it’s usually too late and since both parties lied, both are forgiven. Marriage follows and then divorce. At least that is my track record.

I don’t want to date anymore. I still want to be part of a couple but I don’t want to go through all the lies again. I want to have the prospective future ex husbands of mine make themselves at home on my couch. I don’t much care if they hog the remote, I don’t even think I care if they leave the toilet seat up. It has been years since I have taken a midnight dip so it might be that I have just forgotten what an eye opening experience that can be but I think I could let that slide.

I want to be myself around him. I want to walk around without make-up on if I feel like it. I want to say what is on my mind without worrying that I will sound either too bossy, too stupid, or too silly. And If I can’t let one rip without apologizing and blushing then there is no room for that man in my life.

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  • Reply ettarose February 13, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    Jen honey, I can’t say I blame you one bit. One day you will meet Mr right there is no doubt in my mind. In the meantime love yourself all you want (wink wink) and fart to your heart’s content!

  • Reply SpeakDog February 14, 2009 at 12:49 am

    I have to say that I have totally been where you are, and I can honestly say that I am so glad that I don’t have to ever date again. My spouse knows that if anything ever happens to him, I will become a “dog lady”, and I don’t care how old I am at the time. He is my 2nd and last husband.

    And, as an aside… “I dated a guy who switched sides when he met me.”

    That’s quite an accomplishment to get a man who likes men to switch to the straight side. Means you are one snappy tomato. The self-esteem problems arise when YOU cause him to switch to the other side! 🙂 Ha!

    Happy Valentine’s Day!

  • Reply Lola February 14, 2009 at 2:12 am

    Why not watch a something like “When Harry Met Sally” or “Sleepless In Seattle” or “Casablanca”? A romantic movie that is hopeful.

  • Reply Stephanie February 14, 2009 at 2:13 am

    Dating sucks…. That might be why my DH and I dated on-line where we met (no not on a dating site) and talked on the phone tons before we met. By the time we met we knew each other pretty well so it wasn’t even that big of a deal….
    Maybe that is an option for you?

  • Reply Mulled Vine February 14, 2009 at 6:51 am

    I’m with Lola on the movie front. And not all men are lying bastards and Mr Right is out there for you, just as you are.

  • Reply JD at I Do Things February 14, 2009 at 8:10 am

    I loved “Love Actually,” but I saw parts of “Nights in Rodanthe” on a plane, and it looked sad. One of my favorite romantic “criers” is “Cousins.” Very satisfying.

    I’m sorry you’re feeling down about dating and meeting someone. After a bad breakup I had totally given up and then when I least expected it . . . well, that’s how it happens sometimes.

    ANYway, we’re going to find you someone on, right?

  • Reply Lin February 14, 2009 at 9:35 am

    I cannot imagine the dating field these days–it seems more stressful than anything. Does anyone tell the truth anymore? It just seems like games and silliness. My mom used to say “you’ll find someone when your not looking”. I wonder if there is truth to that?

    Love Actually is one of my very favorite movies because, like you, it makes me cry happy tears. I cry when Emma Thompson gets the CD for Christmas and goes to be alone in her room. I cry for the couple who can’t seem to get together. I cry with all the sweetness at the end. It’s just a feel good movie.

    I wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day. I don’t think today is just for lovers–it is about loving in general–kids, parents, pets, friends, etc. Give them all a big squeeze! 🙂

  • Reply Da Old Man February 14, 2009 at 11:56 am

    It becomes true love when you know you can rip one with no apologies.

    Happy Valentine’s Day.

  • Reply Jude February 14, 2009 at 12:41 pm

    Your post makes perfect sense to me and I actually found love when I least expecting it, right before I turned 50, but I hope you don’t have to wait that long. Dating does suck and I’ve been waiting 6 years for Bill to change, but he’s still the same. I’ve never been bothered by Valentine’s Day with or without anyone in my life it’s always been just another day, but I hope there will be some happiness for you today.

  • Reply Thinkinfyou February 14, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    Sometimes I think it’s better to be by yourself on VDay…there’s much less disappointment that way!

    I hope you have a good one!!

  • Reply ReformingGeek February 14, 2009 at 4:00 pm

    I think I will crawl into a hole if something happens to Hubby. I don’t think I would have the nerve to date.

    I like your comment about passing gas. That is so true!

  • Reply Quirkyloon February 14, 2009 at 6:35 pm

    I would like to think that if something happened to the hubs I’d be perfectly okay being alone.

    I’m sure that’s easier said than done. But I would be much more available for my Mommy Night Outs!

    I love em! hee hee The hubs stays home with the kidlets while I go out and have fun, fun, fun!

    Works for me!

    Happy V-day! I hope you are at least enjoying those movies.

  • Reply Chris Casey February 15, 2009 at 8:08 am

    I was dancing with my wife in the kitchen when someone farted, and we started laughing.

    I didn’t meet my wife until I was 34, and after I endured horrific heartbreak. I feel your pain, and sympathize with you.

  • Reply HalfCrazy February 15, 2009 at 9:46 am

    Wow, I remember that Love Actually scene. My favorite story would be the President and the… was that the secretary? Anyway, I love their story the best! Haven’t watched Nights in Rodanthe but you should seriously PS I Love you. Another tear jerker.

    Hahaha, true, what you said about dating. It’s all about bullshit and pretending. What’s better is getting to know each other first as friends before going to the next level. I hate having to wear something fancy and act very demure just to impress the guy and yeah, that IS bullshit too LOL. I don’t fake now, though!

    Much Love,

    PS Really enjoyed your blog!

  • Reply dizzblnd February 15, 2009 at 2:18 pm

    Someone is out there for you. Until then stock up on batteries and invest in a good massaging shower head

  • Reply Faith February 16, 2009 at 1:38 am

    Hi Jen!
    I know how you feel!!! With my husband gone a year on Feb 22., this Valtine’s day seemd doomed! But God/Spirit put 2 friends on my path that filled my V day with new memories.

    I haven’t found a companion yet, but one will come. Hang in there. All good things do take time.

    I am starting up my blog and writing about all the wonderful and crazy things that have happened. I hope you will stop back over.

    I will keep you in my prayers!!!!

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