Well, you will all be happy to know that you are safe on the road for another two weeks.

Son took his drivers license test again and has to try again in two weeks. Third times a charm right?

This time he aced the parking bits but turned the wrong way on a one way road and that is an automatic fail. He knew the moment he did it that he messed up and didn’t even try to make excuses for it. He is taking all of this in stride and I am rather pleased to see that he is handling this so well. I would have hidden in my room until I had the license in my hot little hands. Oh, wait, that’s exactly what I did since I too failed the test the first time around.

I don’t understand the drivers test. It’s on a closed course with no pedestrians or other drivers. What exactly does this test measure? My kid couldn’t tell the road was a one way because there were no parked cars or traffic traveling on the road. I’m pretty sure if there were parked cars facing the wrong way or traffic coming at him he might not have turned the wrong way on it. I know, I know, the “one way” was clearly marked by a road sign but really who looks at those? I don’t. Unless its an octagonal sign that happens to be fire engine red I really don’t pay much attention.

I’m not concerned that he drove down an empty street going the wrong way. That doesn’t tell me that he can or cannot drive a car and think on his toes. If they want to really test the metal of these kids then they need to construct a course that is more like the real world.

Throw in a few dozen blue haired ladies in vehicles that are too big for them to see above the dashboard. Make sure they are wearing hats and are not driving faster than 5 miles per hour. They must speed up if someone tries to pass them and slow down for no reason at all.

Put some teenage girls in some SUVs talking on the phone and applying mascara. They could just as easily blindfold these girls and let them drive the course.

Add a few kids who are congregating on a corner with snowballs under their coats waiting for the next unsuspecting driver to go by. Make sure they pummel the test takers car with snow and ice so the driver can’t see out of the car.

Put some toddlers on the street chasing a ball and whose parents are too busy talking on the phone to really pay attention to them out there.

Make sure there is at least one dog who has gotten away from his master with leash trailing behind him and master half a block away yelling obscenities at him. If they want to make it look like my block then make sure a distraught little girl is crying in the middle of the street asking if her beloved Stanley is going DIE.

Make sure there are at least four skate boarders per block trying to grind on the curbs of the street. Have them dressed in the most ridiculous outfits they can find and make sure there pants are cinched up below their asses. They must be wearing the brightest pink shoes available.

Riddle the streets with potholes and buckling pavement because that’s what they are like in the real world. At least in Minneapolis/St. Paul. To make it really authentic don’t plow the roads after 8 inches of snow and forget about throwing down any salt. To top it off throw in a construction crew with a truck that parks in the middle of the road and have all the construction workers sitting on the boulevard eating lunch. It doesn’t matter what time of day, they are always eating lunch. Extra credit for someone leaning on the shovel.

The test taker must make sure that the radio is blaring the most obnoxious rap music known to man and the bass must be turned up as high as it goes. There should be at least three other teens in the car all talking loudly and at least one person must have their feet hanging out the window.

This is the course I want to have my son test on. If he can make it through this course without crashing my car or hitting a pedestrian than he should pass immediately. Extra points can be earned by taking out a skate boarder or two.

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