Every time I have to interact with technology I feel my age. I’m 57 and I grew up with technology. I was the one who could set the clock on the VCR and the microwave. I was the first of any of my peers to get online and learn HTML. I love the newest technology and I’m not afraid to learn it, but I hate with a white hot passion when I have to talk to an automated system.
I just spent 45 minutes trying to talk to a human at Comcast. I tried to do what I wanted to do online, as it suggested it I do, but apparently they only let you upgrade online, not downgrade – I wonder why that might be? So, I was instructed to call.
I called and the automated system insisted on sending me a text message so I could complete my call online. I must have screamed REPRESENTATIVE!!!!! because the dog ran out of my office with her tail tucked between her legs.
GRRRRRRRRRRRR
Seriously, my blood pressure went up 20 points just trying to get a representative on the line.
Here’s the thing, I don’t care if I talk to a human, if the robot could solve my problem I’d be fine with the automated system. It just never seems to be able to solve the issue.
Eventually I got a hold of a human, and she was helpful*, but tried to upsell me on not only more channels I don’t watch – why the fuck can’t I get rid of all the sports channels? I don’t want them, I don’t watch them, I will never watch them, and I hate scrolling through them. Give me a few cooking channels and Christmas murder mystery channels instead of the sports. Give the sports to someone else, I don’t want them.
Also, I do not want to move my mobile service to my cable provider. I am a firm believer in keeping my eggs in different baskets, stop trying to get my cell phone contract.
And while we’re at it, stop sending me emails following my call to find out how my experience was. It sucked, and I’d like you to know about it, but you have the monopoly on cable so you’re not going to do anything differently so I’m not going to waste my time filling out an online form. If the experience was good, and worthy of a good review you wouldn’t have to send me a damn email begging for the review.
Get off my lawn.
*according to the human if you press #2 on any automated system you will be moved through it to a human faster.
I had a similar experience with a delivery earlier this year. A package was being delivered to me at the business address. The first day, according to the tracking, they had shown up about an hour before we open. No one was there. Okay, second and third days, they claimed to have tried to deliver during a time we were actually there. The package ended up being sent back to the sender because it was supposedly undeliverable.
Okay, so a couple weeks or so later, I was expecting another package. Two packages actually. Different sender and I knew there was going to be a problem when I found out it was the same delivery service. One package was for my father’s birthday present and, at the time, his birthday was days away.
First day. I am there. Early. I make sure all the lights are on so we look open and whatever. I open up the tracking page on my computer so I can watch it. I see when it says the package will be delivered and I stand by the door at that time to watch for it. The delivery driver drives by and never stops. I check the tracking and it says that the delivery was attempted but business was closed. So, I call. Their system does everything it can to prevent you from talking to an actual person even if you demand a “REPRESENTATIVE!” End up having to hang up and try again multiple times, which gets harder because the system recognizes your number so it tries to keep you from talking to anyone. So, I search online and get some tips. Finally I reach a real person who almost speaks English. He tries to tell me that “delivery attempted but business was closed” actually means the package was missed and wasn’t on the truck. Makes no sense at all but whatever. And he assures me it will be delivered the next day. I don’t believe that at all but we will see, right?
Day two. Similar scenario. And, again, I watch the driver drive by without stopping and the tracking updates minutes later with the “business closed” thing. I am not happy. I call. This time I get to a representative faster because I know the tricks. I explained the driver is not even stopping. They apparently don’t believe that. I don’t remember the rest of what happened except I think there was another promise that it would be delivered the next day. Also, same day, my cousin had sent a package to my father for his birthday using, ugh, the same delivery service. His business is next door to mine and has a big “OPEN” sign lit up in the window. That package was also not delivered because the “business was closed.”
Next day. Finally, all the packages were delivered. Driver claimed the door is usually locked when he tries to deliver. How would you know the door is locked if you don’t even stop? Heck, one time I even had the door wide open. Another time I was standing at the freakin’ door. A glass door! But, whatever.
So, when I order stuff, if there’s an option, I choose something other than this delivery service. If there is no other option, you cross your fingers and hope for the best.