Not because I want to be pregnant again.
Not because I want swollen ankles or no waist again.
Not because I want bloody nipples or leaking boobs again.
Not because I miss flipping one out every two hours or using that damn pump again.
Not because I miss the pitter patter of little feet.
Not because I never want to sleep through the night again
Not because I miss wearing puke on my left shoulder.
Not because I love scraping peanut butter off the bottom of the fridge.
Not because I enjoy spending all my money on people who are thankless.
Not because I love spending my nights administering medicine.
Not because I love nagging.
Not because I love driving them to all of their activities and in the process have forgotten to have life.
Not because I love doing their homework.
Not because I will (hopefully) miss those three hour long dinners waiting for the picky one to eat enough to sustain a gerbil.
Not because I have too much time on my hands.
No, the reason I have decided I want another baby is that both my other kids were c-sections. The next one is an automatic c-section. That would mean I would get up to 5 days in the hospital. 5 days of someone bringing me meals. 5 days of no cooking, cleaning, nagging, driving, worrying (yeah I know that one isn’t true).
And that will be like going to a spa for a week.
DUUUUUUUUUUDE Are you listening to yourself?? I have a better idea. baker Act yourself instead.. this way, you get a vacation AND good drugs
Dizz, what the hell is baker act?
I’ve actually thought of doing this as well…gives people an idea of our desperation. No?
Unfortunately, my eggs are past due. So, no more bambinos for me.
OH! Maybe it is just a Florida thing.. You or someone else can have you put into a mental facility becasue they or you fear you might hurt yourself or others.. to me that is a whole lot easier than giving birth.. cuz remember if you don’t give them up for adoption, they are all yours .. my way.. you get a short vacay with lotsa drug and no long lasting anklebiters!
I just gave birth although not with this C-section thing. It was not fun although I now have a cute little kid. I do not have these people waiting on me. What have I done wrong?! The publicist did bring me extra apple, I suppose that counts for something…..
How do I get these servant people. I want to know!!!
Mary, I think I still have a couple left but I have no intention of using them. I thought about donating them but I don’t think anyone wants shriveled eggs.
Dizz,I’d give the kid up, hell I’ll throw in the other two as well. I don’t think I want to commit myself but the drugs are tempting.
Pricilla, Kevin is adorable and you must be very proud, and very tired. Sadly about all you might get is a little more apple. And aside from the five days I got in the hospital it is more than I got when I got home. Act all sick and moody maybe you will get some nice drugs…
Anyone who has ever spent serious time in hospitals knows better than to stay one extra second.
Besides, with the way they are cutting back the hospital time, you’ll go through the whole pregnancy and THEN discover that you now only get 45 minutes.
EXACTLY!
You are all buzz kills. Even 45 minutes would be worth it.
I have to agree with dizzblnd although I thought it was called a 302…you get an overnight stay, the “docs” monitor you for a couple of days and then you get to go home. With any luck they might give you some pills to pop when you feel all out of sorts again.
I know a better way… It does involves a hospital stay, and maybe some real cool medication to help you get caught up on your rest. Check your self into the psyc ward at your local hospital. And if you’re considering having another baby, you are having a nervous break down!!!
A good friend recently had foot surgery and had to stay in bed with her foot elevated for TWO WEEKS. She was not allowed up except to go to the bathroom. Her sweetheart husband and awesome son waited on her hand and foot. She even had one of those hospital swivel trays for eating. She had the nerve to confide in me, “They’re driving me crazy.” Oh, my god.
Then there was the intense jealousy I felt upon hearing that a former co-worker had to spend the last 5 months of her pregnancy in bed. So jealous!
You are a riot!
I am going to have to start blogging again! When did all these great women bloggers come from?!
Where were you when I was doing this and the men were screaming at me?! I love you guys!
Well, I’ve heard of people doing it for a better tax break, or for increased welfare, so why not for a mini-hospital vacation? Plan seems sound to me.
Bringing another life into the world, being financially and emotionally responsible for it for at least 18 years.
Wouldn’t it be less life altering to say, shoplift, get arrested and then only pretend to call someone to bail you out for several days? You’d still get 3 square meals (possibly not as good as hospital food), you’d meet new friends AND depending on the facility you could get exercise time in the yard or in the gym.
When you went to court, you could plead temporary insanity.
Actually, this is looking pretty good to me. If you don’t hear from me for a few days…you’ll know where I’ll be…
It’s called a 5150. That’s the 72 hour psych ward hold. Unfortunately I am all too familiar with this, as my ex-husband was held on a 5150 while visiting in California. I have way to much psych ward experience with my ex-husband and daughter. I wouldn’t recommend signing yourself up for a 5150 unless you really had mental health problems or were suicidal. And besides, some of those people in there are really crazy…and I don’t necessarily mean the patients.
Gotta pull an octomom, probably longer vacation than 5 days
No joke – my aunts swear that this is the reason my grandmother had seven children.
They lived on a farm, so those days after birth were the only breaks she ever got.
Love your thought process. I was just saying to my husband the other night that I miss staying in the hospital, lmao.
And in response to your question regarding my blog. No, it was not a child. It was my husband. Ugh.
Love your thought process. I was just saying to my husband the other night that I miss staying in the hospital, lmao.
And in response to your question regarding my blog. No, it was not a child. It was my husband. Ugh.
That’s hilarious!!
Send the kids to visit relatives, then actually go to a day spa.
Then change the locks and stop answering the phone.
hell no. there is no way.
take a vacation, much easier and cheaper…
Sounds like a good enough reason to me 🙂
Hahaha. I wished I’d get the flu for the very same reason: guaranteed time off from life. Are you my Thelma??
Sorry I got really behind on these.
Chaotically calm, I need a vacation but I don’t really want “committed” on my permanent record if I can help it.
La’Tonya, I do agree that deciding to have another baby is insane, at least for me.
JD, when I had my butt surgery last fall I was supposed to rest for a week. No one in this house cooperated however and I gave up the whole recuperation plan. Couldn’t even enjoy the drugs since I might have to drive someone somewhere. It sucked. The only way I am going to get any rest is if someone takes my kids for a while.
VDSM, by all means please start blogging again!
Shawn, thanks I thought it was a sound plan as well. And as long as I don’t have twins or octuplets what’s the harm?
Lola, I hadn’t thought about jail but it’s a good idea too. I have a hard time doing things that might land me in jail but I could try. No, I can’t. I have to be arrested on false, trumped up charges to get into jail, I’m too much of a good girl.
IHC, I am pretty sure that the amount of babies has no bearing on how long you get to stay. Do they cut you open or not is the only thing they consider. The babies get to stay longer if there are more…maybe I could get my kids to go the hospital for a few days?
Mee2, since he didn’t tell you about the accident I have a hunch he probably doesn’t understand the idea of a little me time for you.
Gdad, I don’t have any relatives that are willing to take my kids. I only have my brother and he has 3 of his own, though they are older. He did take my daughter out for ice cream a few years ago. I like the idea of changing the locks however.
Stacie, I have to wait for at least ten more years before I can leave my kids alone to take a vacation. Of course by then I might be able to afford one.
Judy, like minds!
Frogs, I’ll be your Thelma, let’s get you out of Mulletville and go for an adventure…no kids. I’m not sure what to do but not wiping noses and all that would be great and worth the sunburn (as a redhead that is all I worried about while watching the movie.
Jen – I don’t think that this is the answer honey! LOL
Jen, oh Jen, do you not read my blog!?!?!? As someone wittier than me once said, if I can’t be a good example, at least let me be a horrible warning!! You will
just be adding one more person in your life who will ignore you when you really need them.
Some examples:
Eye surgery this summer. My daughter was sleeping when I left, was sleeping when I came home and slept while I got my ice packs,fixed my lunch and made myself a cup of tea. She then ‘just ran to a friend’s’, but never came home until the next day. Leaving me completely alone a few hours after surgery. Thanks hon!
Broken shoulder last spring. Couldn’t drive for three months. Asked daughter number two if she would pick up my pain prescription. She stamped her foot and said “If you think I am going to spend my whole day off running errands for you, think again.”!!!
MS all the time. I dragged myself home from work one day, crawled on top of my bed and just lay there moaning. My oldest DD sweetly asked me if I would like a cup of tea. I was pathetically grateful.
She never came back.
She went in the kitchen, turned on the TV and forgot all about the tea.
So, is it really worth the ‘rest’? Consider jail or the looney bin as much better alternatives.
Hey, you know what? Let me know which one you choose, I’ll go with you. I could use a break too. LOL
Aww… you must be having a hell of a week.. I hope you’re feeling better already..
I just wanted to say Happy Easter & let you know that I had to move. You can find me at: http://ohiowithlove.blogspot.com/
Hmmm… maybe you could be a surrogate mother? I remember I went to have one of the kids and they just passed a state law that mothers would stay 48 hours for a normal birth. I was so excited! I loved the fact that I would be lying in an adjustable bed and have all my meals brought to me. After the delivery, one of the nurses popped in to explain that my insurance (through Wal-Mart) would only pay for one day! I was so hormonal, I bawled my eyes out. I didn’t want to leave!
Mother’s Day is coming up. Why don’t you tell the kids you would like one day of pampering (if your kids are like mine, good luck with that!)
I had to have a good chuckle at this one! It’s a good thing you aren’t living in Ontario, Canada where they send you home 24 hrs later after natural delivery and 48-72 hours after a c-section assuming all is well. If you can get 5 days out of it hey, why not except you have to home sometime 😉 Good luck with your plan and be sure to sweet talk them into a canister ot two of laughing gas. It’s a huge help during those enduring teenage years.
Be careful what you wish for. The last time I had fantasies about being able to relax someplace and just be waited on I ended up in the hospital and rehab with a broken neck. The Universe has a wicked sense of humor.
I had my tubes tied last summer, it isn't going to happen. But you are
right, I wouldn't rule out a broken neck. Ouch! That was an awesome post
however.
I needed a good laugh today. Thank you. This definitely got the job done. I had a feeling you had ulterior motives. Let me know how this works out for you.
Sadly it hasn't worked out all that well for me. I'm glad you had a laugh at
my expense. That makes me feel much better!
You crack me up!
lol No kidding. I never had a csection but I did spend some time in the hospital being waited on hand and foot for various things.Nice to be waited on for a change. However I also remember the lack of sleep and constant interruptions in the hospital as well then I remember why I couldn't wait to come home.