Not too long ago I was talking to my ex husband’s wife, my son’s step mom. This is not a rip on the new wife post so don’t get all I hate my ex husband’s new wife on me.
I like this woman. If I was going to be replaced by anyone I couldn’t think of a better person to replace me.
Of course, she didn’t replace me, at least not in my son’s life.
Anyway, I was talking to her not too long ago and we were discussing my son. Let me backtrack just a bit. When my son started school I needed a before and after school daycare for him and his step mom offered to do just that. She never asked me to pay her or reduce the child support her husband was paying to me. It saved me tons of cash and tons of worry. I am eternally grateful to my ex husband’s wife.
So we were talking about my son. I don’t remember what the conversation was about, probably my son’s current hair color or something. In the midst of this conversation my ex husband’s wife says to me:
“You did a great job raising the boy. It couldn’t have been easy on your own but you did a wonderful job raising him into a fine young man. You should be very proud.”
I responded by telling her that she and ex#1 had a big hand in it as well and they should be equally proud.
Credit is also due to ex#2 who played a huge role in my son’s development.
Her words meant a lot to me and they roll around my brain at times.
When ex#1 left us I was terrified. I had no idea how I was going to raise this child on my own. Honestly, I don’t think I have ever been as scared as I was at that time in my life. In addition to getting a divorce I had to move. Our life was constantly changing and I worried all the time that my son would have all kinds of issues because of our unstable life.
Eventually, it stabilized.
Last night my son and I were in the kitchen eating guacamole. Avocados were on sale and I had picked up four of them. I used two to make a fresh batch of guac. As I was making it my son opened a bag of chips and started dipping the chips into the guacamole. We were discussing a rave he is going to this evening. This discussing included talk about drugs, drinking, driving under the influence and doing other stupid things. A discussion we have had too many times to count.
I trust my son. He is a smart kid and he knows I trust him. He also knows he doesn’t want to lose that trust.
While we were talking we finished the guacamole. Instead of finding something else to do we continued to talk in the kitchen. I have a hard time just standing still so I made another batch of guacamole. We stood around talking and eating more chips and guac. We both had things we wanted to do, I needed to do some work on the computer and he wanted to clean his room so he could go to his rave tonight. We both made our way to the couch and collapsed in a heap of guacamole and lime chips overload. We watched a little TV together and then called it a night.
My son is 17, he has one more year of high school and then he is off to college. Days, or nights, like these are numbered.
As a single mom I have given up a lot, and a lot was taken away from me. I don’t have much of a social life anymore. When I got divorced the first time, all of my married friends dropped me like a hot potato. I was no longer invited to any social gatherings, which probably hurt more than my ex husband leaving me. I was suddenly broke so even if I had been invited out I couldn’t have gone, though it would have been nice to be asked.
I pissed and moaned about it for a while and then found a new life. I started a business, I met my future ex#2, and made new friends.
Rinse and repeat.
I gave up a lot for my kids and I wasn’t always happy about it. Had someone given me a crystal ball, to show me how it would turn out, it would have been much easier to accept. Looking back it was all more than worth any sacrifice I made.
There are only two pictures of my son and me together. That’s what happens when you are a single parent. There are few pictures because there is no one there to take the picture.
I wish there had been more pictures to document our life together. It’s not too late to get a tripod and start taking them but that little boy has grown into a man and there won’t be anymore pictures of me carrying him.
Which is probably as it should be, he can carry himself now.