Day 3975 or 32, possibly Tuesday, I have no fucking idea anymore. 

I’ve got a horrible case of Covid-19 Fatigue, and I’m sure you do too.

I’m tired of being cooped up inside. When this whole thing started we were just coming out of winter which in Minnesota is about 6-8 months. It was fine at first because I could go outside and walk the dogs. This was necessary to tire them out so I could do a million Zoom meetings without the dogs barking in the background. It was supposed to, but it didn’t, prevent the puppy from shitting on the carpet during one of them. Anyway, it was fine at first because temps were in the 50s, the sun was out. It was nice, but then the temperature dropped into the teens and it’s been snowing  – a lot. On Easter (hard to believe Easter has come and gone because we didn’t celebrate it) it snowed 7 inches. Walking outside in temps below freezing with wind suuuuuuuucccccckkkksssss. So we haven’t walked for a few days.

Walk On By

Walking was keeping me sane. Even if suddenly it looks like the 70s outside – kids playing ball in the middle of the street, couples out each evening for their daily constitution, dogs everywhere. It was cool at first and then it was a little creepy having people cross the street when they see you coming. Still, I walked a lot – I averaged 23k steps a day when it was warmer and there wasn’t any snow. Now that it’s winter again I’m only getting steps when I walk to the kitchen to see if any new snacks have magically appeared.

They have not.

I’m mad that no one seems to know what the hell is going on. It’s okay to go to the grocery store – where people now gather for entertainment like it’s Disneyland or something – but it’s not okay to have a drink with friends at the local pub where we practice social distancing anyway, I mean we’re Minnesotans for crying out loud, we don’t touch each other. 

How Long, Has This Been Going On?

I honestly have lost track of how many weeks we’ve been shut in, quarantined, locked down, safe at home, whatever you want to call it. It feels like forever, but I believe it’s about 4 weeks. Could be 6. It’s getting extended every time the period ends. Another two weeks and this will be over, except it won’t. They’ll add another two weeks to the lock down.

Why can’t they just tell us how long it’s going to be? They call it moving the goalpost, but it reminds me of how my mother taught me how to swim. She put me in the lake, too deep for me to touch, and then let go of me and backed up a few feet with her arms outstretched for me to swim to. Except while I was struggling to dog paddle my way to her – gasping for air as water splashed into my mouth, she just kept backing up and backing up. 

I want to know when this is going to end so I can be prepared. Do I need to ration the 8 rolls of toilet paper? When should I start thinking about shaving my legs? It’s going to take a few days to tackle all this free-range chin hair so a little notice would be much appreciated.

C’Mon and Zoom Zoom Zooma Zoom

I’m tired of Zoom. I hated videos chatting before the apocalypse and I hate it even more now. The first ten minutes are wasted waiting for everyone to figure out how technology works and the whole time the meeting is taking place I’m worried that everyone is judging me for a messy office. I know they are because I’m judging their offices and work space – Liz, it’s time to replace the chair that your cat has shred to bits, and I wonder if your house smells like cat box? Does Sam know the picture of his kids hanging on the wall behind him is crooked? I bet Larry isn’t wearing any pants. Those are the thoughts I’m thinking, not about getting more traffic to the website or when the next post is coming out. 

Zoom meetings give me the kind of anxiety I haven’t experienced since middle school. DO NOT CALL ON ME, I AM NOT PREPARED! Also, don’t send your office friend funny text messages during the meeting if you don’t to ask to share what’s funny because it’s not funny anymore that way.

You’re So Vain

I’m so sick of celebrities and their cute little viral posts/podcasts/Instastories… etc. They’re all having a grand old time with their kids, celebrity spouse, granite counters, and beautiful bodies while the rest of us haven’t showered in weeks, are eating our emotions, day drinking and did I mention the puppy shitting in the house? I get it, your lives are lovely, and you’re helping all of us laugh during these uncertain times. I don’t know why it infuriates me that John Legend playing the piano goes viral, it shouldn’t, but it does. For fuck’s sake, sew some damn masks John

Oh look, Gwyneth is having a 20% off Stay Safe Sale. Bitch. 

Speaking of sales… Last night the kid asked me if everyone had a 9/11 sale after the towers came down like they are for Covid-19. No, no they did not. Any marketing done during that time was all about unity and getting through it, it wasn’t car companies offering payment plans for 120 months to help us all out. 

Beat It

I’m tired of feel good stories. They aren’t helping me feel good. In fact, they make me feel worse because that shit isn’t going on in my life. No one is singing songs in the street around these parts. No one has balloon launches when anyone finishes work around here (though the dishwasher needs emptying so there’s that). Someone made a half assed hop scotch on the sidewalk. It trails off into tiny little squares and the snow washed most of it away.

All these feel good stores and celebrities just make me feel more convinced that I have made nothing but poor choices to arrive where I am right now – stuck in the house with a surly teen, a puppy that refuses to shit outside, and so many dirty dishes I just want to cry. Oh, and now I’m supposed to be a teacher? 

Fuck that noise

My brain hurts. I can’t find the words I want to use and end up creating work arounds for well known phrases. I was trying to describe a wilted lettuce salad to someone but couldn’t remember the phrase wilted lettuce salad. I called it a warm salad which isn’t the least bit appetizing. 

I know these are serious times, I know these are uncertain times, I know we are all in this together, I know that together we are stronger. Ugh, I also know that when I hear or read any of these sentiments I just want to puke or smack someone. 

Please tell me I am not the only one who feels like this.