Yesterday, as I was writing my post about wanting to get the kids out of the house for an extended period, I was contemplating the fact that I haven’t posted much and yesterday’s post was simply phoning it in. I have nothing to bitch about I thought to myself. Which in and of itself is pretty good. My kids are healthy, my relationships with their dads are both good, I’ve lost ten pounds and aside from the lack of an income things are going pretty good. Maybe I’ve mellowed in my old age?
The lack of anything to bitch about has me concerned however. Certainly there are still things that are worthy of complaint but I’m just in a better mood and they don’t bother me all that much. This probably has more to do with me getting sleep without the use of Propofol but who knows. I’m worried about not finding fault with anyone because it directly relates to this blog. If I can’t bitch there is nothing to write about.
And just like that I was provided with a solution.
I live less than half a mile from three colleges. The colleges range from extremely liberal to conservative to homophobic. On any given early Saturday morning it is not uncommon to find a young adult puking in my alley. The kids have been out on summer break so they haven’t been a problem but now that classes are starting up again I now have to make sure that I don’t peg one with my car since none of them know how to cross the street at a crosswalk. This is a major bitch of mine since I have to drive through these areas on a daily basis.
It must be orientation week at the local left wing tree hugging college because last night at 9 pm the doorbell rang. I assumed it was the neighbor girl and told my daughter to answer the door. When I heard Stanley barking I realized I was wrong and went down to the door to see what idiot was there bugging me after dark.
I don’t get many solicitors since I moved to this neighborhood. My neighbor hates them and makes a habit of answering the door in his boxer shorts with a beer in one hand and a rifle in the other. He is not a drunk nor a member of the NRA but he hates solicitors and found this was a good way to keep them from ringing his doorbell. I have benefited immensely from his selfless act. He must not have been home last night.
I answered the door to a young and very scruffy looking freshmen. He had a clip board in his hands with MPIRG on it. MPIRG stands for Minnesota Progressive something something something, I could look it up but it’s too progressive for me. Don’t get me wrong, I recycle but that’s about as liberal as I get. MPIRG students have been ringing my doorbell at the wrong time of the day for as long as I can remember and they piss me off. I have no time for them. If they want my attention they can send me something in the mail and I will throw it in the circular file with all the other crap I get.
I was polite at first. I said it was late and I had no interest. He stated that he was allowed to knock on doors until 9pm. This irritated me since he obviously has no children and doesn’t understand that I am either trying to get one to bed or I have succeeded in getting her to bed and want peace and quiet. My doorbell should not ring, causing the dog to bark which takes forever to stop, after 9pm. In fact I have instructed all friends of children to simply walk in since I hate the doorbell so much. I know that if the doorbell rings it is someone I don’t want to talk to.
The kid kept talking and I was getting irritated but still hadn’t slammed the door in his face. I do not know the topic he wanted to discuss because I was assaulted by a cloud of bad BO and was just about bowled over. And at that moment all I could think about was that this would make a great post. Stinky liberal college students trying to raise money for projects I am not the least bit interested in.
I finally slammed the door on him since he wouldn’t go away on his own. I went up to my office and wrote in purple crayon “Macalester students smell bad” on a post it note.
Let the brainwashing begin. Your neighbor is neither an alcoholic or a member of the NRA? That's a relief! I never knew there was a correlation. Ted Kennedy WAS an alcoholic AND a socialist. Now there's an example for the ages.
I don't what I dread the most… the door-to-door sales people… or the Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses coming to my door. The fact is… if I want what you're selling I'll seek it out… otherwise don't bother me… I'm not interested.
My ex used to come in very handy for going to the door in his undies and scaring them off… now I send my 20 year old daughter to the door and she tells them we are Satanists (we're not… but she thinks it's hilarious to scare them like that) you should see their faces….
A Lil Enchanted,
Don't these people realize that they will get nowhere with you if they have pissed you off at the start?
More flies with honey…always good to remember.
I only get people trying to sell me salvation. I am so far gone there is no hope.
And with bucks in rut no one can stand to be here very long. Except me who can't get away.
haha, did you put the post it note on your door for next time?
That's interesting..Why do you waste the time to put on underwear..I like to get to the door right away..They might run away and I'd be deprived of the pleasure of seeing their faces..
A gun never thought of that..A machete with ketchup dripping off it has a great impact too..
You live pretty close to me, based on your sticky note post:) Just ran across your blog through Entrecard. Keep dropping – I'm looking forward to reading!
We had some highschoolers fundraising for something last week but I wasn't home and missed it.
When I'm home, it's always the guy selling meat out of his pick-up truck. Yup, steaks, chops, roasts. He claims all my neighbors buy from him. (Like that's going to convince me to buy from him?) His prices don't seem all that and he always comes when our freezer is full, so we've never tried anything. But it's kind of weird in the city to be buying frozen meat off a guy in a pick-up truck.
My front door is flanked by floor to ceiling windows that literally can see into most of my house.
But I still refuse to answer the door for solicitors. They can feel snubbed if they like.
I often hide in my own house if the doorbell rings and I'm not expecting anyone. It's much easier than dealing with the person. If I didn't invite them over, I don't want them here.
I love it.
In the depths of desperation for something to bitch about…the solution comes to your door with a bouquet aroma.
Make sure you let me know when you post the blog about the bitch bloggy friend who rarely checks in. I'm there! 😉
Hate solicitors. Hate, hate, hate them! Go away, solicitors.
Hmmm…liberal with everything except soap, they are.
We hate the doorbell as well. In fact, it fell off the door hinge and we haven't bothered to put it back up. It still rings if you step on the button thingy, but we hope that by leaving it broken on the porch, no one will bother knocking. If they do, maybe we won't hear it. Yeah, we hate people.
Hahahaha…wow, if somebody comes knocking on my door at 9:00 am and they smell like a shit cloud, they better well be in dire need of help, because I would be turning them around and kicking them in the ass…
This had me laughing. A lot.
I have three dogs. the big black one comes to the door snarling and barking.
I crack it and say: "We are not interested. If you refuse to go, I am opening the door and letting Sally out. I haven't fed her yet."
THIS WORKS WONDERS!
Truth is Sally loves everybody, but they don't know that, and she does bark excessively at the doorbell, along with the two other girls.
Ugh… I hear the doorbell and I just CRINGE too. I hate people coming to my house that I don't know or that want something from me.
I do not care for door to door solicitation of any kind. I take that back. If you have something for me, leave it in the door. I'll either read it, or throw it away! Don't knock!
We live in the boonies so don't really have anyone showing up to our door (except for neighbors selling stuff for the kids).
Hmmm…I'll give you something to bitch about. A blog award. Sorry – its the first one, and i know people hate them, but I had to share the love with our lady friends. Just don't send your neighbor to our door!
Very interesting post. Loved the ending with the post it note.
Following your blog..Visiting here
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