I’m talking to you Gwyneth Paltrow and Angelina Jolie so listen up.
Stop making motherhood look so damn easy. Stop running around in your Uggs and your perfectly couiffed hair-dos because that is not what mothers look like.
Real mothers have not showered in days, real mothers pick dried cereal off their sweat pants and think they can get another day or two worth of wear out them.
Stop having babies and then showing up on the red carpet three days later looking like you never once ate Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch with mashed potatoes for three months straight.
Real mothers can’t afford to go to the gym, hire a personal trainer or eat a healthy meal because they are so busy picking up socks, changing diapers, wiping runny noses, creating a to scale model of the Mayan ruins to even think about their appearance. Most moms don’t manage to lose that baby weight until the baby is in his third year of medical school, and even then they don’t always lose it.
Stop writing blogs and newsletters about parenting. We don’t need your advice, we can’t relate to your lifestyle and we are not about to breast feed for the next ten years. If it works for you, great, more power to you, but don’t think your ideals are something we want to achieve.
Isn’t it enough that you already have the perfect husband/boyfriend, the perfect child (even if you gave him the most ridiculous name possible), the perfect body and the most money? Seriously, most of you are liberals and believe in spreading the wealth, spread some over here and I will be happy to subscribe to your kind of parenting, even if it is silly and impractical. Leave the blogging to those of us who need a cheap outlet to bitch about our lot in life. The kind of lot with all those socks, dirty diapers and bills that don’t go away no matter how much you ignore them.
I bet none of you ever had to tell your daughter that she could not keep her beloved bunny because it pooed too much, it chewed all the cords in the house and basically even though it was really cute you couldn’t afford to pay to fix everything it broke, fix it so it didn’t have more cute bunnies that chewed and pooped, and couldn’t afford to take three hours out of your day each day to clean the cage three times a day. You have a nanny for those things and you probably don’t worry about the cost of anything. You didn’t have to break your daughter’s heart and you never will so shut up about being a mother because until you rip out your child’s heart you have no idea what this all about.
Warmest Regards,
Jen
Related articles
- Mom Guilt (momblognetwork.com)
- Gwyneth Paltrow, typical working mom? (moms.today.com)
- Gwyneth Paltrow Gives Advice to Working Moms (omg.yahoo.com)
- Gwyneth Paltrow: Being A Working Mom Is ‘Really Hard on Me’ (huffingtonpost.com)
AMEN>
Hysterical. Man, when you get on a rant you are something fierce, girlfriend. You could be the spokesperson for ZeroPopulation.org.
Gawd, I’m glad I never had children.
AMEN! AMEN, Jennifer. These celebrity mom’s have NO IDEA what it’s REALLY like!
PS: Will it be too late for me to participate in this if I cant post my blog until tonight/tomorrow?
Absolutely not! Link up anytime. You can write the post next week or next
month if you want. Just add the link when you have written the post.
I love your rant! Makes me feel like a good old rant myself now. What can I write? *Thinks*
Thank you, Jen, for saying what we’re all thinking every time we see one of those “have it all” women having it all.
Yes! About time someone spoke out on this. As the mother of four plus (I always had the extra kids no one wanted or who need a place to stay), I can tell you, I NEVER looked or acted like the celebs. AND, I always felt guilty…like I was doing something wrong when, dang it, I was doing a super terrific, amazingly wonderful, I should be proud of myself job! Of course I didn’t realize this until the girls were grown and having my grandchildren. But, hey, at least I realized it! You go, Jen!
This deserves an extra Amen sister!!! Really.
Things are totally different when you have children as accessories. I would have worn my children all the time if I could hand them off to a nanny to wear when my back started to hurt.
I noticed in one part you said “pooed” and then in another part you said “pooped.” Is there a fundamental difference between the two? 😉 Just wondering.
I am sorry the bunny had to go.
A celebrity mom beginning to tell a regular mom how to get things done is patently absurd.
Rather like a cat telling a goat how to live.
I love you.
🙁
That was probably really Really hard. 🙁
All I can say is, you did what had to be done, and you taught your daughter a tough lesson.
Love hurts.
You’re sound like a really good mom!
(She’ll only hate you for about 10 years!) 😉
Glad I don’t have a vagina.
You tell ’em. I never had kids, but I know it ain’t easy.
Reality sucks and celebrity moms are clueless to that fact. Real people don’t name their kids Blanket, Pilot, Kal-El, Apple, Kyd, Destry or Memphis Eve. But then again, they aren’t real people. They’re living avatars.
OMG!! Bitter much?? Chill woman… None of those things mean they’re shitty mothers, why judge them like that? Don’t they have a right to be mothers as well?? Have you been to their homes and seen them interact with their children? Do you know them that well, personally?? Thank God their children get to be so loved and lucky!! SUCH IS LIFE!!