With half the country covered in snow it’s time to, once again, explain how to drive on snow covered roads.
As a Minnesota blogger who happens to drive occasionally I feel it is my duty to share with you the winter driving rules as I see them.
These winter driving tips should be self evident but apparently they are not because I manage to drive behind dumbasses every freaking day.
Emergency Preparedness
Be sure to have a first aid kit in your car as well as a blanket, extra clothing, some granola bars and a flashlight. Keep your gas tank full if possible and make sure you have wiper fluid. If you frequent St. Paul and surrounding areas make sure you have some way to protect yourself. The streets haven’t been plowed all winter and people are sick and tired of driving in the ice ruts. It used to be that winter brought out the best in all of us, but at this point we’ve had it and might just wag their finger at you if you get stuck in the snow.
Brush off your vehicle
This should go without saying. If you can’t see out of your windows, you are going to have a tough time seeing the other cars on the road. You will also have a difficult time seeing any pedestrians. In addition to not being able to see you are also causing the car behind to be blinded by the snow that blows off your car and on to theirs. Think!
Don’t Tailgate
The roads are slick and wet, sometimes really icy, so unless you want to increase your car insurance premium for the next few years, you want to drive a rental and you want to really piss me off, get back and stay back. If you rear end me it is your fault. Period. It doesn’t matter if I am talking on my phone, applying mascara and drinking my morning latte, it’s still your fault so back off.
Rock the Car
This is not a euphemism for sex but it can be fun. If you find yourself stuck gunning the engine is only going to get you more stuck and the spinning tires are going to melt the snow into ice ensuring your will never get out without someone pushing you out. To rock the car you put the car in ‘drive’ or ‘reverse’ and slowly release the brake. When you have moved in desired direction about two inches put the car in the opposite direction and again slowly depress the brake. Keep doing this until you have established some momentum and then, when you move more that a foot in one direction, you can start giving it a little gas. If this process doesn’t work get out of your car and look helpless if you are woman. If you are a man get out of the car and push the vehicle yourself, be sure to keep the driver’s side door open so you can hop back in. If you are lucky someone will come along and offer to help push while you drive. Probably me because helping a person push their car out of being stuck is good karma. One day it will be paid back.
Parking
Don’t park in front of people’s walkways. This should also be self evident but there is, without fail, always some idiot who parks in front of my house, right in front of the walkway we have spent the whole winter carving out. I don’t mind if you park in front of my house, I have a garage so I don’t need to park there, but sometimes other people drive and when you block my exit from the sidewalk to the street I have to walk halfway around the block to get to the street. Are you really that selfish and self centered? Get over it, you aren’t the only person in the world.
Park as close to the side of the street as possible. The roads are already narrow enough because our fair city doesn’t know how to plow properly so if you are parking on a city street make sure you leave enough room for other cars to pass. If you are parking on a side street where many other cars are parked try not to park directly across from a car on the other side of the road. Cars have to weave in and around parked cars when oncoming traffic is heavy. Unless you want your mirrors taken off or your car sideswiped don’t park directly across from another parked car.
Bicyclists
What the hell are you riding your bike for in the middle of winter? Did you not get the memo? It’s fucking winter outside! Go back home, put your bike in the garage, put on some long pants and drive your car. If you can’t do that at least ride your bike on the sidewalk and stay off the road. It may not seem like it but I really don’t want to kill you. Nothing will make my day worse than being responsible for your death because you had to ride your stinking bike to work.
Pedestrians
My car weighs a lot more than you do. A lot more. I can’t stop, especially on snowy, icy roads, as fast as you seem to think I can. That means that you should not dash out in the middle of the block, where I am not expecting you, to cross the street to get your morning latte. Cross at the crosswalk and both of us will have a much happier day. That also means you should walk on the sidewalks with the bicyclists.
According to some furry little rodent who did not see his shadow this year, we will have an early spring. I have three feet of snow outside my window so even if we reached 32 degrees every day, the snow still wouldn’t melt until May. That isn’t early as far as I am concerned. People are tired of winter, people are irritated with winter. People have short fuses because of winter. Do your part and don’t be a dumbass on the road.
People who don’t brush off their windows are a pet peeve of mine. What, they’re betting on not hitting anything on the way to where they’re going?! Sheesh!
Pearl
Pffhh…I don’t deal with this except rarely, but to have to put it to words means there are way too many dumb-asses in this world…they need be fined for that reason alone…jail time, if I had my way.
“Probably me because helping a person push their car out of being stuck is good karma. One day it will be paid back”
I am a huge believer in two major kinds of karma, the first is “tip karma” and the second is “car karma” or as I like to call it “letting in karma” if I make room for someone to change lanes, or turn into my lane from a side street during peak traffic time, I am more likely to be allowed to merge or turn in when I want too. I know when people aren’t gracious enough to give me room, I haven’t done my fair shair of letting in.
Good tips, really Jen! I agree with every one of them, except I say carry a 9 rather than a knife. You know what happens to people with knives? They get shot.
One of my favorite quotes. Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight
Im VERY good at NOT tailgating, cleaning off my car completely & rocking myself out. I’m also a very considerate driver when it comes to parking, bicyclists & pedestrians. However, I REALLY need to put a first aid kit, a blanket, extra clothing, some granola bars and a flashlight INSIDE my car. STAT.
Don’t forget the fire extinguisher
Ahahhahaha! I wont!
Or you could just move to California.
I can’t do that. I’d have to live in a shack or one of those shanty cities that seem to be popping up. I also have a thing about earthquakes.
I think everybody has a thing about earthquakes.
So glad you took sufficient time crafting a response to my comment. Too often people just leave an off the cuff comment that they didn’t put any thought into.
I don’t think I can say I’ve seen a bicyclist in winter. Yet.
I just had to rock the car four times yesterday. My kid was in the back seat and two of the four times I almost said, “Fuck!” out loud. Gotta work on that.
And since you live in Motown it’s not likely you will see a bicyclist any time soon. Count yourself lucky.
You ‘almost’ said ‘fuck’! Wow, you are a good mom.
I’d say she’s the fucking Mother Theresa of moms if she has kids and has never said fuck. I worship her.
You’ve got to come to Montreal then. I saw a few cyclists out in yesterdays blizzard.
When escaping a bilzzard to take cover away from the car, do not forget to close the door and roll up the windows ! http://twitpic.com/3w6eml/full
I saw this! I assumed someone else came along and opened the doors because that was otherwise a really stupid thing to do.
I am definitely irritated with winter. Our roads are all now one lane so if you meet someone traveling in the opposite direction both cars will not fit. Someone has to back up to the nearest intersection or driveway.
It’s a constant game of ‘chicken’.
Not for me. I never give in.
You forgot the part about not braking and yanking your parking brake to go around corners. Sure, it’s really really dangerous, but little unbuckled kids in the backseat seem to LOVE it.
I also didn’t mention pulling shitties because those are fun and I assume most people will do them in empty parking lots like normal people.
A couple of those tips would get us into some serious trouble. It is an offense to carry anything that could be used as a weapon. We are supposed to let them rob us, and we must NEVER use unreasonable force to protect ourselves, or the robber will report it to the police, and yes, we will be the one who is arrested. If he is coming at you with a knife, and you have a baseball bat in your hand, you must NOT use it to protect yourself. It is considered to be unreasonable force, and a weapon, so you lose on both counts.
It is also illegal to ride a bicycle on the pavement (sidewalk), no matter what.
Babs, just copy and paste it into your blog and you have an awesome post!
Shut the f#^% up, Donny, are you really not allowed to defend yourself?
Great use of stfu donny!
Shut the fuck up, Donny! (had to try it out)
I think that is going to be the phrase of the year!
I tell you no lie. Not allowed to use a weapon of any kind. Robbers/burglars actually do report you.
I read the story about the Indian and his brother in London, UK, who beat a potential kidnapper silly with a bat – and instead he was charged with 30 days jail !
Not too long back a Chinese immigrant in Toronto locked up a shoplifter in the back of his van and attempted to drive him to the police station. Poor fellow was charged with kidnapping !
That doesn’t surprise me. A little while back a man’s house was being robbed. I can’t remember the details, but he had a gun (from hunting) and shot the robber. He went to jail for it. He was eventually released though.
I rarely curse in comments (I save that for my less then PG blog) but A-FUCKING-MEN!
To me they all seem obvious, even if I am rather bad at rocking my car free. For the pedestrians… the car’s bigger, you’re wrong! The car is right by virtue of mass. If you dash out in front of it, when it’s on ice and you get hit, then it’s your own fault. Thank you for proving natural selection. I am by no means saying you should try to hit pedestrians, but if they try to get hit then there’s not a whole lot you can do.
~Gwen
Sorry if I sound a bit hostile, I’m still getting over the flu and it makes me grumpy.
You are absolutely right but nothing ruins my day worse than hitting someone and killing them.
Hope you feel better soon. Flu sucks.
I killed a man in Houston once, but I can’t blame the snowy weather. It hardly ever snows there. Maybe never, I don’t know.
I need to print this out and hang it up at work! Being a northerner and living in the south can be a little exasperating when we have a “crisis” dusting of snow and everyone starts driving like a freaking idiot, after they have emptied the stores of bread and milk and cancelled all the schools the night before.
Good redhead rant!
That kills me that they empty out the stores for a dusting. Nothing like the news causing a mini panic and rush on essentials. We’ve had some pretty big snow storms here and I don’t recall every running out of food. They usually get us plowed out in hours. Granted, we get big snow storms frequently unlike you down south where it is a rarity. We also don’t have much in the way of hills so driving in the snow isn’t as challenging. I lived in Seattle a while back and it snowed one night, maybe one whole inch. It shut the entire city down for two days until it melted because they don’t have the equipment to move the snow or melt it with chemicals like we do routinely here. It was great, I got a day off work.
That kills me that they empty out the stores for a dusting. Nothing like the news causing a mini panic and rush on essentials. We’ve had some pretty big snow storms here and I don’t recall every running out of food. They usually get us plowed out in hours. Granted, we get big snow storms frequently unlike you down south where it is a rarity. We also don’t have much in the way of hills so driving in the snow isn’t as challenging. I lived in Seattle a while back and it snowed one night, maybe one whole inch. It shut the entire city down for two days until it melted because they don’t have the equipment to move the snow or melt it with chemicals like we do routinely here. It was great, I got a day off work.
You forgot the part about “not driving in the winter.” :p
I would love to get 90% of the drivers off the road during the winter, especially the moms with the cell phone plastered to their ears.
I would love to get 90% of the drivers off the road during the winter, especially the moms with the cell phone plastered to their ears.
Yeah, the cell phone drivers are ridiculous even when it’s not snowing!
Two things come to mind: 1- Bury your cell in an impossible to reach place and call back when you are NOT DRIVING. 2 – If driving ANY all-wheel drive vehicle and are thinking: “Look at me go!” you may just find yourself in the ditch – wheels up. That is all.
Exactly! 4Wheel Drive does not mean ice is any easier to navigate, and with all that weight behind you even harder to stop. You only have to spin out on a freeway into oncoming traffic once to know that.
Exactly! 4Wheel Drive does not mean ice is any easier to navigate, and with all that weight behind you even harder to stop. You only have to spin out on a freeway into oncoming traffic once to know that.
In addition to rocking the car if you get stuck, you should put it in low gear. It puts more power to the wheels. Also, when driving in snowy road conditions, you can put your car in 2nd gear if you are driving under 30mph, 1st if you are going under 20mph. This puts more power to the wheels AND provides some drag so that when you let off the gas to use the brake, you are already slowing down before you hit the brake.
Found you from MBC Midwestern Mom Bloggers! Lived all my life in snowy parts of the country…I’m a pro at driving in this stuff!
When I lived in downtown Denver, I once looked outside at 3 in the morning (don’t ask why I was up) and saw a man riding a bicycle riding through a blinding snowstorm that had already dumped about 6 inches of snow on the roads. Apparently, he didn’t get the memo, either.
He was probably on a beer run. He was wearing, shorts wasn’t he?
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