- Image by Juampe López via Flickr
The first date actually happened!
It almost didn’t, and some of us think it shouldn’t have happened, but it did.
After months of commenting back and forth, emails and phone conversations James and I finally met in person. I think it’s safe to say that after all this time and going public, no one was going to cancel. But James should have because nothing makes a better first impression quite like hacking up a lung.
Me: You look like shit
Him: I feel great, I’b at de end ob the cold
Yeah, right.
I had to give James points for showing up when he clearly should have been at home sleeping.
You know how women are said to make a decision within the first few seconds of meeting a guy for the first time? Well this cold really threw me. I gave up my double bed life in exchange for a single bed a long time ago so while this decision needs to be made soon it wasn’t going to be made in those first few minutes of meeting. I couldn’t get past the dark circles under his eyes and his inability to speak without coughing. I wanted to but the last thing I need is to catch a summer cold, or typhoid.
Prior to the date James had called and asked if we should meet at the restaurant or if he should pick me up. It was hot out, 93 with tropical humidity, and James’ car didn’t have a working A/C. I suggested I drive but he thought it would be much better if we took his car. He mentioned something about blog fodder but I think he was delirious. He probably didn’t notice the heat since he was already running a temperature of at least 100. The decision was quickly made to take my car.
I wasn’t planning on driving, if I had I would have parked my car in the front of the house so we didn’t have to go through my garage where my smelly couch and rug have been stored until I figure out what to do with them. Of course, James couldn’t smell a thing so he wasn’t offended by the moldy smell, but I was. Women don’t usually show their garage to a guy on the first date because to us a garage is just another place to store things. There is no rhyme or reason to where things go. As long as I can get to the lawn mower and park my car the garage is in order. But I know men well enough to know that garages for men are like shoe closets for women. There is a place for everything and you don’t mix sandals with winter boots. Walking through the garage caused considerable anxiety for me. Thankfully James was too sick to notice the mess in my garage.
We arrived at a lovely Vietnamese restaurant and sat down. Since our date was on Saturday, the day before the 4th of July, there were few people dining in a restaurant that usually has a rather long waiting list. James ordered spring rolls and I was pleasantly surprised to learn that they were real spring rolls and not deep fried mini egg rolls. James earned another point.
Prior to the date we had decided that there would be no talking about the blog during dinner. No one was allowed to check their email and there was to be no Tweeting. This didn’t prevent my brother from texting me all night long or my son from calling several times but I am happy to say I did not check my email and I did not Tweet.
We spent the next four hours talking about the Tour de France. Actually, James spent the next four hours talking about the Tour de France. James used to race and was once roommates with Lance Armstrong so he had plenty of stories to tell. I once watched about 30 seconds of coverage of the Tour de France, or at least as long as it took me to find the remote so I could find something more interesting like golf to watch, so I sat there and nodded and considered whether or not I wanted to catch a cold.
In the end I decided I didn’t want to catch a cold and I didn’t want to rub Vick’s VapoRub all over his chest as he suggested. That might have been fun had he not had a cold, and something other than Vick’s VapoRub was being used but because he really needed a mom and I didn’t want to take care of anyone we decided it best if he just went home and had some soup or something.
So, since this one went so well we have decided to try again when he isn’t feeling so crappy. Plus, I forgot to give him his mug and pen that Margaret from NannygoatsINpanties sent.
If you have any suggestions for what we should do for our second first date please leave them in the comment section.
I’m going to get some tea, I feel a little tickle in my throat.
“…and I didn’t want to rub Vick’s VapoRub all over his chest as he suggested.” That's hot.
I feel like a success! No where in this post did you mention you saw any paparazzi hiding behind bushes. I hired people. I should have all the pictures this afternoon. They said they just have to retouch James' nose. Like fixing red eye, but for a nose instead. I'll send you copies.
I thought I saw someone lurking by the Koi pond!
Wait – James had a red nose? You didn't mention…oh…because of the cold. Duh. I get it now. Way to go, Kath, on the papparotz!
Kathy cracked me up. What a pal.
I'm not so sure I would have lasted 4+ hours. Just saying. That cold and hacking would have done me in in about 10 minutes or so.
Have a terrific day. 🙂
I'm not sure I would have lasted 4 hours on the topic of the Tour De France. I mean, isn't that longer than the actual race itself?
This is good…I can't wait to see the pictures that Junk Drawer took!
Hey Jen, how about you guys do something fun on the second date, like, sky diving, or running with the bulls, or BASE jumping…That would be excellent 'blog fodder'!
Joe, you crack me up. Everyone knows it is not the season to run with the bulls. It's looking like mini golf or something a little less exciting.
As a matter of fact, I believe it is the season for the running of the bulls.
From Wikipedia: “It is the highest profile event of the San Fermin festival, which is held every year from July 7–14. The first bull running is on July 7, followed by one on each of the following mornings of the festival, beginning every day at 8am.”
You ate at a Vietnamese restaurant?
What kind of dog did you have?
I had chicken dog and James had beef dog.
LOL!!! You people are sick.
Yes, 4hours is a long time with a sick guy; kudos to you! I hope the second date goes better and you get to do some more talking.
I'm sorry it wasn't “Dream Date”
I'm also sorry your soap isn't there yet.
I have been sick as a dog too…
It's going out first thing tomorrow.
I hate when my headache wins.
I hope you stay healthy. It would suck if you had to find sponsorship from Vaporub and Luden's cough drops.
I'm sorry you are sick, I hope you feel better soon.
Some observations that I would like to make:
1. I could have cared less about the garage…not very interesting to a geek like me. A garage is where someone stores things that cannot sit in the lawn, like your car, lawn mower and discarded furniture.
2. Despite what it sounds like, I actually tried to let Jen speak, but my ego kept getting in the way. Nothing like typhoid or the common cold to remind a man of his mortality and force him to talk about the days when he felt invincible.
3. Doesn't it mean anything that she even considered accepting a virus from me?
4. Jen is unbelievable. She was classy, intelligent, quick witted and beautiful. I am honored that she has considered this first date at all, much less a chance at another. I hope that it is not another 3 months from now.
Yes, you did let me try to speak and then I took a breath and you started talking about the biking again. Next time I'll try not to breathe.
This isn't going so well right now.
At least that's what my intuition is telling me.
It's going just fine but now you have made him worry that it isn't and I will have to convince him that it is. Mike, you are creating a lot of work for me between this and my ass.
Well, I don't know about your aas. I thought your ass was fine. Was I wrong about that? Because I've already quit teasing you about that. I made that decision about 30 minutes ago when I decided that you hate me and that I need to disappear or something.
Look, more to the point, I'm a dude, and if a woman told me that she was going to try not to breathe so that she could finish a thought, I'd probably either give up right then and there or…well, I'd probably just give up. I'm not much of a fighter in that sort of situation.
The way I figure it, either you guys will join forces to hate me and go on to have a long, happy relationship, or I've saved you both all the hassle of dating and talking and fumbling around only to have the relationship fizzle anyway.
Not that it's any of my business. Except that you made it my business by writing about it on your blog, and I'm a pest, and…well, I really ought to disappear now.
I don't hate you. How could I ever hate someone like you? Usually I do a lot of talking so in a strange and weird way it was nice that James yammered on all night long. Usually I do that and then they get that glazed over look and I never hear from them again. James was sick and didn't really notice if I was glazed or not, which is just fine because the next time he yammers on about something I can just nod, and mentally categorize my shoes. It's really a huge time saver.
I feel more relieved than you might imagine that you don't hate me. I am a bit chatty, and I am a bit excited about this potential relationship between you and James. I feel like your father, hoping to give you away. Or an ex-husband, hoping to stop paying alimony. Or something like that. I'm sure everybody else does, too. This is why we read other people's blogs, for God's sake. We want to know whether you're going to ask James to hold your purse or not.
First of all I never got alimony. I was divorced in the wrong decade when
judges figured women could easily go out and get a job, bastards. Secondly I
don't have men hold my purse and then blog about it. Actually that's not
true. The last time someone tried to hold my purse I blogged all about it.
Hopefully James has read that post and won't be repeating those mistakes.
Assuming of course that I ask him to hold my purse.
I didn't mean to imply that you're not a lady, Jen, or that you would be impolite enough to blog about your purse in detail right here in front of God and your mother and your priest and everybody. It's just that you do own a purse, and James has practically tripped over himself offering to hold it for you while you “shop for shoes,” and I think we're all EXTREMELY interested to see what develops here. Will the handsome man with the wonderfully large hands be strong and manly and yet sensitive enough to open the rusty clasp on that purse of yours and find some green M&Ms for the two of you to enjoy? Or has his lifelong obessession with cycling left him with some embarassing nerve damage that makes it hard for him to hold a purse, let alone open one and poke around in it until he finds the key to your heart?
Like it or not, Jen, these are the questions you yourself have raised in your readers' purient minds–whether they admit it or not–in general by mentioning the relationship at all, and in particular by using the word “kanoodle” not once, but twice in the headline to this post, Shakespheare style.
Or perhaps you weren't aware that the most current definitions of kanoodle include snuggling, making out, hooking up and getting it on like wild monkeys in heat?
If not, I sincerely apologize. Not everybody reads the Urban Dictionary, just as not everybody born after, say, 1985, uses the word kanoodle mistakenly believing that it's synonymous with an innocent goodnight peck on the cheek. The cheek right above your chin, that is, not either of the other ones, which I suspect are far less innocent when it comes to kanoodling.
And so we wait, with baited breath and hopefully nothing more, for the conclusion to this adult drama. Will it be rated G, PG, PG-13 or R, or will we have to pay $13.99 to rent it on cable, if that's the sort of thing we enjoy? The choice is yours. And James', of course. But we're all here at your invitation, watching and waiting.
Mike – You could totally give Jen away if they had a chat room wedding!
Wait, I just re-read James' comment and picked up on #3. Yes, James, it does mean something. I think you ought to offer to hold her purse again. When Jen says she “can't think of any reason when I might need him to hold it,” I think maybe that's because she hasn't asked a man to hold her purse for a long, long time. Not that her purse is dusty or anything. I didn't mean to say that at all.
But take loads of vitamin C first. It's just the polite thing to do.
Mike – If you're a pest, I'm a — a— bigger pest.
Except I didn't say anything about her ass.
Wait a second. Those 2 comments went to the wrong place. I responded to the “ass” remark, but now they're showing up after the Vitamin C remark. And now I look like a dolt. And if those comments go back to their right place then I'll look like a dolt for this comment. GAHH!!!! OK, I give up.
1. Excellent use of the furniture reference. You get points just for that.
2. So now you went on a date with typhoid? Crikey!
3. If was typhoid, then yes, it means a lot.
4. I think I speak for all of us (because I have a hyper-exaggerated sense of self) when I say that we cannot wait another 3 months for your 2nd date. Please, if you love us, you will make it happen before that amount of time passes again. We are dying here.
So, if I read (between-the-lines) correctly: I'm still your favourite. I mean FAVORITE 🙂
How about mini-golf as a second date? Or a drive-in? Or shoe shopping? What? No? Ok, fine. Seriously, second date ideas: museum, dancing, karaoke, jazz lounge…
Yes, you are still my favorite. I love the idea of shoe shopping, do I have bring James? I suppose he could carry my purse.
And all the bags! Hey you endured 4 hours of tour de france, he should at least be able to endure 4 hours of tour de mall!
Shoe shopping might appeal to this guy, as it might appeal to most guys. Any chance to legitimately check out your legs is worth at least a couple of hours in the shoe store.
James called and told me he would indeed hold my purse for me since I endured hours of tour talk. It was a nice gesture but I really don't want to have any man hold my purse for me. I was kidding, he does not have to hold my purse.
The issue is not whether he has to hold your purse, it's whether he wants to hold your purse. And he does.
But I don't want him to hold my purse. I want a man who refuses to hold my
purse unless I really need him to hold it and I can't think of any reason
when I might need him to hold it.
I'm missing a metaphor aren't I?
OMFG! Do I have to say it out loud? The man wants to hold your purse, Jen. He wants to rummage around in it and see if he can find some coins, or a chapstick, or some green M&Ms. Look, pretend I'm a black blues musician and you're at a club downtown, and that you've had several Long Island Iced Teas and I'm singing a song about a guy holding a woman's velvet purse. Please don't make me be direct here. Clearly, this dude really likes your purse, or thinks he might like your purse. 'Nuff said.
Sorry, James. Deny it if you want, but I'm a dude, too, and you can't fool me.
Congrats on your first date! I hope the 2nd one is better and germ free.
Some date ideas:
Minature golf
Golf Driving Range – Share a bucket of balls. It's always fun, even if you're not a golfer, if one of you is familiar with how to play, teaching the other is a good excuse to get close and give some hands on instruction. It's also fun to whack those balls into oblivion and chat in between taking turns.
Antiquing – If you know an area that is rich with antique stores, you can stroll the area, hit the shops and chat as you go. Maybe lunch or dinner afterwards.
A home cooked meal and rent a movie – If one of you is a good cook (or can fake it), you can chat while prepping the meal, while it's cooking and then afterward, watch a movie and discuss it after.
I'm all for mini gold and the driving range. Antiquing, not so much, I'm still trying to get rid of all my antiques. James is all over the idea of cooking chinese for me and he is convinced that if I ask him to watch a movie he is going to get lucky so for now those are out.
Unless the movie is Armageddon. We would both be too enthralled by the movie to even think about anything else…I think….
I would love to cook for Jen, but I need to be sure that I am no longer Typhoid Mary before I start handling food she is going to consume.
Vietnamese food and the Tour de France, huh? Interesting first date…
It's surprisingly better than a lot of the first dates I have been on recently.
Does that mean it went well, or just did not suck as badly as others?
I'm going to say the latter, James. But that doesn't mean you're not going to get any. It's way too early to bail on this relationship. Take come vitamin C, and be persistent for a little while longer. And never, ever discuss cycling again, not even if Lance wins again this year.
I think you should have taken care of him Jen. Just fix him up a little with some chicken soup, two aspirin, some Vick's on the chest, maybe a humidifier, hand squeezed orange juice, little tidbits of food as he probably wasn't that hungry. I hope you don't get sick. But James would probably come over and take care of you if you do. 2nd date? Roller Skating at the rink. Too hot for outside.
Ah Linda, I have two kids, two hermit crabs, a dog and a cat, not to mention my mother, I am not taking care of one more person or thing. James can rub Vick's on his own chest.
Of course you are right. My daughter's husband always wants to come to my house when he's sick. I am really good at sick people care. Alex doesn't even mind being sick or laid up. On the other hand, if I'm on my death bed, after 3 or 4 days, Alex will ask me “Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?”
See, my ex husband would have asked me to make him a sandwich if I was on my death bed.
I see why he has the hyphenated name.
Who has the hyphenated name?
Sweetheart, the “ex hyphen husband” of course.
Good for you!
I hope you don't catch anything. Second date willingness is a hopeful sign though.
My cat used to sniff Vicks like catnip.
He's in detox now.
Just thought I'd mention it.
Remember Nyquil, before they took all the good stuff out of it? Those were the days.
Why don't you go on a bike ride together? I think we get the sense that James has some experience in that regard. Do you have a bike in that garage of yours?
Yes but it has training wheels on it. I haven't ridden a bike since I got my
drivers license.
Going on a first date with the snuffles is probably not the best idea. But it seems to have gone well enough since you are contemplating a 2nd date. Why not try bowling? They have A/C, beer and food – notice the order here…
Whatever you do, I hope the next time you are both well!
Four hours of bike tour talk? I'm going to give him a break and chalk that up to the cold medication, but I think you would have been better off not taking the blog talk off the table.
Any first date that isn't a complete and total disaster gets rated a success. But find a fun activity to do together next time. Preferably, someplace loud where the emphasis isn't on talking.
I agree, any date that isn't a complete disaster is a success, of course disasters can be a lot of fun too.
Do you want to go on a second date???
Yes I do. James is an interesting and attractive man, I'd be a fool not to give him another shot when he was feeling better. Especially now that he isn't oozing anymore.
Honestly, I think the whole miniature golf thing is a bit of a tired date cliche. My suggestion would be, if the weather manages to cool off some, to go for either an early morning or early evening hike somewhere pretty. Bring lunch.
Hm. I just realized that lunch wouldn't figure into early morning or evening. How about bring brunch/ dinner?
That would be nice but we live in Minnesota, we aren't allowed to bring food to parks or anything that sounds remotely fun like that. I suppose we could go on boat ride or something.
Wait a minute… you are not allowed to go on a picnic? Isn't that sort of un-American?
We can go on picnics but we can't bring beer or other beverages, food must
be only already approved picnic items so nothing with Mayo in it because it
gets kinda yucky in the sun and heat and could cause someone to get sick. We
aren't allowed to do much of anything here which is what happens when there
are too many legislatures running things at the capitol. We actually have a
law on the books that says you cannot cross the St. Croix river (into
Wisconsin) with a duck on your head. That's how we roll.
I suggest your 2nd date be to a neighboring state. Minnesota sounds like a bizarrely user-unfriendly place to enjoy things like, um, other people and food. Maybe James can take you away from all of that.
A trip to Whole Foods and herbal remedy aisle?
Do you even read my blog? Or Jayne's comments? I don't do Whole Foods and certainly don't do herbal remedies! I'm a republican, remember?
Okay, I can't read. I admit it. Even if I could, I'm not sure what Jayne's comments would have to do with it. She's about as liberal as it gets, God bless her left-leaning ways, and she'd probably support a trip to Whole Foods to get James an herbal remedy just as long as you don't agree to rub Vick's on his chest. Jayne doesn't want you to be servile, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want you to be supportive for fuck's sake. Haven't you ever heard that the quickest way to a man's heart is through his sinus cavity? It's not true, of course, because that's actually only the second quickest way to his heart, the first way involving…well, you can find out on your own if you don't already know.
Anyway, now that you've shamed me for about the thousandth time, I think I'll go away. I talk too much. I get that. I enjoy talking, and mistakenly thought women did, too. Wrong again. Well, fuck me.
P.S. — I'm sorry you're a Republican. That's a terrible burden to bear.
Don't be sorry, I look at it like it was a gift. Kinda like cancer survivors.
Jayne likes to tell everyone that I am her token Republican, that's all. I don't know about being servile or what that has to do with being a dem or a repub but I've wiped enough runny noses to last a life time, I just don't want to do it anymore, at least not right now. I may find that the biggest, I mean the best way to his hard, I mean heart is a very large, oh damn, I can't really leave this comment. If that is the case I might change my mind about vaporub and chicken noodle soup.
Now James is probably getting all excited, thinking that you're thinking about what the surveys say he thinks about approximately every 6 or 7 seconds. Which means that no longer gives a flying fuck whether you're a Democrat or Republican, athiest or Catholic, redhead or brunette. Well, maybe the redhead thing.
He has really big hands.
Are they big enough to handle the clasp on your purse?
LMFAO! You are killing me here!
“James used to race and was once roommates with Lance Armstrong so he had plenty of stories to tell.”
OMG MARRY HIM NOW OR I WILL
I need to hear more about Lance A. He seems like a massive tool. James? Is he a tool?
Grrr. That was me up there — Cliverules. Apparently I wasn't logged in. So back to Lance. Is he a jackass like I think he is.
Since you have opened the floodgates I will let James answer this question, I do know that James knew him when he had two testicles.
That right there explains it. I forgot about the missing testes. He is currently a tool since he's down one nut — he has the chip on his shoulder in compensation.
Gotta say when he had two of them and was married he seemed benign. I didn't really have any thoughts about him. But now, he really seems like a jackass.
Something that cannot be underestimated is the level of self possession, arrogance and pride that is required to be a world-class athlete. It is almost a requirement, a necessary evil in order to apply oneself so completely to any task.
With that said, I knew the guy when he was a young, up and coming triathele…not the world class, famous and recognizable person that he is today. The groundwork was definitely there for the personality that we see today, but it came off more as a sort of social awkwardness and less like arrogance or “tool-ness”.
OMG you're killing me.
Wow…I never thought that being Lance's roommate would get women interested in me, since at the time, he was NOT very smooth with the ladies…
Vange, unfortunately there is very little in the way of resemblance between me and Lance…I have considerably less money, influence, Tour titles and famous girlfriends but he has much less to talk about since he is not likely to have 4 hours of material about ME he can use on dates.
On the Bachelorette the guy brought the girl to bed and gave her soup… but I'm with you Jen, I cannot afford a cold right now! (I typed this as my head is stuffed… ugh) Glad you guys are trying it again. But James, PLEASE… if you notice you are talking about one subject for about four hours and the other person is nodding their head, change the subject. Ha ha!
I'm waiting on the photos from Kathy too.
The thing is. Does James have a blog where he writes all about you? That would also make interesting reading 😉
He does not have a blog at the moment, thankfully.
Sorry Babs, like Jen says, I do not have a blog (yet!) as my full time writing pursuits and other side work have me plenty busy at the moment.
OK, but if and when you do I want the other side of this story 😉
Wow, you found a man who can't smell, can't think…. is he blind, too??? SOUNDS like the PERFECT man!
I think you did right by sending him home and skipping the Vick's Rub, You don't want to come across as too easy (right, RIGHT??), and you sure don't want to make him think he's got a mom now.
BTW, I heard that Vick's is good for toenail fungus. You know, just in case James has it. You never know. Good to be aware of these things.
So… when's the wedding??
HAHAHHAHAH 😀
Considering I'm cleaning closets to get out of the family room with my husband who smells everything and has horrible taste in movies, I think you made a wise choice……
Dang, I'm really late to the party if you're already 78 comments in. My 2 cents is that you do NOT cook for him nor should he cook for you for your 2nd date. Go to a proper restaurant for dinner, like your first date. But talk about something else besides roommates with testicular cancer and the sports in which they participate. And you know you're supposed to save the Kanoodling for the 3rd date at least.
And thank you for the shout out with the emphasis on IN – hee hee!
It would be really hard to beat the first date, but, maybe you guys could go donate blood together or volunteer to clean out the urinals in the local soup kitchen.
Actually, if you still are willing to give it another try after seeing him at his snotty worse, there just may be a little something there.
When is he going to guest post on your blog?
That is a really good idea! I think. Maybe. We'll see.
I would definitely entertain a guest post….and I promise that it will not be filled with Tour de France anecdotes. I would even let you, the readers, decide what the topic should be…in fact, that is a GREAT idea!
If Jen would be in agreement, I would like to get suggestions on what my “guest post” should be written about. I will select one of those, and if I happen to choose your idea, I will provide you with a gift certificate to Applebees' since I know that I cannot use it with Jen.
Any takers?
Well, I'm glad you have a date to report! I thought you were not into it, so I'm proud you are starting. He's just the first, so no worries. Can't wait to hear more…
Sniff..Sniff…glad you didn't succumb to your feminine instincts and baste that turkey in Vick's.
On the bright side, at least the date didn't end in the ER. That's always a plus. And it is probably a good thing he couldn't smell in the garage because we all know how offended men are by our lack of garage-use understanding.
I think James' guest post should be about how many “garages” he's seen on his first dates. And whether or not he parked there.
I gotta hand it to you, Jen–You are all kinds of awesome for giving it the go ahead for #2!
Dang… I knew I shouldn't have gone on vacation this week. I missed out on all the fun of the first date. I'd say if he can survive all these comments with his sense of humor intact, then James is a keeper.
Im glad to hear your date was MORE of a success rather than a complete disaster in spite of him being so sick!