I had my first physical therapy session for my broken shoulder today. I was eager to get started stretching and strengthening the muscles in my arm which haven’t been used much in the last month. I was excited to get my range of motion back and get on with life. While I knew recovery would take some time, I figured once PT started recovery would go happen pretty quickly. I figured by spring this whole episode would be a distant memory.

My physical therapist is a buzzkill.

My physical therapist, Luke, is all about the long game and according to him that’s more in the range of a year or more rather than several weeks.

Big buzzkill.

Most of what we talked about today was the mental game I’m going to have to play. I already know how these kinds of injuries fuck with you mind – it’s humbling, frustrating, humiliating, exhausting and if I allow it terrifying.

I hate asking for help. I hate being vulnerable or feeling beholden to someone because they helped. I cared for my mother from a very young age and felt resentful, I do not want my children to feel that way about me. That’s a mental fight I’m not up to dealing with right now.

Not having the use of my arm makes me feel a vulnerability I have never experienced. As a woman I am already aware of my surroundings in parking ramps and other dark and desolate places. Now I don’t wear a purse and I don’t wear my sling while out in public. We’ve had too many car jackings and muggings for me to take those risks even if it feels a little silly.

I want to heal as fast as I can because I don’t want these fears taking up residence in my brain. I’ll let them visit while I’m healing, but only very briefly. I know myself, I know I am prone to ruminate on thoughts. I don’t need to do that with these.

So Luke and I talked about that aspect of things – which is basically how to get stronger both physically and especially mentally. I’m not sleeping well, that impedes my healing and makes everything more difficult so while I am doing my stretching exercises every day I am laser focused on improving my sleep – admittedly something that wasn’t great before the break due to hot flashes.

Luke is all about the long game – there is no short term fix or magic bullet. To improve my sleep means to change the routine I’ve been stuck in for years. I need to stop wasting time on social media.

And yes, it is a waste of time.

It might also be fun hanging out virtually with my regulars on Facebook but it’s also an exercise is frustration which produces a lot of anger. None of those things help my arm heal and none of them are conducive to a good night’s sleep.

So, I’m taking a social media break for a while. I’m not sure how long, but for sure the next 30 day just to see if it helps. I’ll update my recovery on my blog, post my Wordle score on my blog and basically post everything I’d post on Facebook on my blog. I’d love fore you to visit and discuss the posts I write. I’ll automatically push my blog posts to social media, but I won’t engage or discuss anything on those platforms.

If you know me in real life I’ll probably hit you up to meet up for coffee or cocktails when it’s a bit warmer, less icy and I return from a business trip to sunny Florida in the not to distant future. Fell free to call or text any time – especially if you’ve got funny memes.

Wordle 230 6/6

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