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There’s a Mouse in my Car!!!!

January 24, 2018
There's a mouse in my car

There’s a mouse in my car!!! WTF!?!?!? I haven’t actually seen the mouse, but I can hear it and it’s terrifying. A few months ago I was driving my daughter to school because the bus never came. As we were getting on the practice freeway (35E for those of you who aren’t from the Twin Cities, but for those of you coming here for the Super Bowl, it’s a stretch of highway that nearly wasn’t built back in the early 70s because neighbors didn’t want the noise in their backyard. Because the freeway was closed for most of my childhood, we sled down what is now 35E. If finally opened once the state or whoever makes these decisions compromised with the neighborhood and reduced the speed to 45 mph and why it is called the Practice Freeway. 

Anyway, we were getting on the freeway, on the entrance ramp, when a mouse suddenly appeared on the windshield of the car. It was on the outside of the car, thankfully, but it still scared the crap out of me and my daughter. It quickly crawled back into where it came from when it noticed the trees and other outside things zipping by at speeds more than 45mph. 

While I did not want it to die I also did not want it in my car and hoped it would fall off or get blown off or would get the hell out of my car when we parked.

I haven’t seen or thought of that little guy since that day. 

Until this past Saturday. 

There’s a Mouse in my Car!!!!

I got in the car to go to the gym and heard some rustling in the glove compartment area. I hadn’t yet started the car so it wasn’t the radio or something in the air vent (like a piece of paper that got sucked into it – it’s happened). 

It’s a critter. There is no rhyme or reason to the rustling so I don’t think it’s the car making the noise. It’s something alive.

I have not actually seen the mouse, but because I can hear it I am sure it is going to appear at any moment – like the one that appeared on my windshield – and scare the bejeebus out of me. Because I can hear the rustling in the glove compartment area I am sure the critter is inside the car this time.

I like driving. In fact, I love it. Driving is the only time I get to be truly alone and can rock out or think depending on my mood. Driving is my me time and something I look forward to. 

Until now. Now it sucks. Now all I think about is how this little animal is going to cause my death and probably a bunch of other people’s deaths too. I imagine it will crawl up my pant leg causing me to freak the fuck out and drive into oncoming traffic. If it can’t get up my pant leg, because now I’m tucking my jeans into my boots, it will crawl up the back of my seat and into my hair. I imagine it will grab onto my cheek for some reason and stay there until I can swat it away. Of course, I won’t be able to until it has scratched out my eye. 

Now when I drive all I do is think about the ways this tiny little animal is going to kill me. What used to be a relaxing and enjoyable activity has now become an anxiety-filled excursion.

Even worse, I can’t tell my daughter. The damn thing is somewhere near her seat so if I tell her she will never get back in the car again. So far she has not heard the rustling and I’m really hoping the damn thing will leave before she figures it out. 

I know this mouse is a metaphor for my life. It’s this small thing that I have blown way out of proportion and yet I don’t know how to reign it back in. How does one get a small rodent out of their vehicle? I’ve considered vacuuming it but I’d have to locate it first and I don’t want to feel around the dark parts of my car so I can get bit or scratched. 

I really don’t want to have rabies shots in my stomach for weeks on end.

(Is that a real thing or like the bubble gum myth of childhood?)

I’ve thought about putting the cat in the car and letting her do her thing but I still have to drive and I don’t know how long it will take for her do the job. I don’t even know if she is a mouser. Dini was the mouser in the family and she passed away last summer.

Also, what is the mouse living on? There’s been a broken Cheez-it on the floor for months now, I would think it has to eat and what would be better than a floor Cheez-it? Can it come and go for water? There are several half empty bottles of water in the car but none show any signs of being unscrewed. If he is getting the water out of the bottle he’s screwing the cap back on. 

Can I put D-Con in the car? That seems like a bad idea, though I am not sure why. Should I just get a new car? 

What the hell should I do? How do I get this thing out of my car?!?!?!?

 

 

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