Maybe it’s the heat.
Maybe it’s the humidity.
Maybe it’s just this.
These are not my dishes. The sink was empty, I swear, five minutes ago when I unloaded the dishwasher.
I don’t know what it is but I have been rethinking this whole motherhood thing.
When I got myself into this mess I really thought it was going to be a lot of fun, filled with Kodak moments and sitting around by the fireplace while the kids played at my feet.
Really, I did. I was that stupid.
I don’t even have a fireplace.
I don’t want to be a mother anymore.
There I said it. And for the moment I don’t regret it. Not one little bit.
The summer is too long. It should have ended last week.
Everyone needs to get the hell out of my house and leave me alone.
I haven’t been able to write anything even close to halfway decent because every five minutes someone wants my attention. I don’t even know what they want anymore, I stopped listening, and caring, a few weeks ago.
If I have to tell a certain someone to put the damn cat down one more time my head is going to explode.
I don’t care what she said and I don’t want to hear anyone telling on anyone else.
DO NOT start a sentence with Can I…? because the answer will be no.
If you want me to buy you something, go get a job, there are plenty of sweat shops where a seven year old can work.
Or, let me work so I can earn some so I can buy another stupid Webkinz that gets forgotten after three minutes.
I have had to hide in the garage to carry on a phone conversation for more than 30 seconds, and they still find me!
Did I mention I work from home? I know I have, I know I say it all day long.
Mom has to work. I actually say this in the third person, like it makes a difference and that Mom might be someone more important than me. Someone worthy of having a phone conversation without a bazillion different interruptions and PUT DOWN THE DAMN CAT NOW!s.
Of course, it might not just be motherhood. It might also be this.
This is what I stumbled over getting out of the shower this morning. Apparently it started to thunder while I was taking a shower.
A shower is not a sure thing for me. If I don’t get in the shower before 9 am it isn’t going to happen and God help anyone who knocks on my door or wants to meet with me to discuss business.
If I’m not telling someone to put the cat down I am telling the scaredy dog that he needs to stop following me. And that doesn’t mean to hide under my desk getting tangled in the keyboard and mouse cords. Even though that is exactly what it means to him.
Why won’t anyone listen to me?
And who the hell messed with my camera putting on some high resolution bullshit so everything looks just wrong?
I can’t even find the right words anymore.
This is what I have to deal with, and I am not dealing very well.
I need a stiff drink and new pair of completely impractical shoes.
Only 43,232 minutes (give or take a few) until school starts.
Tuesdays are margarita night in my house. Just think, they’ll go back to school, you’ll sit down and hold your fingers over the keyboard and forget what you wanted to say two weeks earlier. Even after they go back to school, it’s like it takes a good month to get back into the kids-at-school groove. Margarita??
I can totally relate to your post. I work from home too and I just want everyone to get the hell out of my office already. My kids don’t go back for another 3 weeks. I may be drooling in the corner by that time.
Oh dear…Right, Jen, first thing tomorrow, I am going into town and buying my mum a card and some flowers – hearing the troubles of motherhood from a mother’s perspective has really brought it home to me how much mums have to deal with 😀
By the way, your dog, although I’m sure very annoying, is also very adorable 🙂 What’s his/her name?
You poor thing. I can so relate. I hope you can find three minutes for yourself soon. I say let hubby have the kids this Saturday and you go do something with a family member of friend. No kids allowed. Just a thought.
Have a terrific day. 🙂
Hysterical!!! The dog in the shower… yup, a thunderstorm would do that to mine too! Oh, and webkinz…. I think I have a bunch of decomposing bodies out there in webkinz world. Do you know I actually PLAYED THE FREAKING GAMES while she was asleep to gain her coins? ACK!
Love it. At first I thought you had taken a picture of my sink! I just came in from the kitchen and told my husband the sink was disgusting and the dishwasher needs to get loaded…then I told him to rub my feet! 🙂 ~Kimberly
http://www.stinkerpinker.com
Jen, I can sooooo relate to this rant. I hate being a father, and my wife hates being a mother. It’s not at all like they make it out to be in the family movies or the songs or the Bible or the parenting books or anything. It’s a stupid, thankless job for losers who don’t understand that if they don’t have kids, they’ll be able to travel and have a nice, neat house, and friends and all that stuff you have before kids. And my son constantly messes with my camera, too, which means it never works like I want it to. And sorry about the dog. At least I don’t have one of those.
You know what the worst part is? I just looked down to try to get the dog
out from under my desk (no shit, it’s been thundering all day and my whole
desk is shaking and my keyboard keeps getting pulled back) and I have
cankles!
My mother tried to warn me, it was more like a curse though as I recall:
*just wait until you have kids of your own*
bitch.
I need a vacation.
I need a vacation, too. A long one. Like maybe 3 to 5 years. In Italy, with a personal chef and the penthouse suite in the fanciest hotel they’ve got overlooking the water.
Sorry about the cankles. That’s another side effect of kids: They’re constantly demanding food, usually high-fat food, and so you eat that shit while you’re feeding them. They look great and have tons of energy, but you go to hell and can barely get out of bed in the morning.
I have to tell you–every time I see a young couple canoodeling at the mall or whatever, I point to myself and my kids and say, “Hey, idiots, all of that stuff you’re doing right now that feels so good leads to all of this, which doesn’t feel so good. Knock it off if you know what’s good for you!”
They never listen.
Other than that picture of your dog hiding under your shower skirt, this has to be the funniest tyraid I have ever heard Jen!!!!
I’d say you found your words in pure hysterical form!!
So I had to Google tyraid because I didn’t know how to spell it (and still don’t) and this is what the description said-
Tyraid: The act of posting a message on a forum that is so undoubtedly awesome, that you climax numerous times while writing it.
Need a cigarette or anything?
First time here and i don’t think it’ll be the last. I browsed through some other posts and found you have a real great blog in here!
All that you’ve listed above just sounds a bit too familiar, it’s sort of like to be a mother you are agreeing to be a martyr.
Honey – I feel you, big time. I was counting down on, like, July 1st.
p.s. I haven’t had a shower since Monday. You’re welcome.
Though I can’t relate, I can sympathize with you. The school holidays are a nightmare for mums.
When I was a kid, it made no difference, in fact it was probably welcomed by most mums, because they didn’t have to get up early or make packed lunches. We got up in the morning and went out to play all day. We didn’t come home until tea time. I know it doesn’t make you feel any better – sorry.
You poor dog looks so sweet. I guess he is the same as you – living on his nerves?
I don’t feel bad for you one bit. I work from home, too. I have FOUR children, and I homeschool.
LOL. Hang in there!
I’ll ship Abby over right away…
Glad to know that I am not alone! I think that a two month long summer vacation, along with Halloween, should be billed as birth control. Place some horny, teenaged-mom crazed (i.e. those girls and boys who think that having kids is cute) with me for the entire summer and my wild, never easily entertained boys and I will have them pad-locking their chastity belts.
http://4mothers1blog.wordpress.com
“I don’t want to be a mother anymore”
I started saying that when I was 7 months pregnant. With my first. Nearly 17 years ago. Then I had 2 more. Yup, I rode the short bus to school.
You need to go to happy hour for about four hours.
Just one more reason I don’t have kids, but I’m sure there are better days ahead.
I’m tired of motherhood, too. But mine are closer to done than yours (small snicker. Hey, I’m allowed).
It’s time. Like the mother bird who sort of drop-kicks those babies out of the nest, it is time for school to begin. It is also time for the dog to go outside…ALONE.. and for mom’s all over America to go to the bathroom ALONE with nobody asking her questions through the door. Sigh. I love school.
Relax, Baby. It’s almost time for them to go back. Harry is just like your great pup. He has issues. Just take a deep breathe and a bubble bath. It works for me. Or bring the kids to Cali, and leave them off at the shelter. It’s legal to do that here till they are 25 or so.
LOL! The post is really funny, but mostly I am just laughing at all of you people with kids… my cats won’t expect me to pay for college and won’t resent me when I am older. Tell me the truth… you like the 4 legged kids more…don’t you? Don’t you….. 😉
Maybe it’s just a case of the grass being greener on the other side. Is it better with kids or without? Or is it just the weight of the world catching up to us. Which every so often, gets too heavy. And crushes us. To a pulp. In the rain. Alone.
Sorry, that was my inner Hemingway speaking.
Oh my dear… You are having a bad time. Praise the Lord that nothing ever burst from my womb. The Brits got it right with that boarding school thing. Mix that with sleep-away camp and no parent should have to spend more than a holiday or two a year with their kid. You want to see them? That’s why God created Skype.
I was going to crazy this summer, I put my kids in day care. I couldn’t handle it. It’s too hot and there’s just not enough time to play, cook and work. That way they got tons of fun and I kept a clean house, worked out daily (until last week and I’m miserable – daycare’s over. School starts Weds.) and I blogged like crazy. Now I have one week of insanity before school starts. Ahh….
It hasn’t been that long since my kids have flown the coop, but you just brought it all right back there for me. Funny thing is, I can feel what you’re saying and at the same time…miss it.
I need help.
I. Feel. Your. Pain.
My litmus test is how I enunciate the word what. My kids will yell, “Mom!”
I say, “What?” As the what because louder, shriller and longer, “Whaaaaaaaaat?” I can tell I am heading toward the edge.
And then when I scream — in my head — “FUCKING A! WHAT do you WANT?!” I know it’s time to send the kid into the backyard and lock the door.
School starts September 7, 2010 at 9 am. (Knocks back a shot of whiskey.)
Mine, plus the neighbor kid, drove me absolutely ape shit yesterday with their bickering and fighting. I drank lots of wine. Went to bed. Woke up early and did it all over again today. Today was easier. The copious amounts of wine mellowed me.
If you leave, take me with you…
I have a theory: all of the single people wish they were married, and all of the married people wish they were single. Of course, formed in a simpler time, that says nothing about single parents. The woes of the unencumbered life are no less depressing than your frustrations, they just sound different. I don’t ever remember wishing people would leave me alone, nor am I bothered by constant interruptions (the cell phone, with it’s ‘take a message’ ability, is relatively easy to ignore).
Raised by a mom who didn’t want children, I’ve questioned the effect of her regret more than once. I often trumpet the advantages of the unencumbered life: no spouse, no kids, no pets, no plants; and can often see others’ envy, their eyes seeing my grass as greener. I, in turn, see the more vibrant shade of their turf. Advantages, but also drawbacks. The cocktail may have been invented by a parent, or at least a spouse, but all are equally thankful for this perennial coping substance. Quaffing can mute all types of voices clanging around our memory reservoirs. When that wears off then, there’s writing.
Thank your for writing this post, which I could have written, except I think I have even less time. I”m lucky I had time to read your post. This summer has been particularly challenging because no one wants to go outside unless outside includes a pool or a beach. It’s just too hot. So everyone’s inside, piled into the one cold room, getting on everyone else’s last good nerve.
“I need a stiff drink and new pair of completely impractical shoes.” Me too Jennifer me too.
OMG, my sentiments EXACTLY! I too work from home with a six, three and two year old nipping at my heals. And if I could quit this job called motherhood, I WOULD! It is hands down the most horrible job I have ever had. I don’t get bathroom breaks, coffee breaks or lunch breaks. I am harrassed constantly every minute of every day. I am verbally abused on a regular basis “I hate you, you are the worst mommy ever, you are sooooo mean”. My response is “You ain’t seen nothing yet kid!!!” and just try talking to a client when you have three kids in the background screaming at the top of their lungs while they to their level best to kill each other.
I try to give my kids the best of everything and proper discipline (you know, the whole 1, 2, 3 … Magic thing) and yet this is the most underappreciated, underpaid and unsatisfying job.
Every day I wonder “what was I thinking?” and “how many more years of pergatory do I have before I am finally free”?
As I write this, my two year old is trying to crawl up my leg and my other two children are saying something about “get me…” Don’t know what they want and I don’t care. Just want a break, just want to count, just want to matter, just want to be a human being rather than a Mom. Wikipedia should change its definition of Mom to something more appropriate such as “Mom: a woman having given up all rights and freedoms to live a life of unappreciated servitude”.
It’s bad enough when Mom doesn’t work from home so I can’t imagine trying to accomplish work tasks with the same everyday crap going on. Yay for school!
Ah, but the joy of having your kids take care of you when you get older!! Provided they don’t run off and hide on you, or place you in a home and run off never to visit….