Things that piss me off

Panties

September 13, 2009

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Panties

I hate that word. I have always hated it. I refuse to call my underwear panties. It seems like such a silly word. Men have boxers or briefs, both words sound rough and tough. Panties sound delicate. Which they are. You can’t wash real panties in the laundry and you certainly can’t put them in the dryer. If you do they come apart and you are left with a ball of very fine thread, in a pretty color but useless.

Panties are for women who prance around in nothing but… panties. Women who can’t change a tire and who screech when they see a mouse. Women who are willing to show their underwear to the world. It’s called underwear for a reason, it goes under something. When I think of the word panties I think of porn, as in “Oh, Buck, bite off my panties” or some other prase that most men will never hear spoken to them in real life. They won’t hear it because panties are expensive. The average lacy, has to be hand washed, and is incredibly uncomfortable pair of panties cost about $16. Granny underpants, which can be washed and dried thousands of times before the elastic lets go retails for about $8. for a pack of 6.

Most men do not want to bite off granny underpants even if the woman wearing them is really hot. Don’t get me wrong I like feminine, frilly or lacy underpants. I liked them more before I had children and now opt for simply colorful underwear but on occasion I pull out the black see-thru skivvies. I pull them out, but after trying them on and having to constantly pick at the wedgie I take them off and go for the practical yet comfortable cotton ones.

I can change a tire, I don’t screech when I see a mouse or a spider, and if I were ever intimate with a man named Buck, I’d smack him if he tried to bite off my pair of $16 underpants.

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  • Gillian

    Its knickers!

  • Jen

    Gillian, that is a much better word! From now on I'm going to call underpants knickers.

  • Pricilla

    Now sadly I have a real life buck trying to do things to me that just shouldn't happen to a real life woman. But that is farm life. *sigh*

    I just call 'em underwear too. Panties does sound kinda wimpy. I like snakes, rodents and reptiles but I don't tolerate anything with more than 4 legs. Except for praying mantis. I like them.

  • Jen

    Pricilla, I'm seeing a completely different side to you, and it kinda scares me.

  • BONNIE K

    This post amused me, because I have always thought are there any women out there who call their underwear panties? I think not! I think "panties" is reserved for those letter columns in the porn magazines. As an aside,the other day my husband was putting clothes away (which he NEVER does) and he held up a pair of my underwear and asked "are these yours?" I said of course they're mine – who else would they belong to (my 21 year old daughter is tiny) and he said "well I wasn't sure cause these didn't have any holes in them."

  • Jen

    Bonnie, when they start getting holes in them they are just getting worn in, they still have plenty of use left.

  • The Big Blue Frog

    I'm a guy. I don't wear anything frilly or girly, but my undies are definitely not Frooty-Balloons. I wear boxers, boxer-briefs, briefs, thongs and g-strings and none of them go in the dryer, although I do run them through the washer. I spent too much money on them. That is my confession for the day. I spend way too much on underwear.

  • Kathryn

    So…we're looking for a more unisex name for our undergarments? I agree that "panties" is very girly-girly…but you have to agree…at $16/pop, and handwash only, it does kinda go.
    You may smack Buck once in the head for me as well.

  • The Mother

    I don't know why it's so hard to find good looking, utilitarian underwear for women.

    Clearly, it's still a man's world.

  • Deb

    I've been a Hanes Her Way bikini cut chick for decades and I wouldn't be caught dead hanging them out on the line!

  • bingkee

    Yup that's true , my husband calls my big "sleeping" panties as granny panties and he hates them.
    I did not know that panties is different from underpants. Is it my English vocabulary? In my country, we don't have a translation for underpants so we simply call them "panties" and "briefs "(men's underwear).

  • One Creative Queen

    Bahahahahaha

    I've hated that word since high school. I couldn't agree more with everything you said. You totally rock, Jen – whether you're in "paaaanties" (the "a" sounding like you're at the doctor, sticking out your tongue), grannies, or undies. ­čÖé

    And I'm sorry – no one looks particularly sexy pulling, or choking on, a wedgie. xx

  • MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings

    My face is still stinging from our last encounter, but I thought this was a very funny post!
    — Your friend, Buck.

  • Jan from BetterSpines

    Too funny! And I call them knickers also. Comfort before style, always. And smack Buck for me too.

  • Amy

    I hate "panties" too. Panties is way to weenie sounding. Underpants is what I call them no matter if they are $16 Victoria's Secret or $6 for 3 pack Jockey. Underpants are underpants. Frilly or not.

  • Anne

    I have always hated the term panties. I always use underwear. I can change a tire, but I shriek like someone is trying to kill me if I see a mouse. But you can't make me use the word panties no matter what.

  • Lin

    I never liked the word 'panties' either–it's just so degrading to me for some reason. I wear 'underwear' even though they aren't the giant underpants version. Can you wear bikini, thong, or hipster and still call it underwear?? I do.

  • Nanny Goats In Panties

    You had me at panties.

    However, it may seem ironic for me to say this, but I do not like the word panties either. I NEVER refer to my underthings as panties, for pretty much the same reason as you.

    And it may be exactly why having the word in my blog name is so perfect. Because it is so wrong. And silly.

  • Stacie’s Madness

    ugh, skivvies creeps me out, the word does.

    underwear is what we say around our house…

    but there is no way in hell I will be caught in granny panties…granny skivvies…or granny anything.
    LOL

  • Jen

    Big Blue, Buying expensive underwear is nothing to be ashamed of nor in need of confessing. I'm partial to a guy in boxers but that's just me. Boxer-briefs confuse me.

    Kathryn, I do like the word "knickers" it sounds unisex and isn't nearly as girly-girl sounding as panties.

    Mother, I've found a pair here and there in all my underwear buying days that have been both functional and pretty. The problem is they get worn out so much faster since they get more use. Rare, but not unheard of.

    Deb, I like Hanes too. You can find them at any Target and they are much cuter than they used to be.

    Bingkee, Sleeping underwear? Really? You'll have to explain why you need a different pair for sleeping.

    Creative Queen, I think you are right about the "aaaaa" sound in the word "panties". It's also taking a masculine word like pants and trying to "girl" it down. Thanks, I think you rock too!

    MikeWJ, You were forewarned, you should have known better. Hope your face isn't too sore.

    Jan, comfort before style, is that like form before function or is it the other way around? I agree comfy knickers are better than un comfy ones. I still picture "Knickers" as long underpants, like the ones they wore in Little House on the Prairie, and that they must be worn with the funny little hats they wore to sleep.

    Amy, no wussy names for underpants. I actually prefer the word underpants to underwear. Not sure why, probably because it isn't used as much and is more of a childrens garment.

    Anne, I will never make you use the word "Panties". Do you cringe a little when you hubby uses the term? My ex used to call them panties and it was like fingernails on the chalk board. Worse than the word being frilly is a big biker guy using the word in a sentence, that is not spoken with sex in mind, it made him sound too sensitive.

    Lin, yes you can. Underpants are whatever it is that you are wearing under your pants (or skirt or dress).

    Margaret, I would have never thought that you, of all people, would be a "panties" kind of gal. But it does make the name of your blog work. Tho, Nanny Goats in Underpants would sound pretty cool too. Or Nanny Goats in Knickers, that has a nice ring to it. Actually, nanny goats wearing any item of clothing makes a pretty good blog name.

    Stacie, I can't do granny pants either especially since my grandmother would take me shopping as a child and try to make me choose the granny pants. She thought hipsters were far to risque.

  • Paul Jimerson

    I laughed, I cried – I wanted more! Very nice stuff. We'll talk…

  • I really can’t believe it. I pray Wayne is better for the cup!

  • I really like this type of too, can you help me look at which one has higher price point?