Blogging Dumb Shit I Do Kids Winter

It Was Funnier in My Dreams

December 3, 2010

Canada, Canada is big, More Canada, Still more CanadaDo you ever wake up in the morning thinking about a blog post, maybe it was a dream or something? I did this morning. It was quiet, no one was doing this yet, and I was actually chuckling to myself over this post.

I was talking to Cardiogirl the other day. Cardiogirl is one of many bloggers I have actually talked to on the phone in real life. I have not yet met any blogger in person because no one wants to come to this God forsaken place. When I woke up this morning it was -7F and it’s been snowing ice for the last month. Apparently our fine city is already out of ice and salt. I know this economy sucks but if you have an entrepreneurial spirit you could make a fortune here if you opened an auto body shop. You’d only have to work six months out of the year and could take off the whole summer. Which is only three months and obviously my math is wrong but that’s because of this.

I really need to start playing Bingo.

But I digress.

I was talking to Cardiogirl, on the phone, because we have meetings several days a week. We do this because we are trying to make Tribal Blogs awesomer (we’re giving away a Kindle this month and we have paid opportunities available!)  and because we are both lonely, isolated, and sick of being parents and hearing this all day long. So anyway, we were talking about Tribal Blogs and where everyone is from. Somehow we got to talking about the Canadian bloggers and how we both assumed they all lived just north of us.

The assumption was made because frankly neither one of us realized how freaking big Canada really is and that it actually goes to the east and west coasts. Canada, to both Cardiogirl and me, was that area around the upper part of the Great Lakes. This was really funny on the phone and even more funny in my mind this morning over coffee. Of course it’s lost something in translation.

So I made a map of where everyone is from. Not everyone because not everyone answered my email and I couldn’t find where they were from in their “about me” pages, but at least some of the bloggers. I even went so far as to figure out how to pixalate the words on the image and link them to their blogs (I had to have my son show me how to do this but since he is all about teaching a man to fish and not simply giving him a fish he found this cool site that I could use to link the areas of my map). However, I don’t think it worked and I’m not doing it again.

There was a purpose to this post, in my mind this morning it all tied neatly up into a beautiful and logical post. It’s gone now because of this*.

*Thanks to Kathy for sending me this link.

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No Comments

  • Reply moooooog35 December 3, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    That map is awesome, except there are six o’s in moooooog and not 5.

    Let me know when you fix it.

    Otherwise, it’s nice.


  • Reply Boom Boom Larew December 3, 2010 at 7:45 pm

    What a great idea to do a Tribal Blogs map! Now we know how to get to everybody’s house. Like you, it always amazes me that Canada’s so freakin’ huge! And the Stewie Griffin vid… priceless! One of my favorites.

    • Reply redheadranting December 4, 2010 at 12:00 am

      Kathy sent me that video because I had mentioned to her that I was going to be 24 hours free of “Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom”! Yes, Canada is really big. It’s nice to see that everyone is correcting me and telling me which Canada they actually live in. Canadians are really funny, I’m cracking up about where they live.

  • Reply Sheila December 3, 2010 at 7:51 pm


    • Reply meleahrebeccah December 3, 2010 at 10:48 pm

      New Jersey!

      • Reply redheadranting December 3, 2010 at 10:54 pm

        I knew that, but you probably didn’t have your location set. Sorry, I will be sure to include it in the redo. These comments are killing me up in Canada.

  • Reply Linda R. December 3, 2010 at 8:02 pm

    Ha, funny. I have a 4-legged one that’s been doing that all day. Trying to catch up on blog reading and commenting, and work on my writing, and all I hear is “maaaamaaaa”. Yes, he really sounds like that.

    • Reply redheadranting December 4, 2010 at 1:51 pm

      No Way! He really says Mama? That’s awesome, but I bet it gets just as irritating as it is when a child does it. Maybe even more because that’s all he can say. It is all he can say, right? What else does he say?

  • Reply JunkDrawer December 3, 2010 at 9:38 pm

    “OMG. Still more Canada?” So very awesome.

    I don’t like where you put mooooog. To me, he belongs in Texas. Please move him, thanks.

    • Reply redheadranting December 4, 2010 at 1:48 pm

      I don’t think Mooooog could survive in Texas. However, if you two kids can’t behave yourself I will move one of you to a different part of the bus.

      • Reply cardiogirl December 5, 2010 at 12:28 pm

        Just don’t send me to Kentucky.

  • Reply Mike December 3, 2010 at 10:10 pm

    It’s funny how all this time you thought we lived in Canada, when in fact me, Nicky and Jepeto live in Even More Canada. There’s a big difference.

    I’m not 100% sure where Dufus resides.

    • Reply Anonymous December 3, 2010 at 10:18 pm

      Um, I’m in More Canada too, right on the border of Canada. Aptly named, though. That’s just how we Quebeckers think.

      And OMG, Still More Canada should be renamed OMG, It’s Freakin’ Cold In This Part Of Canada.

      • Reply redheadranting December 3, 2010 at 10:44 pm

        I stand corrected, this is the funniest comment I have read. Seriously guys,
        tears are streaming down my face!

      • Reply redheadranting December 3, 2010 at 10:48 pm

        Wait, so you live in More Canada and Nicky, Mike and Jepeto live in Even More Canada? But you live on the border of Canada?

        • Reply Anonymous December 3, 2010 at 11:28 pm

          Aw, poop, there’s so much Canada even I’m confused. I live in Even More Canada, sorry. (Canadians are always apologizing!)

          • redheadranting December 3, 2010 at 11:47 pm

            That’s okay, even the individual Canadas are big, and I might have drawn the
            borders off a little. Which Canada is Canucklehead in?

          • Anonymous December 4, 2010 at 1:38 pm

            Canucklehead’s in Canada, west of Lake Ontario. (London, I think.)

          • redheadranting December 4, 2010 at 1:53 pm

            I don’t see a lake in Canada except for our lakes. What part of the dog does he live in or by?

          • Mike December 4, 2010 at 3:48 pm

            Oh, I see what happened. You drew the border too far south for Lake Erie and Lake Ontario. So essentially, you gave us both lakes entirely, where normally those lakes are shared. Hahahaa….now WE have all the water…thanks Jen! Suckers…

          • Anonymous December 4, 2010 at 7:50 pm

            Damn Americans. Think they own everything.

          • cardiogirl December 5, 2010 at 12:27 pm

            It’s good to see the underdog trying to take the Lakes. Even though we own them and always will. *chants “USA USA!”*

    • Reply redheadranting December 3, 2010 at 10:43 pm

      OMFG that is the funniest comment I have read in a long time! I am crying
      over here!

  • Reply Unfinished Rambler December 3, 2010 at 11:45 pm

    No Hawaiians? I’m disappointed. I clicked to see the larger picture and was saddened not to see any one of Samoan descent here. What about Antarctica? Or Africa? I mean it is called Tribal Blogs, right? Where are the tribal people? Or even Australia for that matter? 😉

    • Reply redheadranting December 3, 2010 at 11:57 pm

      I think Hawaii is there but we don’t have any Hawaiian members. As for the
      other places in the world, clearly I don’t have a firm grasp of North
      America yet. As soon as I do I will add them in.

  • Reply babs (beetle) December 4, 2010 at 12:01 am

    Everywhere is huge to us in the UK! Well everything except your type size on the map. I can’t read it. Or is it my old eyes?

    • Reply redheadranting December 4, 2010 at 12:04 am

      If you click on the picture it will take you to a bigger picture which you
      can make even bigger. That’s what I have to do to see it.

  • Reply Jayne December 4, 2010 at 1:50 am

    That’s hysterical. I see me right at the edge of the Pacific.

    Canada looks like it could totally kick our ass if it wanted to.

    • Reply redheadranting December 4, 2010 at 2:34 am

      Yes, I lumped you all in CA. I know you are in different places but really
      it was about fitting your names in the state of CA. I had the names linked
      but it didn’t work out that well so this is what we are left with. Of course
      I would have to look at a map to see where your name should really be. I
      think I got JD and Mike right.

  • Reply Nicky December 4, 2010 at 2:00 am

    Ok, Jen, let me help you out a bit. Even More Canada, where Jepeto, Mike and I live, looks kinda like a dog’s head. A dog with a nasty overbite. The dog appears to be spitting out the Maritime provinces. Well, we are located near the bottom of the dog’s “tongue”. Dufus lives, um, well, shoved down the dog’s throat. Which could explain why the dog is coughing up the Maritimes. I’m sure that cleared it all up for you.

    • Reply redheadranting December 4, 2010 at 2:32 am

      The Maritime Provinces are throwing me, actually the whole dog analogy is
      throwing me. Where is the dog? It looks more like a poorly made Muppet and
      not really a dog at all, unless I am confused about where the Maritime might
      be. I see the anteater over by Mooooog but I am pretty sure that is ocean,
      maybe the Maritime? This is so confusing. Why do you live in such a
      geographically challenging area?

      • Reply cardiogirl December 4, 2010 at 10:45 am

        Sweep the Leg, I can see the dog’s head! I can also see it vomiting which is excellent. It sort of looks like a German Shepherd’s head in profile with the mouth (and vomit) heading due east.

        Nicky could you please teach me geography? If my teachers had taught me this way I could tell you exactly where Monrovia and Volgograd are located without instantly assuming those are brands of exotic coffee beans.

        • Reply Nicky December 4, 2010 at 3:05 pm

          CG, it would be my pleasure. Monrovia is in Africa. Google map Africa. Notice how, if you tilt your head to the left, Africa looks like a person’s head and neck, leaning back with mouth wide open, about to eat Saudi Arabia. Monrovia is at the back of the person’s head, right about where a ponytail would sit (unless you wear your ponytail low on the nape of your neck and, really, who does that?). Can’t miss it.

          Volgograd is a bit more of a challenge. It is in Russia, which doesn’t really look like anything when you Google map it. After several shots of vodka, I realized it does look a little like the shape of Jabba the Hut. I’ll wait for you to down a few shots. Ok, notice that Jabba’s left tentacle is sliming its way down toward Turkey? If that tentacle had a thumb, that is where you would find Volgograd.

          Alright, now don’t forget your papers on “Italy: greatest country in the world because it is shaped like a designer boot?” are due on Tuesday. Class dismissed!

          • redheadranting December 5, 2010 at 7:20 pm

            I’m really trying Miss Nicky to see the dog. I see what might possibly pass for a dog with an underbite but you said overbite.

            As for the testicles in Russia, I suspect after all that vodka some things start to sag.

      • Reply Nicky December 4, 2010 at 2:38 pm

        Muppet, dog…maybe a muppet dog? In any case, we live almost straight up from Moooooog35 and the anteater (um, anteater? seriously?)

    • Reply Anonymous December 4, 2010 at 4:46 pm

      I’m glad it’s just a dog’s head. If it were a full dog, I’m not sure I’d like living in a dog’s butt. Although it may help explain some issues I have. Then, again, I’d be crapping on Ontario, which suits me fine.

  • Reply Jaffer December 4, 2010 at 3:49 am

    I live in Canada-Proper 🙂

    • Reply redheadranting December 4, 2010 at 4:29 am

      So the real Canada or do I need to redo the map?

      • Reply Jaffer December 4, 2010 at 12:37 pm

        Yes, the “real Canada” … hahaha.

  • Reply Mikewj December 4, 2010 at 6:11 am

    I live in Colorado, which is just south of Canada, I think. It might be just West of Canada, actually, because everybody keeps telling me I live in the West.

    Look, I don’t know where I am relative to Canada. But I’m pretty sure I don’t live in Canada because we don’t have a Tim Horton’s on every corner, the women here wear at least a little makeup when they leave the house, and the men aren’t tall and handsome.

    • Reply cardiogirl December 4, 2010 at 10:40 am

      @Mike Ouch. But then again, Nicky and Dufus have a natural beauty that needs no makeup whatsoever. CheesyMike and Jepeto could use a little concealer but you didn’t hear that from me.

      • Reply Anonymous December 4, 2010 at 8:00 pm

        I only wear make up when I’m oot and aboot among the mooses and reindeer.

        • Reply cardiogirl December 5, 2010 at 12:24 pm

          @Mike No, but I like that idea. Concealer is a little beige stick that helps cover blemishes on the face or dark circles under the eyes. I could use concealer every day of my life.

          @noname Do you eat ahhh-pels (apples) while your oot and aboot?

      • Reply Mike December 5, 2010 at 2:21 am

        Concealer? Is that like an invisibility cloak?

    • Reply redheadranting December 4, 2010 at 1:27 pm

      According to my map you are due south of More Canada and West of Canada. You are way west of Even More Canada and OMG, Still More Canada is just so far away, and apparently cold, that it really doesn’t matter.

      What is a Tim Horton’s is that like Culver’s? Do they serve Reindeer Urine?

      • Reply Nicky December 4, 2010 at 2:32 pm

        Tim Horton’s is the Canadian version of Dunkin’ Donuts. But better.

        *throws down gloves*

        • Reply Anonymous December 4, 2010 at 7:55 pm

          ‘Cept their donuts are frozen, not freshly made *spits*

        • Reply redheadranting December 5, 2010 at 7:25 pm

          We don’t have them here, and I don’t know why I missed this comment, and a whole bunch of them apparently because I asked someone else to explain this Tim Hortons.

          Anyway, we don’t have them and we don’t have Dunkin Donuts, though we can buy their coffee in the super market. We did have a Krispy Kreme at the Mall of America but it pulled out a few years ago and now it is some lemonade place, which is funny since we have winter at least 8 months of the year here and warm donuts would be much better. No, we have to get our donuts at the bakery or buy those nasty things from Hostess that sell at the Super America (Kinda like 7-11, actually exactly like 7-11, which we don’t have here either).

  • Reply cardiogirl December 4, 2010 at 10:37 am

    There’s so much to comment on here so I’m going to go step by step.

    Get out of here. Your city is ALREADY out of salt?! We barely have a toe into December. Thank Zeus, we haven’t needed one salt truck yet.

    That clip of Stewie is epic and so accurate. God, how accurate. You can always tell how irritated Mr. C and I are based on the tone of how we say, “What?” to our kids. When we’re losing our minds it is pronounced with two syllables — the first part is an octave higher than the second part and the second part goes on for at least five seconds and becomes the word aauuuggghhhh! before the T is prounced.


    Our audio discourse on the location of Canada was damn funny and continues to be funny. I’m chuckling right now thinking about how all of those Canucks are stuck in a bubble above the Great Lakes.

    If your son attempted to teach me to fish via that map I would starve and die. WTF?

    Now then, that map is incredible! I love how the UK “is over there somewhere” and Canada is like the ebola virus swallowing the top half of the globe. Excellent!

    p.s. Someone in the YouTube comments pointed out at the 35 second mark, right as Lois screams, “WHAT?!” you can briefly see the back of Peter’s shirt which indicates that he was sitting there the whole time ignoring it.

    • Reply redheadranting December 4, 2010 at 1:33 pm

      I don’t know if we are out of salt I just know that they haven’t salted the roads so everyone is spinning around. They might be waiting until we have a really big snow storm to use it. Or they are saving it up for the holiday travel days, or possibly the guy who salts my street is the Cliff Claven of street salters and is sitting in a bar somewhere talking big about his collection of weevils.

      My son and I have an agreement. I do the fishing and he fixes my computer when I break it. He still doesn’t like putting the worms on the hook.

      I’ll have to watch that video again, I didn’t see Peter but then I was getting ready to smack Stewie myself so I might have missed him.

      I’m rather proud of my map, I did really well in Geography, or was that Geometry?

  • Reply Shawn December 4, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    I’m also in Even More Canada. To put things in perspective, I’m about 20 minutes south of Nicky and Jepeto and abut 20 minutes south west of Mike, as the crow flies.
    I’ve been to Canada, and More Canada, but never to Still More Canada.

    • Reply redheadranting December 4, 2010 at 1:49 pm

      Shawn, what part of the choking dog is that (see Nicky’s helpful primer on Even More Canada)? Does anyone go to Still More Canada?

      • Reply Shawn December 5, 2010 at 3:27 pm

        I live in the corner of the dog’s mouth. Come to think of it, that may be a metaphor for my existence.
        And the only people that go to Still More Canada are those coming over the border from Alaska looking for a Tim Hortons.

  • Reply lisleman December 5, 2010 at 3:04 am

    just went over and visited a post or two on your tribe.
    Just wondering why you don’t use DISQUS over there too.

    I have post ideas evaporate all the time. Did you ever hear of “Dark Energy” or “Dark Matter”? That’s were the ideas get sucked up into.

    • Reply cardiogirl December 5, 2010 at 12:28 pm

      Hey, why didn’t I think of that?

    • Reply redheadranting December 5, 2010 at 7:22 pm

      I don’t use Disqus over there because I want to provide a backlink for people who leave comments. Disqus only does that if people are registered and a lot of people don’t like to do that and also don’t like Disqus. If everyone registered with Disqus I would use it in a second but they don’t so we’re stuck with that system.

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