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Damn You, Candy Crush!

September 17, 2013

It all started innocently enough. I was on Facebook, trolling through status updates when I came across someone’s update about Candy Crush. It said something like this:

Gonna take a break and play a little Candy Crush. It’s fun and even a little addicting ; )

Fun, a little addicting and candy?

Count me in. I did a quick Google search to see what this Candy Crush was and the next thing I know I’m installing the app on my Facebook page.

Prior to that moment I stopped by Facebook to see what people were up to, comment on a couple of status updates and maybe like one or two. Minutes, at most, were spent on Facebook unless I got into an interesting conversation with one of my friends like Jayne, Mike or June.

Not anymore.

It was a swift addiction. Crack and meth users head’s would spin if they had the wherewithal to get online, go to Facebook, install the app and play the game.

For those of you who don’t know what Candy Crush is it’s a game where you match three or more candies of various colors and shapes. Sometimes you can mix the candies and they do cool things like blowing up. Each puzzle has a different goal but usually you have to clear the board within so many moves.

I don’t remember when I started playing this damn game but it seems like a lifetime ago. I can’t remember what I did before this game. Now I wake up, login and play my quick five games while I drink my coffee and complain about The Today Show.

Thankfully you only get to play five games at a time. Then, if you don’t know anyone else who is playing, you have to wait for a certain amount of time to pass before you can play again. I don’t know how much time has to pass because everyone is playing this game and everyone gives lives back and forth, freely. All you have to do is close down your browser, log back in and you have full lives.

I’m on level 273.

I’m also ashamed to admit that because it means I spend a lot of time playing this game. I’ve also been stuck on this level for over two weeks because I refuse to buy boosters.

That’s right, you can purchase boosters to help with the game.

I admit it, I have purchased boosters. I’ve gotten so frustrated that I have given in and purchased 5 more moves. And then five more moves and five more moves. After you’ve purchased five more moves five times and you still haven’t won the fucking game you have to fish or cut bait. Go big or go home. With only one more jelly to get rid of you can bet I’m gonna get another stupid five more moves.

And I’m not the only one. Apparently the makers of Candy Crush Saga are pulling in $633,000 per day!

Let that sink in for a minute.

I know people who have quit the game only to sneak back in and play on the down low. I try not to out anyone by sending them extra moves or lives without their asking but sometimes it happens.

I have to quit this game and I don’t think there is a natural end to it. They just keep making new levels so that we just keep playing. They must have taken a page from the tobacco companies playbook.

I play on my phone, my iPad and my laptop. I haven’t connected the phone and the iPad to Facebook though so I can’t get unlimited lives.

I tell people I play the game as a stress reliever but the truth is it creates a ton more stress than it relieves. I dream of candy combinations, I google cheats more than I care to admit even though none of them help.

Skill is only a small component of this game. Luck plays a much bigger part.

$633,000 per day. There is a way to cash in on this craze. Someone needs to set up shop to solve the puzzles for those of us who can’t get beyond a certain level like 273.

Crack or meth would have been a wiser choice I think.

Are you playing this horrible game? Have you successfully quit or do you play on the down low?

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