I’m back!
Don’t even ask about the book.
I don’t really have a whole post about one thing, I just have a bunch of bitches that I need to get out of my system. None are long enough in and of themselves to make a post with so I’m gonna lump them all together here while I get my mojo working again.
Last week, or maybe it was the week before, I really don’t remember now, I threw out my back. Not completely, I could still walk, but it was enough to make my gait funny which then translated into my thighs hurting as well as my ankle when I went on my 6 mile walk.
After trying to stretch it out for a few days I decided to use heat on it. I had some of those heat wrap things from 2007 but they expired in 2009 and didn’t heat up so I grabbed this massager thing I got as a door prize at my sex toy party.
It’s actually a cool little gizmo. It starts out in kind of a liquid form and then you snap this little piece of metal inside of it and the liquid starts to crystallize as it heats up. Once it has cooled down it needs to be boiled for seven minutes in hot water to remove the crystals.
The problem is there are a couple of trolls in my home who keep snapping the little piece of metal. So far this little heat massager, which is not vibrating or battery operated at all, has been heating the kitchen counter. Which then means if I want to put it on my back I have to boil it again for seven minutes and then let it cool down completely before I snap the metal thingy. Which is why it is on the kitchen counter to begin with.
No one will cop to pressing the metal thing but twice I have found the older one standing in the kitchen holding it.
If I had my mojo completely back I could have told that story more succinctly.
I spent the better part of the day driving. I know I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again because a lot of people seem to forget it.
BLINKERS ARE NOT OPTIONAL
I’d really love to complain about homework, I still don’t get most of it, but the teacher is so nice I can’t complain. I will say this, homework takes a lot longer in second grade than it did in first grade. It’s a lot harder for me too.
99 weeks of guaranteed unemployment benefits means that whoever is receiving unemployment will take exactly 99 weeks to find a job.
We decorated our front yard this year for Halloween, it was awesome. We had a graveyard, spider webs, and ghosts on the lawn. Then we had hurricane force winds for two days and it’s all gone.
Speaking of Halloween decorations. If you want those leaf bags with the pumpkins on them you better buy them as soon as the Halloween decorations go on sale. I had to go to an apple farm in Wisconsin to find mine. Now they belong to some stranger who lives three blocks away.
I have this plugin I use to choose the tags for my posts based on the words I use. The tags for this post are Joy Behar and Sharron Angle. That cracks me up.
You had me giggling at your decorations blowing away. Sorry. We’ve had hurricane-force winds here for the past 2 days and yeah, I think your damn pumpkin trash bags are here if you wanna come get them. I didn’t have Halloween decorations until today. 🙂
You may as well keep them now. We have a few more that we were going to fill
but now all the leaves are gone too. And I’m okay with that.
Keywords are Joy Behar and Sharon Angle? Holy crap that is combustible! How fun…
And Blinkers are not optional. I agree. The morons up the street do not. Bastards.
Be careful with the thrown out back. I reccomend Tylenol 4’s. Liberally. Just sayin…
It took me a minute to get the morons up the street. We must have the same
neighbors tho, I didn’t think you lived near me.
Frankly, I’m surprised that only Joy and Sharron came up in the tags but
then I suppose Charlie Sheen is a guy and we don’t usually call them
bitches.
The back is much better now, that story is coming soon. Just remember “one
chicken wing”.
Sorry about your back being out (and glad its feeling better). I agree, blinkers are not optional! Nothing quite like thinking somebody is going straight and turns right in front of you.
As for your heat pack… I blame the ice goblins. They hate warm things and love annoying people, so they keep clicking your heart so that it won’t warm up on you. I hear leaving a note that says “I will ground you” works wonders though…
~Gwen 😀
“99 weeks of guaranteed unemployment benefits means that whoever is receiving unemployment will take exactly 99 weeks to find a job.”
Not necessarily. My wife was out only for a few months and now has found a job. So there :P. So much for your little theory, lady. 😉
She is the exception. My ex husband and his buddies who got laid off are
planning and riding it out because they can do side jobs for cash under the
table.
There was a report on Holland which had five years of guaranteed
unemployment. The majority of people found a job at five years. They lowered
it to four and guess what, people found a job after four years of looking. I
think it’s now down to one year and low and behold people are finding work
after just one year.
We have those here in Canada too. However, it’s a challenge because in order to maintain their benefits they have to apply to a certain number of jobs a day and provide proof that they did so. People can still cheat the system and do but they try to regulate it. Maternity/Paternity benefits though? Now THAT’s the cat’s meow. 1 year off on just over half our salary and our employer MUST hold a job of equal stature and pay for our return. Can split it up between husband and wife also. I think this is an important benefit and wouldn’t begrudge any parent their time with their new baby.
Sorry, but I laughed. Not at all of it obviously, but at the Halloween decorations. Not funny for you, but funny all the same.
I thought about a keyword plug in, but I thought I’d probably spend more time taking out weird keywords than thinking my own up. Does it work OK normally?
AH. Now I get the Redhead “Ranting” part.
Makes sense.
Um, duh.
I’m sorry, what were you saying. I got waylaid (I wish) at “sex toy party”.
Seriously? The party was a hoot. I hope you read all about it. It’s actually time for another one so stay tuned.
Ah… I can totally relate, Jen. That back makes everything ache… after all… the back bone IS connected to the hip bone! (And I love your tags… The View has been a regular daily event since I broke my leg and became confined to home.)
I watched Oprah for the first time in like ten years when my back was out. I would have watched the View but I had no idea when it was on and missed it. Nothing is more fun than a little cat fight. I hope you get up and around soon. Too much daytime TV turns your brain to mush.
A nice rant indeed. I hope your back feels better soon. I hate it when my back is out.
Have a terrific day. 🙂
Joy Behar! WOOO! I like Joy Behar but now I am going to spend the rest of the day trying fit Joy Behar into this post via six degrees of separation.
I tried to work this problem for about three minutes. I didn’t use Google so I didn’t come up with anything.
Love the comment about the suggested tags, too funny. I don’t get the purpose of most homework either, especially some of the projects. Now that my kids are in middle school I thought homework would be more practical, but I just tell my kids it is a necessary evil since I’m all out of good excuses for why the majority of assignments are at all worthwhile. Sorry to hear about your back.
I resent homework. Actually I resent that I am expected to do it with my daughter. I don’t mind helping her if she needs help but she expects me to do it with her. I’m not a teacher, I am not trained in that sort of thing. I want it to end and I will do so by giving her the answers. I know it’s wrong but I already did homework, I want it to end as soon as possible.
Oh MAN! All that work and your decorations blew away! We have spider webs all over the front yard – they got rained on but that actually made them look kind of cooler. Of course when halloween is over I’m sure I won’t be able to get them off!
I know the back sprain thing all too well. I can’t get comfortable no matter what I do. Ice helps a little (but I hate it) and heat helps a little too. Time is the best thing for it, but not that’s not the fun part! I’m sorry about your Halloween stuff! Damn that wind!
Im sorry Jen. But I am totally laughing at the hurricane force winds that destroyed your Halloween decorations.
Hope your back feels 100% better, SOON!
Bummer your decorations. And you know how I feel about the wind.
i tried to post a comment, but your site show me a blank page. now can you read me? thanks for the information.
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