Before I Was A Mom

June 9, 2010

Before I Was a Mom:

I Was Fun

I really used to be a lot of fun. I had no problem going out to a club and drinking all night long. I’d even throw caution to the wind and dance a little. I didn’t nag all the time and I wasn’t worried about anything. Now that I am a mom I worry all the time and I nag even more.

I Had Money

If I wanted to buy myself a pair of insanely expensive shoes that I would probably only wear once I could, and I did. If I wanted to eat out every night, I did. I have been wearing the same pair of Crocs for the last 5 years. I bought the purse I have been lugging around 16 years ago. Thankfully, it’s a Coach so it still looks really good, out of fashion, but it looks okay. I can’t remember the last time I ate out, like, at a real restaurant where you sit down and someone brings stuff to you that was ordered off a menu that you didn’t have to read from your car window.

I Was Fashionable

I wore the latest fashions. Which is too bad on many levels because I haven’t not been a mom since the early 90’s which means I am still wearing shirts with shoulder pads. I have always had big hair because since becoming a mom I don’t have an extra hour to iron it straight. Ponytail holders have become my best friend. One very nice thing about missing a lot of the fashions of the last nearly two decades is that I still have straight leg jeans (purchased in bulk when I had money to burn, talk about foresight) so I haven’t had to wear those awful wide leg jeans that only come up to your pube line, the ones that show your ass crack if you even think about bending over.

I Slept Through The Night

I haven’t slept through the night since February 10th, 1993. In fact I haven’t gotten a straight three hours of sleep since that date. Sure, both of the kids are sleeping through the night now but the big one goes out at night which means I have to wait up for him, and the little one will occasionally fall out of bed or need to go to the bathroom. Why she thinks she needs to wake me up and tell me that I don’t understand. If the kids aren’t waking me up the cat is.

I Traveled The World

Before I had kids I actually left the state of Minnesota. I once hopped a flight, standby even, to Italy because a friend was going and asked if I wanted to come along. It helped that I was already in England since the flight wasn’t all that far. I had no problems changing my plans from a week in England to a summer in Italy. We went there not knowing where we were staying and not speaking the language. I also managed a summer in Italy on $400. Since I became a mom I have been to Mexico with my family (which is no vacation when you have a toddler) and I have crossed the border into Canada a couple of times. I have also driven across the country twice but that was for a move and hardly considered fun. I haven’t renewed my passport in over ten years. In fact, in the last ten years I haven’t traveled any farther than the Wisconsin border.

I was a different person before I was a mom. My kids don’t understand this, they think I have always been a tired, boring, nagging pain in the ass. When I tell them I used to be fun they look at me like I just sprouted a third arm. They just can’t see it.

I wouldn’t change anything, I love my kids to death. I can say that now because I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. In another ten years I might get to go dancing, sit down at a real restaurant and buy that new purse I have been thinking about for the last decade.

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No Comments

  • Reply moooooog35 June 9, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    I'm still not a mom.

    Probably because I'm a guy, but whatever.

    • Reply cardiogirl June 9, 2010 at 3:31 pm

      You're not trying hard enough, moooooog. That dude has been pregnant twice now.

  • Reply babs (beetle) June 9, 2010 at 3:12 pm

    Judging from what I've seen, you will bail your kids out financially for most of their young lives ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I never had kids, yet all of the above counts for me too, though the transformation started at about 35 years old.

    • Reply redheadranting June 14, 2010 at 1:02 pm

      I don't know, I've made it clear that if my son does something stupid and lands up in jail he is to call his father, I will not bail him out for something stupid which means I won't bail him out.

      35 sounds about right. I was in denial for those first few years, and I had more energy before the second one came along.

      • Reply babs (beetle) June 14, 2010 at 1:06 pm

        Oh, I didn't mean jail (another Britism?) It means that they will always be asking you for money for one thing or another ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Reply cardiogirl June 9, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    Thanks Jen!

    Remember what it was like to have money? I can't tell you how many times I flopped onto the couch, after a long day at the office, and asked my husband if he felt like Chinese or Pizza for dinner.

    Because who cooks when they can order out?

    • Reply redheadranting June 14, 2010 at 1:00 pm

      Money is a memory that has almost completely faded. I want it back.

  • Reply Holly June 9, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    Before I had kids, my boobs looked great!

  • Reply Comedy Plus June 9, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    I can so relate to this post. I can so relate.

    Have a terrific day. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Reply themother June 9, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    Every choice in life changes things.

  • Reply Linda Medrano June 9, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    I love this post! And I can so relate! Even the photos look like a redhead white version of my black haired Latina look! (But I still did all that stuff on weekends when the kids were at Dads!) Now I feel like I'm a stay at home mom but with pets rather than kids. And one who doesn't sneak out to the clubs when the pets are at Dad's!

  • Reply Pricilla June 9, 2010 at 5:04 pm

    I can't remember before I had kids. I know my udder was a lot tighter and the bucks didn't pass me up for every new doe that wagged their tail. Now I have grey hairs and bald spots are starting to show where my horns used to be. Harumph!

    The publicist never had kids but she does have us goats now…

  • Reply Sam Liu June 9, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    I'm sure a lot of mums, if not all, have felt this way at some point – that their lives have changed, and that they have changed, quite dramatically since having children, and not always for the better. But, it's wonderful that you're also able to identify all the good changes having children has brought, and that you're able to look towards a future of dancing, eating out, and extravagant shopping ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Reply redheadranting June 14, 2010 at 12:59 pm

      Before I was a mom I never spent an afternoon coloring. I never spent hours playing with trains. There are so many things I didn't do before having kids that were loads of fun. Having kids allows parents to become a child again for a little while at least.

  • Reply lisleman June 9, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    I seriously thought I didn't want to have kids. I had read some over populated predictions. Thank God that changed. But I was never a mom – single father for a bit with two girls but that special mom thing? It's a gift that my first wife didn't have.
    So I mentioned your hatred of blog awards in my recent post. Maybe I should have passed it along to you just to piss you off. thanks

    • Reply redheadranting June 14, 2010 at 12:57 pm

      Thank you for not passing it along to me. I do appreciate that.

  • Reply JD at I Do Things June 9, 2010 at 6:07 pm

    If it makes you feel any better, I'm in pretty much the same boat as you only without the kids to show for it.

  • Reply Jayne June 9, 2010 at 9:22 pm

    Hey, I never had kids and I'm broke and not having much fun either. I am sleeping through the night though.

    • Reply redheadranting June 14, 2010 at 12:49 pm

      You need a cat if you are sleeping through the night. I've got one here with your name on it…

  • Reply mrsblogalot June 9, 2010 at 10:44 pm

    I hope my son doesn't think I was always like this! Thank goodness I have pictures and stories to prove otherwise. A whole “other” lifetime of stories…it will probably take his whole lifetime to convince him anyway. Who the hell would believe that I wore my hair and clothes like that on purpose?

    • Reply redheadranting June 14, 2010 at 12:48 pm

      I can't share most of the stories with my kids, I'm trying to raise them so they don't do those things or at least so I never have to hear about them until they are adults.

      Headbands, ugh!

  • Reply JunkDrawer June 9, 2010 at 11:46 pm

    I'm pretty sure you'd never speak to me again if I told you I napped every day of my two week vacation. I should probably just mosey on. Sorry.

    • Reply redheadranting June 14, 2010 at 12:47 pm

      Of course I would speak to you if you told me that. You would be my new hero. I must live vicariously through your naps. I bet they are wonderful, I bet you spend a good part of your life feeling well rested, I bet you know how to relax. I need a nap.

  • Reply loladiner June 10, 2010 at 1:00 am

    I have 1 sister who is younger. If anyone was a betting person back when we were kids or teens they would have bet my sister would have kids and I would have none. I wasn't a “kid friendly” person. They annoyed me to no end and I babysitting pretty much ruined me for having kids of my own. (Or so I thought. I once babysat for a family with 6 kids when I was a teen. None of them over 8 years old, 1 was a baby.) But, I'm the one with kids and my sister is the one without kids. (Which is actually a good thing because I wouldn't want her husband procreatin'.) Lol!

    • Reply redheadranting June 14, 2010 at 12:45 pm

      See, the thing is, I knew what it was like. I baby sat all the time and I took care of my mother so I can't say I didn't know what it was going to be like. However when they are your own kids you can't just watch them for a few hours, you have to do it all the time.

  • Reply Margaret (nannygoats) June 10, 2010 at 7:22 pm

    For the life of me, I can't figure out what's going on with that outfit of yours. Does it dip down in the front? I mean, is there an optical illusion going on or is your hemline straight?

    Anyway, could getting older BE any more depressing? You're going to be one of those women like that movie I saw where the mother/wife just took off one day and went to Greece to find herself. (Great movie, by the way, oh, heck, what was the name of it?)

    Anyway, sounds like you need a full on ME vacation. And by ME, I mean you have to take ME with you.

    • Reply redheadranting June 14, 2010 at 12:43 pm

      I'm hiking the dress up to show off my leg, there were cocktails involved and it was the 80's so the dress had layers to it. I still have the dress which means the hoarder people might show up any day now.

      Greece sounds lovely, let's go.

  • Reply Melody Elliott Koontz June 10, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    Excellent and hilarious post..and so true. You've inspired me to write one now…”Before I was an old”

    • Reply redheadranting June 14, 2010 at 12:42 pm

      Before you were an old what? I'm so glad I can inspire someone.

  • Reply Nicky June 10, 2010 at 11:59 pm

    Before I was a mom, I had all my marbles. I really miss those marbles. I thought they just rolled under the couch, but no. They're gone.

    Before I was a mom, I didn' think the television was too loud.

    Before I was a mom, I could read a book. Uninterrupted. In bed. While drinking a hot chocolate laced with Bailey's Irish Cream.

    Before I was a mom, nobody came and asked me for a hug. Nobody told me I was prettier than the other kids' moms. Nobody thought the seat beside me was the best, most important place to sit in the world – worth fighting over really.

    I guess there are pros and cons to everything. I'd still really like to get my marbles back though ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Reply Nicky June 11, 2010 at 12:46 am

      Oh, and by the way, YOU WON THE GRAND PRIZE!!!!!

    • Reply redheadranting June 11, 2010 at 1:38 pm

      This is so sweet!

  • Reply MsDarkstar June 11, 2010 at 1:16 am

    I have a lot of respect for people who can do the “Mom” thing. I've told one of my SAHM friends that she does a job that would have me in an institution in less than 2 weeks (and I am dead serious about that).

    I can't even manage to be a “wife”…

  • Reply Lanita Moss June 11, 2010 at 4:15 pm

    Just remember to throw in a pair of reading glasses. You won't be able to read the menu anymore.

    • Reply redheadranting June 14, 2010 at 12:41 pm

      I've had bifocals for the last three years. Yet, one more thing that reminds me I am not as much fun as I used to be.

  • Reply Mighty M Family June 11, 2010 at 9:35 pm

    What a fun comment. I was thinking that before I was a mom I could whatever the heck I wanted to, like watch a movie 6 times or take a nap whenever I wanted! It was awesome! But also lonely….. so glad to be where I am. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Reply Mighty M Family June 11, 2010 at 9:35 pm

    PS, I meant fun POST not fun comment. See, mommy brain at it again! Before I was a mom I could type the right words!!!

    • Reply redheadranting June 11, 2010 at 11:53 pm

      I'm glad you clarified that because even though I was pretty sure that was
      what you meant it confused me a bit. My mommy brain is getting a work out
      today since it was finally the last day of school. Yay.

  • Reply LivitLuvit June 11, 2010 at 10:58 pm

    These are all great reasons why I'm living it up now! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Reply redheadranting June 14, 2010 at 12:40 pm

      They are, please live it up for me. I did my fair share of living it up before children but I had no idea that it all just stops when they come home from the hospital.

  • Reply Lisa Griffiths June 13, 2010 at 5:06 pm

    Can't say I miss having kids in the house. Now I have a friend instead. One of the funniest comments my grown son made to me after joining the military 8 years ago was: “Now I understand why you have drinks in the evening.” Welcome to my world dear boy. Life needs a few cocktails to get through sometimes.

    • Reply redheadranting June 14, 2010 at 12:39 pm

      I couldn't agree more about life needing a few cocktails. I know for me boxed wine has been a life saver on occasion.

  • Reply Kim - In Search of Me in Mommy June 13, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    “a tired, boring, nagging pain in the ass.” Oh…, yep. I was fun too! Now…mom.

    • Reply redheadranting June 14, 2010 at 12:38 pm

      But it's still there, locked away, waiting to emerge, right? Right…?

      • Reply Kim - In Search of Me in Mommy June 14, 2010 at 1:31 pm

        Oh, yeah. She's in there…resurfacing more and more as the become more
        independent! But, they are only 4 and 5…school is the next big
        hurdle…one in all day kindergarten in August.

  • Reply Man Over Board June 14, 2010 at 2:08 am

    Except in ten years the shoes might be orthopedic and the new purse might have a special zipper pocket to hold your meds in. But as far as being fun, I still think your quite the life of the party still. Even if that party consists of a few pets and whatever kids decided to stay home for the evening because none of their friends were doing anything fun that night ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Reply redheadranting June 14, 2010 at 12:37 pm

      I'll also be tooling around with my walker!

      I have the potential to be the life of the party but it's been years since since I limboed.

  • Reply Rachelebennett June 14, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    I try to still have a little fun. It's nothing like it used to be, though. I stayed up all night a couple weeks ago (for Relay for Life) and it took me a full week to recover. We need to get all the Tribal kids together for a weekend for some adult, kid-less fun.

  • Reply Anne June 14, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    Before I was a mom, I was hip and cool. Somehow, my kids have transformed me to frumpy. How did that happen?

  • Reply MikeWJ at TooManyMornings June 14, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    This hit a nerve for me, seriously. I love my kids, too, but I'm so tired of being a dad. I want my life back, and I want my wife to have her life back, too, so that we can stop worrying and nagging and start eating out more and taking trips to exotic countries that encourage to lay around in bed naked all day.

    Nice post, Jen.

    • Reply redheadranting June 14, 2010 at 4:39 pm

      Me too! It just occurred to me that I have been a wife/mother for half of my
      life so which life is my life? I suspect they both are but I feel the same
      way, I want MY life back. Youth really is wasted on the young.

  • Reply meleahrebeccah June 14, 2010 at 10:02 pm

    I love my son more than words can express, but there are some days when I miss the Non-Parent Meleah that threw caution to the wind, spent money on herself, and took real vacations.

    However, I am fortunate enough to have an amicable relationship with my son's father, so when my son goes to visit his dad, I get the break I need and the chance to let my hair down. It's not all that often, so when the the opportunity arises, I think I treasure it that much more.

  • Reply MomZombie June 22, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    I've been thinking about all of this a lot lately. I swore I wouldn't just let it all go and fall into the “mom mode.” It seems that may have happened anyway. You don't mean for it to happen. One day you wake up and realize you haven't been in a store to buy new clothes in years. Years! You don't even know what constitutes a fashionable outfit anymore. Even if you did, you probably couldn't pull it off. Sigh. Thankfully my eyesight is so bad I can just walk around in a happy fog.

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