Yesterday, as I was writing my post about wanting to get the kids out of the house for an extended period, I was contemplating the fact that I haven’t posted much and yesterday’s post was simply phoning it in. I have nothing to bitch about I thought to myself. Which in and of itself is pretty good. My kids are healthy, my relationships with their dads are both good, I’ve lost ten pounds and aside from the lack of an income things are going pretty good. Maybe I’ve mellowed in my old age?
The lack of anything to bitch about has me concerned however. Certainly there are still things that are worthy of complaint but I’m just in a better mood and they don’t bother me all that much. This probably has more to do with me getting sleep without the use of Propofol but who knows. I’m worried about not finding fault with anyone because it directly relates to this blog. If I can’t bitch there is nothing to write about.
And just like that I was provided with a solution.
I live less than half a mile from three colleges. The colleges range from extremely liberal to conservative to homophobic. On any given early Saturday morning it is not uncommon to find a young adult puking in my alley. The kids have been out on summer break so they haven’t been a problem but now that classes are starting up again I now have to make sure that I don’t peg one with my car since none of them know how to cross the street at a crosswalk. This is a major bitch of mine since I have to drive through these areas on a daily basis.
It must be orientation week at the local left wing tree hugging college because last night at 9 pm the doorbell rang. I assumed it was the neighbor girl and told my daughter to answer the door. When I heard Stanley barking I realized I was wrong and went down to the door to see what idiot was there bugging me after dark.
I don’t get many solicitors since I moved to this neighborhood. My neighbor hates them and makes a habit of answering the door in his boxer shorts with a beer in one hand and a rifle in the other. He is not a drunk nor a member of the NRA but he hates solicitors and found this was a good way to keep them from ringing his doorbell. I have benefited immensely from his selfless act. He must not have been home last night.
I answered the door to a young and very scruffy looking freshmen. He had a clip board in his hands with MPIRG on it. MPIRG stands for Minnesota Progressive something something something, I could look it up but it’s too progressive for me. Don’t get me wrong, I recycle but that’s about as liberal as I get. MPIRG students have been ringing my doorbell at the wrong time of the day for as long as I can remember and they piss me off. I have no time for them. If they want my attention they can send me something in the mail and I will throw it in the circular file with all the other crap I get.
I was polite at first. I said it was late and I had no interest. He stated that he was allowed to knock on doors until 9pm. This irritated me since he obviously has no children and doesn’t understand that I am either trying to get one to bed or I have succeeded in getting her to bed and want peace and quiet. My doorbell should not ring, causing the dog to bark which takes forever to stop, after 9pm. In fact I have instructed all friends of children to simply walk in since I hate the doorbell so much. I know that if the doorbell rings it is someone I don’t want to talk to.
The kid kept talking and I was getting irritated but still hadn’t slammed the door in his face. I do not know the topic he wanted to discuss because I was assaulted by a cloud of bad BO and was just about bowled over. And at that moment all I could think about was that this would make a great post. Stinky liberal college students trying to raise money for projects I am not the least bit interested in.
I finally slammed the door on him since he wouldn’t go away on his own. I went up to my office and wrote in purple crayon “Macalester students smell bad” on a post it note.