It’s All Fun and Games and then You’re Wearing the Cone of Shame

This summer has been a shitshow. Busy as ever, hot as a fuck and I swear to God I am losing my mind. The new puppy is awesome, she’s super smart (can already sit, shake and lie down on command) and such a sweetie pie. She also has tons of energy and sharp little puppy teeth. Ruby has been wonderfully patient with all the puppy shenanigans. Lilith jumps on Ruby full force and then starts chewing on whatever part of Ruby’s face she can get her sharp little teeth into.

It was all fun and games until you’re wearing the Cone of Shame.

Let me back up a bit. Lately I’ve been feeling  – I don’t know – blah. I have had no motivation for anything. I want to work on some projects that I’ve been wanting to explore for a while now, and took a week off of regular work (you know, a vacation) so I could work on those things. Mostly writing a new book, creating a website for it and all that kind of good stuff. This is something I’ve been tossing around for a long time and finally decided to do it. I was super excited about it too.

Then the time came when I had time to work on it and I had absolutely no motivation. 

So I did what I usually do and listen to self-help audio books while walking the dogs.

I’m currently re-listening to You Are a Badass®: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life (Oh, by the way, that’s an affiliate link so if you click on it I might make a few cents. If you click on it tomorrow you’ll get a better deal I think). I’m also walking a huge ass dog and a puppy who has no idea how the whole concept of “walk” works. “Walk” to Lilith means darting between my legs, between Ruby’s legs, pulling on her leash, pulling on Ruby’s leash. It’s a whole lot of one step forward, two steps back. It’s also a lot of me doing this awkward little two-step move so I don’t step on Lilith when she stops in front of me to eat whatever is on the ground that she must have in her mouth NOW!

As I’m listening to this self help book Jen Sincero is explaining how when making changes, it seems the powers that be will try to trip you up and actually make life more difficult – no one likes change, even the universe – I’m desperately trying to make some changes. I am ready for the all the world has to throw at me – I got this!! And, then I’m completely tangled in both dog’s leashes and I’m laughing hysterically.

Later that evening, after a day of not getting anything done and feel like a complete loser for it, I sit down to watch some mindless TV. The dogs are roughhousing a few feet in front of me and I have the water bottle for when things get too rough. Next thing I hear is a yelp and the puppy jumps onto the couch next to me. She looks at me and then jumps back on top of Ruby for some more playing. I look down and notice there’s a fair amount of blood on the cushion and me.

OMFG what has happened?!?!? I get Lilith and see that her ear has been torn. She still wants to play. I try to put pressure on her ear but that hurts her and she starts trying to get away from me and now she’s shaking her head. Ears are incredibly vascular which means they bleed a lot. 

A LOT.

I try to remain calm, but it’s 10:30pm. Why do these things only happen after business hours? I start contemplating if a trip to the doggie ER is necessary. From past experience they will stop the bleeding and send us home. That will cost about $700 at the place near me. I’m freaking out at this point. The puppy is fine, she wants to play. Ruby feels horrible. I feel horrible. I’m covered in blood and I know I am not going to get any sleep tonight. I start laughing and then I start to cry because I’m exhausted, worn out, burnt out and don’t know what else to do. 

I am not freaking my daughter out because I am covered in blood and I am laugh/crying. She thinks I am hurt and I try to tell her I am fine through my sobbing snorts.

I have to take the puppy to the doggie ER, but will need someone to hold her while someone else drives. My daughter does not have her driver’s license yet, and there is no way she can hold her with the blood. I call my son but I am still laugh/crying and I freak him out. 

“I’m coming right over, mom!”

“Wait,” I say. “Let me tell you what has happened so you don’t panic.”

I explain what happened through tears, he remains calm and gets to the house within a few minutes. I change, because my white shirt is mostly red now, into something I know will also get stained and we head out.

I have stopped cry/laughing – mostly crying at this point.

All the staff at the after hours care are wonderful. They coo at the puppy and give her all the attention she wants. They stop the bleeding, wrap her head in a sock and give her the cone of shame. 

It is 2am when we finally get home.

Lilith and Ruby both go right to sleep, I am too wired for sleep. 

The next day, I am dragging my ass because I haven’t slept much and thankfully both dogs are tired. It may have been the excitement of the previous evening or it might be the heat. Either way I am grateful that I don’t have to shout “No” and “Don’t eat that!” all day and can take a little nap.

The cone of shame hasn’t slowed her down a bit. In fact, it makes it even easier for her to put random things into her mouth – she just scoops whatever stick or toy she wants into the cone and then starts chewing it.

She’s completely adapted to the Cone of Shame, doesn’t even notice it for the most part. She hasn’t tried to get it off and she goes about her business (jumping on Ruby) with all her might. Here she is splooting.