This is a repost from a couple of years ago, before anyone was reading my stuff.
Dear Mr. Boss Man,
Thank you for the raise the other day. I really appreciate it. Thank you also for the glowing review. I am not used to someone saying such wonderful things about me or my work. I appreciate the positive feedback that you give to me each day and I appreciate that you are a very positive person and can admit when you are wrong. That has been rare in my working career, and frankly in life in general.
However, when you suggested that I crank it up a notch you worried me. I am cranking away and as far as I can tell you think so too. I have had every assignment in not only on time but usually long before it is due.
When you suggested that I arrive earlier and leave later you almost made me cry. You see you want the one thing I don’t have anymore to give. You want more of my time. You mentioned that you arrive at 7 am so that you can leave at 3 and golf and fish like you so like to do. And that is great. You do indeed put in a great amount of time in the office. I would love to be there at 7 am right along with you. The problem is I wake up at 5am, I shower, I get dressed, I try to have a moment with coffee and Matt Lauer before I have to wake my children and get them ready to move.
My son is nearly impossible to motivate early in the morning and needs multiple wake up calls but once he is actually out of bed he manages on his own. My daughter needs a little more help. She can dress herself but often times she puts her clothes over her bed clothes and I don’t figure this out until we are walking out the door. She needs to bring her security lovies with her to daycare and sometimes they aren’t ready to go.
I need to prepare lunches and check to make sure that all homework is in the backpack and ready to present to the teacher. I also need to make sure the dogs have been fed, even though it is not my job, and that they have water for the day. I try to throw in a load of laundry so that when I stop at home during my lunch hour to let the incontinent dog outside, I can throw the laundry into the dryer. Because it sits for several hours after drying I have some ironing to do as well.
You have been incredibly understanding when I have left to take my ailing mother to her doctors appointments and I appreciate your suggestion that I carve out a little “me time” so I can go and see my doctor for the post-op appointment I was supposed to have three months ago. The problem is there is no “me time” unless it infringes on sleep time, which there is little left to take from, or the time I am committed to you. The idea of golfing or fishing is alien to me. When I leave the office I am thinking about the full time job at home I am about to start.
I was a happy employee before you gave me my raise. I had a flexible schedule which allowed me to take care of the things that are priorities in my life. That was one of the selling points of the job you offered me. Actually, it was the only selling point since the wage and benefits are rather small. You said that the job was flexible and mobile and as long as everyone completed their assignments you weren’t interested in punching a time clock. I took the job only after telling you I was a single mom caring for my own mother. You seemed okay with that.
Now instead of being a happy employee I will be one who arrives early and leaves on time. I can only afford to have before school daycare, I am sorry. Actually I can’t even afford that but if I cut out what is left of my entertainment and clothing budget I should be able to swing it. I will be the time punching employee. I will do my time, a good portion of it killing time on the internet like everyone else in the office, not happily but I will do it.
I will leave the office and I will rush to pick up my children before the daycare and school close. I will run to the nearest fast food place spending money I don’t have so that I can put a hot meal on the table. I will feel guilty about this and worry that I am causing my children heart disease but since I will have no energy to cook a healthy meal that no one wants to eat it is what will happen.
I will go to sleep alone. No one will hold me and tell me that it will all be okay or that what I am doing is for the greater good of the family. I will constantly second guess myself about the amount of time I am spending on my kids compared to my job.
I can do all these things, maybe not as happily as I was but I can adapt to the new schedule eventually. What I have a problem with is not getting paid. A raise is a really nice thing. But if you can’t pay me when you are supposed to and blame it on the fact that you were traveling and unable to call payroll in even though you have a phone surgically attached to you ear, I have a hard time buying that.
You didn’t mention to me if you were going to cover my overdrafts. Since you said “It’s too bad but there is nothing I can do about it” I get the impression that I am left to handle them myself.
I like my job, I like the people I work with, I think they like me. I think I do a pretty good job and the clients all seem to like me. I don’t want to quit. But I do want to get paid.
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Oh, man. They just don't get it, do they? A mom's work is never done. I feel for you.
I think they tried to get it. As much as they could. I didn't have a grandma for backup and that was probably the most frustrating thing when it came right down to it. Not being able to ask the ex for help didn't help much either.
I would be so gone from this job. Right after that first paycheck didn't arrive on time. Just saying.
Have a terrific day. 🙂
I was, I gave notice the next week, after the paycheck cleared.
AMEN. Double AMEN!
Right Dat.
As hard as it is to believe – it does get better…eventually! I worked a job without a raise for over 8 years but at least the boss/owner allowed me the time I needed to care for my family and our ranch. When my husband had a heart attack the boss told me to take all the time I needed and to let him know if he could do anything for us. There were plenty of other things that I needed to take time to handle and not once do I recall the boss complaining. So, I didn't complain (much) about the no raise thing because he did give me a nice bonus every Christmas. If they can engage in give and take and not do all the taking while you're doing all the giving, it can work out. The bouncing paycheck would have been a deal breaker for me though!
That's a nice boss that will let you do that. I hadn't worked for this
company for very long, only about six months. I really like them, they are a
great company they just wanted something I couldn't give them at the time.
When they asked for more from me I didn't have anything left to give.
Sounds like you had a great boss who was willing to compromise with you. Its great to get a nice Christmas bonus too. I worked at the same place for 10 years and the Christmas bonuses never increased over those years and it wasn't very much to begin with. That takes the wind out of your sail.
I never got the bonus, even though I was promised one. By the time Christmas
rolled around I was a contractor and not an employee.
So really your raise wasn't really a raise if you were asked to put in more hours. This is something that only a mom can understand. You have your 8 hour/day + paying job then another 4 or 5 hours of work waiting at home. I wouldn't be too happy about my paycheque not being on time either.
They were asking for more of a presence in the office. I did a lot of work
at home before that because I took the job if I could be home when my kids
got home from school. They wanted me on site and I just couldn't swing it
with all the other stuff I had going on.
It does make it difficult when you can't be in the office 100%. I think a lot of people resent those who are given opportunities to work at home (these are probably the people who don't have kids and don't realize the time constraints that we have). Glad to hear that you quit that job.
It's a sticky wicket. If one employee is getting perks such as being able to work from home the others who are expected to be in the office are resentful, and rightfully so. However, this was a really small operation, only four people in the office. Everyone went mobile when they needed to and I wasn't the only one who worked from home on occasion. I probably did more than anyone else but that was the condition of taking the job.
I hope you've been able to move on from this job.
I quit about the same day I wrote the post which was about a week after the
'raise'. I did contract work for them for a long time after that but getting
paid was still challenging.
Oh Jen, been there! Done that! Trying to get a three year old and a three month old to different day care and be downtown at work at 8:00 just about did me in. (And I did it for about 12 years at Chevron USA.) Working motherhood is about the most challenging thing I've ever done.
It certainly is. I don't know how I survived when I was doing that and taking care of my mom. I look back at that and wondered how I am alive today.
Yet again making me happy that I don't have a boss.
It's only fair since you have made me so happy I didn't give birth before the 1900s.
What a nightmare. I am glad you left!
I am too. I much prefer when I don't pay myself, at least I can yell at myself and I don't have to worry about getting fired.
The hardest time I ever had in my life was when I had a kid and was working full time AND taking a full credit load at the University. It's like a big blur in my life. I still have nightmares about it (really). I'm glad you don't work there and are able to spend time with your kids even though I know it's got to be tough to not have a steady paycheck/job. There is a huge group of clueless men out there. Doesn't matter if they are single or married, have kids or not – if you work for them they own you – if you let a minor matter, like kids get in your way then you shouldn't be working at all. They need to be locked in a small room with Michelle Obama, Hilary Clinton and Judge Judy –
Judge Judy would scare the heck out of any man. Hilary and Michelle are just gravy. They don't get it. I'm raising one and I don't know if he gets it. I like to think he does but he seems clueless too sometimes.
It's amazing what bosses think they can get away with.
You need an Abby
An Abby would solve so many of the worlds problems.
Hmmm, when I worked for The Walrus (whilst living on The Frozen Tundra), there were a lot of weeks when payroll was late. He would hover around the office Saturday hoping checks would come in so he could fly to the bank before noon and pay us. I think the mailman hated him because he would come at 11:45 or so on Saturday. Or the mailman would come JUUUUST after the Walrus would give up and leave (which I knew because I lived a couple houses away from the office). There were alot of weeks that I didn't get paid until Wednesday and then wouldn't get paid on Friday again.
I'm still amazed I worked there as long as I did.
I've only worked for one other company where I wasn't paid on time. That was out in Seattle, over Christmas. The boss sent a memo to every one saying payroll was going to be late, we wouldn't get paid until after Christmas. Minutes after he sent the memo he walked up to a co-work and me and asked if we would please take his credit card and find the perfect gift for his daughter. Being that both of us were naive and stupid we suggested he would be better off keeping his credit card to himself. We both grabbed our coats and left for the rest of the day.
Yikes, that does not sound like a fun situation. you are a busy mother and caregiver, and it sounds as if you were doing the best you could, and obvious if he praised you. Too bad he used it as an into to try and get more out of you.
I don't think he had any clue what I was dealing with. He is a nice guy but one who lives in a different world. Had he offered me a paid vacation before I started it would have been much easier to handle. I didn't deserve a vacation, I hadn't been there long, but it would have conveyed to me that he got where I was coming from.
The not paying thing should be a deal breaker. Is that even legal?
I don't think it's officially legal but what are you going to do? Take them to small claims court because they are a few days late?
Labor board would LOVE to get hold of your boss!
Ahhh….the boss man. Yeah, my boss feels that us employees should be filled with a sense of gratitude to have a job here. WTF? Go play in traffic!
I have something for you over at my place. 🙂
I love that! “go play in traffic”. I'm on my way over.
Why do these employers (Clients in my case) assume that we can manage to wait for (sometimes) three months to get paid? We do the work on time, we should get the money on time, right?
That's what I thought but a lot of the clients I have assume there is a
built in net 90. Um, no, there isn't. In fact, pay me half up front please.
Exactly! I had one client who, although I gave him 30 day terms as standard, would keep me waiting two months. Then he would say I should be grateful for this, as he only paid on three monthly terms. And here was I thinking I set my own terms!
yea, I've had a couple bosses that were that way. I was very happy the days they went and chased headlights… it just gave me hope that my life would improve…
Ummm, most states have LAWS stating that you must have some kind of organized and established pay period. Google your state name and Wage and Hour and you will be brought to the right page on the internet.
I would also sit down with your boss and explain your scheduling needs that he initially agreed to. Perhaps the company could provide you with a phone that you could be available to anyone who needs you before you come in.
Um. I hope you don't STILL work here?