Thanks to all the rain we had here in Minnesota, this past weekend, the transition is now complete and I am officially a redneck.
That is my back yard.
It now has a broken, smelly, Hide-a-Bed couch smack dab in the middle of it. Behind it is a smelly, foul, dirty and wet rug.
I realize that I cannot officially lay claim to redneckhood because my couch and rug are not in my front yard but it’s close enough for me. Since I have no idea what I am going to do with these items, I think I can claim “redneck” as mine.
Just getting the damn couch out of the basement was enough to make anyone a redneck.
I didn’t have to become a redneck.
This could have been prevented if someone had told me about the leaking of the basement ten hours earlier. It could have possibly been prevented if someone hadn’t left their dirty socks all over the laundry room and bathroom, covering the drains that prevent this kind of thing from happening.
It certainly could have been lessened if someone had picked up all the crap on the floor, including but not limited to all the bed sheets, quilts, pillows and other large items I spent washing at a laundromat last week because they were too big to fit in my machines.
But none of those things happened and now I am a redneck.
I’m thinking it’s time to put the truck on blocks, that will make it official.
I probably should NOT be laughing this hard right now – because I do feel badly for you, but still. This is hilarious to me.
I'm glad someone is laughing.
🙂
Is someone in deep goat doo?
Looks like the publicist's yard after the great flood of 1983 when her house flooded 6 inches on one side and no inches on the other. Oh, yes. It leaned slightly to the left.
Just slightly.
Yes! There is a slight lean which would have been a good thing if the rug hadn't been there acting like a sponge. And if the drains hadn't been clogged up, that didn't help.
Do goats eat furniture?
Let it dry out. Patch it up with duct tape if necessary. Good as new.
There is no way in hell I am bringing that thing back in my house. I'm sure it has swollen up now anyway and we couldn't get it back in. However, if I duct taped it up maybe I could sell it on eBay?
Someone should have to buy you a new couch and rug. We kept a couch in the basement that had some flooding damage, but only a few inches. Still not sure if we have mold growing on its underbelly. Should probably toss it anyway, but it's heavy as hell. I can't even remember how we got it down there in the first place.
Yes, someone should. In his defense, it was his couch, he got it from a friend who was moving and honestly I am glad it is out of the house. There is nothing worse than using someone else's discarded furniture, it's almost as bad as wearing used socks or underpants. Now, I just want it out of my backyard. He promises me it will be leaving today. We'll see.
It sounds like a certain someone has accumulated some significant karmic debt. I hope he figures out a way to pay it off soon.
Yes he has but for some reason the karma has attached onto me as well and I'm not happy about it.
Red head. Red neck. Jesus, woman..you're going to start resembling a fire hydrant soon.
uh, thanks, I think?
Yeah, but at least you mowed the lawn! I look like the poor white trash of the neighborhood because I don't fertilize my lawn and it gets all weedy.
The sun was hitting my lawn just right, you can't see the holes from the squirrels but yes, it was mowed when the rain broke for all of ten minutes. Most of my lawn is weeds. If it's green it's your lawn.
Oh, boy. I'm sorry you're a redneck. Is it possible that this is only a temporary status? Like, maybe you're an honorary redneck?
I think you should make the person responsible for your being a redneck carry a large sign throughout your town, saying, “I Am A Redneck. Smelly Wet Bed for Sale.”
Is there such a thing as a Goth Redneck? If so then that might work, otherwise it will just confuse the natives.
As you said, at least it's not in the front yard. Although if it was maybe somebody would steal it and solve the problem right there.
I don't think I'm tough enough to live in Minnesota.
I've had a TV sitting out by my garbage can for about two weeks now (OMG, I was already a redneck but I didn't know it) and no one has taken it.
Minnesota is a tough state to live in, your ass is too small but your politics would fit right in. You'd have to learn to call a casserole a HOTDISH and soda = pop. You could watch Fargo a few times to get it right and then give it a try if you grow your ass a few sizes.
I couldn't live in a state that elected Michelle Bachmann to represent them. Come on… even you must think she's a freakin' loon. And no. I'm not growing my ass. I can't afford new clothes.
I don't know anyone who doesn't think she is a freakin' loon, I don't know
how she won and I certainly don't know why they let her get in front of a
camera.
As for your ass you could always try
http://www.feelfoxy.com/Butt_Lifters_s/68.htm?g…,
and then cover it with sweat pants like the rest of us or jeans from Fleet
Farm, I think they only come in one size. You could try
https://www.thebraziliansecret.com/?mid=772347 too but I don't think it's
enough.
LOL!! Unfortunately, I'm still on the poverty and stress diet with no end in sight.
So are you going to change your blog to Redneck Ranting?
So, let's see, red head, red neck, your only a couple of rib bones away from being red boobs. How fun will THAT be?
I should probably secure that domain name.
Redboobs just doesn't have the same ring to it.
Think of it as a fun opportunity to use a chainsaw!
I'm divorced, the ex got all the fun power tools in the divorce. It sounds
like a lot of fun but that would mean I would have to go out and buy one.
Then I would suggest that for whoever left their dirty socks all over the floor that resulted in your flooded basement, causing you to be a redneck…they need to visit the barber and get a mullet. It will go well with your redneckness.
You are BRILLIANT!
Maybe you should put the truck on the blockheads instead….. 😉
Good idea!
It must have been a lot of rain! We can call our local council to come and take away large items for us. Is this an option for you?
Our Local Council is our our regional governing body and they don't take
care of anything so that isn't an option. I could call my trash haulers but
there is usually a large fee associated with taking it. I think we are
taking it to the dump.
By far the best option. It's what we always do. If it's too large for the car, Mo smashes it up into smaller pieces.
I'm from Alabama were we have LOTS and lots of rednecks. I think if you drag it out to your front yard and sit on it while wearing a camo miniskirt, drinking moonshine while enjoying your fake bass fish that sings-you can officially crown yourself a redneck.
A dead deer hanging from your garage door opener while you drain its blood would further your campaign, but I think it's the wrong season for that.
Dead deer season isn't until the fall but I could probably hit one with my
car and that would be okay. We are allowed to eat anything we kill with a
vehicle even if it's out of season. What about squirrels, could I hang a few
of those? I have plenty.
That's probably a viable replacement option.
Girlfriend, string you up some Christmas lights and you're set!
I already have Christmas lights hanging off the deck, they work, however, that's probably doing it wrong.
All you need is a cooler of beer as a coffee table and your are set!
I wonder if two 24 packs of cans stacked on each other would work, or is
that too high class?
LOL! Just hang some underwear on a line, sit back and enjoy how miserable your neighbors will be.
My neighbors love me and are at the moment patient with my new found redneck status. I think they are even liking it because I make them all look so much better.
If you put your fridge on the front porch, you will be SO REDNECK. Then you can put your couch next to it and grab your beers from the fridge. I'll join you and we can talk about how we are our own Uncles.
You bring the Moonshine. We can give each other tattoos!
I am so sorry about your leak, but I had to laugh at your humorous take on the situation…and the photo 🙂 I don't think your redneck status is official, though, until you have a couple of basset hounds napping under the jacked up truck.
I have a bassador <http://www.redheadranting.com/bassador/> I should have
had him in the picture but he was too afraid of the thing on the lawn.
I love that despite what's happened, you can still find the humor in all of it. It reminds me of what my family went though in Hurricane Katrina….though there wasn't much humor there. But I digress. I also think the Christmas lights are a great idea!
This is nothing like Katrina, this was a pain in the ass while Katrina was
life altering and life ending in many cases. I hope your family has been
able to recover from Katrina and that it wasn't horribly life changing for
them.
Yeah, the Christmas lights really do make it the ultimate redneck yard.
If it will help, I have a dead Jeep I would be happy to send for your front lawn.