If you’ve been single for any length of time, chances are you have one.

That guy.

The one who disappears for weeks or months, sometimes long enough that you assume he’s finally gone for good, and then suddenly your phone lights up.

“Hey, I saw this and thought of you.”

Or some equally innocent little message designed to crack the door open just enough to see if you’ll answer.

Mine just came back.

Again.

And the funny thing is, when I started talking to other women about him, I realized almost every woman I know has some version of this guy.

He Never Really Leaves

This isn’t necessarily an ex. In fact, sometimes you never officially dated him at all.

Things get close. Maybe they even start to feel like they could become something.

And then he disappears.

In my case, I know there have been other women. He goes off, lives his life, and eventually, for whatever reason, circles back around.

There are plenty of people on the internet who will immediately diagnose this behavior and tell you he’s a narcissist.

Maybe yours is. I have no idea.

I just think some people are very good at keeping connections alive without ever actually committing to them.

And apparently some of us are very good at letting them.

Why Do We Keep Answering?

That’s the part I find more interesting.

Why don’t we block them?

Maybe it’s curiosity. Maybe it’s history. Maybe it’s flattering to know that after all this time, he still thinks about you.

Or maybe it’s because every time he comes back, there’s a tiny part of you that wonders whether this time will be different.

Spoiler alert: it probably won’t be.

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I actually wrote about my version of this guy in Bad Dates: A Cautionary Tale. Depending on where you are in the book, you know him as either the Cad or the Scoundrel.

And yes, he’s still out there.

Apparently he’s also still got my number.

So I Have a Question

Do you have one of these guys?

The one who disappears and then resurfaces just when you’ve almost forgotten about him?

And maybe the bigger question:

Why haven’t you blocked him?

Because judging by the women I’ve talked to, this may be a much more universal dating experience than I realized.