When I am not blogging or writing I am freelancing. I would much rather write all day but since these blogs of mine do not come close to paying the bills I am forced to actually work sometimes. I am using the term “freelance” broadly here.

What I mean by freelance is that I will do any job you want me to within reason. I will paint, I will clean out your fridge (better than I do my own), I will do data entry and I will research any topic you like. These last two are the ones I do most of. I will not watch your kids, I’m trying to lose mine, and I will not perform sexual favors for you ( a steak dinner and some wine is all I need for that). When I was hired for my most recent job it didn’t seem like such a strange thing.

A friend called a few weeks ago and asked me to help her take down a client’s Christmas trees. My friend said the client paid well and served lunch. I’m in!

A few days before the job I talked to my friend to get a little more information on the assignment. I needed to know how long she thought the job would take as I needed a sitter for the time I would be away.

My friend said it would take at least 8 hours. 8 hours! How on earth can it take 8 hours to take down a tree?

Christmas Tree Hoarding

Turns out this client had 14 Christmas trees decorated throughout her house. She (no man would ever decorate 14 trees) even had full size trees in the bathrooms. Apparently this woman started decorating for Christmas a good 6 weeks before the holy day. And apparently it was a lot of work for her so when the festivities were over she didn’t want to be bothered with taking all the shit down.

This pissed me off. I realize she is paying me and others to take these decorations down but who has that much extra time and money to put up that many trees? And why in God’s name would anyone want to?

I know a few people who go all out for the holidays by decorating. Hell, I even go all out. I have special place mats for Christmas and I pull out the crystal and good china to serve dinner on. Sometimes, if I am feeling really festive I will dig out some candles that we used in the pumpkins for the dinner table.

What this woman does is beyond obsessed, it’s crazy. Her kids are grown so no longer have to endure the holiday decorations but the husband is still there. If my mother, or father did up the house this way I would have run away from home.

It wasn’t just 14 trees it was Christmas plates and silver, linens and nick fucking knacks all over the place. Huge wooden cut outs that I think were supposed to look like the wooden hand painted ornaments we all made when we were kids. Books, magazines, all the pictures on the walls were replaced with Christmas themed pictures and paintings.

Everything needed to be taken down, packed up and then stored. After that the stuff that went in it’s place, winter theme for now, had to be unpacked and placed around the house. She does this for each season!

I found that I was resentful of this woman. I told my friend as much.

“Anyone who puts up this much crap ought to take it down herself.”

“She’s paying you to do this, you didn’t have to you know?” My friend said.

“I know she is paying me but it still pisses me off that there are starving children in Armenia and this person goes and spends all her time and money on all this crap.” I said.

I suppose I was upset about the whole thing because my Christmas sucked this year. I had my tree down on December 26th by 10 am. It took me, one person, an hour to make the house look as if it had never happened.

It took over 30 people 7 hours to take all her shit down.

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