I spoke with Moung or Maura in tech support. I’m not sure how its spelled. The regular tech support. I won’t go through the whole thing but she told me that my mother board had not been shipped. I said it had because I received it today. She told me I had not. I repeated that I did indeed get a mother board today and that some young Russian man had installed it along with the hard drive and he began the recovery process. She said she had to put me on hold to research where the mother board was.
I don’t think I have convinced her that I really do have the motherboard and that it had been installed but we moved on. She asked what was on the screen and I told her and she said that my machine had to be shipped somewhere so they could tattoo the mother board.
“What?” I said.
“You need to tattoo the mother board.” She said.
“Tattoo?” I asked.
“Yes, it needs to be tattooed. The tech can’t do it on site it has to go out to get tattooed.” She explained.
I tried to push aside the image of my mother board reclining in a chair in a smoke filled tattoo parlor.
“If the tech could not complete the job why was he sent out here? Why did he tell me it would run like the new computer that it was after the recovery process had finished?”
“I don’t know why he told you that.” She said rather grumpily. “I need to research it more please hold.”
When she came back on the line she told me that this case had been escalated to a case manager and that I had to talk to them. I explained that I had just talked to them and they told me to call this number because they were all finished for the weekend. She put me on hold again so she could do some more research.
“That screen you are seeing.” She said. “It will need to run for at least 24 hours.”
I’m ready to hang myself at this point.
“Really” I say. “Why didn’t the tech who installed the mother board tell me this? Why didn’t the case manager tell me this? Why are you just telling me this now?”
“It’s not always true but in your case it is. Just walk away from it for 24 hours and forget about it. Then it will work.” She tells me.
“Uh huh.” I say
I will research your mother board and find out when it will ship. Call us back tomorrow.” She says.
“Sure.” I say.
“Thank you for choosing HP.” She says as she hangs up.
I think I will start printing waterproof stickers that say, “Thank you for choosing HP,” and sticking them in toilets around Midwest State.
I’ll bring my pitchfork if you bring torches.
You made me laugh. Thank you. Help me please…someone help me!
Oh, I also like this sort of call.
CSR: [with heavy Indian accent] Thank you for calling Large Company, my name is Jennifer. How may I help you?
GDad: Jennifer?
Really, now, do these companies think we’re afraid to talk to someone named Ritu or Madhu? What’s up with that?
Yes, usually they are named Michael or Jason for some reason. I have tried to get them to tell me their real name but they won’t do it.
Well, keep fighting the good fight. If nothing else, it’s comedic gold.
GPop just pulled in the drive. He just got back from the Deep South. Gotta go. I’ll catch you soon. Keep those fingers warm. Don’t go too crazy.
This sounds like a good time to read Kafka’s The Castle.