Is it just me or is anyone else having a really hard time getting motivated to do anything?
Yesterday I took the day off. I wasn’t sick, I just didn’t feel like working on anything. I managed to get the kids off to school and then I spent the day pretty much on the couch under many blankets. I watched TV. I don’t even remember what I watched. That’s how bad it is I can’t even bother to remember the asinine shit that I wasted all day yesterday watching.
I’m not sure if this is a weather issue, I think it is but I can’t be too sure. It has been sunny so I can’t blame this on seasonal affective disorder or whatever we are calling lack of light these days.
I have no desire to go outside at all. It’s depressing even if it is sunny. It’s cold. And I am sick and tired of the cold.
I tried to grill on Sunday. I don’t know why but I did. It was a mistake because not only did my neighbors venture out and laugh at me but I almost lit the house on fire because my stupid ex#2 tried to smoke the turkey at Thanksgiving and left a bunch of logs of cherry wood in my GAS grill. I, of course, don’t bother to look for logs in my GAS grill when I fire it up to burn all the crap off if it before I open it to put the meat on it. Because I have not shoveled properly or bothered to explain to my son how to shovel around the grill I could not pull it out away from the house. Luckily I have the ugliest aluminum siding on my house and nothing caught fire. I wish it had but that would have been just one more problem I am not the least bit motivated to take care of.
I’m not even motivated to write a proper sentence. Look at all my dangling participles!
I need a vacation! I need to spend a week by a pool, in a warm climate preferably, without my children. Without my cell phone and without my laptop. All I need is a few good books (trashy, easy to read, easy to forget, mind numbing “literature”) and lots of rum drinks with umbrellas in them.
I’ve considered blasting the heat, putting on my bathing suit and drinking while the kids are at school but somehow that doesn’t seem like the best way to waste my time and procrastinate the things I have to do.
And I have things to do. I have two large projects that are waiting for me as I type this. It’s a job and I should be on it right now. The jobs have been few and far between so I shouldn’t be blowing them off even if I have all week to accomplish them.
But I don’t want to. My fingers are cold and my skin is dry. I can’t walk through a doorway without scratching my back on the door jamb. I look like a bear in the woods or something. Hell, I can’t even come up with a good analogy.
I can’t wait until spring. I don’t know if I am going to make it this year. Each year I am sick of this blasted season earlier and earlier and I’ve been sick of winter since last year.
The worst part of all of this is that I forget. I forget how much I hate winter and in about August I start wishing for cooler days and nights. Not colder but cooler. There has got to be a way to save this damn cold for mid July when it is hot as a fuck. I haven’t figured it out yet but I have spent an awful lot of time trying to come up with a way to save the cold of the winter and exchange it with the heat of the summer.
I should probably just move.