I went to Ikea this weekend. I’m looking for a pull out couch or futon for my office upstairs. I need something small since the doorways are really tiny in my house.

I’ve been to Ikea twice before this excursion. Once when I lived in Seattle and once when they opened one here across from the Mall of America.

Both times I went just to see what all the excitement was about. I went as a tourist rather than a customer. Which is what they want. I know Ikea has some great prices on crappy merchandise but it reminded me of going to the State Fair. It smelled a little better and the people were dressed much nicer but all in all I felt like cattle being herded around.

I also made the mistake of going by myself. An afternoon at Ikea is a social event and I felt very out of place all by my lonesome. I should have grabbed a child but that would have been an even worse experience. I didn’t dress up for the event either. I had showered and I was wearing clean clothing but I wasn’t dressed to get a date which a lot of the young women there were. There was one woman dressed in a knit white dress, black tights and at least four inch heels pushing her cart around Ikea. She was spritzed with perfume and every hair was plastered in place. She looked like she was going to a club not a furniture store. I was confused and again felt out of place in my jeans and boots.

There were far too many screaming babies to make the trip enjoyable. I was so busy saying “excuse me” that I really couldn’t concentrate on my task of finding a suitable couch. Teens were sitting on every piece of furniture, busy texting away, that I didn’t want to ask them to get up off their lazy asses so I could see if the couch would work for me.

I left in frustration. I will not voluntarily go back to Ikea. I might go online and shop at Ikea but I will not go into their “store” again unless I am on a date, have had a few cocktails and am dressed for the occasion.

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