So I’m out browsing the web today and I ran across this post. It’s about the dangers of binge drinking. I realize this is a serious subject but I’m going to make fun of it anyway.
It’s the holidays for crying out loud! Now is not the time to suggest cutting back on the booze consumption. Wait until after the first of the year and then preach all you like.
I, like most everyone else, have to spend the holidays with my family. If I have to spend the holidays with my family I am going to be drinking, heavily. Maybe not five drinks in two hours but I am going to be sure to get my buzz on so I can laugh off all of the intrusive questions my family throws my way. Questions like when are you going to get a real job? When are you going to find another husband? Are you a lesbian? They haven’t asked this one yet but since I haven’t been able to drag a man to one of these gatherings in years I know they want to. They will try to be subtle and suggest I take up some silly sport or physical activity to shed those last thirty pounds of baby weight I have been carrying for six years. They will not say a word about my tattoos but they will stare at them. I actually get a kick out of this one since they are in Latin.
They will talk about the vacations they either have or will be taking and ask if I have been or am going anywhere while the kids are on break. Aside from crazy because I am stuck with my kids 24/7 for two weeks, no. I’m not going anywhere, I haven’t been anywhere, remember I don’t have a real job, and they don’t accept Monopoly money at the airport or any hotels. Since no one would watch my kids and the last thing I want to do is vacation with them I am trapped for several more years.
So I will be drinking this holiday season in fact I think I am going to start right now.