Kids

The Tooth Fairy Dropped The Ball

August 6, 2009
Tooth Fairy, Where Are You?

Image via Wikipedia

My daughter lost her second tooth yesterday. It was not even remotely close to the drama we had with the first tooth in fact I didn’t even know it was loose.

She lost the tooth on her dad’s watch but apparently she was inspired by her friend who just rips her loose teeth out. Daughter wedged a toothpick between her tooth and gum and just popped the tooth out. It was then put into a zip loc bag, which anything worth saving goes into, and brought home for mom to deal with.

Daughter decided that she didn’t want the tooth fairy to take her tooth. She wanted the tooth fairy to leave money, of course, but she didn’t want to give up her tooth. I told her that she had to make a choice, that the tooth fairy was not going to leave money unless she got something of equal value out of the deal. When she lost the last tooth, daughter not only got a party with ice cream but because she lost the tooth at her friend’s house during a sleep over she got a small toy under her pillow, placed by her friend who knows the reality of the tooth fairy but enjoyed the power, and she got five dollars under her pillow when she was back home. The first tooth was a huge production and I was dreading the other 21 or 19 or however many there are left to loose.

Since daughter did not want to give her tooth up to the tooth fairy and I placed the zip loc bag in the underwear drawer where the tooth fairy was sure not to find it, I was sure I didn’t need to get up in the middle of the night and do the job. However in the middle of the night my daughter changed her mind and retrieved the zip loc bag from the underwear drawer and placed it under her pillow. This morning I was informed that the tooth fairy sucks.

I noticed her holding the zip loc bag and asked if she had placed the bag under her pillow, I was thinking fast considering I hadn’t finished my first cup of coffee. She said that she had put the bag under her pillow with the the tooth inside.

“Well, that’s why the tooth fairy didn’t come. The tooth fairy is much like a dog in that she has a greater sense of smell than the rest of us and since the tooth was in the bag she couldn’t smell it.”

I didn’t think this was half bad and was ready to follow up with the whole night flying thing and thus the better developed sense of smell. It wasn’t needed since we have a dog and she understands how they sniff things out.

Tonight the tooth fairy will make an appearance. I’ve got a post it note already on my pillow and thankfully she can’t read all that well, my daughter, not the tooth fairy. I assume the tale of the tooth fairy was created to encourage the child to get on with loosing the teeth but in this house the tooth fairy has just been a pain in the ass. Santa is easy, he comes one night a year and it’s always the same night. The Easter Bunny is just as easy even though the date changes, it’s still on the calender. The tooth fairy has to be on call 365 days a year, it’s no wonder she messes up so often. And I have heard from numerous friends whose children have also complained that the tooth fairy is unreliable.

The thing is, I truly believe that if these kids, who grow up so fast these days, want the parents to play along with these rituals, and I’m almost sure my daughter knows it’s me, then they have to get with the program and do their part. If you lose a tooth put the damn thing under the pillow the first night, after of course, telling your parents you lost the damn thing. It’s only fair to give them time to run to the ATM.

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  • Reply The Mother August 6, 2009 at 1:08 pm

    Our tooth fairy drinks. It's the only excuse we could come up with for why she often forgets, she sometimes leaves the money without taking the tooth, and always falls over everything in the room on the way to the bed.

    FYI? 2nd story bunkbeds are a tooth fairies WORST nightmare.

  • Reply Pricilla August 6, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    Heh heh. Drunk tooth fairy. I like that….

    Are these things still relevant? I don't know. I don't remember my childhood – much. Just give her the cash. Cash is good. Heck, I'll give you one of my lessor used teeth for some cash. heh heh

  • Reply Stacie's Madness August 6, 2009 at 1:19 pm

    THAT'S a fast tooth fairy.
    My daugther FOUND her teeth…guess I should have thrown them out….

  • Reply Winky Twinky August 6, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    Oh yes, I remember the Tooth Fairy Days…it's much more fun being a grandma now 😉

  • Reply Chaotically Calm August 6, 2009 at 1:57 pm

    And it's stories like these that make me feel deprived as a child. My parents were all about "keeping it real" so I alway knew there was no tooth fairy. I kinda of like the lengths that everyone goes to to keep the magic of childhood alive. I've always said if I ever have children (I don't want them) but if I ever have children that I will preserve their childhood by playing these things up.

    I do hope that my rugrat plays his/her part in the whole thing and let's me know if she's changing rules though.

  • Reply Shoot Me Now - Katherine August 6, 2009 at 2:17 pm

    I laughed outloud at "the toothfairy sucks!" That is hysterical. And your answer… absolute genius. It's the red hair, you just can't help it. 😉

  • Reply Junk Drawer Kathy August 6, 2009 at 3:32 pm

    OMG. So funny! I'm sorry you have these issues. I would totally suck as a Mom, as I would just give my kid $100 when the first tooth falls out and tell him/her "The tooth fairy doesn't like to pay in installments. Here's the whole ball of wax for subsequent teeth. Got it?"

  • Reply Chris Casey August 6, 2009 at 3:45 pm

    If I were the Tooth Fairy, I would leave McDonald's gift certificates to good kids, and rock candy to the bad ones. i will burn in hell, but I will not be lonely!

  • Reply One Creative Queen August 6, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    OMG I hate the Tooth Fairy. With a vengance. My daughter loses a tooth…she puts it under her pillow. Tooth Fairy leaves money, like a good Tooth Fairy should. (And I've noticed that the going rate for a tooth is a heckuva lot more than it was when I was a kid. How did things go from $0.25-$1.00 – for a really special tooth – to like $5 or $10 a tooth?? By the time they lose all their teeth they could own the world. But I digress…) So daughter, excited to get the money, but sad to have lost the tooth, puts tooth back under pillow – without telling anyone. Nothing happens. This goes on and on, a kind of silent vigil to see just how sucky the Tooth Fairy can be. After about a week, I'm let in on this.

    So your daughter isn't alone. Mine also thinks the Tooth Fairy sucks. For that matter, she also thinks the Easter Bunny sucks – because her dad didn't do anything when he had her for Easter. Nope – he expected me to do it. Oh well, least I got the candy 1/2 off.

  • Reply Lynne August 6, 2009 at 7:29 pm

    I have to say, out of all the rituals we perform as parents, the tooth fairy was my absolute least favorite of all. I messed up more times than I can count and was ever so glad when the last tooth was gone.

  • Reply GDad August 7, 2009 at 5:12 am

    You could always tell her that you will just give her the money and put the tooth under YOUR pillow, just for everyone's convenience.

  • Reply Gillian August 7, 2009 at 7:14 am

    Us mums have to think fast and on our feet.

  • Reply JD at I Do Things August 7, 2009 at 9:00 am

    You almost lost me with the description of the toothpick and the gum and the tooth, but I stuck with you.

    I really loved the tooth fairy as a kid. It was so magical. I never looked at it from my parents' point of view. Lose a tooth, get a quarter. And under your pillow! While you slept! MAGIC!

  • Reply AmyOops August 7, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    i always fall asleep first. sucks… so tooth fairy comes after breakfast…

  • Reply Dauphine August 8, 2009 at 1:27 am

    This is really a funny experienced of you and your daughter. I may experience this 2 years from now. I would be in panicky if my daughter keeps asking me, you know sometimes they couldn't be content with the answers. They want proof hehehe! Anyway thanks for sharing this. It is really funny!

  • Reply VetTech August 8, 2009 at 12:01 pm

    What if the tooth fairy left a check…and paid for all the teeth upfront. Or simply explain that due to the recession, the tooth fairy is no longer working full time.

  • Reply nipsy August 8, 2009 at 11:08 pm

    Hahaha.. The Tooth Fairy for my kids is known as the forgetful ditzy fairy. For those times I've missed leaving the damn change, or they wake up in the middle of the night checking without me getting there first.

    Oh, and I still only give a quarter per tooth..I'm cheap like that.

  • Reply Gauche August 12, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    yeah see, when I was little the Tooth Fairy was a hit and miss thing too. But when she missed she paid double the next night, so it was always with a bit of joy that we found the tooth the next day and ran screaming to our parents that the Tooth Fairy was Evil and we didn't get our money. We never did catch on to the worried looks exchanged over breakfast and the parents quickly running to the bank within the next hour or so…..teehee. See, but you had a good cover story and that's what matters.

  • Reply Mitch McDad August 12, 2009 at 9:17 pm

    I like the toothpick technique. My daughter just lost her second tooth, too. She tied dental floss around the tooth and yanked it out.

    Both methods seem medieval.

  • Reply Nanny Goats In Panties August 14, 2009 at 4:36 pm

    Maybe the tooth fairy need a Franklin Planner. Or the equivalent app on her smartphone.

  • Reply Petula August 15, 2009 at 4:27 pm

    That's pretty funny. When my second child (13 years after my first) lost his first tooth I decided not to mention the tooth fairy. Someone opened their mouth and spilled the beans. When the second tooth came out I said, "Where is it?" He said he'd thrown it away. What the hey?! Then he has nerve enough to get upset the next day when the tooth fairy didn't come. Sometimes I really hate this rituals and whatnot. I'm just too tired to participate and I think the Easter Bunny ate all of my change.

  • Reply croneandbearit August 17, 2009 at 6:31 am

    I love the fact she wanted both the tooth and what the tooth fairy would leave. That's one smart cookie. I distinctly remember as a child having my dad tie a string to my tooth and the other end of the string to a doorknob and then slamming the door. I never forgave him for that. I did get something from the tooth fairy, though. LOL

  • Reply Bill August 27, 2009 at 9:32 am

    I'd tell her that the tooth fairy is an uncompromising bitch, and doesn't allow children to change their minds in the middle of the night.

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