The Tooth Fairy Dropped The Ball

August 6, 2009
Tooth Fairy, Where Are You?

Image via Wikipedia

My daughter lost her second tooth yesterday. It was not even remotely close to the drama we had with the first tooth in fact I didn’t even know it was loose.

She lost the tooth on her dad’s watch but apparently she was inspired by her friend who just rips her loose teeth out. Daughter wedged a toothpick between her tooth and gum and just popped the tooth out. It was then put into a zip loc bag, which anything worth saving goes into, and brought home for mom to deal with.

Daughter decided that she didn’t want the tooth fairy to take her tooth. She wanted the tooth fairy to leave money, of course, but she didn’t want to give up her tooth. I told her that she had to make a choice, that the tooth fairy was not going to leave money unless she got something of equal value out of the deal. When she lost the last tooth, daughter not only got a party with ice cream but because she lost the tooth at her friend’s house during a sleep over she got a small toy under her pillow, placed by her friend who knows the reality of the tooth fairy but enjoyed the power, and she got five dollars under her pillow when she was back home. The first tooth was a huge production and I was dreading the other 21 or 19 or however many there are left to loose.

Since daughter did not want to give her tooth up to the tooth fairy and I placed the zip loc bag in the underwear drawer where the tooth fairy was sure not to find it, I was sure I didn’t need to get up in the middle of the night and do the job. However in the middle of the night my daughter changed her mind and retrieved the zip loc bag from the underwear drawer and placed it under her pillow. This morning I was informed that the tooth fairy sucks.

I noticed her holding the zip loc bag and asked if she had placed the bag under her pillow, I was thinking fast considering I hadn’t finished my first cup of coffee. She said that she had put the bag under her pillow with the the tooth inside.

“Well, that’s why the tooth fairy didn’t come. The tooth fairy is much like a dog in that she has a greater sense of smell than the rest of us and since the tooth was in the bag she couldn’t smell it.”

I didn’t think this was half bad and was ready to follow up with the whole night flying thing and thus the better developed sense of smell. It wasn’t needed since we have a dog and she understands how they sniff things out.

Tonight the tooth fairy will make an appearance. I’ve got a post it note already on my pillow and thankfully she can’t read all that well, my daughter, not the tooth fairy. I assume the tale of the tooth fairy was created to encourage the child to get on with loosing the teeth but in this house the tooth fairy has just been a pain in the ass. Santa is easy, he comes one night a year and it’s always the same night. The Easter Bunny is just as easy even though the date changes, it’s still on the calender. The tooth fairy has to be on call 365 days a year, it’s no wonder she messes up so often. And I have heard from numerous friends whose children have also complained that the tooth fairy is unreliable.

The thing is, I truly believe that if these kids, who grow up so fast these days, want the parents to play along with these rituals, and I’m almost sure my daughter knows it’s me, then they have to get with the program and do their part. If you lose a tooth put the damn thing under the pillow the first night, after of course, telling your parents you lost the damn thing. It’s only fair to give them time to run to the ATM.

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