Dumb Shit I Do Ex#2 Send Jen on a Vacation

Perimenopause and Zoloft

June 15, 2011

Okay guys, you can skip this one, we’ll be talking about woman things so go crack a beer and watch a game somewhere.

Are they gone?

Okay.

For the past several months I have been experiencing bouts of moodiness. Extreme moodiness which usually include crying jags on the couch, self hatred followed by watching chick flicks with Ben and Jerry. If I wasn’t crying I was yelling at someone or yelling at myself. These bouts of moodiness were usually accompanied by my period which had become irregular in the past several months. I assumed I was in perimenopause but didn’t do much more than ride the storm out and buy a lot of ice cream.

Two weeks ago I blew up at my ex husband because he offered to paint my deck for me.

I have no idea why.

After scaring him away he texted me and asked me if I was okay, he also said he would install my air conditioners and do some wiring for me.

Apparently I scared the hell out of him because while he has always been helpful he has never offered to do so much.

I texted him back that I was not okay, that I was pissed off for reasons I didn’t understand, that I needed chocolate and a hug. He offered to get me chocolate and a bucket of chicken which just sent me into a new tizzy.

That’s some insane shit. I’ve been moody before but never so irrational. However, I knew the mood would subside as my period ended. Which it did until this past weekend when the whole thing started all over again, and accompanied by my period.

I tried to muddle through the whole thing. I took my daughter the the mall to see a movie and do a little shoe shopping. I should have been on top of the world and I was until I had a near panic attack in the shoe store. It wasn’t a panic attack, it was a hot flash. It freaked the hell out of me though and nearly sent me into a full blown panic attack which if you have ever had one you know they can be pretty scary.

We left the shoe store without any shoes which was pretty depressing. I spent the rest of the weekend carb loading and lying on the couch. I had no motivation to do anything and didn’t see the point anyway.

Motivation has been lacking for a long time as well. Work had become work, I had to force myself to do anything on the computer and I was ignoring the phone whenever it rang. I was also ignoring my kids and cooking had become a thing of the past. We were eating fast food or frozen pizza because I just couldn’t bring myself to cook.

On Monday I decided I didn’t want to live this way anymore so I called my endocrinologist and told the nurse what was going on. I told her I wasn’t sure who I should be calling, my OB/GYN or someone else but I had to talk to someone and right now. She said she had an appointment for 11:30 that morning and wondered if I could make it.

“Yes, but it cuts into my nap time” I said only half jokingly.

That’s how insane I have become.

I quickly got dressed, even threw on some mascara and drove to my appointment.

I was quickly called back to the exam room which made me wonder if they don’t deal with this whole perimenopause thing a lot. I wondered if they didn’t have a standing order to get the middle aged women out of the waiting room as fast as possible so not to scare the other patients.

After getting on the scale, seeing that I was up five pounds since my last visit in October and being rather surprised it was only five pounds because of all the carb loading and couch surfing I had been doing, I sat down and filled out some questionnaire which determined I was really depressed. I wasn’t suicidal, I didn’t want to end my life I just wanted to make everyone else’s miserable.

I met with my doctor and explained everything to him. I told him that nothing major had happened in my life, things were actually pretty good and I had no reason to be so down. He asked if I was having any ‘ups’ or just ‘down’ and ‘normal’. I was having no ‘ups’ which I suppose means that I am not bipolar. Realizing that some people were having ‘ups’ and I was not was just one more thing to be depressed about. I had mounds of laundry that needed to be cleaned and put away, I could really use an ‘up’.

I told my doctor everything. I told him about the late night eating I have been doing for months and couldn’t seem to stop even though I knew I shouldn’t be doing it. I told him about my lack of desire for anything, that I didn’t want to do anything and that I felt horrible because I didn’t want to go out with friends or have fun of any kind. I told him that my moods were having an impact on my kids and that was what I wanted to end the most.

I asked him if he could write me a prescription to a week in Tahiti. Without my kids.

He said that wasn’t really an option at this time. This admission nearly had me in tears. I fought them back but wondered if I shouldn’t just let them flow because this was the kind of thing I was dealing with and maybe he should see it. I wanted to go to Tahiti, sort of. I didn’t really want to go to Tahiti because I don’t know anyone there, I look horrible in a bathing suit right now and I don’t have the money or the time to go to Tahiti. I also am pretty sure I don’t like to fly anywhere and I know I hate packing so really the whole thing sounds like a lot of trouble.

See? This is the kind of shit that goes on in my brain…

ALL. THE. TIME!

After sitting there for a few moments in silence my doctor finally suggest I take Zoloft for a few months.

To be continued….

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No Comments

  • Reply If I Were God... June 15, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    For the eight millionth time in my life …glad I’m a guy.

    But I won’t do the guy thing (offer a solution) I’ll let my fem side speak.
    This too will pass, hon.  You deserve to feel better in life than this and you will before you know it.

    • Reply cardiogirl June 16, 2011 at 11:01 am

      God is awesome in that he can adjust and adapt his reply to the recipient. Way to go God.

      • Reply notreallygod June 16, 2011 at 11:34 am

        Your homage and impeccable taste in deities is duely noted, and will be remembered when you need it most, my child.

  • Reply Pricilla June 15, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    The publicist had bouts of the most irrational anger when she went through menopause. For no reason at all she would suddenly feel all Lex Luthor on the male person. Then she would calm down.

    She is glad now to be on the other side. For the most part

  • Reply Madge June 15, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    I am right there with you sister! My OBGYN sort of laughed when I told him I was perimopausal, until I made him give me a blood test to prove that what I know is right. I’m only 39 and I understand it’s early. But it’s my reality. I don’t have the depression, and I don’t really have the mood swings, I have the occasional inner rage, that once I’m in it I realize that I’m being completely irrational, because I’m level headed like that. But the sweating, and the hot flashes, and the bloating. I had a NovaSure done a year ago, and it’s the best thing I could have ever done for myself. So I don’t really know if my periods are irregular since they don’t really come. I’m here for you should you need to co-miserate. 🙂 lots of love

    • Reply redheadranting June 15, 2011 at 6:13 pm

      What is NovaSure? I had my tubes tied a few years ago so it isn’t like I
      need an IUD or anything.

      • Reply Madge June 15, 2011 at 9:43 pm

        Did my response come through last time?
        Doesn’t look like it.
        NovaSure is an ablation, they cook your insides and it sucks them out sort of like a D&C only more aggressive, I don’t think I’ll ever have another real period, I just spot for a few hours one day a month. It’s heaven!!! And that’s why I have so many tampons left for crafts.

        • Reply redheadranting June 15, 2011 at 10:28 pm

          Oh, I got one of those when they tied my tubes. The period itself isn’t the
          problem, it’s all the hormones that come with it.

          • Madge June 15, 2011 at 10:34 pm

            I started getting hormonal about three months before I did it. Heart racing, night sweats, hot flashes, internal rage. I found some supplements that really help with the rage. When I get home I’ll dig them out and tell you what they are.

  • Reply nonamedufus June 15, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    I’m really not all that familiar with how these things work but from a guy’s perspective I feel really bad for your friends Ben and Jerry, having to suffer through a chick flick with you. Hope you guys are all better soon.

  • Reply Boom Boom Larew June 15, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    Better living through chemistry!  (That 60’s tv commercial motto has taken on a new twist today.)  I’ve been on meds for years… they helped keep me sane through a hysterectomy, several surgeries for my son, broken bones, divorce, job loss, deaths… the list goes on and on.  Hope the meds do the trick for you, Jen.  You deserve to love your life!  After all, you do so much to make us love ours!

  • Reply JunkDrawer June 15, 2011 at 10:05 pm

    I don’t want this. That is all.

    • Reply babs (beetle) June 16, 2011 at 1:57 pm

      Inevitable I’m afraid, though I sailed through mine with no problems so it’s not always bad.

  • Reply SP June 16, 2011 at 1:19 am

    I am surprised retail therapy failed.Works for me without fail.

  • Reply Bestwishesmarie June 16, 2011 at 3:00 am

    so funny. i love love love ambien.  who has time to wind down.  bestwishesmarie.blogspot.com

  • Reply cardiogirl June 16, 2011 at 11:04 am

    Ugh I hate hormones. I haven’t hit the hot flashes yet, but I know they’re on the way. And I do know all about Zoloft — it works well and it hasn’t messed up my dieting efforts the way Paxil did. Yep, I’d almost rather be depressed and unmotivated (and able to lose weight) than content and struggling to diet.

    Man that’s messed up, isn’t it?

  • Reply Perimenopause and Zoloft Part 2 | Redhead Ranting June 16, 2011 at 6:42 am

    […] }, skin); Redhead Ranting is Do Follow What People are Sayingcardiogirl on Perimenopause and Zoloftcardiogirl on Perimenopause and ZoloftBestwishesmarie on Perimenopause and ZoloftSP on Perimenopause […]

  • Reply babs (beetle) June 16, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    I feel for you Jen.  I didn’t have those problems. Not even flashes. I may have gotten hot a few times, but never a full blown hot flash.  I’m moving on to part 2 now.

  • Reply JunkDrawer June 18, 2011 at 8:36 pm

    Hey, Jen. Guess what? I think I had my very first hot flash today. I couldn’t explain what it was or why. I didn’t feel nauseous. I hadn’t eaten anything that would make me get all flush or woozy. I asked my older sister if she thought it could have been a hot flash and she said yes, I’m of the age where they can start. I hope to God that wasn’t one because I can’t imagine that happening to me outside the comfort of my own home, like in a meeting at work or something. Dear God, please let that have been a fluke. 

    • Reply redheadranting June 18, 2011 at 8:48 pm

      That sounds EXACTLY like what happened to me last weekend. Welcome to the
      club.

      • Reply JunkDrawer June 18, 2011 at 10:04 pm

        It came on very quickly and my forehead was soaked in less than a minute, neck, sides of face followed. Chest and legs less-so. Had to lie down. Didn’t know what was happening. Husband worried I was having a heart attack. No, honey. I think this just marks the beginning of a new circle of hell.

  • Reply Katherine Murray June 21, 2011 at 3:35 am

    What is your thyroid level like?  I am going through so much of this… getting old SUCKS.  I am taking a natural thyroid supplement and iron… it really is helping.. but it isn’t a miracle cure!

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