Oh Canada!

Posted by on Apr 19, 2010 | 80 comments

Oh Canada!

Oh, Canada

I love Canadians. I know absolutely nothing about their politics or their history which is probably why I love them so much, I wasn’t forced to learn all about them in middle school. I don’t love the Germans, or the Prussians, or any of the other European countries because their borders and names kept changing. Who can keep all that straight?

I’d be hard pressed to name the locations of the different provinces and territories. If they called them states I might have an easier time. It’s not as if there are that many of them. From what I can see on the map there are only 12 and their borders are pretty well laid out on a grid rather than the mess of borders we have down here. I could name all of them, though I would probably get their location wrong, except for Ontario, which I can see from my backyard. I could probably place British Columbia too. The ‘Columbia” part of it would be a big hint for me since I know the Columbia river is on that side of the continent. However, the ‘British’ part would make me think it was on the other side. I’d have a 50/50 chance though, eh?

I love Canada because I can speak their language, not the French part but the English part. I can use the word “eh?” just like they do. It’s really very easy. Just make every statement a question by throwing it in at the end. It’s confusing to Americans because we aren’t used to people questioning everything we say or do but since we don’t listen to other nations all that well, it’d be easy to ignore.

Who doesn’t love Canadian bacon?  Nobody, that’s who. Canadian bacon doesn’t have the same kind of following that regular bacon has, they aren’t making shoes out of it yet, but they should. Canadian bacon is the perfect size and shape for English muffins and bagels. It isn’t as greasy as American bacon and it doesn’t have to be cooked since it has already been cured. American bacon has to be broken into pieces that fit on a sandwich, Canadian bacon is already sandwich sized. Why Canadian bacon hasn’t caught on I will never know.

I suspect it has something to do with all things Canadian. Their currency is fucked up. Their coins are normal enough but their paper money is all rainbow colored and has pictures of the Queen of England on it. Yes, I know they have pictures of Prime Ministers on them too but I can’t identify any of them.

Canadian coins are just like ours except they aren’t worth as much, or they are worth more, I can’t remember. I do know that vending machines will not take them down here so I have an ashtray full of them in my car. The Canadians are sneaky too. They design their coins to be shaped just like ours so there are probably a lot of blind people selling pencils who have nothing but Canadian coins.

The Canadians give their coins cute little names like Loonie and Toonie. No one will accept them here but how cute is that? I was surprised to learn, during my extensive research of Canada, that the Loonie and Toonie do not have  pictures of Bugs Bunny and Wile E. Coyote on them.

Some of my favorite bloggers are from Canada.

Buggering Crap Monkeys, the mullet just cracks me up.

No Name Dufus, Go and give Dufus some love, he starts radiation treatment today.

Schmutzie, Schmutzie likes bacon, what can I say.

Mom’s Cafe,  I get all my cooking info here. She likes bacon as well, something called peameal bacon. I have no idea.

Mom to the Power of Three, She’s all over the place on her blog, something I can totally relate to. However this mom talks about interesting topics, topics that have relevance, unlike me, and she likes bacon too.

We Work For Cheese, Nicky and Mike crack me up. They epitomize Canadians in my book. Who else can marry cheese to current events and do it so well. Nicky and Mike remind me of Wisconsinites with thier constant talk about beer, cheese and sex, they’d fit right in Wisconsin.

Blue Collar Bliss, Katie has been dealing with the chicken pox lately, she hasn’t posted much lately which is perfect because it gives you time to catch up on her older posts. I didn’t notice anything about bacon.

Simply Stacie, If you want to know about giveaways this is the place to find out about them. Right now Stacie is having a giveaway for Happy Goat Soap, the best soap in the world. Go and register to win it.

I’d Rather be Blogging, who wouldn’t be? Anyone who has Gumby and Pokey on their keyring has got to be funny.  Nothing about bacon.

There is just something laid back and fun loving about the Canadian. They gave us Rick Moranis, Alex Trebek, Michael J. Fox, Jim Carrey, Dan Akroyd, Dave Thomas, Mike Myers, Pamela Anderson, Leslie Nielsen, The Kids in the Hall, Celine Dion (they should have kept her), and Phil Hartman. Seems to me all of them live in the US now.

The Canadians in general just don’t take themselves very seriously. In addition to Celine Dion and Alannis Morrisette, who do take themselves very seriously, there are the Bare Naked Ladies. Everytime one of their songs comes on the radio, except for their new one which is kind of a downer, I can’t help but laugh. Their songs are just plain fun. They managed to put song after song out during the 90s without any angst. That takes talent.  There is something mellow about being Canadian, maybe it’s just a state of mind, I don’t know. But I do know if you want to be just like the Canadians you can start with Canadian breath.  It probably smells like bacon.

canadian breath

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  • lindamedrano

    I too love Canada and Canadians! I've only been to Victoria, so I'm not an expert on the geography, but I'm not an expert on US geography either, come to think of it. Nicky may work for cheese, but she a sparkler all right! As are the others you mention!

  • http://maniaravings.com Jaffer

    I think, 'Canadian Bacon' is actually 100% Made in U.S.A I haven't heard any ham called Canadian Bacon up here – perhaps I am going to the wrong stores. Actually I don't buy any pork – so that must be it. I can't be an authority on Bacon.

    Thank you for sending your love. Depending who your president is, we are glad to share the border with you.

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      Jaffer, I had no idea you were Canadian, I'm sorry I didn't include you. What is Nunavut? I'd never seen that before. When did it happen. How could I miss that, it's a big ass piece of real estate.
      What is the difference between a territory and a province? I'm sure it was covered in the Wiki article I skimmed but it got really boring so I kinda skipped over parts.

      • http://maniaravings.com Jaffer

        Born an Indian, raised in Arabia now living a new life in Canada for 10 years now.

        No you didn't need to include me – people would be disappointed seeing that my blog is closed.

        From wiki, “Nunavut” is Inuit for “Our Land” – It was made especially for the Inuit people and it defines their 'homeland'

        And my silly mix-up “Nunuvat” – partly meant “small penis” (my apologies to all Inuits – this was a total accident)

        A province has it's own government, parliament, premier, constitution, courts and is quite autonomous.

        A territory, lacks the above and is actually controlled by the federal government. They are sparsely populated and each community resides tens or hundreds of miles apart. (The three big regions in the north Yukon, Northwest Territories and Nunavut are the territories)

        • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

          So do you say “eh”?

          You really need to start blogging again. I'm not the first to tell you that
          either.

          You said 'penis'!

          So, a province is like a state and a territory is like our reservations? Do
          they have casinos?

          • http://maniaravings.com Jaffer

            I say 'eh', all the time eh.

            Well, territories still exist due to their sparse populations. Reservations exist in provinces though – each managed by one tribe

            I am not sure if the territories have any casinos who want's to blow their money when everything up there is so expensive ! But there are some kick ass casinos on Reservations.

  • http://beetle-blog.com/ babs (beetle)

    You don't love us? I think I'll go eat worms.

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      I do love you guys! If I didn't almost get killed crossing the street every
      time I visit London, or the UK in general, that's be my first choice to live
      anywhere, and I hated the rain of Seattle. I love everything about you guys.
      Your dry wit, the way you say “right” at the beginning of every sentence, or
      when you just can't think of anything else to say, all of it. I just can't
      cross the friggin's street without nearly getting killed. Drive on the right
      side of the road, everyone else does.

      • http://beetle-blog.com/ babs (beetle)

        Right, I won't eat worms then.

        But, look, right…. we like to be different. We like to drive on the left, right?

        • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

          Yeah but when you are taught to look left first it screw us up. Thankfully
          someone always pulled me back before I got hit, and I am sure if I was hit,
          whoever hit me would have been very polite and apologetic about it. Here,
          they would just keep driving.

          • http://beetle-blog.com/ babs (beetle)

            Ha ha! Yes, I think they would get out of the car to check you were OK, and then blame you for insurance purposes!

  • http://www.saltsays.com Salt

    I have never been to Canada, but I am pretty much obsessed with the idea of going. I've always imagined it like this magical place where everyone is really friendly. And I don't even like bacon, but Canadian bacon is the awesome.

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      I've only been over the border in Ontario and in Victoria but both were such nice places. The people are really nice. Victoria had a very worldly, European feel to it and Ontario is just like Minnesota.

  • http://comedyplus.blogspot.com/ comedyplus

    You crack me up. Such logic. Bwahahahahaha.

    Have a terrific day. :)

  • http://injaynesworld.blogspot.com/ Jayne

    I've always had a soft spot for Canada. Once teleportation is invented, it's one of the first places I plan on visiting. I plan to show up on Nicky and Mike's doorstep and free-load off them for a while. I'll bring Cotswold cheese.

    The Canadians are a pretty mellow bunch. And I don't care what they say about Canada on South Park. It is too a real country.

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      Now I'm torn, I love South Park too.

      • http://injaynesworld.blogspot.com/ Jayne

        Do you remember the first South Park movie and the song “Blame Canada, blame Canada.. it's not a real country anyway”? Catchy little ditty.

        • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

          Ah, yes. I do remember that song, very catchy. My favorite is Uncle Fucker,
          extremely catchy.

  • frustratedpricilla

    Everything is better with bacon, or this is what I have heard so why not a country too.

    I am frustrated on disqus because of it's system, not because of your blog.

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      I am so sorry you are having trouble. I'll see if there is anything I can do to fix it for you.

  • KristinaP

    I've been to Vancouver once. It was lovely. I need to try some Poutine.

  • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

    Jen, on behalf of Canada, we love you too :-) On behalf of WWFC, thanks for mentioning us, and so nicely. And no mention of moose, dogsleds or caribou meat, eh? I think you could easily move to Canada. Although you may have a hard time finding Canadian bacon here. I've only ever had it in the States.

    Couldn't help but nose through the comments, so I must say the following:

    Jayne, if you get your size 4 ass on a plane, which I know you aren't fond of, you can freeload all you want! No Cotswold necessary – but we wouldn't say no!

    Kristina P, I'm going to shamelessly plug weworkforcheese.com here, because we will be reviewing Poutine in the next few days. Come on by and try some with us. We're Canadian, we share. :-)

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      Really? The Canadian bacon isn't real. Is it like French Toast or English Muffins? Damn, that is disappointing.

      • http://www.weworkforcheese.com mike

        I was just as disappointed to find out that Singapore Noodles don't come from Singapore. I think it's the same for Buffalo Wings.

        P.S. Thank you for the mention!

        • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

          So if you guys don't make Canadian bacon, what do you do?

          • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

            Canadian bacon may have been Canadian at one time, but being so darn nice, we gave it all to the States. Along with Celine. Now, we just enjoy the silence.

          • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

            You're wearing your FMPs aren't you? You can have Celine back btw.

          • http://www.weworkforcheese.com mike

            We also have copious amounts of beavers and maple syrup.

            Interpret that however you'd like.

    • mikewjattoomanymornings

      I desperately want to try Poutine. I go to Canada a lot, and wrote an entire post a while back about their lack of a national food despite the fact that you can get almost anything you want to eat there, especially mayonnaise. But then I recently found out about poutine. It sounds weird, but delicious. And it sounds unique enough to be truly Canadian, like hamburgers in America, or steak and kidney pie in England.

  • http://queenofthedogs.blogspot.com/ peedee

    I have no problem with Canada. I was there once or twice as a kid when my father raced hydoplanes (boats). I think we went to Pikton. I have no idea where that is. I have friends from Canada that live here now. All good people. Yup, no problem with them at all. Why are they so nice anyway?? hmmmm. Oh and I actually enjoyed the Winter Olympics this years. Just sayin.

    Oh and my kid calls Canada, America's Hat. I dont know why, she just said it one day.

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      That's a pretty big hat! Have you looked at how big Canada is? Especially with all that Nunavut? Not very populated however.

  • buggys

    I'm going to plan my vacation in Canada this year. I have to, because I have to get some loonie toonies, eh? Seriously, I've never been there, I usually choose to go to warm places instead of the chillier ones. But that was before the loonie toons! I can forgive for Alannis Morisette , the whiner!

    I'll bring the Canadian Bacon but someone else needs to provide the English muffins.

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      When I lived in Seattle there was a sign at the bar of the ferry that said
      “no loonies or toonies accepted” I had no idea what the hell they were
      talking about but people in the PNW are a little different so I just figured
      people were trying to buy drinks with beads or other fake money, which is
      kinda what Canadian money is down here, fake.

  • http://mrsblogalot.com mrsblogalot

    I love canadian bacon. It's caught on with me just fine!

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      Did you hear? It's not really from Canada. It's just a fancy way to call it ham.

  • http://cynicalbstd.blogspot.com/ Jay

    I like Canada a lot. I used to love Canada until they unleashed Tom Green on us. I thought that was uncalled for. But, I'm over it now and am just about back to loving Canada. ;-)

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      Jay, I forgot all about Tom Green. He must have gone back to Canada, he hasn't been around here in ages. I'm glad you are back to loving Canada, because I am sure then never stopped loving you.

  • http://www.shoot-me-now.com Katherine

    I think Canada is totally cool… and I've never even been there! However… I don't think they would let me visit, because I really hate Celine Dion. But I LOVE Mike Meyers, so that might make it better… EH?

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      I'm not so sure the Canadians like Celine. She isn't living there!

  • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

    Well, you know more than I do about Canada. There are 12 provinces??? I would have guessed more like 5.

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      Apparently there are 13 of 14, I'm still not really sure. And, Canadian
      bacon isn't from Canada. So much for all my research.

  • http://2010-year-of-miracles.blogspot.com Kathee

    This is quite perceptive of you! I never thought about half of these things, but now I love Canada, too!

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      I think we all love Canada, we just don't know it because they are so low key. They don't make much noise. The whole squeaky wheel thing and all. Doesn't it feel good to love Canada openly?

  • themother

    I loved Canadian Bacon (the movie). Hilarious.

    Are you sure we speak the same language as the Canadians? After 20 years of marriage, hubby still comes up with Canadianisms that I didn't know.

    And I had to learn to speak Hockey, which is a language unto itself.

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      That movie is wonderful, I just recently saw it again, a timeless classic.

      He might be making words up just to mess with you, no, he's Canadian, not
      British. What kind of Canadianism is he using?

      As a Minnesotan I am fluent in hockey, it's required.

  • http://mommamiameaculpa.com meleahrebeccah

    you had me at Canadian bacon!

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      It's not really Canadian. I'm sorry, I didn't know.

      • http://mommamiameaculpa.com meleahrebeccah

        Well if its called Canadian Bacon that's Canadian enough for me!

  • http://howtobecomeacatladywithoutthecats.blogspot.com CatLadyLarew

    Canadian Bacon was a great movie… totally inane! I love Canada… great camping and kayaking up there. Plus Toronto's always a good time. Great comedians from Canada too… guess everything's funny when you're from Canada.

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      If I were Canadian I would think everything was funny too, it'd be a survival mechanism of sorts.

  • http://twitter.com/moooooog35 moooooog35

    I LOVE Canada.

    But mainly for the strippers.

    Actually. ONLY for the strippers.

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      What do they wear? Quilted down pasties?

  • http://idothings.info JD at I Do Things

    Damn it, I love Canadian bacon. Thank you for reminding me.

    And let's not forget Canucklehead at Canucklehead.ca.

    Thank you for your beautiful love letter to Canada!

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      I LOVE Canucklehead but I couldn't find him. It might have been that he
      spells his name using the Canadian translation or it might have been the
      .ca. Either way, thank you for leaving his URL
      http://canucklehead.ca/because it is an awesome Canadian blog.

  • http://bluecollarbliss.blogspot.com Katie

    Thanks for the love Jen! Would Nickleback make you forgive us for Celine?

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      Nickelback is Canadian? I'm so out of the loop. See, I know nothing about
      Canada.

      Yes, giving us Nickelback makes up for Celine, though I know a lot of people
      might argue that isn't the case.

  • http://thepositivelife.com Raj

    These canadian bloggers r damn lucky, they got backlink from u :)

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      Don't I wish, those Canadian bloggers all have awesome blogs.

  • BarbWillThink4Wine

    I grew up very close to the Canadian border but never made it there. Probably just as well, since they're so sneaky and all. I feel really badly for those poor blind people seeling pencils now. Maybe they need some Canadian Bacon so they don't starve. Do their pencils have Loonie and Toonie on them? Or maybe Bugs Bunny? That would be cool. I hope they don't have Wile E. Coyote on them, because he always buys from that dumb Acme Rocket Ship Company and they always blow up all over him. That would be bad, eh?

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      I love Wile E. Coyote. Talk about a plugger, he just keeps going and going.

  • http://twitter.com/barbpaige718 Barb Paige

    After watching the Winter Olympics in Vancouver I definitely want to visit Canada- it was gorgeous!

  • http://grammology.com Dorothy from grammology

    Because I live in Western NY we are often in Canada, it's a great place to visit I feel like it's my second home and your right it's so good they speak our language.. … and I really enjoyed this post.

    Dorothy from grammology
    grammology.com

  • momtothepowerofthree

    Thanks for mentioning me in this great post. I am from Ontario, Canada and live in Muskoka, where some famous Americans like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell come to vacation in the summer. I love being Canadian. It means living in a country that is very diverse in its land and people. You forgot to mention one thing that is very Canadian – Hockey! We all seem to have a passion for the game which we pass down to our kids.

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      Minnesota is a big hockey town so I completely spaced it with regard to
      Canada. I know you guys take it as seriously as we do. Muskoka sounds
      beautiful!

  • http://www.ontheverge6.blogspot.com Lydia

    I want to go visit there myself. I hear they have way better healthcare than we do!

  • http://www.smalltownmommy.com Anne

    I don't know a whole lot about Canada either, except for the fact that I have never been there. I have always wanted to go, but my husband wanted to take me for my 40th birthday. Who the heck travels north in February.

  • http://amothershood.com Lanita @ A Mother's Hood

    They do have a cool national anthem and I love their flag, although they do have a natural inferiority complex. I've always wondered about that.

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      It's the poutine.

  • http://www.torontocitylife.com/ Patrick

    Canadian politics isn't as mind-numbing as one might imagine:
    http://www.torontocitylife.com/2010/04/18/free-

    …and we're all mellow because we all smoke weed:
    http://www.torontocitylife.com/2010/04/21/the-g

    Cheers!

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      I didn't know Canada was filled with so many gangters (not gangstas). They all seem really colorful and it would be so much fun to have a drag queen in office.

  • TheGirlLaura

    There is a hilarious movie about Canada and I think it is called Canadian Bacon. I think Dan Ackroyd is in it.

    I totally say “eh” all of the time and I have no idea why. Maybe the guys from Strange Brew have something to do with it!

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      I think it is because we can see Canada from our backyard. The “eh”s just
      trickle down.

  • http://www.lifecandy.net Nenette

    Aw, thanks, Jen. We are an awesome bunch, eh?! ;)
    Come on up and visit! I'm in Manitoba, right smack dab in the middle of the country in the Canadian Prairie. I'll take you out for poutine.
    xo

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      I'd love to visit but after reading about poutine on http://weworkforcheese.com/ I would rather skip that part.

  • witchie

    I read every single comment because I didn't want to repeat someone else, I'm anal, what can I say? Eh? So this means I either have way too much time on my hands or I have way to much time on my hands.

    I never understood why it was called Canadian Bacon when it was just ham. No disrespect, but they could've kept Jim Carrey, Pamela Anderson and those damn Kids in the Hall, as well as Celine. I greatly appreciate that they shared Nickelback and all the rest that you mention. I would also like to thank you for the geography lesson as well, I didn't learn this much about Canada when I was in school many many moons ago!

    I also love to read Mom's Cafe, Momtothepowerof3, and We Work for Cheese, thanks for the heads up on the others, will be checking out them as well! Great read as always, thank you!

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      I don't recall ever learning anything about Canada in school. Unless you count the ski trip we took to Ontario in 10th grade, I learned how to drink Molson beer and not puke.

  • http://rebatefund.blogspot.com Warren Contreras

    And their National Anthem can actually be sung by common people.

  • http://00dozo.blogspot.com/ 00dozo

    I found your site through “We Work For Cheese” and, being Canadian, I just had to read this post but more particularly, read all of the comments as well.

    Too funny.

    Just to clear up and comment on a few comments (and without having to comment on each individually):

    - there is a bacon we consider “Canadian” and it is of the peameal variety, it's not really ham but more of a cured tenederloin cut of pork covered in peameal – well, at least that's what I've always considered to be Canadian bacon growing up (and, if you're not careful, it WILL stick to Teflon);

    - there are 10 Provinces and 3 Territories (formerly 2) – Nunavut used to be part of the Northwest Territories and, the running joke at the time of it's separation from the NWT, was that it's name – oxymoronically- implied it no longer wanted to be part of Canada (having 'none-of-it”);

    - the movie “Canadian Bacon” was funny – gotta see it again;

    - we also brought you Bob & Doug McKenzie from (and of) “The Great White North” (just love their “12 Days of Christmas” carol – if you can find it, give it a listen);

    - we laugh at ourselves more often than not and take criticisms very well – like beer running off a loon's back, so to speak (not that anyone would waste a good Canadian beer like that);

    - the 'loonies' and 'toonies' are pains in the pocket, but at least we get a joke out of of them;

    -and finallly, it would appear us Canadians have lulled all of you Americans into an extreme sense of security that we are just gonna come down there and whoop your asses – yeah, right. Maybe we'll just bring beer and bacon and have a party, eh?

    • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

      I love Mike and Nicky! Thanks for stopping by. I'm still trying to wrap my
      head around the whole Canadian Bacon thing. And I must see the movie again.

      • 00dozo

        Your welcome! And thank you for “stalking” me (I think? ;-) Yes, Mike and Nicky are really cheesy (I've just met them myself). I forgot to mention that the peameal bacon is (or was, by us older folk) also called “back” bacon. I don't know why. But really, there is no bacon that Canadians consider theirs (except, of course, the movie).

        ciao for now.

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