As a single mother I worry about my kids and how they are going to turn out because they don’t have a dad around 24/7 to keep them on the straight and narrow. I can be a bit of a pushover at times and sometimes I let them do things that aren’t always the best for them because it is just easier for me to say ‘yes’.
I don’t want to have to put up with the screaming and crying and temper tantrums. Besides, if they start crying and whining after five that can totally ruin my buzz and we don’t want that to happen.
It looks like my son might be turning out alright. In spite of everything (growing up in a single parent home, having his dad walk out on us and his step dad walk out) he seems to be doing okay. Even if he isn’t I only have two weeks left and then if he does something stupid it’s his problem. Which really means if he does something illegal he goes to jail and not me because he is going to be 18.
The daughter has a long way to go before she is considered legal so I still have to make sure she does the right thing so I don’t have to go jail if she does something wrong.
Not that she does anything illegal yet but it could happen.
She has informed me that if I go through with my decision she will become a crack addict.
What decision is that, you ask?
I’ll tell you.
Last week we got a bunny. Actually my son got the bunny but ever since he brought it home I have been the one doing all the bunny work.
Bunnies poop a lot. Bunnies also chew on things (like the phone cords) and they poop a lot.
We got the bunny on Sunday of last week and by Thursday I had decided that it had to go. I can’t even call him by his name, which is Jack, because that personalizes him too much and already I am working against the cute card he keeps playing. And I am losing.
Jack is cute. But that is all he is. His cuteness goes far, don’t get me wrong, but he doesn’t do anything else besides being cute. The dog, as dumb as he is, barks when the evil mailman comes and whenever any of those liberals show up during election season trying to get me to switch teams. The cat, who keeps me awake all fucking night long for reasons only she understands, kills mice in the garage. She also kills rabbits and the mutherfucking squirrels who dig holes all over my front and back yard. They both serve a purpose and justify the expense they both incur such as food, treats, toys and doctor bills.
The bunny serves no purpose whatsoever except to look cute.
Worse, the bunny is like a slot machine and every one is a winner. You don’t even have to pull the handle, poop just always comes out. Sometimes it’s one and sometimes it’s 20 but you always pull a winner.
So I have been floating around the idea that maybe we should take the bunny back to the farm (they will take him!!!). This idea has not been met with any kind of enthusiasm from my daughter. At all.
I’ve even offered up a new kitten in exchange for the bunny.
Now let me just say here that I like the bunny. Jack is cute, Jack is very friendly and watching him chase after the cat so she leaps up five feet in the air in one fell swoop almost makes me want to keep him around. The cat is a bitch and she deserves to be picked on. Jack eats the veggies that the daughter refuses to eat (and that the dog doesn’t particularly care for but will eat if he has to but then he gets all kinds of gas and that isn’t good) but whatever goes in comes right out so I spend a good part of my day chasing after him with a broom and dust pan because, call me silly, but I don’t like little bunny poo all over my house.
So the daughter doesn’t want the bunny to go away. In fact she has informed me that having Jack here has helped her in life and if we got rid of him her life would be really bad.
“How does having the bunny help your life?” I asked
“Because we have Jack I write stories about him in school and I draw pictures of him. Because I am writing about him I am practicing my writing and will get better grades. If I get better grades I will get in to a better college and if I go to a good college I will get a better job and my life will be better because we had the bunny”.
I’m not making any of that up.
Which means, if you follow her logic, that she will no longer write about the bunny if we get rid of him. She will no longer draw pictures of him which means she will not get good grades (even though she isn’t even getting grades in 2nd grade) and because she will have bad grades she will have to go to community college if she is lucky. She will not be able to get a good job and thus will take up both the crack pipe and the stripper pole.
I guess we have to keep the bunny.
Hat tip to MsDarkstar for sending the image of the bunny with all the poo. Sadly the bunny poos a lot more than that.