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Matchmaking Update

April 15, 2009

I should have updated you all sooner regarding the matchmaking that JD is doing for me. Unfortunately JD has been doing sleep studies, driving over fetuses and watching Adam Lambert’s magical glowing crotch and I have been running around buying a new car. The whole thing kinda got put on the back burner.

I have not bothered to search for any potential matches and apparently neither have any of my blogging friends. However the ad was a hit and I had many, many responses. Unfortunately none of them piqued much interest.

In my profile I mention that I do not want to have any more children. Of all the things in my profile that is the only one that I will not negotiate. I don’t mind dating someone who has children of their own but I don’t want to make anymore. I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel and I don’t want to set the clock back.

This little fact was ignored by a slew of potential ex husbands. So not only are some of these guys gluttons for punishment but they want me to hop on that train too. Sorry, I’m done.

The rest of the guys who responded, and a couple of women, seemed to ignore all the other requests I had for a mate.

For some reason age is something that people think doesn’t matter to me. I prefer someone in my age range, 38-48, that’s a big spread. However most of the men who responded were either in their late 20’s or late 60’s. There was even one guy who was 21. Tempting, I know, but I’d like a guy who doesn’t get carded and whose meat I don’t have to cut.

Interestingly, even though I mentioned I like tall guys that seemed to translate into “I really like short guys but am embarrassed to say so, so please ignore this and contact me anyway”. I realize that height for men is kinda like weight for women. Both are really hard to lie about but they do anyway. I’m not against short men but I like to wear heals occasionally and I don’t want to be all Nicole Kidman to their Tom Cruise. Obviously if they had as much money as Tom Cruise they would look a lot taller. Since no one has yet to send me copies of their Roth or 401k I have to assume they are not as rich as Tom Cruise and therefore as short as he is.

I’ve touched on this before but it is worth repeating: Spelling Counts. If a guy can’t spell I am not the one for him. One guy spelled “women”, wimmen! And a good many of them spelled “a lot”, alot. Spellcheck has been around for a really long time and dictionaries have been around for even longer, there is no excuse for horrible spelling. I know I should let it slide. God knows neither of my ex husbands could spell all that well but I met them in real life and wasn’t reading about who they are. Dating in the ’00s means one has to know how to spell or at least know how to use Spellcheck.

The rest of the guys were just guys. Probably someones knight in shining armor but not mine. Not one of them seemed to have a sense of humor. Maybe they are taking the whole dating experience really seriously and want to come off as a caring, thoughtful (though not thoughtful enough to look up a word in the dictionary), respectful kind of guy, I don’t know for sure. But I do know that most of them come off as a wet blanket. I’ve had wet blankets, I want to laugh. With them not at them, I have two ex husbands for that. Here is a hint for guys who are in their 40’s, not nearly as hot as Hugh Jackman or George Clooney, going bald, have an ex who they give half their income to and who probably can’t do it like a 20 year old anymore, funny makes up for all of that. It really does, trust me.

I’ll keep looking, who know maybe Sean Connery needs a date? Is he still alive?

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  • Reply The Mother April 15, 2009 at 7:56 pm

    Every time my hubby REALLY reaches my tolerance limit, I think about all my divorced friends who are on the dating scene and it puts it ALL back into perspective.

    I cannot imagine starting over and having to train a NEW guy. I’d probably just buy a vibrator.

    Good luck.

  • Reply Mary@Holy Mackerel April 15, 2009 at 8:20 pm

    Ooh, I hope you don’t have to do this for too long. Doesn’t sound like much fun…

  • Reply Lola April 15, 2009 at 8:20 pm

    I think Sean Connery is still alive, but wouldn’t that accent drive you nuts? And I mean, not in a good way. Besides, he doesn’t strike me as having a sense of humor. Funny goes a long way. (See, I know the difference between along and a long.)

    I know a really nice guy in that age range that is single, but I’m afraid he is destined to be perpetually single. He is committmentaphobic. Is that a word? If not, it should be and you’d know what he looked like because his photo would be next to it in the dictionary.

    I was hoping to hear better things from your match thing. Maybe you should try a different dating website. I’ve heard of Lavalife, but never Plenty of Fish. What’s that other one that has the commercials for people rejected by eharmony for being…normal? Can’t remember it. Anyway, if Anastasia does a history search on her laptop, I am in way bad trouble because today I googled that website that eharmony did for gays, “Compatible Partners” to do a comment on another blog. I just looked at the home page. I swear! And just now I’ve googled “online dating”. I am in so much trouble. You’ll vouch for me, won’t you?

  • Reply Jen April 15, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    Mother, the idea of having to train another one did not occur to me. Now I don’t want to do this at all. *sigh* vibrators are nice but they don’t cuddle all that well. I know, men don’t really cuddle, but they do those first few months.

    Mary, it is indeed a lot of fun. Not in the way it was supposed to be fun but I get a big kick out of reading what these guys have to say. And it is flattering…kinda.

    Lola, I love Sean Connery’s accent but now that I am hearing it in my head you are right it might get really annoying after a while. I think the one that takes eHarmony’s rejects is Match, at least it seems that way. I tried eHarmony a year or two ago. They had no compatible matches for me. I’m not actually surprised. Thanks for reminding me about jealousy, I forgot how much that sucked.

  • Reply Grandy April 15, 2009 at 9:48 pm

    Sean Connery IS still alive. Hold out for him indeed! Funny how those things don’t seem to translate well.

  • Reply Lola April 15, 2009 at 10:30 pm

    I found it. It’s not match.com, it’s http://www.chemistry.com/.

  • Reply Breath of Insanity April 15, 2009 at 10:46 pm

    I had a bunch of guys contact me through Myspace, where my profile clearly states: “Here for FRIENDS”. Apparently these guys can’t read, or they think that they can convince me to change my mind about that. I found the most effective way to get rid of these losers is to tell them I like James Dean. I don’t know why it works, but it does.

  • Reply VE April 15, 2009 at 10:52 pm

    Boy this brings it all back to me. Match. I was on there for awhile a couple of years back. I even did a tongue-in-cheek four part post on how to fill out a match dot com application as a guy. If you’re interested you can find it under my “best of” tab. Nice blog and sorry…I mistook you for another Jen without realizing it…

  • Reply Chaotically Calm April 16, 2009 at 5:34 am

    Oh I totally believe Sean Connery is still alive if not who is that man in my fantasy…anyway this post had me near spitting bright and early this morning which means it will be a good day.

    Much luck with the internet dating it never worked out for me…could be that men lie about short and I likes me some FM pumps.

  • Reply GDad April 16, 2009 at 8:39 am

    I’d help, but the only gentlemen I know are married, gay, or minors.

    I need to get out more.

  • Reply Pricilla April 16, 2009 at 11:54 am

    This is so interesting. In the dark ages when the publicist was dating she always went for tall, dark guys. What did she marry? A short redhead. She walked down the aisle in flats and was still taller that her hubby. He can’t spell either – he always said he would have a secretary for such things. He did, and now does. He forgets that spellcheck does not do grammar check….*sigh*

    Good luck. You are right about the sense of humor. It goes a very long way. On both sides…..

  • Reply Prefers Her Fantasy Life April 16, 2009 at 1:48 pm

    If you do find someone, see if he has a friend for me.

  • Reply Jen April 16, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    Grandy, ?

    Lola, I think they are part of Match.

    Breath, James Dean eh? Huh.

    VE, I’ll have to read that post I’m sure it hilarious.

    Chaotically Calm, I’m glad to hear that Sean Connery is alive and well, though I think he might be near Viagra time. I’m not really into the whole thing either which might be part of the problem but since prince charming has not knocked on my door I have to do something.

    Gdad, Thanks anyway…don’t you have a brother?

    Pricilla, I think I could go for a short redhead too if he were funny. Most likely they are taken and their women know what a great catch they have.
    spellcheck does do grammar but it isn’t very good at it.

    PHFL, I will keep you in mind, feel free to browse Match and I’ll contact them for you.

  • Reply SLColman April 16, 2009 at 4:47 pm

    Dating is hard! Actually I think finding the date might even be harder than dating! Way back when I was looking for someone (more than 6 years ago). I tried the whole ad type on-line dating thing. I found a bunch of losers and gave up on that pretty quickly. I ended up finding my hubby on-line via a game we both played at the time. My suggestion is to find a single male blogger with a humor and latch on to him! LOL I moved from Florida to Wyoming for my husband so maybe this potential guy would be willing to move for you too? I don’t know but I do wish you luck!

  • Reply Jen April 16, 2009 at 5:08 pm

    SLColman, what game were you playing?

  • Reply judemiller1 April 16, 2009 at 5:12 pm

    Keep your standards. I did, and although it took me awhile, I finally found “him” four years ago. You know what really had me interested? He could not only spell vacuum, but he could also do it! His profile was written with such excellent grammar and spelling that it almost scared me–thinking his sister had written it for him. I read it probably half a dozen times before I sent him an e-mail.

    I once dated a guy who not spelled women, “wimmem”, but he also pronounced it that way and he loved ALL of them. PIG!!

  • Reply Hillbilly Willy April 17, 2009 at 4:51 am

    Sorry the perfect man is happily Married – Willy of course

    10-4 Hillbilly Willy

  • Reply Ivanhoe April 21, 2009 at 9:40 am

    Did you try e-Harmony? I know some people say it's cheezy, but I know two couples (one married last year & one just engagged) that met that way and are real soul mates…

  • Reply Wicked April 28, 2009 at 12:06 am

    You are too funny! I came across this blog by accident but you hooked me.

    Good…um…luck with the dating thing. Cute meat or help them get it hard? Either way you have your work cut out for you.

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