Events Ex#2

Just in Time for Christmas…Holiday Depression

December 11, 2009

I was blazing through the season.  I put up my lights and started decorating the house for the holidays, I watched animated Christmas specials from the 70’s with my six year old, and enjoyed them more than she did. I baked and baked.

And then I hit the wall.

I don’t know what happened except that the reality of the season probably took over.

I start out each holiday season the same. I have high hopes, I believe.

I watch Lifetime holiday specials. And I never watch Lifetime.

You know the kind of movies I’m talking about. The hapless single (usually widowed) mom who manages to have a successful career going but has been unlucky in love. Somehow a stranger ends up at her doorstep a few days before Christmas. She takes him in (she is a successful businesswoman with the common sense of a fruit fly of course), and he ends up cooking wonderful meals for her and her young son (who just needs a guy around to make his life perfect), fixing her German car when it breaks down in the middle of traffic (all the while she is telling him that she can handle it herself), and looking great the whole time.

Eventually (Christmas Eve) they fall in love and live happily ever after.

I hate these movies.

But I watch them anyway.

I watch them because I figure maybe I am doing something wrong and I can learn from these movies.

So far no stranger has knocked on my door, if one did I would let him in and show him to my kitchen and then introduce him to my truck and my kids.

But so far no man, studly or not has knocked on my door looking to change the life of a single mom.

I am the Charlie Brown of the holiday season.

I have received three Christmas cards. One from my aunt, one from my brother (who couldn’t even bother to sign the photo he sent) and one from my paper delivery person (with a conveniently enclosed self addressed envelope).

I understand that Christmas cards are like blog comments. If I want them I have to send them out, the year before.

Last year sucked(there are too many posts to highlight from last year but it culminated in my washer, dryer, furnace and dishwasher breaking down in about three days time and I was severely broke. I think a toilet overflowed flooding the basement too. It really sucked)  and I never got around to sending out Christmas cards so I have been axed from everyone’s list.

Which really sucks because it took me years to recover from no cards after each divorce.

I’d been sending out cards to people who dropped me, family included, for three years trying to recoup the amount of holiday cheer I used to receive. And I was there last year when all hell broke loose and I dropped the ball.

I still haven’t sent out my cards this year because I’m not really sure who to send them to. Do I continue to send them to people who don’t send them to me? Do I start using the phone book, choosing random people in the hopes that I haven’t sent them too late this season so I get some back?

I don’t know.

So I sit here and watch Fargo. I am watching Fargo because Armageddon is not on tonight ( a sure sign of the apocalypse). I love the movie Fargo. I don’t need any translation, I speak Minnesotan.

In an unrelated aside, the CEO of the company I used to work for in Seattle used to hang out by my desk and talk to me because he loved Fargo and couldn’t get enough of the accent.

If I see one more commercial for Kay Jewelers (which I am sure I will) I am going to go postal. Not that it would make any difference since I am alone when I see these commercials and unable to go postal on anyone but the dog and he doesn’t deserve that.

But they piss me off.

So do the car commercials this time of year.

Does anyone really buy someone else a car for Christmas?

If so I have been doing it way wrong.

I’ll get over this. Tomorrow I am going to get a tree with my daughter and my ex#2. It sounds like a great way to spend the day. Tree farm, six year old who complains about everything and an ex spouse. Oh and it’s really cold.

I’m grateful that the ex will do all the heavy cutting and heavy lifting. Once it’s in the house, however, he will take off and I will be left to get the boxes of ornaments down from the attic, untangle the lights and after the novelty wears off for my daughter, left to decorate the damn tree alone.

I will get through this, around the day after Valentine’s Day of next year.

I can always watch Die Hard, it’s a great holiday film, Bruce Willis has hair, and they don’t talk with a funny accent.

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  • Reply Junk Drawer Kathy December 12, 2009 at 5:55 am

    I’m with you sister. I figured today would be the Saturday where I make a gift list and finally get around to buying things. But I still don’t feel like it and I don’t even need that much. We don’t have a tree and I don’t care. Somehow the Christmas spirit skipped over me this year. So you’re saying Die Hard is good pick-me-up?
    .-= Junk Drawer Kathy´s last blog ..Nevermind the Slippery Sidewalks =-.

  • Reply Jen December 12, 2009 at 6:52 am

    Kathy: Die Hard is a wonderful Christmas movie. Right up there with It’s a Wonderful Life, but with much better special effects. Die Hard is really not much different than the Lifetime movies I talked about..John McLean and his wife Holly are considering a divorce. She is the high powered career woman, he the cop. He comes to town to celebrate Christmas with the kids and stops by her office for something or other (I can’t remember) when terrorists strike. He of course saves Holly and the others, in bare feet no less. They live happily ever after, at least until Die Hard 3 when Bonnie Bedelia doesn’t participate in the movie. If you need a great 4th of July movie watch Live Free or Die Hard (4) awesome.
    I haven’t started my shopping either. I have asked for lists from both kids and they have on them Money and Everything. They are both going to get underwear and socks I have decided.

  • Reply Katherine December 12, 2009 at 9:12 am

    I’m right there with you Jen. I hate Christmas. Last year I had a fever all night. I am broke, and half the kids’ presents are unpurchased due to a lack of funds. The man who lives in my house that is legally my husband is both bipolar and in a bad mood and told me that there are no presents to be bought anymore. Ugh. OK so will it be YOU who tells the kids there is no Christmas this year? Yea right. Now, bottom line. WHAT is Christmas for? To celebrate.. ummm, what is his name…? It sounds hispanic… umm… oh yea JESUS. It isn’t to celebrate Walmart. Or is it? Yup. Can’t wait till January.

  • Reply injaynesworld December 12, 2009 at 11:46 am

    Well, crap girlfriend… I totally would have sent you a card, if I actually sent out cards, which I haven’t since stamps were 4 cents a piece. Best way to decorate a tree is to invite friends over. Don’t make the mistake of inviting a bunch of them though because they just visit, drink and eat and then leave. Have 3 or 4. That way you’ve got your eye on them and they feel obligated to put ornaments on the tree. Seriously… I’d come just for the cookies.

    Signed… size 4 ass.
    .-= injaynesworld´s last blog ..injaynesworld "Redheads Have Balls…" =-.

  • Reply wngl December 12, 2009 at 11:52 am

    Die Hard is my favorite xmess movie, right after The Year Without Santa Claus. Snappily-dressed Euro-thieves pilfering a mega-corporation’s coffers is far more realistic than strange men showing up at the doorstep in time to deliver some Yuletide loving.

  • Reply Buggys December 12, 2009 at 12:55 pm

    Jen, stop watching that sappy lifetime and Hallmark stuff! Those things are a recipe for depression and tears! I never, ever watch those. The reality of the season is whatever you choose for it to be.Of course I say this as I am taking my anti-anxiety meds, which, by the way, are the best thing that ever happened to me and I’m damn sure nobody better ever take them away!
    FYI: Perfect, Mr. Wonderful almost never trails down the street looking for a door bell to ring.

  • Reply Surfie December 12, 2009 at 6:58 pm

    And I’m sure it’s no coincidence that her name is HOLLY!

    Well the first problem is in only sending out Christmas cards because you are hoping people will send them to YOU in return. If it’s not fun for you to send them just because you like those people, then you shouldn’t waste your time on it. Just my opinion though. I don’t ever send them. Maybe if you don’t send them, those people will notice and start sending them to you again in order to get back on your list! 🙂

    That being said, I have the perfect solution that will GUARANTEE you get tons of Christmas cards every year! Instead of sending everyone you know cards, send them to yourself instead! If you travel any, you can even mail them from different locations. You can pretend to be another person when you send the cards, so you’ll get to play make-believe and everything. It could be fun!

    There should be a group mailing list for people who want to get Christmas cards but don’t have anyone who sends them. They can all join the list and everyone on the list would send cards to everyone else on the list. I’m on a postcard mailing list for Hawaii.com. Anyone on the list who visits the islands sends postcards to everyone on the list. I’ve received a handful, and I sent postcards out last December when I got to go to Maui. 🙂

    I’m always the one to do all the decorating too. Of course I don’t have any kids, so I don’t really expect anything else. My tree is small so it doesn’t really take much time. I wish I could hang lights outside, but I think that would be too much work for me to do by myself. I’d probably fall off the ladder and break my arm or something.
    .-= Surfie´s last blog ..PhotoHunt: Undesirable =-.

  • Reply Stephanie December 12, 2009 at 7:32 pm

    I am suffering from a holiday depression too. Only I am not decorating the house or a tree for that matter. Oh I forgot I am going to get roped into setting up my tree at the community hall for Santa… Ugh!

    Hang in there the holidays pass and so too shall this mental state.

  • Reply Pricilla December 12, 2009 at 11:16 pm

    I sent Christmas cards the first year I was married. That was it. Too much wasted time and money. Now I get about three cards a year too – from my sisters in law with photos of my nieces and nephews.

    I don’t get to have a tree this year. The electric is out on the side of the trailer where we usually put it. Sherpa is a hell cat and climbs everything. This is my third year without a tree.

    On the bright side I painted the bedroom in my house today. A lovely shade of lemon yellow.

    Your daughter will do something to make you smile tomorrow…you know it.

  • Reply C December 13, 2009 at 12:09 am

    I feel for you.

    But at the same time, you still manage to make me laugh! hahahaha! 🙂

    I was feeling quite the same way yesterday, you know.

    I think that when it’s Christmastime, everything that is sad is magnified. I don’t know. Perhaps it is the warm lights all around that make you feel colder on the inside…

    …or maybe if we change the way we look at it…

    …both tears and acceptance are ways of healing and recovery. If we cry much, while learning to accept all the broken hopes, at the same time- we emerge healed-right? And so…perhaps Christmas is a time of healing for you, rather than a time of fake happiness.

    Healing. Or fake happiness.

    I pick healing. 🙂

    Cheers!

    I wish you all the magic of this season, and beyond!

    -C

  • Reply Jen December 13, 2009 at 9:25 am

    Katherine: The thing is I don’t hate Christmas, I love it. I love the lights, the tree, even the gift buying part. It just never seems to work out the way I want it to. I’d love to have a big family/friends gathering but it just doesn’t work out that way. My brother and I are not quite estranged but close. His schedule with kids is different than mine so there isn’t a time we can all get together anyway. It isn’t the kind of Christmas I remember growing up. It’s hurried and no one is here at the same time. I haven’t started Christmas shopping either and still don’t know how I am going to pull it off, something will work out, I have faith in that but I don’t really know how.

    Jayne: Here is the problem, I don’t have any friends that would do that. I’ve tried to pull these things together and it never works out. People are busy and can never make it to that kind of thing. Most of my live friends have moved out of town as well. The rest I lost in the respective divorces. I haven’t made a lasting new friend in ages, except of course for my blogging friends but you all live all over the world. I have acquaintances but they would look at me like I had grown a third eye if I invited them to come over and decorate my tree. They have their own tree to decorate and are probably more frazzled than I am.

    The size 4 ass thing is not making me any happier, bitch.
    (You know I love you and am only kidding, size 4 an all)

    Wngl: Statistically speaking I think you are right. Though I’d welcome a terrorist who showed up at my door too, especially if he looked like Alan Rickman.

    Buggys: Of course he doesn’t, he is already married with a beautiful wife and 2.3 lovely kids, possibly a labrador too.

    Surfie: I sent them out in the past because I loved doing it. I have stopped sending them and no one noticed. As for sending them to myself, that seems like a waste of time and money to me, interesting idea however. I wonder if I could convince myself that they were from someone else? Kinda scary thought actually. I don’t mind doing the decorating, that was always my job and I enjoy doing it. It just kinda sucks to be the only one who appreciates it.

    Stephanie: They will pass and I hope you get out of your depression too. It is a beautiful time of the year and if it weren’t for Target, Wal*mart and Kay jewelers messing up the season it might be perfect.

    Pricilla: I’m sorry about the electricity being out and for the hell cat. My cat hasn’t shown too much interest in the tree but the dog has knocked off half a dozen ornaments so far.
    Daughter’s hermit crab died yesterday. When we returned with the tree she wanted to show it to her dad. One of it’s legs fell off when she picked it up causing all kinds of screaming. Dad determined it was dead and after asking daughter about funeral services she determined the trash can was the best place to bury him/her/it. It was kinda funny in a macabre way. Not that the crab died but that the funeral was rather practical all things considered.

    C: Perhaps. I don’t notice the loneliness that much the rest of the year. I don’t want to accept the loneliness but I don’t know how to change it. Therapy I suppose. I am glad I manage to make you laugh, that makes me happy.

  • Reply Brandy December 13, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    I feel for you! I am having some wonderful holiday depression right now too!

    HUGS
    .-= Brandy´s last blog ..Linky Love: Link Up Your Best Posts =-.

  • Reply Eve @ Letters to Breathe December 13, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    I go through it every year as well- not fun and not something I look forward to at all.

    But I keep reminding myself that it will be ok, everything will be ok.

  • Reply Maureen@IslandRoar December 13, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    I’ve only gotten 3 cards, but I know they’re coming. People get later and later each year. I still haven’t sent mine…this week hopefully. I just send them to who I want to and don’t worry about reciprocity; that’ll drive you batty.
    It’s easy to get down this time of year. And those Kay commercials definitely don’t help. Yeah, I don’t know anyone who gets cars. Or diamonds. Altho I wouldn’t mind either…
    .-= Maureen@IslandRoar´s last blog ..The F-Word =-.

  • Reply Pricilla December 13, 2009 at 6:55 pm

    Oh dear…I guess she will not be a fan of Alaskan King Crab, eh?

    I know how hard it is for the little ones to lose their pets. Please pass on my condolences. You don’t want a goat do ya? I’ve got an extra…..they make great pets. As long as you keep them outside.

    I was thinking you could always call Tiger again……
    .-= Pricilla´s last blog ..The Male Person is So Smart! =-.

  • Reply Jenn Brockman December 13, 2009 at 11:52 pm

    Cards? What are these cards you talk about? We get maybe 3 and actually, my mom gets them, not me.

    Lets see why I don’t like the holidays.
    My dad died at thanksgiving time
    My aunt died at christmas time
    My boyfriend’s dog (he called me mama) died last week

    everyone is made tofeel bad for not affording gifts that usually don’t have any sentiment or thought behind them.

    yeah, what’s to like about the holidays?

    PS. I got your goodies in the mail and I may be drunk on your balls (hehehe)

  • Reply PJ December 14, 2009 at 7:51 am

    Hi Jen, I didn’t realize this was you until I put two and two together just now. I went to two of your other blogs that hadn’t been freshly posted and then I sent you an email…only to realize that I read this blog! I’m your 30th follower.

    I wish you could spend Christmas in our house just once. It’s simple and quiet with a touch of festive decor and no freakin’ hoopla.

    By the way, we usually get a bunch of cards and this year, so far, only have 6. People aren’t going to the expense. I don’t blame them. Love isn’t proven by cards received. Christmas isn’t what you can buy.

    Your daughter would be happy to see a tree filled with paper ornaments she herself created. Add some lights and it would be even more glorious. A cup of cocoa, a bowl of popcorn and some family holiday movies and you’d have the best holiday. Put some happy Christmas songs on your iPod or in your CD player. Invite someone who is going to be alone to join you for a meal…and guess what? Hamburgers would be just fine. I actually requested them this year…my husband thinks I’m nuts.

    There’s another name for Christmas : Friday.

    Peace my friend!

  • Reply Anne December 14, 2009 at 12:37 pm

    We have gotten fewer card than usual and I have to admit, I haven’t even ordered Christmas cards (let alone mailed them). The holiday seemed to have snuck up out of nowhere.

    You would be welcomed in the Small Town for Christmas. We hang out with my in-laws. On second thought, you might not want to.

  • Reply drollgirl December 14, 2009 at 7:08 pm

    oof. i hear ya. the holidays can be brutal. i am alone this christmas, and i just wish the whole damn holiday would get up and move along, PRONTO. ugh. i am trying not to think about it, but it is impossible as christmas shit is EVERYWHERE.

    and the whole card thing? ugh. i send out about 40 each year, and get back maybe 5-10. ANNOYING. so maybe i should stop? i don’t know. it is all weird.

    well, here’s to 2010 being ONE SCRILLION TIMES BETTER than this suckfest year.

    hang in there. and may a good man come a calling for you soon. and for me too. 🙂

  • Reply redkathy December 14, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    Decorate the tree and the house, inside and out alone, do the shopping alone, wrap the gifts alone, and on and on. I’m married!! However, there would be no Christmas cheer in the house if I didn’t do it. At least you have a 6 year old whose behavior is appropriate. Lifetime, forget it, it’s always dumb ass fairytale lie! And those Christmas cards, send them to people you love and forget the rest ’cause that is what Christmas is supposed to be about anyway.

  • Reply jessica December 15, 2009 at 12:59 am

    this year I will spend the 19th to the 25th alone in my home. My kid goes to my ex and most of my friends are not Jewish and will be with their families. I know how you feel and I just want you to know that you’ve got someone out here who knows exactly how you feel, especially about those Jewelry commercials and the cars? With the big red bows? During a recession? Sista pulease!

  • Reply moooooog35 December 15, 2009 at 8:30 am

    Really? Huh.

    I feel pretty good.

  • Reply MikeWJ at TooManyMornings December 15, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    I love the holidays, but it’s a tough time of year for a lot of people. The lack of sunshine doesn’t help. We actually have a special lamp that seems to ease the mood a little.

    Anyway, don’t feel too bad. We got no Xmas cards this year. And nobody’s buying me a car. Or even an iTouch. And I hate the diamond ads and the perfume ads. I can’t afford diamonds for my wife, who wouldn’t want them anyway, and she doesn’t wear fake perfume that costs $300 an ounce.

    I wish Bill Gates would pay off my house and set me free.
    .-= MikeWJ at TooManyMornings´s last blog ..Heavy Metal Band Slipknot Releases Benefit Christmas Album =-.

  • Reply GDad December 18, 2009 at 7:49 am

    Watch for the card. You will probably get it Monday.

  • Reply Lisa December 21, 2009 at 8:21 pm

    I hate the christmas season so much, i think the last time i had a good one was when i was a kid. Boyfriend seems to always be upset with me, he is having all the celebrations without me, and considering i adore his family it is extemely difficult. I live out of town so all of my family and friends are away from me, i’m unempolyed right now, just finished a course and now i have everyday alone…and i’m turning 30 on dec 29th which nobody ever wants to do anything with me. Can i say i hate the christamas season again….its too much pressure to be with family, friends, someone to celebrate with, and they will love you even more if you get them a expensive gift. F@#k.

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