App Store

Image via Wikipedia

I love my iPhone.  Actually, I ♥ my iPhone (Shawn taught me that). I ♥ my iPhone because there are so many great apps to play with. Lately I have been playing Cowabunga (it’s free). My fingers get all sweaty which cause me to drop the cows in the river a lot but still it’s great fun.  And the sound effects are awesome.

Because I ♥ my iPhone I know I will ♥ my iPad even more.  Right now I am ♥ ing my imaginary iPad because that is the best I can do at the moment. I have been imagining going to one of the 400 Starbucks in my neighborhood and sitting there, sipping my non-fat latte, while I play Cowabunga on a much larger screen. Where I might be able to use two fingers to get the cows across the river, so I can take turns wiping my sweaty fingers on a paper napkin. I imagine all the other patrons, of one of the 400 Starbucks in my neighborhood, looking on longingly at my iPad wishing they had one too.

I imagine all the apps that are available for the iPad that I know I will ♥ so much. There is an app for everything you could possibly think of if you are a 12 year old boy.  Unfortunately for us moms, the app store is woefully understocked.

If I had the ability to create apps these are the ones I would create:

1. Audio caller ID App

I’m not really sure this would be an app but it’s something I would love on my iPhone. I have audio caller ID on my land line. The phone rings and some nice lady tells me who is calling so I don’t have to get up and look for the phone. My iPhone does not have this feature yet I imagine it does because it rings and I wait for it to tell me who is calling.  By the time it occurs to me that it won’t tell me who is calling, I have missed the call.

2. Get the Kids Ready for School App

The iPhone or iPad would go off at the appointed time and wake up the kids. It would then wake them up again. It would then wake them up again in a shrill and aggravated voice telling them they will miss their bus if they don’t get their butts moving. It will tell them to eat something, anything, because lunch isn’t for several hours. It will remind them to brush their teeth and wear a sweater. It will keep making a horribly annoying noise until both of them are out the door and on their way to school, not to return for at least six hours.

3. The Housework is Backing Up App

This app will magically know when things are getting out of hand. Usually around Thursday. The app will tell me when the dishes are piling up, when there are more than five loads of laundry that need to be washed and when the floors are covered in animal hair. It will kindly remind me each day that unless I do some of this stuff it will get out of hand and then I will just throw in the towel and surrender until the weekend. It will remind me how much I hate spending my weekend getting caught up on all the housework so that I will actually tackle a little each day. It will basically be my mother.

4. The Ass Spread App

This app will tell me when it’s time to get away from the computer, put on my ‘outfit’ and take a walk. It works by measuring ones ass and inputting that information into the iPhone or iPad. Each day that goes by it will do some crazy algorithm to determine how much bigger my ass has become because I haven’t put on my ‘outfit’ and gone for a walk. It will use that shrill, aggravated voice to gently get my ass out of the chair and start to move. It will ultimately be a life saver or at least a cellulite preventer.

5. The What’s For Dinner App.

This one works by simply taking a picture of the contents of the fridge. The app will figure out a way to make a gourmet meal out of string cheese, moldy broccoli and braunschweiger. It will show a picture of what those three ingredients could look like if handled correctly. It would also have a taste meter with smiley faces so the children would eat it, no questions asked. It would, of course, lie.

Those are my apps, which ones do you imagine?

* Before I sat down to write this, when I was imagining the apps I would like to have, I thought of one that took all my appointments, tasks and commitments and organized them together.

I seriously need to take a little vacation.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]