I’m Having an Adult Toy Party

October 15, 2009

An adult gathering with a bunch of women, and a couple of guys just for fun. Actually I’m having an adult toy party, but that doesn’t sound like nearly as much fun as a sex party.

We don’t talk about sex in St. Paul. If you want to talk about sex you have to cross the river and go to Minneapolis where they talk about it all the time, they also do it a lot more I understand. Minneapolis has a booming sex industry. They have blocks in down town that are devoted to sex toys, sex shows, gentleman’s clubs and tons of hookers who look like hookers. St. Paul has hookers too but they look like middle aged soccer moms. They dress in their parkas and mittens, there is no flash of skin.

I suspect if you hire a hooker in St. Paul she will take you to her place and make you a hot dish.

St. Paul used to have a large and seedy sex industry in the 60’s and 70’s. In fact I grew up less than a mile away from it. It was located on University Avenue which back then was the street you went to if you were buying a car or needed to find some lovin’. The street was lined with nothing but adult bookstores and adult movie theaters. There were a few pool halls where most of the hookers hung out during the cold winter months. Today all the car dealerships are gone, they left before the auto industry imploded, and all the sex shops have been converted to Asian restaurants. There remains one lone adult bookstore but even that store seems to cater to a foreign crowd, there are posters of aliens, as in out of this world aliens, covering up the windows. We may just have our own x-rated area 51.

When the sexual revolution of the late 60’s and early 70’s was at it’s peak the moms of St. Paul decided to take matters into their own hands and destroy it. We are a prudish town and if the moms of the city don’t want to have sex, or even hear about, then no one else is going to have any sex and if they do they certainly aren’t going to enjoy it. Sex in St. Paul was deemed purely for procreation only. Our population has been in a decline since the 1960s.

I’m giving you this history of sex in St. Paul because having this party is risky. I’ve invited a bunch of St. Paul moms, a few single women and a couple of gay men. The last time I talked about sex with another person from St. Paul was back when I first started having it.

The conversation went something like this:

Friend: Did you do it?

Me: Yeah, I did it.

Friend: Wanna go get a Slurpee?

That was it. We don’t talk about sex. We don’t talk about technique, position or props. We don’t even use euphemisms. If someone mentions they were cleaning the carpet, dipping the wick or feeding the kitty you can bet that in fact they were cleaning the carpet, making candles or had just fed the cat.

So this party is a big deal. I have been to one of these parties before, most of the women I have invited have not.  Which is not to say that they are not excited about the idea of sampling different sex toys, motion lotions and other sex paraphernalia, they are, they just hadn’t been asked to before.

Of course any of the toys these women might buy are for “friends” or “friends of friends” who are too ashamed to buy their own toys.

The party is in early November. I’ll be sure to post about it after it happens, maybe even some pictures if I can block out every one’s eyes.

* I was going to insert an image of some sex toys but when I Googled the term I was shown millions of sites that I really don’t want to wade through let alone click on. Sorry, you’ll just have to search for your own.

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