Dumb Shit I Do Things that piss me off

I’m getting old

November 1, 2011
wrought iron clock with colored stones

I’m getting old, I can’t deny it anymore. I am no longer the young, flexible, easy going person I like to pretend that I am.

Damn Pumpkin

A couple of weeks ago I threw out my back while picking up a pumpkin with my daughter. It wasn’t even a large pumpkin, just your average sized squash but I turned just the wrong way and ‘crick’ my back went out.

No, I’m not in any pain

I ignored it for a longer than I should have. I wanted to pretend that it would take care of itself if I just ignored it. I didn’t care that I couldn’t move without severe pain, that I shouldn’t have been driving because there was absolutely no way I could back out of a parking space or change lanes without looking to see if anyone was there. Thankfully there wasn’t.

Old people can’t wear FMPs?!?

I didn’t want to admit that I was getting older. That instead of roaming the mall for the latest pair of trendy boots I should be searching for life insurance quotes online or searching for info on Wikipedia about what old people do.

What do old people do?

I’m now 45, I think, and when my father was this age I thought he was really old. Now when someone says they are 45 or younger I think of them as being young. Young like 20 or maybe 30 but certainly not old like 45. 45 is nearly 50 and that’s way old to me now.

I’m sure it won’t be in five years but right now it’s just this huge road sign up ahead that says “You’re Old, Turn Here”. Or something like that.

I was never that flexible it turns out but I was sorta easy going. I let most things roll off my back.

I could go with the flow

Not anymore. I watch as the mailman and children in the neighborhood walk across my grass. I don’t have a sign that tells them to stay off my grass but I really believe that they ought to know to do this.

They don’t.

Not even my own kids, who watch me hissing at the mailman and neighborhood kids, seem to understand that they need to

STAY OFF THE DAMN GRASS!!

I’m pretty sure if I want a decent life insurance policy I am going to need to chill out about the grass. I am sure there is some kind of screening process for old fogies who can’t let people walk on their lawn. I also know I will fail it.

 

 

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  • You are NOT old!! I’m sorry to hear about your back pain! But if it makes you feel any better, Nora (Door in Face) also messed up her back and she’s only 33! I’m 42 and I don’t think people should be walking across your grass either.

  • You know it’s kinda funny that when I was younger I was kind of impatient. I couldn’t wait patiently for things. I was always in a rush…career, life, in traffic and meals in a restaurant. Even fast food wasn’t fast enough. Now I’m on the cusp of 60 (that’s not a typo) and I’ve really slowed down. I’m much more patient than I used to be, in fact I’m downright mellow. I’m so relaxed that when I go to the hospital for my cancer follow-ups I wear a Monty Python t-shirt that says “I’m not dead yet” just so they know.

  • No fun about your back and the kids on your grass. Wish I was more like nonamedufus and mellowing with years. But YOU are still young…and funny…and that’s a great combination. 

  • Well, as the oldest one here, I can tell you that I”M not old yet, and I get most indignant when I receive mail from Saga, or a booklet for home aids, with a picture of a grey haired old lady on it!

    There’s old and then there’s old. You’re not either!

    Hope your back gets better soon.

  • Old my (size 4) ass!   You’re a PUPPY!    I’ve broken both my back and my neck and I’m 62.  You don’t hear me whining about being old.   Okay, so the bladder is beyond what any number of kegels can repair.  Oh, yeah.  There is that chicken skin on my arms.  Still.  Don’t make me hunt you down and bitch-slap you.