Things that piss me off

I Hate Spam

November 12, 2009

Not the Hormel product, which may or may not be made with meat, but the crap that people leave in my comment sections on old posts. Since I moved my blog I get more SPAM than I ever dreamed possible. I never had SPAM when I was on Blogger.

I have 2675 SPAM comments. I have deleted most of them but they are crafty little buggers and load up my older posts with URLs to porn sites faster than I can delete them. I have blocked URLs, IP addresses (which I know are fake), emails, and a multitude of prescription drug names. I can never post about Viagra, Cialis, Xanax, Prozac, and a whole bunch I have never heard of because no one will be allowed to comment if they reference the words. I can no longer talk about penis enlargement because I have blocked those words too. This pisses me off because one day I planned on talking about it.

What’s worse is that these people, who need to be dismembered and disemboweled, try to make the comment look real. They leave comments like this:

“Excellent blog with lots of useful information. Are there any forums that you recommend I join?”

“The pleasure of love is in loving.” – Francois de La Rochefoucauld

“I’m the biggest fighter in the history of the sport. If you don’t believe it, check the cash register.”

and my personal favorite

“Great site. Keep doing.”

As if I was just waiting around for the little bit of encouragement. Had it not been for this very encouraging person I might have packed up my keyboard and left the playground. Because he told me to “keep doing” I can stay a little longer.

One of my posts, the I’m Moving post, had 300 comments one morning. I like comments, I think the most a post has ever generated has been about 50 but usually the comments remain in the teens to 20s so seeing 300 comments got me really excited for a brief moment before I had fully woken up and realized what was going on. Because the count was so high, and because it inflated my ego even if they were SPAM, I considered leaving them up, for only a moment, but then I realized that I would be perpetuating their, their, I can’t even think of the word, Badness? Fraud? I don’t really know what to call it but I’m not going to advertise their porn site that they happen to be affiliated with. See, I’m so upset I can’t even write a grammatically correct sentence.

I followed one of the links back to a porn site, found an email address and sent an email demanding that they tell whoever it was who was leaving all this filth on my website to cease and desist. I tried to threaten them but really I have no recourse. I felt dirty just being on their home page. I Bcc’d my son who knows a thing or two about computers, codes, viruses and hackers. Hopefully this will stop soon enough.

Of course all of this is rather ironic.

I am getting all bent out of shape because I had some SPAM that advertised a porn site. Apparently the porn I put on my own site doesn’t count.

I pissed off a lot of people with my post about my party. I’m supposed to be a family blog, how on earth could I post such graphic pictures. At least that is what one of the emails said that I received. I don’t recall saying I was a family blog. I don’t really want children to come and read my posts. I swear a lot and sometimes I talk about grown up subjects. I try to keep it PG, I don’t put really graphic pictures up but still I am considered hard core now?

I guess I made those penis dogs look more realistic than I thought.

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  • Reply Carl Vine November 12, 2009 at 7:19 pm

    Got my first SPAM comment today.
    Drat! There’s another one!
    And Another!
    Gotta go.

  • Reply Jen November 12, 2009 at 8:18 pm

    Carl, When I wrote this post and grabbed the URL for the I’m Moving post I noticed there were at least 8 more SPAM comments. I cleaned them up and moved on. Since that time, half an hour ago I already have two more. Gitmo is still open can’t we send Spammers there? Dang nabbit!

  • Reply Web-Betty November 12, 2009 at 8:42 pm

    I was amused by this post. 🙂 I agree span sucks. I must not get as much traffic as you do–I get lots of spam but the Akismet plugin that is standard in WP takes care of 99% of it. Thank God!

    Now I’m off in search of those penis dogs…

  • Reply redkathy November 12, 2009 at 9:11 pm

    Yep you are hord care, oops I mean card hore, no it’s hard core. Thought I was a spammer for a second there, sorry. Anyone who would have their family read your ranting, well are they a few bricks shy? Can you hear me telling my young niece, ” Oh go to this blog and check out this red head ranting!” Your site is great, not meant for kids but never ever inappropriate! As for the spammers, Gitmo is too good, plus they would get h1n1 vaccines. I say send em a real net virus or a domain server attack!
    .-= redkathy´s last blog ..Awards times three =-.

  • Reply Jen November 12, 2009 at 9:28 pm

    Web-Betty, After reading your comment I checked to see if I had that Askimet thing, turns out I do but I don’t know where my API code or number is. Waiting on customer service to respond to my request and deleting spam while I wait. I see you found the penis dogs!

    RedKathy, Apparently they didn’t like my post about condoms either. I thought that was a rather informative health related post myself. I’m all about preventing teen pregnancy and all that, don’tcha know. I’m working on the server attack.

  • Reply Junk Drawer Kathy November 13, 2009 at 4:33 am

    Akismet is your friend. I can’t remember how I got my API code. It’s really weird. If I had to put my blog back together from scratch, I probably wouldn’t do it because I remember so little about the what I did.

    Oh, wait. This must be what I did: How to get an API key I think I actually remember doing that.
    .-= Junk Drawer Kathy´s last blog ..How to Make Nipple Cupcakes =-.

  • Reply Anne November 13, 2009 at 6:01 am

    I agree with Kathy, Akismet is your friend. It really does a great job.

    I would think that someone offended by your party post probably isn’t all that familiar with your style. If they were, they probably wouldn’t bother coming by to risk being offended (wait, did I just call you offensive? I totally didn’t mean it that way). I will just shut up now.

  • Reply Katherine November 13, 2009 at 7:58 am

    You can install spam karma too – a WP plugin 🙂 I hate spam… but sometimes they DO crack me up! Keep doing!!!

  • Reply Jen November 13, 2009 at 8:01 am

    Kathy, I got my API code and set up the whole thing. SPAMMERS you are officially blocked. Now my real readers can talk about penises all they want!

    Anne, I’m sure there are a few people who don’t like my style and I can be offensive, I suppose, if they haven’t bothered to read any of my stuff before. If their first visit was during my party post they might have been put off. However, I scored a few writing gigs while that post was up, so some people liked it. It’s not like I showed anyone using the glitter dick…

  • Reply moooooog35 November 13, 2009 at 9:19 am


    Great site. Keep doing. This is an excellent blog with lots of useful information.

    Are there any forums that you recommend I join? FYI, I’m the biggest fighter in the history of the sport. If you don’t believe it, check the cash register.

    And, remember, The pleasure of love is in loving.

  • Reply Jen November 13, 2009 at 9:25 am

    Katherine, you went to the spam folder. I don’t know why, it’s not like you don’t leave comments all the time. Geez! Now I gotta check that folder too?

    Moooog, From birth to age 18 a girl needs good parents. From 18 to 35 she needs good looks. From 35 to 55 she needs a good personality. From 55 on, she needs good cash.

  • Reply Daisy the Curly Cat November 13, 2009 at 9:53 am

    I have one spammer who tries to leave the same comment (in Japanese) on the exact same old post every single day. Every morning it is in my email box to be moderated. They never give up!

  • Reply Jen November 13, 2009 at 10:39 am

    Daisy, what kills me is that they do it on old, sometimes really old, posts. No one visits the majority of my posts after they have moved down one level so unless they just want backlinks I don’t understand why they do it. They are relentless and if I could find their website I’d spam the hell out of it.

  • Reply JD at I Do Things November 13, 2009 at 1:05 pm

    Wow, that’s a lotta spam.

    I’ve considered deleting a few older posts that seem to attract the most spam. That’s one way to deal with it.

    And I’m beginning to regret writing the post about the Rock Star Bulge. You wouldn’t believe some of the Google searches that land people on my site. UGH!
    .-= JD at I Do Things´s last blog ..I Watched Stud Hunters so you don’t have to =-.

  • Reply MadMadMargo November 13, 2009 at 1:26 pm

    “I visit your blog and click your ad$. Pleez visit mine”.

    This is my common spam. I don’t have any ads except for EntreCard. Jeeez. It’ irritating, to say the least.

  • Reply Katherine November 13, 2009 at 2:16 pm

    Here are some I got on a few of my blogs that I will share, since your blog has valuable thoughts:

    -Valuable thoughts and advices. I read your topic with great interest.
    -Coconut oil is awsome I love it I think I can it all the time.
    -Medieval torture methods.
    -What is the established church?
    -knew that she was imagining sparks trailing from it. Then she dropped the twig, leaned in toward,

  • Reply Mike November 13, 2009 at 5:03 pm

    I swear I was about to blog about spam, but you beat me to it. And yes, Askimet is your friend. I’m using it on both my blogs and it works great!

    We too have to make decisions about which content we post. We also consider it PG, but is in no way XXX. Sometimes you just don’t want to censor yourself to the point where you’re not being true to your writing style anymore.

  • Reply Dave DeWall November 13, 2009 at 5:53 pm

    HI RR, I was a bit worried when I saw your post’s title, since I eat Spam three times a week on an edge of a jungle in the Philippines because it is the least scary of some of the foods I see here. I do hate the other Spam, but have not seen it on my blog yet, only been blogging a little over two months. Now that I am commenting on your blog, I expect to see some now. Thanks.

    What planet are those people living on that thought this was a family blog? I might be a Bonehead (OK, I am a Bonehead), but I even recognized that this is not a “G” rated site. I figure you are in America where I just left three months ago, right? Is it still a free country, or have I missed something?

    Well, great site! Keep doing! (I added a “well”!)

  • Reply Jen November 13, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    JD, Please don’t delete that post, it is one of my favorites.

    MadMadMargo, I get that same comment but it is always in a message from my new Blog Catalog friends. They often Ki$$ me too. It drives me crazy because I know Google is watching and I don’t want them to think I endorse all that kissing. I certainly don’t reciprocate.

    Katherine, the coconut oil is an interesting one. Are they canning the oil or are the missing a word in there?

    Mike, I just hooked up the Askimet and it is working like a dream.

  • Reply Jen November 13, 2009 at 10:36 pm

    Dave, you went to the spam folder. I would never dis the real SPAM since I am a Minnesotan where SPAM is made up at the Hormel plant. I only tried if for the first time last year because I got a spam email with recipes for SPAM. Really true. I make a mean SPAM breakfast quiche. I use the turkey spam because it has a lot less salt in it. I can’t really tell if it is a free country anymore, I stopped watching the news about a year ago. Welcome to my not so G rated site, I hope you will stop by often.

  • Reply Christine November 14, 2009 at 2:51 am

    Hi Jen…
    Comments on older posts drive me nuts, too. But WordPress does have a way to stop this, it has a feature that lets you close comments on old posts, and you get to decide after how many days it closes.

    On your dashboard, scroll down to *Settings*, in the left-hand sidebar, click on it, and then click on *Discussion*. There you’ll find all sorts of options for comments, including the aforementioned closing comments on old posts whosit.

    Another thing on that page is the option to moderate comments so that any first-time commenter has to be approved first, before that reader can comment unmoderated. I do this with all of my blogs.

    Between this, and Akismet, no spam appears on my blogs at all. It still comes in, but I don’t have to kill myself deleting it, as it sits either in the spam queue or the moderation queue.

  • Reply Project Savior November 14, 2009 at 7:01 am

    It’s actually gotten better, One of my old sites was killed by spam.
    I only had one central comment page, that I couldn’t delete I could only delete the hundred spam comment every day.
    One weekend my hosts password server went down so I couldn’t delete the spam for 3 days. When it was back up the amount of spam killed the edit feature for the comment page.
    Within a month the comment page overran my storage space.
    That was back in the olden days (2004)

  • Reply jen November 14, 2009 at 8:00 am

    Christine, That probably isn’t a bad idea but I like to let me readers leave comments so ending comments even if no one has left a comment in ages seems counter productive to me. I don’t want to moderate comments. One of my biggest pet peeves is having to jump through hoops to leave a comment. I know moderating them isn’t the same as making them perform a task like the Captcha code thingy but people who comment want to see their comment, so everyone else can see their comment. Adding more obstacles to the commenters might prevent someone from leaving a comment. Installing the Askimiet has made all the difference in the world. I still get the spam but it goes directly into a folder I can delete and never makes it on to the site. Of course some comments are not spam, so far two but now they have been approved and shouldn’t go there again.

    Project Savior, That is such a shame that that happened. This is what I don’t understand about spammers they cause so much trouble, more than the inconvenience of deleting a few comments, yet they still do it. It’s as if they find a site, like mine that is not using a spam filter, tell all their little spammer friends about it and then they all come here to leave their URLs, which no one is interested in anyway. Don’t they have better things to do with their time?

  • Reply Margo November 14, 2009 at 2:11 pm

    That I love the feeling of pressing “delete all spam” in askimet so much must mean I feel I have no real power in my life, but I rank the thrill right up there with champagne and Christmas on the fun scale. I know, kinda pathetic. II don’t understand the point of spamming… It can’t possibly be worth the effort, or am I missing something? I’ve had quite a few lately that are kind of spam, kind of not spam – they try extra hard to show they read the post, but something is just “off.”

  • Reply Becki November 14, 2009 at 8:24 pm

    I’ve only gotten a few spam comments, on super old posts. As far as folks not liking the party post? Whatever. I feel sorry for their partners if they are ‘offended’ by that kind of fun 😉

  • Reply THE GUYS November 15, 2009 at 7:50 am

    You are so funny and SO RIGHT ON here. The funniest one, “Great site. Keep doing.”

    You’d think they’d find out how to leave a comment that made sense to someone who actually speaks English.

    So keeping with the moment we’re almost scared to leave our new address here but we will.
    We’ve moved: (blog)

    Still tweaking the look and design but happy to be operating under our own domain.

    Great post!!

  • Reply Stacie November 15, 2009 at 8:42 am

    I too get so sick of spam! Some times I have over 50 to go through. Unreal!

  • Reply Pricilla November 15, 2009 at 11:21 am

    I must have the same spammer as Daisy. Always on a four month old Wordless Wednesday post. I have it on comment moderation now so the comments don’t even post. reject them all.
    What is the point?
    I can’t read Japanese! Neither can my readers….

  • Reply Jen November 15, 2009 at 2:17 pm

    Margo, I haven’t felt that kind of joy yet but who knows I’m still getting used to Askimet, and I certainly don’t have a life either so it’s something to look forward to, or maybe we both need to get out more?

    Becki, I couldn’t agree more. People who are offended by a little bit of fun aren’t the people I want here anyway.

    Guys, I like the new look! Hopefully they won’t follow you but since you threw it out there for everyone to see I wouldn’t count on them not. Use whatever spam blocker you can. Good luck on the new site. If you ever want a female’s perspective for a guest post let me know.

    Stacie, since I activated the askimet thingy I have reduced my spam to nothing. At least it doesn’t show up. I still have to go through it to make sure real comments didn’t get blocked but so far I am extremely happy with it.

    Pricilla, I get a few in Japanese, or Chinese for all I know, I suspect they do that for several reasons. It’s probably their mother tongue and thus easier to leave a message, and since no one over here can read it they might figure it will stay up longer. I don’t know. They all go to porn sites.

  • Reply babs-beetle November 15, 2009 at 9:44 pm

    I don’t get too much spam. Is that because I’m doing something wrong? What I do get is caught by Akismet evey time.

  • Reply Rachele November 16, 2009 at 7:14 am

    I don’t get that much spam but it is increasing. I had one guy comment on 21 posts within an hour. It starts out funny, the comments that have nothing to do with the post…then it just gets irritating. Hope you can get it worked out and prevent them (and others) from continuing.
    Wow. A family blog? I guess if you talk about family…your a family blog. Shrug it off.:)

  • Reply Jen November 16, 2009 at 9:16 am

    Babs, I think you are doing everything right if you aren’t getting much.

    Rachele, Really, don’t these guys have anything better to do? I bet if they spent half the time they use spamming and doing some real marketing they might be better off.

    I do talk about my family but I sure don’t want my family reading this blog.

  • Reply MikeWJ at TooManyMornings November 16, 2009 at 6:36 pm

    I have to admit, those penis dogs looked so appetizing and yet so realistic that I started to worry I was gay. Several thousand dollars and many hours later, I know that I’m not gay, despite my attraction to those dogs. I was just hungry. For food. Which reminds me, this post wasn’t about penis dogs, but spam. I hate spam, too. Both the comment kind and the canned kind. It’s just gross.

  • Reply Jayne November 16, 2009 at 7:17 pm

    Shit. Well, see. Now I just feel left out again. I never get spammers. What’s up, spammers? I’m not fuckin’ good enough for you?!
    .-= Jayne´s last blog ..injaynesworld it’s time once again for that silliness known as the "Sunday Recap" =-.

  • Reply surveygirl46 November 18, 2009 at 1:13 pm

    Hi Jen – If you ever get a chance and you’re really bored check out what i did on my canned spam rock blog –

    spammers are so fun to make fun off – and capchas too

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