Things that piss me off

I Hate My Cat

March 11, 2011

I’ve had it with the cat. Each night she wakes me up at 2am. I don’t know what she wants because she doesn’t tell me. When she wakes me she runs to the basement where her food dish and litter box are kept. I check both to make sure one is filled and the other is empty and then I go back to bed.

 

evil cats, I hate my cat, my cat hates me, cat in a devil costume

She wakes me again as soon as I have fallen asleep. I am convinced she waits until I am asleep to wake me up.

She will do this every hour on the hour until 5am when she starts to get a little sleepy and then she wants to curl up at my feet like nothing happened.

Bitch.

I’ve tried everything. I’ve kept a spray bottle filled with water by my bed for the last couple of weeks and while she doesn’t really like getting misted it doesn’t stop her. I only have a mist setting, there is no stream of water to go shooting at her. Obviously I need a new spray bottle with more settings.

I’m not getting enough sleep and it is beginning to show. I am forgetful, tired and very crabby.

What is wrong with my cat and how can I make her stop it?

Last night in my frustration and lack of sleep I went after the cat with the hose from the sink. It wasn’t easy because the cat is faster than me and she is dark so finding her was not easy. At 3am I was in the kitchen with the lights out spraying water aimlessly hoping to hit the cat because water is the only thing I know of which cats are not supposed to like. I don’t know if I actually got her wet but I did get the dog who ambled in to see what was going on and I managed to spray enough on the floor so that I slipped and nearly broke my neck.

I have tried putting pennies into a tin can and shaking it when she tries to wake me up. Of course in order for me to shake or spray I have to be awake so what good is it doing if I have to wake up anyway?

I now spend a good deal of my day seeking out the cat and waking her up. She doesn’t really like it but unless I keep bugging her she just goes back to sleep. She wins because she doesn’t have to work or take care of the kids or cook the food or really do anything at all during the daylight hours. She is a cat for crying out loud, she doesn’t have a job and she isn’t a mother, she doesn’t have any responsibilities so if she is up all night long she can sleep all day.

Bitch.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I really need some sleep.

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  • Can you lock her in the basement with her food and litter box. Our dogs would do that but we baby gate them in the laundry at night. Cats aren’t supposed to like the smell of oranges, maybe you could peel some and set them at your door like an offering to the sleep Gods?

    • No, the door to the basement is in the rafters in the garage. I thought of
      using a baby gate but… she is a cat. I will try the orange thing though.

    • Oh, no door, ok, what if you put some tape sticky side up outside the door, wide enough that she can’t jump over it, she wont want to get tape on her feet. that’s what they reccomend to keep them off counters. Oh or if you have some of that glad sticky wrap, you could just lay sheets of it down. My parents used to blow up balloons to put behind the tv where the cat liked to pee, a couple popped balloons broke him of that.

  • Yes. Get a dog.

    • I’m with Mooog. You’re screwed.

      I follow a cute cat blog where some of the posts are devoted to how the two cats of the house wake up the owners every day (they refer to them as “staff”). http://www.romeothecat.com/category/wake-up-tactics/

      As for me, my cats have trained me to get up earlier and earlier, but now it’s not so bad because it means I get to the gym right when they open at the crack of why-the-hell-am-I-up.

  • Close your bedroom door. With her outside of your bedroom of course. That should do it.

    Have a terrific day. 🙂

    • No that is part of the problem, she tries to open the door by getting her
      paws under it and then shaking it until I wake up.

  • No way to lock her up so she cannot roam at night? Mine would be in her travel kennel, probably in the basement, if such an obnoxious pattern were to start here….

  • Go ask Sparkle for ideas!!

  • “I now spend a good deal of my day seeking out the cat and waking her up. ”
    Ha!

    Man, that is so frustrating! I do have one question though: why don’t you close the door to your bedroom? Or would she paw at it until you want to shoot her? With a water gun of course. With a “stream” setting.

    • Did anyone actually read the fricking post? Okay, I just read it and failed
      to mention that she paws at the door until I open it. When I say ‘paws’ at
      the door it really sounds like she is kicking the door. She gets her paws
      under the door and bangs it back and forth and then she bats at the door
      knob.

      I said all this in a thread on Facebook, if I had been getting more sleep I
      might not have missed it. Sorry.

  • That’s the trouble with cats… they’re nocturnal. And I’m definitely NOT, which is why I refuse to have cats. That and the whole litter box thing.

    • I’m sorry, what is the name of your blog?

      • I keep telling everybody… you don’t actually need cats to be a cat lady!

  • We have never had that problem. All of our cats, right from a young age, are shut in their own room, away from the rest of the house, every night. They actually like their room. It’s also where we feed them, and have a litter tray for night time emergencies. They take themselves to bed almost every night at around our bedtime.

    Do you have a room you could use for that? Mind you, it’s always best to start it from a young age.

    • I don’t have a spare room for animals, they already have the couch, chairs, beds and every other part of the house.

      • Ha ha! My mistake. I forgot that animals OWN the house! Our spare room is our converted garage. We walled up half of it to use as my drawing office, and handed it over to the cats when I retired 😉

  • Clearly you need to get on the cat’s schedule. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.

    • That would mean everyone else would have to get on the cat’s schedule. Do
      you feel like doing that?

      • Sure, I can handle it. As long as I don’t have to pee in a sandbox, it’s cool.

  • Baby gate that little pussy!!!

    • It’s a cat, she can jump over anything. Baby gates will not work except to keep the dog out and I don’t need to hear him whining on top of everything else.

    • Oh, and thanks for those keywords!

  • Mason only wakes me up when he’s chasing a mouse and he’s a lousy mouser so the chase goes on until I finally get up and catch/dispose of the damn mouse myself. Dixie, on the other hand, gets off the bed to go get water or go pee on her pee pad. Then, because she’s so little she scratches at the bed and barks until I reach over and pick her up onto the bed again. I think that bunny cage is your best bet. Grumpy redheads can be dangerous.

    • Thankfully the cat doesn’t need help getting up onto anything. For the most part she is pretty self reliant, until 2am and then she turns into a needy little bitch. The bunny cage sounds good.

  • When Stinky the cat does this to the publicist with the main goal being to drool on her face. Stinky is the one drooling, not the publicist. The publicist gets STinky in a headlock and holds her down until one or both of them falls back to sleep.

    Most mornings the publicist wakes up cat drool free.

    • If my cat were just drooling on me that would be okay. Drooling doesn’t make that much noise. I do like the headlock thing though.

  • Anonymous

    Trade that thing in on a hamster.

  • I have no advice but I really want to beat that cat’s ass.

    There is an ad on your sidebar right now for the Litter-Robot. Too bad you can’t trap her in that with just her head sticking out of it like a stockade.

  • A few questions. How old is your cat, and is this new behavior? If you’ve had your cat for a while, and this is new behavior, then maybe a trip to the vet is in order in case there is an actual physical reason. Also any other changes to your household, routine, etc? Sometimes to correct behavior issues, you need to determine the cause, if possible.

    • The problem is that winter is too long this year. She likes to go outside at
      night and can’t during the winter because she would become a kittysicle. She
      has cabin fever and misery loves company. We go through this every year but
      usually by mid march there are some signs of spring. We have two feet of
      snow on the ground so there are no signs of spring at all.

      • Oh, cabin fever meets Spring fever. Not much to do about the snow. I do understand about cat issues, and being woke up multiple times during the night. Mine is almost 14, has health issues, and has always been a “mama’s boy”. Nowadays, if he eats only dry food his blood sugar skyrockets, so he is on fancy feast canned food. He is much like having a two-year old who never grows up. He gets banned from the bedroom when he asks for breakfast before 7 a.m. We learned this the hard way. Best of luck getting her to calm down and leave you alone.

  • Hang from the rafters and sleep like a bat?
    😉

    Other than closing the door and, like Madge suggested, put somthing that she doesn’t like the smell of around the door, I can’t think of any other solution. Sorry. (I have six cats and, well, we won’t go there.)

    • If she doesn’t like the smell chances are good I won’t like the smell either. I think I have to wait this one out. We are supposed to have tulips popping through by the end of the week.

  • Here is what you should try:
    Buy her a brand new, deluxe cat tree
    Give her many, many, many delicious treats at bedtime
    Get her an assortment of new toys
    Spend 30 minutes per day brushing her.

    About keeping her from bothering you at night? I’m not really sure how to fix that problem.

    • Thanks for all your help Daisy, my cat really appreciates it.

  • You need to get one of those invisible fence thingies they have for dogs. do they make them for cats? I was cracking up picturing you running around waking the cat up all day. You just know what she is blogging to all her friends – “my mom is such a bitch.”

    • An inside invisible fence for the cat would be awesome. Alternatively they have shock collars for small dogs that could probably be utilized here. Thanks for the great idea!

  • I know it’s frickin’ freezing, but do you have a room where you could open the window without freezing you out of the house? She won’t be entirely happy, but maybe you can sate her for a bit just being able to have some outside air.

    And/or, if you try the tape thing, I’ve also heard of using foil. Granted, if it doesn’t work on your cat, then the sound of the foil might wake you up too.

    • I can’t see myself doing the tape or foil thing. The only being that will bother is going to be me. And I can already see the tape stuck on everyone’s feet except the cat. As for opening a window, I’d rather throw her in the snow.

  • There is no getting away from evil cats. They are the clowns of the animal world.

    I’d suggest a rotisserie but that would just get me in trouble with my own cat.

    And I have to stay on his good side or else he’ll get me.

    • Don’t forget about PETA, you don’t want to piss them off.

  • Frogsinmyformula

    I hate my cats too, but because they’re fat and shed like gorillas. What you’re going through is as bad as having a newborn. I say open the door and let the cat explore the outdoors for a few days.*

    *Secretly I am hoping you’ll do this and blog about it so I can learn from your experience–I think about doing this daily.

  • Yikes. I have no suggestions for you – as I am not a pet owner. I hope you do find a way to make her stop waking you up all night, and that you finally get some much needed sleep!

  • cmk

    I know from experience that the ‘spraying with water’ thing only works for so long. Then the cat just gets used to it. (It doesn’t work on chipmunks, either…just saying.) I live the schedule my cat sets, but I’m an empty nester, so I can. Being owned by a cat is quite an interesting way to live.

  • I remember Gray Kitty attacking my legs through the blankets if I moved in my sleep. There you are, fast asleep and dreaming of something wonderful when all of the sudden you wake to the sharp, painful feeling of claws embedded in your calves. We should put our cats together. Every time yours moves to wake you up, mine will pounce her!

    • I love that idea. My cat just sat in my chair and since it is a spinny chair
      I took great pleasure in spinning her around. Dini does not understand
      centrifugal force and went flying off the chair. I enjoyed it a whole lot.
      PETA can suck it.

      • Um. Just give your cat away. Please. You clearly hate her, so why torture both of you by continuing to keep her?

  • Wm. David Wilhelm

    I’ve had 3 cats though out my life and 1 dog. I prefer cats. They are neater and cleaner than dogs and can remain indoors with no problems. After sleeping up to 16 hours a day, cats have a mischievous nocturnal behavior in the early morning.Their is no avoiding this behavior.You have to isolate yourself from your cat during these hours. Rattle cat ball toys help. Catnip toys are like an aphrodisiac to cats and after about 1/2 an hour it calms this behavior, but only by a little. Fresh oat grass works and they love to chew on it. The chlorophyll helps fresh their breath and they are very content and relaxed after chewing on it, given in the evening.You can grow it indoors, this eliminates parasitic infestation. Best wishes! My current pudy is 10 and my oldest lived to a ripe old 23! Rest in peace Tigger.8~

  • Bradjayharris

    close your bedroom door and keep her out