Ex Husbands Ex#1 Ex#2 Things I Really Like

How Big Is Your Condom?

October 26, 2009


Today I stopped at Walgreen’s to pick up a prescription.

I have a thyroid disorder, I take a synthetic hormone replacement. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease when I was 18 or 19. The dose has rarely changed except after the birth of each of my children. I take one pill each morning and never think about it again.

When I stopped at Walgreen’s to pick up my Rx I was told that my doctor had denied my refill. No explanation just flat out denied. Both the pharmacist and I thought this was strange. She checked all my information and it was correct. I was not due to visit my doctor for any tests so this was rather strange until she mentioned the name of my doctor. Wrong doctor. This explains why the medication was denied. Apparently last time it was refilled my doctor was not in the office and another doctor okayed the refill. Why the current refill was not passed along to my doctor I don’t know and after last week I don’t really care. The refill was resubmitted and the pharmacist gave me a few pills to get by until the doctor okayed the refill.

But that isn’t what I’m talking about today.

While I was waiting for the pharmacist to gather my meds I browsed around a bit. I was over by the shaving cream section and noticed by the men’s grooming products there were condoms for sale. This was not the condom section just a little suggestive selling on the part of Walgreen’s. As in “Hey, you’re going to shave why not get some Magnum condoms while you’re at it?”

I have to wonder how many men buy the Magnum condoms because of wishful thinking? And how many pregnancies were caused because it slipped off due to poor fit.

32I’m no expert but most guys are average. Ex#1 had extra length, painfully long, but disappointing girth. Ex#2 was average on length and girth. Both were convinced they were hung like horses. They weren’t. I went out with a guy for a few years who was. Too bad he was lacking in most every other quality. I also went out with a guy who must have been using steroids because it was hard to find. And to look at the guy you would have thought he was in the horse league. He was a nice guy, a little on the clingy side, which was the nail in the coffin. I could make due, reluctantly, with his shortcomings but the clinginess was too much.

So, if you are a guy, do you buy condoms because they are large, regardless if you need large ones, or do you buy the size that fits? Is finding your condom size like getting a bra fitting? Does the manager from the drug store take you to a back room, pull out a tape measure and ask you to drop trough? I really need to know.

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  • Reply Buggys October 27, 2009 at 6:59 am

    Now this is truly in depth reporting. As women we need to know, nay we deserve to know the answer to these burning questions. Thank you Jen, we will be waiting with baited breath (and buttoned up britches) for the truth to come out.

  • Reply moooooog35 October 27, 2009 at 8:59 am

    Back when I needed them, condoms came in one size and color.

    Man, what I wouldn’t give to have a ‘junior size’ back then.

    I mean, Magnum. Magnum size.


  • Reply Joel Klebanoff October 27, 2009 at 10:24 am

    I read recently that on just about any question about personal qualities that you could care to ask — driving skills, intelligence, leadership skills, whatever — well over half the population say they are above average. Obviously, that’s not possible. It shouldn’t be surprising that men would say it about penis size.

    In the absence of good data, I’m going to assume I’m average. Because you seem to have some expertise in this area, I would ask you to assess me if we were ever in the same city, but I’d be afraid you would blog about it.

  • Reply Jude October 27, 2009 at 11:31 am

    I would say most men dream a lot and if they are buying from a woman I’d say they would pick the magnum to impress, but go some where else and buy their regular size from a man. I never really thought about it so I’ll be curious to see how many men answer you.

  • Reply Pricilla October 27, 2009 at 1:14 pm

    I am so glad I don’t have to date.
    I am so glad I don’t have to date.
    I am so glad I don’t have to date.

    Sorry. I had to get that out.

    I am also glad I am post menopausal. No worries.
    I think I am also glad I am a goat.

  • Reply Mom October 27, 2009 at 2:24 pm

    I like your reference to “shortcomings”… Priceless.

  • Reply JD at I Do Things October 27, 2009 at 4:14 pm

    I’m not a man, and it’s been YEARS since condoms were in any way a part of my life.

    But let me say just two things:

    I have Hashimoto’s too!
    Size does matter.
    .-= JD at I Do Things´s last blog ..I Bought a Bumpits so you don’t have to =-.

  • Reply Jen October 27, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    Buggys, someone might need to unbutton their britches to find the answer.

    Mooog, when I was dating ex#2 we rode around the country on the motorcycle and ended up in some pretty rough bars. Without fail these bars had the best condoms for sale in the bathrooms. My favorite was the glow-in-the-dark condom I found. I couldn’t convince my ex to wear it, something about anything that glows must be radioactive, but it was fun to blow up and play with in the dark.

    Joel, you can assess yourself. According to some bit of trivia I can’t remember where I heard your penis length is the same distance as the distance between your thumb and middle finger spread wide, tip to tip. Or maybe that’s the distance between my thumb and middle finger. Of course I would blog about it.

    Jude, I’ve usually done the condom buying in my relationships but only because of the novelty factor, see my response to moooogs comment, still they were rarely used so I don’t know if they fit. I would never have bought a magnum size simply because of the embarrassment it could have caused when worn.

    Pricilla, condoms are used for more than just preventing pregnancy but since you are married you are excused from using them. I hate dating more than just about anything in this world except maybe liver and onions. I’m not too fond of bad marriages either. Maybe I should just skip the whole thing. Oh that’s right I’m having a sex toy party, I don’t need a man.

    Mom, I thought that was the most polite way to put it. I can’t remember the guy’s name anymore so I’m not worried about outing him. Really though the clingy factor was pretty creepy and enough to end the whole affair but eventually that shortcoming would have ruined it too.

    JD, I just heard that people with thyroid disorders are supposed to stay away from soy. I didn’t know that but Jillian Michaels says it is true and if Oprah really wants to lose a little weight she needs to get off the soy, that is if she really does have a thyroid disorder.
    Size does matter. To be fair there is such a thing as too big. I’d rather do too big than too little but both can be a problem.

  • Reply ann October 27, 2009 at 6:29 pm

    this reminded me of an email I just got yesterday. It was one of those things to do when you get bored. One of them (for the men of course) was to grab a pack of condoms in the drug store and ask the pahrmacist where the fitting room is….lol
    Why is it that every guy thinks he’s able to fill the magnum size?

  • Reply Joel Klebanoff October 27, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    Jen: Well, if you would blog about it then I think I’d pass. (Awfully presumptuous of me thinking I would ever have have the chance to pass on it, isn’t it?) Despite my comment above, I’m actually rather private about my privates.

  • Reply Joel Klebanoff October 27, 2009 at 9:12 pm

    P.S.: Hand sizes vary. If that is a relevant measure for these sorts of questions, I would think it would have to be the woman’s hand that is the appropriate measuring stick (so to speak) as it’s not my pleasure that is going to be affected by my size.
    .-= Joel Klebanoff´s last blog ..Old Fogeyisms: Twitter Edition =-.

  • Reply Jen October 27, 2009 at 9:43 pm

    Ann, I don’t know why all men think they are larger than they really are. They certainly have the opportunity to compare their size to other men more often than women do. I know that most men deny looking at other guys when in the john or locker room but I’m sure they sneak a peek just to check out the competition.

    Joel, contrary to the way my post came off I don’t have a lot of expertise in this area, certainly not by looking at the damn thing. I’m pretty choosy about the guys who I do know about and can therefore compare, of course the problem is I have to commit on some level before I get to see the goods, I’m incredibly polite so it’s always a risk. Like Forest Gump would say “you just never know what you’re going to get”.

    As for the hand measuring it really doesn’t tell you anything since presumably your hand is larger or smaller than other men and most likely most women. I think using shoe size is a better litmus test. Ex#1 has a size 14 shoe while ex#2 wears a size 9 or 10. Never mind.

  • Reply Lola October 27, 2009 at 11:38 pm

    I thought if a person’s middle finger was longer than the rest it meant they’re a lesbian. Oh well, at least dental dams come in 1 size. They do however come in a wide array of colors and flavors.

    Ahh, you thought I wasn’t going to chime in on this one. Lol!

  • Reply Jan from BetterSpines October 28, 2009 at 12:09 am

    Cannot think of anything to say because I’m laughing too hard. Dental dams? And of course they are all bigger/better than average, because they are guys and that’s how it is. So there.

  • Reply Mike October 28, 2009 at 12:26 am

    Well I’m not touching this one with a ten foot…yeah…

    Sorry, couldn’t resist 🙂

  • Reply Jen October 28, 2009 at 9:30 am

    Lola, As much as I am not a huge fan of condoms they can be a necessity however I am thankful that I never have to use a dental dam unless I am at the dentist and that is difficult enough.

    Jan, maybe the bell curve is weighted on the large size? Something to give them hope at least.

    Mike, would that be a Magnum size pole?
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..How Big Is Your Condom? =-.

  • Reply Doctor Faustroll October 29, 2009 at 12:37 am

    But if you stick your head in a Maxim and wiggle your ears up one of those Love Canals, you can elicit some magnificent moans to post on You Boob.

  • Reply American Idiot October 30, 2009 at 12:10 am

    Any guy who buys a condom because it is “large” when he doesn’t need it is just a dumb ass. What I can tell you is that not all types of condoms are the same size, other than the obvious “regular condoms” and “Magnums.” Sometimes regular condoms fit perfectly fine, for example Trojan “Her pleasure.” However, when trying out a different type, say the “twisted” ones, which are also “regular” size it’s far too tight and uncomfortable. Magnums can work if the guy is big enough, but even if the guy can wear a magnum and should be, some of the regular sizes, “her pleasure,” again, can fit those men too.

    So, it’s really hard to answer your question specifically, but hopefully this helps some.

  • Reply THE GUYS November 2, 2009 at 11:53 am

    Well, well, glad we stopped in to read this. Funny.

    Another interesting thing to note is guys generally don’t really know how they compare to other guys, unless they’re assessing in the locker room, which of course they are. But that’s just about the worst place to assess, because there is little correlation to the size of something, before it’s, uh….expanded and after. And this goes both ways!!

    Do guys you know really buy condoms that don’t fit? That’s like buying a jacket two sizes too big just to look bigger?? Doesn’t make much sense to us. These are the same guys with fast cars and lots of flash. It’s all smoke and mirrors!

    You gotta work with what you got.

  • Reply CatLadyLarew November 2, 2009 at 2:28 pm

    I didn’t even know they came in a magnum size. It’s been a l…o…n…g time… too long!

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