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Breaking Down my Fitbit Steps

April 26, 2017
breaking down my fitbit steps

I love my Fitbit. It motivates me to get off my ass and get out and do some walking. That’s a great thing and it’s helped me to lose a some weight I’ve been trying to shed. I can’t say enough good things about the Fitbit.

Except, it doesn’t break down my Fitbit steps.

I do, on average, 16000 steps each day. I walk each morning, usually 3 to 4 miles. If I didn’t I wouldn’t get my steps in because I sit at my desk all day. Aside from getting up to go to the bathroom, get a snack or get the laundry, I don’t get many steps. 

And yet, I still manage to get a lot of steps. 

The thing is, the Fitbit doesn’t differentiate steps. Arm movement (not typing, that doesn’t count) equals steps. I’ll take steps anyway I can get them, but the truth is I get a lot of steps from giving Ruby tummy rubs and doing other things that aren’t actually steps. Apparently, I gesticulate a lot. 

Huh Music People Reviews WTF?

Beyoncé and Red Lobster

February 9, 2016
Red Lobster Beyonce Formation

Evidently, Beyoncé has single handedly* increased sales at Red Lobster because of her new song Formation. Apparently, when he fuck her good, she takes his ass to Red Lobster.

No shit, those are the lyrics to her newest song (anthem, really) that she performed (I think) during the Super Bowl half time show this past weekend.

I’m not really sure if she performed it because the audio was so horrible and it was difficult to hear any of the musicians sing. It didn’t help that I was worried about Chris Martin’s back injury – talk about the show must go on! The man couldn’t stand up and yet there he was out there shouting or mumbling or whatever the heck he was doing while Beyoncé and Bruno Mars funked it up.

According to all news sources today, Red Lobster’s sales have increased 33% since the song Formation was dropped this past weekend due to these lyrics –

When he fuck me good I take his ass to Red Lobster, cause I slay

Look, I’m no relationship expert, I’ve been divorced twice, but if the fucking is good I should think one might want to reward the person doing the good fucking by bringing him to a restaurant that was actually pretty good. It doesn’t have to be Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse or McCormick and Schmick’s, but maybe Ruby Tuesdays or Outback Steakhouse? Hell, most of the guys I might reward with food after performing well would prefer Chipotle over Red Lobster.

I’m not sure what she means by “slay” either. According to the dictionary it means to kill someone or to impress someone. According to the Urban Dictionary it means – mercilessly fuck, or to do something awesomely well.

I think we can assume its usage is not in reference to mercilessly fucking anyone since it was he who fuck(ed) her good.

Let’s see if we can get some context from the next set of lyrics.

After she takes him out to get some shoes…

I might get your song played on the radio station, cause I slay
I just might be a black Bill Gates in the making, cause I slay

I’m going to make a leap and suggest she’s using “slay” in the do something awesomely well definition.

So I repeat, if she is doing so well, and I think we can all agree that Beyoncé is doing pretty well for herself, why not take her bae to a really nice place?

According to the internet, this song was also about all kinds of black empowerment, woman empowerment and other empowerments – It just went completely over my head during the Super Bowl. I am not the only one. Many people, mostly white, middle aged women who want to know what all the fuss is about, are asking on social media. So far has been construed as racism, because ….America.

I just thought she was channeling Janet Jackson and Rhythm Nation.

It’s not racism, most of the people who are questioning this song at all simply didn’t understand the lyrics (because they don’t make much sense at all – Red Lobster for good sex?!?!?!?!), or because they couldn’t understand the lyrics (slay).

It might just be generational rather than racism, but you can decide for yourself, here’s the original video with NSFW lyrics, the video gives it better context than the Super Bowl performance.

(*or maybe not, it could be Lobsterfest)

Events Huh Things I Really Like Things that piss me off WTF?

Is Glenn Really Dead? Processing the Episode Thank You of the Walking Dead

October 26, 2015

**If you haven’t seen last night’s episode of The Walking Dead then now is your chance to leave. I’ll be discussing major spoilers.

If you caught The Walking Dead last night, Season 6 Episode 3, you know that there is some question as to the death of beloved character Glenn. Glenn was pulled into a herd of walkers when Nicolas, the dumbass who tried to kill Glenn at least once on purpose and another time out of dumbassery, killed himself and fell into the herd with Glenn getting pulled down with him.

It looks as if, maybe, Glenn landed with Nicholas’s body on top of him. He could have scurried under the dumpster, allowing him to kill a walker and cover himself in decayed flesh to go unnoticed until the herd could move on.

I suppose it’s possible. Social media is suggesting that because Steven Yuen wasn’t on The Talking Dead following the show and wasn’t mentioned in the In Memoriam piece that he is still alive. Scott Gimple, writer and producer of the Walking Dead, provided a statement saying that Glenn’s story wasn’t over, that we’d see more of him in one way or another. This could mean flashbacks or dreams or that he’s still alive.

Hopefully the ambiguity won’t last too long.

My best guess, based on the show and the scene in question (not the comic) is that Glenn is dead. When the walkers started eating either Glenn or Nicholas there was blood spurting. If it had been Nicolas, who was already dead, there would have been no spurting blood. However, Glenn dies in a very different and spectacular way in the comic so maybe he’s still alive?

The writers and producers have strayed from the story line in the comic before. In the comic Sofia lives while Carol has passed away a long time ago. In the comic, Daryl doesn’t exist and Rick loses his hand (that might actually happen based on the cut he got in last night’s episode, though it looks as if he may not make it either).

What do you think? Is Glenn alive or dead? Will Rick get out of the hoard that’s surrounding him? If Glenn is dead what will happen to Maggie? She’s lost so much in the past few months this one she may not be able to recover from.

Huh WTF?

Depends Weekends?

January 7, 2014
Depends Adult Diapers for the weekend, Take the weekend on with Depends adult diapers, who wears adult diapers, Depends commercial about the weekend

Have you seen this commercial for Depends Undergarments? It’s the latest commercial for adult diapers that’s aimed at the younger Baby Boomers.

It’s a cute commercial with a woman who tries Depends Undergarments for the weekend. Because she is wearing the diapers she can do all kinds of things she wouldn’t otherwise do, I guess.  The sales pitch is to try Depends for the weekend. You know, for fun.

I’m not a Baby Boomer but only by a hair. My brother is a Baby Boomer so these ads are aimed at him, which I actually find amusing. But that’s beside the point.

Is anyone concerned that they aren’t telling us something? I thought I had at least until my late 70s before I had to worry about losing control of my bladder at times when I wasn’t sneezing (I blame my kids big heads) or reading a Christopher Moore novel.

But apparently not.

This commercial is disturbing on so many levels! She seems so happy about wearing a diaper and she’s young. I’d hazard a guess this woman isn’t any older than 55 year old, probably even younger. I’ve started online dating again and have set the age of guys I’m willing to date in the 50s so now I have to worry about changing their diaper? That really changes everything and they dating sites need to address this in the dating profile.

I’m a SWFADF! (Single, white, female, adult diaper free)

It wasn’t that long ago that my kid was in diapers (ok, it doesn’t seem like it was that long ago). I hardly want to start changing the diaper of some guy I’m dating.

Am I the only one frightened by these ads?

Huh Kids WTF?

What does the Fox Say?

October 10, 2013

By now you’ve seen this video called What Does the Fox Say.

It’s catchy, it’s well produced and it’s almost as annoying as that Friday video by what’shername?

I apologize if you haven’t seen this video before because now the song will be stuck in your head for near eternity. Or until another equally annoying song/video/meme comes along and kicks it to the curb.

 

 

When I first saw this video a few weeks ago I thought…catchy song and it’s perfect for preschoolers who don’t know their animal sounds yet. Yeah, there’s a weird furry vibe to it but most people won’t catch that.

I didn’t think much about the accuracy of the song because I just don’t really care. I assumed foxes didn’t make a sound or if they did it was some kind of hybrid cat/dog sound because isn’t that what a fox is? A hybrid dog/cat.

Seriously, what kind of animal is the fox?

Anyway, I don’t really care about that either but I did learn that a fox makes many different sounds and if you are curious about the sound a fox really makes (they don’t sound like George Clooney) then listen to this…

Huh People Things that piss me off

WTF?! Grocery Store Edition

March 27, 2011

I was floored this morning when I stopped at the grocery store to pick up some Mayo and some bread

Hellmans Mayo, Best Foods, when did the prices at the grocery store get so high, high cost of food, inflation

for the kids’ lunches. When the hell did Hellman’s (Best Foods for you guys in the west) start selling for $7!

Last month I picked up a huge jar on sale at Walgreen’s for $2.99. How could food prices go up so high in just one month?

This is insane.

Speaking of insane…

While waiting to spend a weeks paycheck on two bags of groceries I glanced at the magazine rack to learn that Kelly Preston is yet pregnant again. She’s 48 years old for crying out loud. Not that there is anything wrong with getting knocked up at the age of 48, especially when have enough money to take care of your new kid who won’t graduate until you are nearly 70, but seriously, who likes kids that much? She already has a couple, she knows what is ahead of her with diapers, sleepless nights, temper tantrums and all things babies, whatever she was smoking I want some.  Apparently this was a surprise to both Kelly and John. I wish them the best, pregnancy at this age has some risks to it so I hope everything turns out for the best and they have a healthy baby. I still think they are both nuts but what do I know.

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Huh Winter

Tulips? I don't think so

March 14, 2011

Jonathan Yuhas, my local weatherman at Kare11, said this morning* that by the end of the week we could see some tulips poking through the ground.

Spring in Minnesota, Kare11.com, Jonathan Yuhas, Minnesota weatherguy, stump the weatherguy, snow in March

I don’t think so.

Temps aren’t supposed to be higher than the lower 50s with most nights still reaching the 30s. It was 17 F this morning. I know a lot of you people in the rest of the country are having spring, but here in Minnesota it’s a crap shoot. Sometimes we get a spring and sometimes we go from winter to summer in one weekend. It sucks, I don’t know why I live here.

*Jonathan might have said by next week and it might rain which would make the snow melt faster. And in all fairness, I hadn’t had any coffee when I heard him talk about tulips.

*Update*

Shortly after I published this post I received an email from my esteemed Minnesota weatherman, Jonathan Yuhas, saying the following

Every year, no matter how tough the Winter, areas that face the sun all day will usually see the first tulip plants just popping through the soil.  It’s not the daytime highs it’s the angle of the sun heating the soil telling those tulips to wake up.  Many trees have already set buds and believe it or not things will be Springing up fast the next few weeks.  Metro lawns will green up fast this year because long winter snow pack did not allow a deep frost line so we should have green lawns by April 15 and lilacs usually bloom about Mom’s Day ( early May ).  Jonathan Yuhas  KARE 🙂

Obviously Jonathan is not a regular reader of my blog because he felt the need to point out when Mother’s Day is (like I don’t know), though he completely redeemed himself with the use of the smiley at the end of his email. I responded to his email with this:

Could you say that on my blog?

I wasn’t dissing you, just so you know. My backyard just doesn’t look anything like Kare’s backyard. But seriously, doesn’t it help if the snow is gone first?

Jen

To which he responded:

Hi Jen – I was hoping you could copy that to your blog, for some reason my would not take on your site and no worries I did not think you were dissing me – I have been in the biz a long time and I am flattered you would quote me on your site.  Yes the snow needs to be gone but you will be surprised by Thursday how much snow especially the sides facing the south is gone.  JY

So you heard it here fellow Minnesotans, the snow will be almost gone by Thursday. I will be taking another picture on Thursday to compare it to today’s picture. If I can’t see my grass, or at least the dog poop (I’m not expecting those 7 ft snowpiles from shoveling to be gone), I fully expect Mr. Yuhas to stand on one leg for the duration of his forecast on Friday (I don’t really expect Jonathan to stand on one leg during his forecast, he is far too respectable to do something like that, however, Pete has been known to do some wacky things and he could always make the new guy, Jerrid, do this as some kind of hazing ritual, I’m flexible, a shout out naming my blog would be way cool too).

Now that I think about it, Bea seems like the obvious choice for the shout out since she does all web related things. I wouldn’t expect her to stand on one leg during her segment because she is only shown at her desk and you can’t see her feet, but she could link to my blog from her blog.

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Blogging Huh

Questions That Are Too Stupid To Ask Google

February 4, 2011
questions too stupid for even Google, Stupid questions, Google doesn't know all the answers, People ask the dumbest questions

Image by snakepliskens via Flickr

You know that old saying “There are no stupid questions only stupid answers/people”? Well I am here to tell you there are stupid questions, a lot of them. Presumably the are asked on Google by stupid people and inevitably they end up on my blog.

Do redheads make good parents?

I get why they are here, I’m a redhead and I write a lot about parenting, but really, WTF?

Are redheads the product of incest?

Just eww.

Do redhead vaginas really have teeth?

I have written about vaginas but never did I mention the teeth.

What color should I paint my house?

Red

How old am I?

This came from the post I wrote when I realized I had aged myself a whole year. So, maybe it isn’t such a stupid question after all.

Where are my teeth?

I talked about my daughter losing her teeth, a lot, in fact way more than I should, but I imagine this came from some poor old lady who had left her teeth on the lunch tray at Taco Bell.

Can a dad bring his son to get his ears pierced?

Nope. Only moms can bring daughters to get their ears pierced, sons have to do it in the locker room. My daughter has had her ears pierced, let them close and then pierced again.

So you see, there are stupid questions. The internet might be filled with knowledge but most people are still doing really stupid things with it.

Huh

eHarmony Fail

August 24, 2010

A year ago I tried eHarmony. It didn’t work and I canceled my membership but occasionally they send me profiles in the hopes that I will read something that strikes my fancy. I could remove my name from their list but you never know, they might send me a profile that interests me. So far they have only sent me blog fodder.

In my profile I made it clear I am a humor writer. Writer being the operative word. It is only implied that I appreciate good grammar.

eHarmony

And then there is Steve

eHarmony

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Huh People

Someone Dreamed About Me

July 12, 2010
Bat Mobile. Special Presentation of Cars Used ...
Image via Wikipedia

And not in a creepy way.

I was going to post a picture of the dead things my cat killed and left on the deck, because I can’t identify them and thought you might be able to, but then I got this email and that bumped the dead things post.

I had a dream with you in it last night.

GPop, Son, and I were asked to go on a bus trip to the Twin Cities.  The admin assistant of our area was driving.  There was someone standing at the front of the bus, a la the movie Speed.  Later that evening, we finally got to the bus stop, which was right outside the small restaurant you owned in downtown Minneapolis.

You came out to greet us, looking just like your arms-out-head-back picture.  You told us that you thought our admin was a bad driver, so you were going to bring us a better chauffeur.  You snapped your fingers, and the old Batmobile from the Adam West Batman series zipped around the corner and approached the curb.  Just as it was about to pull up, a black Corvette zoomed up and parked right in front of us.  The door opened, and Tom Cruise looked out from inside.  He started to talk to us as though we should care what he had to say.  He just kept talking from the passenger seat.  I think his wife was driving him around.

The guy in the Batmobile kept checking his watch, but nobody was paying attention to him.  I think you were getting irritated at Tom Cruise.

Then I woke up.

GDad, from Cranial Hyperossification, is one of my best blog friends. We have never met in real life, though we have talked about it. I’m rather impressed with this dream. I love that I could snap my fingers and conjure up the original Batmobile. I’m not really sure why GDad thought I had this kind of power but it has really made my day, and saved you all from the dead things post.  I don’t usually remember my dreams, though occasionally I have written about them.

Have you ever had a dream about someone from the blogosphere?

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Huh People politics

Al and Tipper Gore are Getting a Divorce?

June 2, 2010
Al and Tipper Gore wedding photo
Image via Wikipedia

I’m not a huge fan of the Gores, even though Al gave us the internet, but I am sad to hear that they have decided to get a divorce after 40 years of marriage.

I try to stay away from politics on my blog, even though the first year I talked about nothing but politics.  Blame it on the two year long presidential election which was just filled with things to talk about and the fact that I was a campaign manager right before I started blogging. I have since realized I know nothing about politics and it is better if I keep my opinions to myself. If I don’t Jayne will come over and kick my ass. I love her blog but feel as if my welcome there is tenuous at best, even though I am her token republican. I need my Sunday Recap so I keep my mouth shut even though I am not convinced she says some things just to get my goat.

As such I’m not going to talk about the Gores’ politics except to say that my dislike for them started back in the 80’s when Tipper decided that record albums needed warning labels. I’m sure her plan to protect children from questionable lyrics backfired and she probably created millionaires out of some musicians who wouldn’t have otherwise made a splash, but that was not her intent. I also have a hard time with hypocrisy. Al Gore is Mr. Environmentalist and all things green and yet he consumes more energy and pollutes more than I could ever hope to in my lifetime. Of course he buys his carbon offsets so it makes up for everything.

So, no, I don’t care that much for the Gores. But, I am sad to hear that their marriage is ending after 40 years. According to their ‘people’ there was no affair, though I find that hard to believe, they simply grew apart.

I’m no expert on marriage, though I do know quite a bit about divorce, but it seems to me that after 40 years you might just want to stick it out. Apparently these two were high school sweethearts. They have no idea what they are about to face. The dating world is brutal. Okay, it might be a little easier for both of them because they are celebrities but still, dating is no fun.

The whole world is talking about  Al and Tipper, maybe not the whole world, maybe just those of us in countries where we have so much extra time on our hands, because we don’t have jobs, that we can concern ourselves with this kind of thing. Or maybe everyone is talking about their divorce because it really is scary.

I’ve never made it past the three year mark in a marriage but I always assumed that once you got past the seven year itch (which seems to happen around the three year mark) and got the kids out of the house, that marriage was a little easier. That after a certain amount of time together, ups and downs, and all out fights, that if you could survive those things you could coast for a little while. That you could maybe relax a bit and know, really know, that you were going to hit that rocking chair on a porch next to your spouse. You both might have dementia and gravity has taken over but still, you had your person who made you not alone.  If you were lucky and no one had dementia or Alzheimer’s, you might be able to remember the past with fondness, look back at what the two of you had created and smile.

Now both of the Gores will have to find someone else to sit with them on that porch. They won’t be able to talk fondly about their past because they won’t have much of a past with the new person. If Al finds some hippie chick to spend his golden years with there will be certain subjects that are not allowed. Subjects like his life as a VP, his invention of the internet and all the other things he did while he was married to Tipper. I don’t know what Al Gore does these days but his glory days are probably over. He probably isn’t going to run for president again, he might create something just as awesome as the internet, say, the iPad or the Hubble Telescope, but my guess is his inventing days are over too.

Tipper probably fares a little better than Al in finding a lasting mate. She looks pretty good, she seems to have mellowed over the years and men are dogs who will bang anything. They don’t really care who she was married to before. Since they don’t often listen anyway they probably won’t care if she talks about Al’s campaign or that kiss they shared on election night.

I’m sure both Al and Tipper will be just fine. They have gobs of money and can do what they want. They don’t have to stick it out for the kids or because of the crappy economy. Which is really a sad thought.

Who do you think will get the Clintons in the divorce settlement?

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